I am in a really bad place. I have been asked to help someone with her parents who are just as in love with pills as I was and I just don't know how to help this friend who i LOVE SO VERY MUCH. I am so lost please I need some help
RIGHT NOW !
sorry i am crying really hard and what I was trying to say was a friend who I love more than a sister......... I don't know how to help her. I talked to her mom and dad and there are as bad as it gets.............. she needs me and I don't know what to say or do. I am a reck because she needs me. I know her parents are so deep.......... * crying* I just do know what to do to help..... please I NEED advice because i care SO DEEPLY
sorry for spelling errors
sorry for spelling errors
those of u who remeber me........ I am calling misteyes now
I don't want to scare anyone I just........... need to call tina
I don't want to scare anyone I just........... need to call tina
Okay........... I have clamed downed a lot.
Sorry I called so late Tina :(
soo this is the story ...
I have this friend. She is
very close to my heart. In fact it scares me to think
of how close I have let her get to me. Anyway.... my family
and her family went on a trip together recently. She confided
in me that her mother and father are both are 35 plus
user a day.(with real chronic pain issues).This is something I have known for a very long time.
Her mom has set the living room furniture on fire many times.
Ironically, I only did that once and it was the straw that broke that old camels
back. That's when I got help.( but that's another story)
I knew that her mom and dad were going to come and "talk" about addiction on this trip. That is they
really want to convince themselves by trying to convincing me that blame go every where else, but at
their own feet. This whole time they were talking/lying to themselves really, I got thrown into a strange but "intense" look
into my very own self. It got me thinking of where I have been and who I am now, which I love faults and
all.
Tonight this friend called and asked for my help. I know this family very well and many years now.
There are 3 sisters who want me to sit down and talk with them(sisters not parents)... don't get me wrong that is not why I
just freaked out. I can talk about my past... however, I love this family and there are dying before my eyes.
I said I wanted to put some thought into it and would call the sisters back tomorrow.
This is where my freak out began........ I got some paper and wrote down what I know about this sickness. Then
I wrote a list of what I know about this mother and father. Then after putting myself in all the different shoes or sides
of this life or death situation ... I ... somehow ended up in a deep part of my own past. I felt like I was reliving my past for what
ever reason and well I couldn't handle it AT ALL. I am better now.... for about ten minutes I think I went some where I so wasn't
ready for.
I am sorry if I scared anyone, I just need to reach out and this was the place I thought of first. It has been so long, but I knew
it was here so here I am after all this time. Explaining why my post was so emotional.
Sorry I called so late Tina :(
soo this is the story ...
I have this friend. She is
very close to my heart. In fact it scares me to think
of how close I have let her get to me. Anyway.... my family
and her family went on a trip together recently. She confided
in me that her mother and father are both are 35 plus
user a day.(with real chronic pain issues).This is something I have known for a very long time.
Her mom has set the living room furniture on fire many times.
Ironically, I only did that once and it was the straw that broke that old camels
back. That's when I got help.( but that's another story)
I knew that her mom and dad were going to come and "talk" about addiction on this trip. That is they
really want to convince themselves by trying to convincing me that blame go every where else, but at
their own feet. This whole time they were talking/lying to themselves really, I got thrown into a strange but "intense" look
into my very own self. It got me thinking of where I have been and who I am now, which I love faults and
all.
Tonight this friend called and asked for my help. I know this family very well and many years now.
There are 3 sisters who want me to sit down and talk with them(sisters not parents)... don't get me wrong that is not why I
just freaked out. I can talk about my past... however, I love this family and there are dying before my eyes.
I said I wanted to put some thought into it and would call the sisters back tomorrow.
This is where my freak out began........ I got some paper and wrote down what I know about this sickness. Then
I wrote a list of what I know about this mother and father. Then after putting myself in all the different shoes or sides
of this life or death situation ... I ... somehow ended up in a deep part of my own past. I felt like I was reliving my past for what
ever reason and well I couldn't handle it AT ALL. I am better now.... for about ten minutes I think I went some where I so wasn't
ready for.
I am sorry if I scared anyone, I just need to reach out and this was the place I thought of first. It has been so long, but I knew
it was here so here I am after all this time. Explaining why my post was so emotional.
I'm going to get some sleep, but I will check in after the sun comes up.
I am just so very tried of fighting and I just want to be happy~
I am just so very tried of fighting and I just want to be happy~
Good Morning Marina
You can share your story and experience how you got clean.That is all you can do.I would find them some resources like NA...My Webpage
and offer to go with them.If they are not open to any help,then they are not through.It's as simple as that.[it doesn't sound like it from your story]
You have to let it go.
It's a wonderful thing they have someone like you who is so compassionate and caring but all you can do is carry the message.You can't carry the drunk or addict.It doesn't mean you have to give up on them but many people die of this disease that have extremely loving friends and family behind them.
You have also got to protect your own sobriety.Putting yourself around that all the time isn't good....no matter how strong you think you are.
I also suggest you check out some Naranon meetings.These are specifically for friends and families of addicts.They can help you understand how to detach and support them at the same time.
My Webpage
This is my opinion but it sounds to me like you might be too close.If they do want help I would seek out another party that has some experience in 12th step work.
Good Luck
You can share your story and experience how you got clean.That is all you can do.I would find them some resources like NA...My Webpage
and offer to go with them.If they are not open to any help,then they are not through.It's as simple as that.[it doesn't sound like it from your story]
You have to let it go.
It's a wonderful thing they have someone like you who is so compassionate and caring but all you can do is carry the message.You can't carry the drunk or addict.It doesn't mean you have to give up on them but many people die of this disease that have extremely loving friends and family behind them.
You have also got to protect your own sobriety.Putting yourself around that all the time isn't good....no matter how strong you think you are.
I also suggest you check out some Naranon meetings.These are specifically for friends and families of addicts.They can help you understand how to detach and support them at the same time.
My Webpage
This is my opinion but it sounds to me like you might be too close.If they do want help I would seek out another party that has some experience in 12th step work.
Good Luck
Hey Marina,
Basically, what Tim said. You can only share your experience and hope that they take action for themselves. Despite our best efforts, we can't save anyone other then ourselves.
How are you holding up? You had a baby not too long ago, right? It was a boy wasn't it? Anyway, I remember you, and I hope things are going well.
Michelle
Basically, what Tim said. You can only share your experience and hope that they take action for themselves. Despite our best efforts, we can't save anyone other then ourselves.
How are you holding up? You had a baby not too long ago, right? It was a boy wasn't it? Anyway, I remember you, and I hope things are going well.
Michelle
thank you both*hugs*
good grief there goes the water works again..
You both are right, I needed to hear it.
My main role in this is my best friend.
It has been along time since this old pain has
hit me so hard. I can't believe how all of a sounded
I couldn't breath and honestly last night was one of
my worst. It helped to post, but the pain is so strong.
Thank you again.......
with me (besides all that)
baby boy is 14 months and he gave me gray hair. No joke !lol
Still see my Dr.s, just saw one 2 days ago in fact.
good grief there goes the water works again..
You both are right, I needed to hear it.
My main role in this is my best friend.
It has been along time since this old pain has
hit me so hard. I can't believe how all of a sounded
I couldn't breath and honestly last night was one of
my worst. It helped to post, but the pain is so strong.
Thank you again.......
with me (besides all that)
baby boy is 14 months and he gave me gray hair. No joke !lol
Still see my Dr.s, just saw one 2 days ago in fact.
14 months! OMG, time really has flown by Marina. I can't believe it. I'm sure he wears you out. LOL I bet he's adorable.
Glad to see you posting!
Michelle
Glad to see you posting!
Michelle
Hey Marina ~
It is so good to read a message from you! You've been missed and I know I've found myself wondering how you were doing.
It sounds like what you did was a mini 4th step, which states: "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." It says fearless - not fearful because we learn in the 3rd step that when we made a decision to turn our will over to the CARE of God, as we understand Him, all is ok. This is a step (as all steps) that should be done under the guidance of our sponsor for the very reasons you described. When we have all these "shortcomings" or "character defects" blatantly staring us in the face, to some it can be disheartening (whew - thank you AA for giving us the 5th step!) When you were making your list last night, did you also include an assets list of yourself? You are a beautiful spirit, Marina, and your compassion and integrity shine.
As Tim pointed out, it's difficult to do a 12th step call if one has not worked all 12 steps. And I might add that 12th step calls are never done alone. If the situation is as grave as you explain, perhaps contacting a local hospital that has a substance abuse program can lead you to someone who can do an intervention would be of benefit. Also, I echo Tim's sentiments about suggesting Nar-anon or if that is not available in your area then try Al-anon.
I sure do hope your friend's parents will realize soon what they are up against...a disease that is cunning, baffling, powerful, and sometimes fatal. One more thing that I learned when doing the 1st step is not only was I powerless over the my addiction(s), I'm powerless over other's addiction(s) too. The good news is there is a solution.
Hugs and tons of Love to you ~
Sammy
It is so good to read a message from you! You've been missed and I know I've found myself wondering how you were doing.
It sounds like what you did was a mini 4th step, which states: "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." It says fearless - not fearful because we learn in the 3rd step that when we made a decision to turn our will over to the CARE of God, as we understand Him, all is ok. This is a step (as all steps) that should be done under the guidance of our sponsor for the very reasons you described. When we have all these "shortcomings" or "character defects" blatantly staring us in the face, to some it can be disheartening (whew - thank you AA for giving us the 5th step!) When you were making your list last night, did you also include an assets list of yourself? You are a beautiful spirit, Marina, and your compassion and integrity shine.
As Tim pointed out, it's difficult to do a 12th step call if one has not worked all 12 steps. And I might add that 12th step calls are never done alone. If the situation is as grave as you explain, perhaps contacting a local hospital that has a substance abuse program can lead you to someone who can do an intervention would be of benefit. Also, I echo Tim's sentiments about suggesting Nar-anon or if that is not available in your area then try Al-anon.
I sure do hope your friend's parents will realize soon what they are up against...a disease that is cunning, baffling, powerful, and sometimes fatal. One more thing that I learned when doing the 1st step is not only was I powerless over the my addiction(s), I'm powerless over other's addiction(s) too. The good news is there is a solution.
Hugs and tons of Love to you ~
Sammy
MARINA...Huny I remember you....Gosh you could tell by your post how this is just ripping you up.Did you get ahold of T?If ANYONE can help make sense of ANY situation its her.
Huny as you know They need to be ready.tims right as far as sharing what YOU went through.Now if I remember I thought you did the Sub route ? If so & they have all these chronic issues it may be something worth bring up.
But as you know huny THEY must be the ones to reach out too.You & I think everyone here knows ONE of the first hardest places to reach out to is thier Drs.
Huny all you can do is try.And pray huny.
I wanted to say...though its a sad time for you Im glad to see you post & hear how your little man is giving you gray hairs!!! LOL
Wait till hes a teen!!!!
Love & miss you huny
MJ/Sabrina
Huny as you know They need to be ready.tims right as far as sharing what YOU went through.Now if I remember I thought you did the Sub route ? If so & they have all these chronic issues it may be something worth bring up.
But as you know huny THEY must be the ones to reach out too.You & I think everyone here knows ONE of the first hardest places to reach out to is thier Drs.
Huny all you can do is try.And pray huny.
I wanted to say...though its a sad time for you Im glad to see you post & hear how your little man is giving you gray hairs!!! LOL
Wait till hes a teen!!!!
Love & miss you huny
MJ/Sabrina
I heard the phone thought it was a dream till I peeked in and read this...
I will call as soon as I get munchkin on the bus...
Love Yah!
I will call as soon as I get munchkin on the bus...
Love Yah!
We can't "fix" other people. We barely fix ourselves but we can educate them. It's all you can do and then ask for professional help. There are so many avenues to get an intervention done, but it shouldn't be up to you, it should be up to thier family. Yes, you can help, but ultimately, the family has to be willing to do whatever it takes.
Marina, good to see you honey, sorry it's for something bad. Like everyone said, you can only share what you have been through, experience, strength and hope. The suggestion of getting someone from AA/NA to do a 12 step call is a good one.
I will say a prayer for you that you can share what you have been through and that this family is honest, open and willing to do what it takes to get clean.
I will say a prayer for you that you can share what you have been through and that this family is honest, open and willing to do what it takes to get clean.