I am the wife of a crack addict. My husband and I ahve been married for 1 year but have been together 3 years. I have been going on a emotional rollercoaster ride for 2 years. When I first met him he had been clean for almost 2 years. He seemed to have goals and stability. Prior to his clean time he had been using cocaine for 20 years. My husband is the nicest sweetest man when he is not using. Under the influence of crack he is irresponsible, violent, and unpredictable. I have informed myself on crack addiction in effort to understand and support his recovery (whenever he was in recovery). He has gone through thousands of dollars of his hard earned money. I have put him out 2 months ago and he tried to commit suicide from a crack overdose. The suicide attempt landed him in the hospital for 2 weeks. 3 weeks after that he had a relaspe. He needs to continue counseling and the 12 step meetings.Being his wife I feel that we took our wedding vows seriously, for sickness and in health etc...
I know this is a disease of addiction. But when do I throw in the towel? He his to make the decision to stop. I cannot be an enabler.
Hi there, and I'm going to tell you to read this board, every post and then go read www.crackreality.com. That's about all you need to know.
What I've found is that a crack user isn't going to stop unless they want to and that is still iffy. I was only in a 3 month relationship with a "sometimes" crack smoker and he spent the entire time convincing me and himself that it wasn't so bad. After he went on a 3 day binge that left me terrified thinking he'd died, I had to take a step back and even though I love him dearly, I left.
I just left Friday night if you want to know. I waited a week after the binge... I had to make up my mind. There shouldn't have had to be one thought about it. (I should have gone earlier, he had taken me to his dealers house a week or so before the big binge, left me in the car to go get his license that they were holding ransom and while I was out in the cold, at midnight in a horrible apartment complex, he left me an hour in the car, no keys nothing while he was in there paying them for his DL and then getting high... I don't know why I didn't leave him that night. I just don't know)
I'm not happy being gone, but in the long run, I'm going to get happy.
You cannot fix this man, he can't fix himself. Don't even try. Love yourself enough to get out. Wish him luck, wish him love, but you have to protect yourself from what's going to happen eventually.
What I've found is that a crack user isn't going to stop unless they want to and that is still iffy. I was only in a 3 month relationship with a "sometimes" crack smoker and he spent the entire time convincing me and himself that it wasn't so bad. After he went on a 3 day binge that left me terrified thinking he'd died, I had to take a step back and even though I love him dearly, I left.
I just left Friday night if you want to know. I waited a week after the binge... I had to make up my mind. There shouldn't have had to be one thought about it. (I should have gone earlier, he had taken me to his dealers house a week or so before the big binge, left me in the car to go get his license that they were holding ransom and while I was out in the cold, at midnight in a horrible apartment complex, he left me an hour in the car, no keys nothing while he was in there paying them for his DL and then getting high... I don't know why I didn't leave him that night. I just don't know)
I'm not happy being gone, but in the long run, I'm going to get happy.
You cannot fix this man, he can't fix himself. Don't even try. Love yourself enough to get out. Wish him luck, wish him love, but you have to protect yourself from what's going to happen eventually.
Hello
I know what you are going through, my husband is a herion addict, ive known him 7 years and been married 3, when we first met i was 19 and he told me that he had had a problem and had been through re-hab and would never go back to it, so we took things slowely and eventually got married, we were happy untill he went back on his crap!
Now everything is different.
At the weekend i told my husband that if he didnt go to the doctors and get proffessional help then he was out, he should be there now!
You have to draw the line somewhere, i think you should tell him to go and get help if he doesnt, cant, wont or just cant be bothered then dump him before he drags you down with him, you will end up hugely in debt then you wont be able to afford to go anywhere or do anything, i think you should sit him down anf tell it straight, get help or get out.
Claire xxxx
I know what you are going through, my husband is a herion addict, ive known him 7 years and been married 3, when we first met i was 19 and he told me that he had had a problem and had been through re-hab and would never go back to it, so we took things slowely and eventually got married, we were happy untill he went back on his crap!
Now everything is different.
At the weekend i told my husband that if he didnt go to the doctors and get proffessional help then he was out, he should be there now!
You have to draw the line somewhere, i think you should tell him to go and get help if he doesnt, cant, wont or just cant be bothered then dump him before he drags you down with him, you will end up hugely in debt then you wont be able to afford to go anywhere or do anything, i think you should sit him down anf tell it straight, get help or get out.
Claire xxxx
we want so much to be in normal relationships that we suffer and suffer hoping that their will be one magical day that they come to their senses and become the person we loved and believed in. i do not know when my husband started with coke. . .it was only after a few month seperation in where i considered us broke up that he reentered my life claiming that he was ready to be the man for me and a real man to me. i had started dating again but i missed him so much and was not really into anybody else. cautiously i reunited with him only to later uncover this new habit. i thought it was just a trying something new phase not realizing that he already had the predisposition to become hooked. just like trying on shoes just to see what they look like on my feet. no commitment. no purchase. just a little excitement for a saturday evening. not so in his case. sometimes he'll say he is ashamed of his usage and that back in the day he was so far removed from the stuff he can't believe he's the same guy today! go figure. when i hear him lament his situation i get a sense of hope that he has what it takes to kick the habit. but obviously his surface shame is no match for the inner forces that keep him seeking his other woman, cocaine.
only you can say when enough is enough but I believe when you feel you've done what you can and nothing is working, nothing is changing, thats when enough is enough, I'm new to all this and it hasn't reached that stage yet, but thats just how I feel