I'm a newcomer to this site and I've never posted to any site before (though I seem to be making up for lost time). I'd occasionally look at anxiety, depression, eating disorder sites, but *oddly* enough, never addiction sites, because, no, I couldn't have an addiction. Mothers with young children don't have addictions, not to doctor-prescribed pain killers, not to marijuana. Yesterday I made myself start writing out the entire history of my drug use because my memory has been so shaky and then I surfed the web to this site. I guess you all must be used to newcomers saying, "Gee, I thought I was the only one who..."
I've been so anxious so often since I tried to quit last July (that lasted four months) and then again in February. It's that feeling like a car crash has just happened, that shock to the system but over and over again. I've felt if this is the way life is always going to be then it's not worth living. So I'm glad to know I'm not the only one going through this because many of you seem to be dealing with life quite well under the circumstances.
I will try the herbal teas. I will try the valerian and the Motrin. I have gotten through some of the worst early morning panic attacks by just breathing slowly and counting through my inhalations and exhalations while I cackle maniacally in my head that getting up to smoke a bowl would feel so much better. I have been trying to get over the thought that it's so unfair that some people can have the single drink, the odd toke on the weekend and not dive in for the full 24-hour five week experience and accept that I'm not like those people. How many years has it taken me to figure out that the anxiety drives the drug use and that the drug use makes the anxiety exponentially worse?
I don't know how to tell anyone, except on this site, that I have this problem because I've been successful mostly at maintaining a facade. I would imagine that most people who know me couldn't conceive that I am such a hypocrite and I'm not looking forward to letting them in on the truth.
Thanks for all your honesty about yourselves. It helps a great deal. Oh, and BobB, thank you for your thoughful answer to my question re a higher power. You've given me a lot to ponder and haven't confused me at all. Just think of me as the remedial student. It's going to take extra time for me to sort through it all.
Sorry. Me again. No short term memory. I really wanted to say that one thing I tried briefly some years ago for anxiety was a TENS device called "Alpha-stim." They used to have a website. Trouble is they're hard to get a hold of in the States, you need a doctor's prescription and they are, in the short run, more expensive than the drugs. Has anyone else used one of these?
Bob b (or howbout Boby but then it would be Bobby)
Anyway, that is a good idea about the clensing that occurs when some of the darkness in our lives is exposed to the light. I think in some cases professional help, patience & a lot of work is probably necessary. SOme of this stuff is just so crippeling.
Im not sure if this is exactly on topic , but I picked up this book at the Dollar store called Us, or all of us, or We or something like that. It's about this guy (and written by him) who devoloped dissociative personality disorder (multiple personalities) in his later life. He ultimately went on to become a psycologist. (im doubting he parctices).The book was an easy read& provided a lot of insight to something i wasn't familiar with or even all that interested in- but it was only a buck.
Anyway, it seems that part of his resolution (which seems a little 'off' to me, but that might be how it is) was learning to live with these alter personalities. I think where this relates to your posting is that some things that are brought to light don't dissipate as quickly, easily, or even in the fashion you or I might like, or even at first, find acceptable. But at the same time- well, they are maybe as good as it gets.
I hope you see, I am not disagreeing with you, I'm kinda putting in my take on how i think some things might be. And really, in many ways , this stuff has nothing to do with drugs- i think your idea , or the idea of one of the steps, is something all people would benifit from & should learn to practice.
TO THE PERSON WHO GOT HELP FROM IBUPROPRIN FOR ANXIETY: I never heard of such a thing. Are you sure u are correct? Does it work for that?
Everyone have a great day, & pocket your anxious times to appropriate times- you can control them at least for a little while.
LOVE & peace,
Harry.
Anyway, that is a good idea about the clensing that occurs when some of the darkness in our lives is exposed to the light. I think in some cases professional help, patience & a lot of work is probably necessary. SOme of this stuff is just so crippeling.
Im not sure if this is exactly on topic , but I picked up this book at the Dollar store called Us, or all of us, or We or something like that. It's about this guy (and written by him) who devoloped dissociative personality disorder (multiple personalities) in his later life. He ultimately went on to become a psycologist. (im doubting he parctices).The book was an easy read& provided a lot of insight to something i wasn't familiar with or even all that interested in- but it was only a buck.
Anyway, it seems that part of his resolution (which seems a little 'off' to me, but that might be how it is) was learning to live with these alter personalities. I think where this relates to your posting is that some things that are brought to light don't dissipate as quickly, easily, or even in the fashion you or I might like, or even at first, find acceptable. But at the same time- well, they are maybe as good as it gets.
I hope you see, I am not disagreeing with you, I'm kinda putting in my take on how i think some things might be. And really, in many ways , this stuff has nothing to do with drugs- i think your idea , or the idea of one of the steps, is something all people would benifit from & should learn to practice.
TO THE PERSON WHO GOT HELP FROM IBUPROPRIN FOR ANXIETY: I never heard of such a thing. Are you sure u are correct? Does it work for that?
Everyone have a great day, & pocket your anxious times to appropriate times- you can control them at least for a little while.
LOVE & peace,
Harry.