When They Enter Rehab

Hello everyone,

I would like to help people that have loved ones with addictions to be prepared to take care of yourself when they go into rehab. I was unaware of what I would experience and have felt like I have been winging it through out this thing.

First, you will be glad they are getting help especially if you have been dealing with the addiction for a long time. In my case, I found out about the addiction and a week later she was in rehab.

You need to talk to someone preferrably at the rehab that will prepare for what is going to happen. You will alone through this and see that your loved one has this large support system in rehab that you don't have on the outside. Get one whether it bee al-anon, counseler or what ever, you will need it.

Prepare to have yourself to be replaced by the program, the group sessions and the whole bit. What do I mean by that? Well, you are used to being the most intimate person to your spouse. That changes during this process. The group therapy will replace your relationship and the recovering loved one will be more attuned to 10 other strangers than to you. Make no mistake it hurts. They will know more about your loved one and yourself than you do. Again it hurts to be looking from the outside in.

You have to have faith in the program and that it is for the good of all. You have to have faith in a higher power and trust in that power that this is the way to get your loved one back from addiction. Again, it is a painful process for the ones at home.

All I can say is from my experience but I wish I had benn better prepared the process. Ihave made it though 68 days with this and we have 22 more to go. We have had our ups and downs and the marriage at time has almost broke. But, we are still here, in love and committed to each other. It has taken 68 days for me to realize what has been going on with me. It took a counseler to help me begin to see. So, please do take care of yourself. If I had started seeing someone when she went in, it would have made the process easier.

The rehab and recovery will strain your marriage and your very soul but in the end I feel like the benefits are worth it. You will learn a lot about yourself and both of your lives will be forever changed. I think when we are though this and I mean maybe a year or so from now, our relationship will be strong, vibrant, and closer than before. But like life, there is a lot of pain before the birth. So, it is with this. The old must die so the new relationship can begin to breath.

You see what I am trying to say is the rehab process and recovery is for both of you. It needs to be so that you can handle your spouse when he or she returns. As they have had to change so will you. They will not be the old person you knew just without the live addiction. They will be changed and so will your relationship. Just prepare for it by looking deep within yourself to repair what you need to so you can be happy.

Thanks guys, I fell for all of you and with God's love we will get through these dark days.


LAENGR, glad to hear that you have opened yourself to help for you. Yes, you and your marriage will be tested in every way. It sure is a struggle -- seems sometimes there's a real battle between the rational mind, which has accepted the reality of the situation and "what is," and the heart which hopes for a return to some sort of normalcy and either the way things were or the way things aught to be. Of course, there's always hope for the way things will be.

Glad to hear that you educating yourself and preparing yourself mentally, emotionally and spirtually for the return of your wife.

while you've been thru hell, brighter days are ahead of you.