Hi everyone,
Just wondering if anyone wanted to tell me some of there stories, on how they got into this game and stuff, I have never really met anyone else that was in the position that we are in. And it would be good to be able to relate with other people in my situation.
Geoff
geoff thats the million $$$ question,how the f"""k did i get into this crap,but as u know its a long process from the honeymoon period to waking up sick&wondering were the next bag will come from.for me i started using in London in 89/90 i loved the rave scene&started taking it to come down from all the uppers id taken over the weeknd.on the foil for bout 5yrs,but was getting less from it so ,enter the needle&geoff mate thank god u aint been there,lost nearly everthing,large record coll.decks t.v u name it,all went on brown.my bro o.d in 98[r.i.p. joe] but he wasnt a smack user just tried some meth.one night after several beers&that was enough to push him over,he was 25.after that i just didnt care and me&the habit skyrocketed.left London in 2000 my x was pregnant[also a user].came back to Ireland with all the best intentions,me&my g.f stayed clean for most of the 1st. yr.then moved to Dublin &was back on as bad as ever.geoff have been a addict on/off for 12/13 yrs,as u know have on been off 4 3.5wks so early days&im on the meth so im not truely clean,but at least im not thinking smack 24/7 like i used to.thats just a snippit ..take care mate all the best...davey
Hi Davey
First of all sorry to hear about your bro, I am terrible for doing that to saturday nights ago I took 60 mil of meth a feed of drink and 3 e's bac2bac, did not no what I was doing only for my mate putting my head over the loo, a think I would of choked on it. won't do that a again in a hurry, Because I also took 8 30/500 pain killers that day.
I know before I came of the gear the last time, I was at the stage that it did'nt matter how much I smoked I was not getting a good enough stone, and I had been told how good the bang is when you jag it, so I started asking questions about how to jag it.
I think that if I did'nt stop when I did, I would be telling a different story now. Have been of heroin for about 3-4 months now, although I have had a bit now and again.
5 years man, and it just went like that, I'm sure it was the same for you.
How much meth you on dave, I have came from 80mil and now I am down to 15mil today, as you know.
Geoff
First of all sorry to hear about your bro, I am terrible for doing that to saturday nights ago I took 60 mil of meth a feed of drink and 3 e's bac2bac, did not no what I was doing only for my mate putting my head over the loo, a think I would of choked on it. won't do that a again in a hurry, Because I also took 8 30/500 pain killers that day.
I know before I came of the gear the last time, I was at the stage that it did'nt matter how much I smoked I was not getting a good enough stone, and I had been told how good the bang is when you jag it, so I started asking questions about how to jag it.
I think that if I did'nt stop when I did, I would be telling a different story now. Have been of heroin for about 3-4 months now, although I have had a bit now and again.
5 years man, and it just went like that, I'm sure it was the same for you.
How much meth you on dave, I have came from 80mil and now I am down to 15mil today, as you know.
Geoff
am on 70ml on a weekly take away,just could not have even contemplated staying off without it,thats just me,as u know booze&meth or benzos together can be lethal.i can only put all the guilt /bad memories&lost yrs down to more experience for me.im 37 its now or never for me mate.geoff keep at it yer doing good even though u might not feel it...davey....weres Lou?
Don't know pal
Am starting to fear the worst, she has'nt got all that muck meth for her and her bf, and I know how she is going to be feeling as I have tried to do the same with only a little meth.
That why I get so disheartened mate, I get down really low on the meth, then it runs out and I can't get any more, then am right back on the gear, it must of happened about 10 times now and the last time it got me near the edge of ending my life, that was when i decided that my life was worth more than my job so I told the doctor my problem, I knew there was a good chance that I could get a sub 7 day detox. but they would not give me the sub's. I did last 6 days, but luckily a got a load of meth shortly after that.
Head is feeling alot better now, took a good while but now i am so much happier.
Geoff
Am starting to fear the worst, she has'nt got all that muck meth for her and her bf, and I know how she is going to be feeling as I have tried to do the same with only a little meth.
That why I get so disheartened mate, I get down really low on the meth, then it runs out and I can't get any more, then am right back on the gear, it must of happened about 10 times now and the last time it got me near the edge of ending my life, that was when i decided that my life was worth more than my job so I told the doctor my problem, I knew there was a good chance that I could get a sub 7 day detox. but they would not give me the sub's. I did last 6 days, but luckily a got a load of meth shortly after that.
Head is feeling alot better now, took a good while but now i am so much happier.
Geoff
Hey Geo, the one thought that sustained me throughout my whole getting clean process was that I owed it to myself to have a better life. After a few years (well, more like a decade) on smack, I felt that I'd had just about everything I was gonna get out of that drug. I'd done it to death, I'd explored every avenue that it opened up to me, I knew it inside out, and I was bored. I was bored of the same old hamster wheel, always ending up back in the same place, minus a bit more of my self-respect. I turned 30 4 years ago, and I was scared. I'd lost enough of my life to that s***. I always kept saying to myself that one day i'd get clean, and it just never seemed to happen, and I was s*** scared of waking up on my 40th birthday and realising I'd wasted the best years of my life to that s***. I kept thinking that there would be some event, some miraculous occurance that would make it easy for me to get clean. And as I approached my 33rd birthday, I realised, loud and clear, that it wasn't going to happen like that. If I wanted my life back, I was gonna have to get out there and do it myself.
So, I walked out on a 7 year relationship that revolved around heroin, somehow found myself a little flat, which I made as nice as possible, with my limited means, stopped pissing about with heroin, and just took my subs. I was fortunate to have a script. I stuck to my subs, slowly reducing. It took me 9 months to reduce from 16mgs to nothing. There were a couple of months, when I was on my own, having said goodbye to nearly everybody I knew, coz all my mates were addicts, when I felt life had me by the short and curlies. I was on my knees, so lonely. I resorted to one night stands etc, just to alleiviate the loneliness, but it was helpful having this board to talk to. My drug worker was a star, and she really helped me, coming out to see me all the time.
Then after being alone for 2 months (I know it doesn't sound long, but it felt bad) I met someone who never had any involvement with heroin, and he sort of took me under his wing. It took me a real long time to pluck up the courage to tell him about my addiction, coz I knew he didn't have much time for junkies, but I waited until I felt he knew me well enough to know I wasn't a bad person, I just made some bad choices, coz my head was ucked. And we had our ups and downs, some real highs, and some real awful lows, when the relationship became abusive, but my addiction taught me that sometimes we all do bad things, and you need to judge someone on the whole picture, not just the worst thing they ever did. He never hit me again, and we were able to get over it. But through him, I met new friends, discovered other ways of enjoying myself, and bit by bit my life came together.
Now, I don't even miss heroin. I never thought that I'd be able to say that, when I was grieving my lost love. But it's true. There is life after heroin. Knowing that sweet taste of the needle doesn't ruin your capacity for pleasure permanently. I wouldn't trade what I have now for 10 kilos of the $hit. It wasn't easy, and I had to keep telling myself that life would get better, and i would find happiness again, and it did, it really did. In the words of Lou Reed "You need a busload of faith to get by".
love
Diff xxx
So, I walked out on a 7 year relationship that revolved around heroin, somehow found myself a little flat, which I made as nice as possible, with my limited means, stopped pissing about with heroin, and just took my subs. I was fortunate to have a script. I stuck to my subs, slowly reducing. It took me 9 months to reduce from 16mgs to nothing. There were a couple of months, when I was on my own, having said goodbye to nearly everybody I knew, coz all my mates were addicts, when I felt life had me by the short and curlies. I was on my knees, so lonely. I resorted to one night stands etc, just to alleiviate the loneliness, but it was helpful having this board to talk to. My drug worker was a star, and she really helped me, coming out to see me all the time.
Then after being alone for 2 months (I know it doesn't sound long, but it felt bad) I met someone who never had any involvement with heroin, and he sort of took me under his wing. It took me a real long time to pluck up the courage to tell him about my addiction, coz I knew he didn't have much time for junkies, but I waited until I felt he knew me well enough to know I wasn't a bad person, I just made some bad choices, coz my head was ucked. And we had our ups and downs, some real highs, and some real awful lows, when the relationship became abusive, but my addiction taught me that sometimes we all do bad things, and you need to judge someone on the whole picture, not just the worst thing they ever did. He never hit me again, and we were able to get over it. But through him, I met new friends, discovered other ways of enjoying myself, and bit by bit my life came together.
Now, I don't even miss heroin. I never thought that I'd be able to say that, when I was grieving my lost love. But it's true. There is life after heroin. Knowing that sweet taste of the needle doesn't ruin your capacity for pleasure permanently. I wouldn't trade what I have now for 10 kilos of the $hit. It wasn't easy, and I had to keep telling myself that life would get better, and i would find happiness again, and it did, it really did. In the words of Lou Reed "You need a busload of faith to get by".
love
Diff xxx
i hope not geoff,but im a bit worried also coz her last post she sounded btwn a rock&a very hard place.hope she aint scored but as addicts we know how easy it is.Lou if yer on give us a post,no judging others from me....davey
