I just had my 18th birthday about 2 weeks ago. And a few weeks before that I celebrated my one year clean from heroin. I've slipped up on opiates, in general, but I haven't touched smack in a little over one year. I feel like only now am I even beginning to feel the effects of withdrawal. I thought the physical withdrawal was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. But I have to admit that the psychological and emotional pain has been through the f***ing roof.
I've spent almost my entire young life on one drug or another and I simply don't know how to function without being an (active) addict. I feel like the time in my life when I should be growing up, I'm thrown back into my infancy. I'm often described as a strong person, physically and emotionally, but I feel like I have zero coping skills. I've been through many painful experiences before my graduation from high school, some things that most people never experience. So I realize that I must have some amount of strength but now that I can feel again I can't help but feel over sensitive and weak. The slightest thing will send me on a rollercoaster of emotions.
I love to sit here and remind myself of how much better it is to feel than be numb. I like to remind myself that someday it will be better and I will feel more happiness than pain, but I'm losing faith. Does it REALLY get better? I need some reassurance.
"So I realize that I must have some amount of strength but now that I can feel again I can't help but feel over sensitive and weak. The slightest thing will send me on a rollercoaster of emotions."...
That sums me up, a 28 year old male at nearly two years clean. Over sensetive? I have more issues than the bloody beano and i'm about as secure as a graden shed in Dundee...not very.
But that is me. Love me or hate me. It's me. My friends know that's me and so does my family.
It does get easier, i promise. I know how to handle these emotions better today than i did 2 years ago. Don't get me wrong, i still act out and it DOES effect others unfortunatley, but not the way i did when in was using. I'm getting better at it with practice.
I find that having people in my life who understand me and will listen to all my crap when i need to get it out helps lots. Cause all my life i ran, ran away like a little boy lost. Although there are times when i still do, but nowadays i face up to things in my life, situations, emotions and feelings.....it was those that kept me using i just didnt know it.
I'd suggest you talk, share ask people you trust to listen. The future is bright i promise
That sums me up, a 28 year old male at nearly two years clean. Over sensetive? I have more issues than the bloody beano and i'm about as secure as a graden shed in Dundee...not very.
But that is me. Love me or hate me. It's me. My friends know that's me and so does my family.
It does get easier, i promise. I know how to handle these emotions better today than i did 2 years ago. Don't get me wrong, i still act out and it DOES effect others unfortunatley, but not the way i did when in was using. I'm getting better at it with practice.
I find that having people in my life who understand me and will listen to all my crap when i need to get it out helps lots. Cause all my life i ran, ran away like a little boy lost. Although there are times when i still do, but nowadays i face up to things in my life, situations, emotions and feelings.....it was those that kept me using i just didnt know it.
I'd suggest you talk, share ask people you trust to listen. The future is bright i promise
Heya Lionhearted.
Congrats on your year clean. That's HUGE. It's a big accomplishment. For that give yourself some credit.
We're all basically in the same boat I think like Kev said. A pack of stunted, unsure, people. He*l if we weren't maybe we'd not have done dope in the first place, right? Well I can speak for me anyway.
I HATED when people would tell me "It will get better" or "it will get easier, I promise". I recall cursing at that time and again. Except it honestly does, Lion. It will. It can.
Best thing to do would be to lick the opiates. Ya think? I mean I would. He*l ya kicked heroin, babes you can do that. It's frightening. Terrifying to go out in that world without using. Problem is we must.
******This helped me. Clean it'll be seven years in May. Not sure if it will you, but you mentioned the horrible things you experienced so young before graduation. Once I found out the WHY I was on my way to becoming clean. Some people call that an excuse in recovery. I honestly call it a reason. The reason I used. We bury so much ya know? Is there any way you can go to therapy? You have any insurance? It honestly and truly helps with tall that emotional part.***********************
The rest like Kev said just keep talking. Sharing. Stop by and talk to us. That helps I think. Look at the positive though you recognize it. That's brilliant at your age. I give you a ton of credit. Hate to play agism stuff, but it's hard enough being freakin 18 then add on your stuff. Kicking the s*it ya've done good.
People see you as strong. He*l I'd say you are too, but FEELING we swear we ain't and all the "If they only knew" comes out. It's O.K. to say "Guess what I ain't that person. I got weakness. It's O.K. Only thing is I'm not a damn heroin addict.
Hope that helped Lion. You stand tough now. You've come to far. Life without our numbing is carry, but as they say if it's scarry it's IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're doing good. Onward ya go. Ya know I don't think there's a person in this da*n world who isn't self-concious with low esteem at some point.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and our mood. We kill all that ya know. Alot of us recommend amino acids, B-Complex, and my ever lovin Fish Oil. I swear to you the Omega 3 works for mood. Our depression ya know how it gets? Then the anxiety. That stuff works wonders. Better days, Lion. It will get better.
Congrats on your year clean. That's HUGE. It's a big accomplishment. For that give yourself some credit.
We're all basically in the same boat I think like Kev said. A pack of stunted, unsure, people. He*l if we weren't maybe we'd not have done dope in the first place, right? Well I can speak for me anyway.
I HATED when people would tell me "It will get better" or "it will get easier, I promise". I recall cursing at that time and again. Except it honestly does, Lion. It will. It can.
Best thing to do would be to lick the opiates. Ya think? I mean I would. He*l ya kicked heroin, babes you can do that. It's frightening. Terrifying to go out in that world without using. Problem is we must.
******This helped me. Clean it'll be seven years in May. Not sure if it will you, but you mentioned the horrible things you experienced so young before graduation. Once I found out the WHY I was on my way to becoming clean. Some people call that an excuse in recovery. I honestly call it a reason. The reason I used. We bury so much ya know? Is there any way you can go to therapy? You have any insurance? It honestly and truly helps with tall that emotional part.***********************
The rest like Kev said just keep talking. Sharing. Stop by and talk to us. That helps I think. Look at the positive though you recognize it. That's brilliant at your age. I give you a ton of credit. Hate to play agism stuff, but it's hard enough being freakin 18 then add on your stuff. Kicking the s*it ya've done good.
People see you as strong. He*l I'd say you are too, but FEELING we swear we ain't and all the "If they only knew" comes out. It's O.K. to say "Guess what I ain't that person. I got weakness. It's O.K. Only thing is I'm not a damn heroin addict.
Hope that helped Lion. You stand tough now. You've come to far. Life without our numbing is carry, but as they say if it's scarry it's IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're doing good. Onward ya go. Ya know I don't think there's a person in this da*n world who isn't self-concious with low esteem at some point.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and our mood. We kill all that ya know. Alot of us recommend amino acids, B-Complex, and my ever lovin Fish Oil. I swear to you the Omega 3 works for mood. Our depression ya know how it gets? Then the anxiety. That stuff works wonders. Better days, Lion. It will get better.
See I'm a loop.
I can't edit cause I didn't sign in. Sorry for the grammar mistakes on above.
Don't lick the opiates Kick them. It would be funny if we weren't so sad, right?
BTW, we laugh on here. Just a warning. Ya have to to keep from crying sometimes.
I can't edit cause I didn't sign in. Sorry for the grammar mistakes on above.
Don't lick the opiates Kick them. It would be funny if we weren't so sad, right?
BTW, we laugh on here. Just a warning. Ya have to to keep from crying sometimes.
