Hi all,
So, I drug tested my son a week ago. It was only positive for marijuana, but he OFFERED to take a test. So, not sure what was up with that. He had just gotten in trouble for something else, took off and came back to explain I am overreacting. He would take a drug test to prove it. I was a little suspicious where he had been because he has refused to take a test when he was younger.
Anyway, I am letting go for the most part. I have no idea what is going on with him and have decided I never will unless he wants to tell me someday.
I was picking up recyclables and grabbed a few pop cans in his room. I was surprised one smelled like cigarette smoke. I looked inside and it was a rolled up index card with black resin on the end. It must have been sticky because I could not get it to come out of the can or move from the bottom.
Could this be hash? Or something else? Any chance this could be marijuana?
Thanks for any information.
idk what type of drug. we can all throw out guesses as to what he is doing. clean or not? I have heard mj stays in system for 30 days or more? maybe he got some clean urine when he went out?
THIS is the part that is so annoying and difficult to set boundaries and detach from his issues when he is living at home. You dont want to be part of his game. yet, bc he lives at home, you are. some how try to get you and your family to the point where you all have your life and your son has his life -- apart from yours. I know you cant do too much now - just start planning . Get the image of what that looks like in your head and start working towards it. without upsetting everything and making things worse regarding your son's behavior toward you. I'm not sure how to do that exactly. try to start tweaking in the direction of independence.
idk if you have gone to meetings - it does help to get other ideas and resources from people in your area that have gone thru it.
PS - my son ALWAYS said we were overreacting.
currently, he has said WE have to forget about the past. Everything is Fine Now. - this is in conversations about him possibly living back at home. (he wants us to forget so we give him a clean slate and get off his back and 'help' him with a car, etc --- UGH
What we will really want to do is to drive him to work until HE saves up for a car and insurance. BUT it is painful to watch. so who knows..... maybe he wont be back home)
THIS is the part that is so annoying and difficult to set boundaries and detach from his issues when he is living at home. You dont want to be part of his game. yet, bc he lives at home, you are. some how try to get you and your family to the point where you all have your life and your son has his life -- apart from yours. I know you cant do too much now - just start planning . Get the image of what that looks like in your head and start working towards it. without upsetting everything and making things worse regarding your son's behavior toward you. I'm not sure how to do that exactly. try to start tweaking in the direction of independence.
idk if you have gone to meetings - it does help to get other ideas and resources from people in your area that have gone thru it.
PS - my son ALWAYS said we were overreacting.
currently, he has said WE have to forget about the past. Everything is Fine Now. - this is in conversations about him possibly living back at home. (he wants us to forget so we give him a clean slate and get off his back and 'help' him with a car, etc --- UGH
What we will really want to do is to drive him to work until HE saves up for a car and insurance. BUT it is painful to watch. so who knows..... maybe he wont be back home)
Thank you. Yes, I have. We cannot stop him and have mostly let him go, hoping he will turn around at some point. He has made it clear he is not interested in help, so we have mostly stopped trying to help.
I have moved on, mostly. I guess...I am asking because if I thought he was doing heroin or crack, I might be more assertive before he turns 18.
You're right though. In the end, it probably is a waste of time to find out.
Thanks for this group!!
I have moved on, mostly. I guess...I am asking because if I thought he was doing heroin or crack, I might be more assertive before he turns 18.
You're right though. In the end, it probably is a waste of time to find out.
Thanks for this group!!
ps - I used to be so annoyed that so much of my thinking is and was wrapped up in the kid's problems. to the point where MY stuff was at a stand still. I am SLOWLY turning that around. Financially and life style.
Its not weed for sure, sorry. I am not sure what is index card , from which material is made off but when i smoked heroin i was using foil rolled up foil and use to leave dark dark brown residue inside, i would save all rolled up foil for later on when without to use. I dont know any other drug that leaves residue like that apart from heroin but who knows what today kids smoke , every day in newspaper they mentioned new stuff ... i am sorry i cant help you more with info on this subject . For me personally the best way to see if somebody is on heroin or opioid pills are pupils , they tend to be so small, pin size and no reaction to light
Just so you know, there are masking agents that you can buy in smoke shops, creating a false negative on drug tests, in case your son makes any future offers to take a drug test.
Everyone else is right -it doesn't matter what it is, he is using. I was told from other substance abuse counselors that they are using more than what they admit to.
My son was very defiant and ran away before he turned 18. He offered to come home on his birthday but we told him we were busy that day and maybe we could meet another time. Just reading what I wrote sounds cold, but in a way it changed the dynamic. We didn't react the way he thought we would.
I hope you can find a support group. I resisted for a long time but once I went, I met some good people. It really did fill me with a sense of serenity. I just wish it wasn't so far away.
Everyone else is right -it doesn't matter what it is, he is using. I was told from other substance abuse counselors that they are using more than what they admit to.
My son was very defiant and ran away before he turned 18. He offered to come home on his birthday but we told him we were busy that day and maybe we could meet another time. Just reading what I wrote sounds cold, but in a way it changed the dynamic. We didn't react the way he thought we would.
I hope you can find a support group. I resisted for a long time but once I went, I met some good people. It really did fill me with a sense of serenity. I just wish it wasn't so far away.
When our son was 18 he brought several"friends" into our home while we were at work and they stole some very valuable things! He knew they did it but said he had stepped out and that was when they stole from us! After that we kicked him out of the house but paid for an apartment to get him out. Yes--it was enabling but at the time we just wanted him out anyway or anywhere.
We had already tried everything else from counseling ,to special schools, to behavior camps, to military academy, and so on! Nothing worked!
From that point on we continued to bail him out when he got arrested for drugs and theft. We supported him and kept buying him new places to live and cars to drive. We gave him food, gas, clothes, rent, and on and on! Somehow we were feeling guilty that he couldn't be the son we wanted him to be. This continued on for many years and he just continued getting in trouble and doing drugs but always denying it! He always found some girl to take him in and support him! He would eventually steal from them or be verbally abusive to them and then they would kick him out. He even ended up in prison twice for drugs and theft. He always said he was innocent and didn't do drugs. Always said it was the other guys he was with and he was a victim!
Fast forward to now--he is 45 and is somewhere on the streets or living in his car (which we bought) . He is definitely on something because he showed up at our front door cussing and screaming filthy names at us because we wouldn't let him in the house or give him money! He even still denied using and said he would take a pee test--give me a jar! He took out a title loan on it without a job and of course couldn't pay it back so is hiding out somewhere! He contacted us to ask for us to pay the loan and we said no! He called us filthy names and wished us a Merry F--ing Christmas! Haven't heard from him since!
The object of all this is to STOP NOW the ENABLING! It won't fix them or cure them or help them. It is only a temporary fix for you--the parent. If you don't want an older adult drug addict to deal with while you are aging and trying to retire or enjoy retirement then stop now while they are younger and you just might have a chance at them changing their lives and you being able to enjoy your "golden" years!
Lori
We had already tried everything else from counseling ,to special schools, to behavior camps, to military academy, and so on! Nothing worked!
From that point on we continued to bail him out when he got arrested for drugs and theft. We supported him and kept buying him new places to live and cars to drive. We gave him food, gas, clothes, rent, and on and on! Somehow we were feeling guilty that he couldn't be the son we wanted him to be. This continued on for many years and he just continued getting in trouble and doing drugs but always denying it! He always found some girl to take him in and support him! He would eventually steal from them or be verbally abusive to them and then they would kick him out. He even ended up in prison twice for drugs and theft. He always said he was innocent and didn't do drugs. Always said it was the other guys he was with and he was a victim!
Fast forward to now--he is 45 and is somewhere on the streets or living in his car (which we bought) . He is definitely on something because he showed up at our front door cussing and screaming filthy names at us because we wouldn't let him in the house or give him money! He even still denied using and said he would take a pee test--give me a jar! He took out a title loan on it without a job and of course couldn't pay it back so is hiding out somewhere! He contacted us to ask for us to pay the loan and we said no! He called us filthy names and wished us a Merry F--ing Christmas! Haven't heard from him since!
The object of all this is to STOP NOW the ENABLING! It won't fix them or cure them or help them. It is only a temporary fix for you--the parent. If you don't want an older adult drug addict to deal with while you are aging and trying to retire or enjoy retirement then stop now while they are younger and you just might have a chance at them changing their lives and you being able to enjoy your "golden" years!
Lori
I read something the other day about how people can inadvertently absorb drugs through their skin by touching things in a house where drugs have been smoked or produced. Maybe even by smelling things? It never even crossed my mind before and I am not sure how much residue has to be on items to adversely affect someone. There have been many times I have smelled things, picked up questionable items/paraphernalia and cleaned my sons place without gloves or a mask. I didnt feel high afterward, but thought I might be more careful in the future. I don't think you can get much exposure from residue and I think this might only apply to people exposed over a longer period of time. I guess if a drug gets on the hands, it could easily be transferred to the mouth or nose accidentally. Thought I would mention it anyway. Your picking up that can and smelling it made me think of this and how many times I have done the same thing.
Bug - good reminder. as you said, probably not much of a danger but it is true we need to think about that and be careful when cleaning stuff up in their room or car or going thru pockets or purses, doing wash, etc. Probably more of a concern when the addicted has children in the house. they will be exposed to smoke and any array of drugs or dangerous situations.
I think of that a lot also. Good warning!
..... children will be exposed to other addicts or person's that they might not be safe around.
That's so true NY. Not only do you have to protect the kids from the drugs and the other adults. But there are younger kids who visit with their parents that might teach the little kids bad stuff too. When there's no supervision bad things can happen. Mary.
