Hello everyone:
Even though I am on the other side (my husband is the user) I want you all to know the hurt I am personally feeling. I feel like I have lost my best friend, my lover, our dreams. What makes someone just one day decide to do this, to throw everything away?
We had our intervention (sp?) last Friday and I am not sure it really got threw to him. I think he is in denial that he will be the one to just poof beable to beat this, he is thinking of doing that Rapid Detox but I feel like deep down inside he is not going to stop (of course I don't say that to him) He is 34 yrs old and to be doing this stuff now! WHY? WHY? WHY? The Friday before was my final straw. He has been going to the Meth clinc and then the Friday before the intervention I walked into the bedroom to him doing it. When is enough, enough for me? Will he ever quit? Does anyone know what the statistics are on this drug of people over coming this?
Anyway, I am telling him tonight that he needs to leave and try & figure this out on his own....I am depressed all the time with anxiety attacks wondering if I will come home and find him dead with a needle stuck in him, or get that dreaded call that someone found him dead and I am a widow at 32 because he could not just stay clean! I am so tired, so warn so hurt.
Nikki
Hey Nikki,
I'm sorry to hear that you are in a lot of pain. Just reading your short entry has already brought back alotta memories when my boyfriend was still an addict. Like you i tried everything to stop his addiction, he would beg me to give him the fukn stuff when i held it in my hands. I couldn't handle seeing him in pain.. going through withdrawals so i gave him the s***. It was that s*** that was tearing our relationship and our love for one another apart.. it made me loose feelings for him because the thought of being lied to and seeing that kind of person that he was made my feelings towards him cover up a little, like all of it was still there, just that i often forgot because i was so torn apart by his addiction. When to say goodbye? I asked myself many many times, but i've come to realise that this question cannot be answered by others but only by you because each individual is different and all of us have different stories depending on the sitation and feelings. You are the only one that can answer this, only you can decide when "enough is enough". It may sound like i was a strong person to stick by him, but really i wasn't as his addiction dragged on. I actually gave up on my boyfriend at one stage.. we separated for a while and it woulda stayed this way if it wasn't for rapid detox. But for me.. enough was enough was if my boyfriend did not go to the rapid detox or couldn't stay clean after it. I am not saying that by going to rapid detox it is the final straw but it was the final straw for me... when enough was enough for me.. so it does not necessary mean that it applys to every individual. Like i said every situation differs.
I sounds like your situation like many others don't have many options left. But as you mentioned in your post, your husband says that he has thought about rapid detox. Before leaving, why don't you give that a shot first? If you don't.. and you leave him, you might regret it. If you think that you are going to leave him, make sure that you do EVERYTHING that you can think to saving him before you make that decision because there's nothing worse than looking back at the factors and thinking.. maybe if i did this.. or maybe if i did that. If you've done absortuely everything that there is nothing else you can do then at least when you are feeling down, you can tell yourself that you had done everything that you could to save him and your relationship. Remember that it has to be a two way thing to make it work. So give rapid detox a go, it worked for my me but then again it doesnt necessary mean that it will work for everyone but after all what do you have to loose? And in the end maybe by letting your husband go, he might start to realise what he had lost, it could be a wake up call for him. Sometimes, addicts have to hit rock bottom if anything. Rapid detox is good because then if you are still worrying about your husband replasing, you can watch him take the naltrexone tablets or better yet get him to get a implant which in both cases, blocks the effects of H if he decides to get high again. My boyfriend did not get the implant but he is taking the naltrexone orally, therefore i do watch him take it everyday to insure me from driving with madness and worrying about him knowing that he cannot get high. However addicts can only take naltrexone if they are clean of opiates, this is why the rapid detox plays a vitual role here. If you like more information on rapid detox or naltrexone please let me know. I'll be more than happy to provide you with further information.
I wish your husband well with his recovery and all the best to you. Please try not to stress too much.
xox violet
I'm sorry to hear that you are in a lot of pain. Just reading your short entry has already brought back alotta memories when my boyfriend was still an addict. Like you i tried everything to stop his addiction, he would beg me to give him the fukn stuff when i held it in my hands. I couldn't handle seeing him in pain.. going through withdrawals so i gave him the s***. It was that s*** that was tearing our relationship and our love for one another apart.. it made me loose feelings for him because the thought of being lied to and seeing that kind of person that he was made my feelings towards him cover up a little, like all of it was still there, just that i often forgot because i was so torn apart by his addiction. When to say goodbye? I asked myself many many times, but i've come to realise that this question cannot be answered by others but only by you because each individual is different and all of us have different stories depending on the sitation and feelings. You are the only one that can answer this, only you can decide when "enough is enough". It may sound like i was a strong person to stick by him, but really i wasn't as his addiction dragged on. I actually gave up on my boyfriend at one stage.. we separated for a while and it woulda stayed this way if it wasn't for rapid detox. But for me.. enough was enough was if my boyfriend did not go to the rapid detox or couldn't stay clean after it. I am not saying that by going to rapid detox it is the final straw but it was the final straw for me... when enough was enough for me.. so it does not necessary mean that it applys to every individual. Like i said every situation differs.
I sounds like your situation like many others don't have many options left. But as you mentioned in your post, your husband says that he has thought about rapid detox. Before leaving, why don't you give that a shot first? If you don't.. and you leave him, you might regret it. If you think that you are going to leave him, make sure that you do EVERYTHING that you can think to saving him before you make that decision because there's nothing worse than looking back at the factors and thinking.. maybe if i did this.. or maybe if i did that. If you've done absortuely everything that there is nothing else you can do then at least when you are feeling down, you can tell yourself that you had done everything that you could to save him and your relationship. Remember that it has to be a two way thing to make it work. So give rapid detox a go, it worked for my me but then again it doesnt necessary mean that it will work for everyone but after all what do you have to loose? And in the end maybe by letting your husband go, he might start to realise what he had lost, it could be a wake up call for him. Sometimes, addicts have to hit rock bottom if anything. Rapid detox is good because then if you are still worrying about your husband replasing, you can watch him take the naltrexone tablets or better yet get him to get a implant which in both cases, blocks the effects of H if he decides to get high again. My boyfriend did not get the implant but he is taking the naltrexone orally, therefore i do watch him take it everyday to insure me from driving with madness and worrying about him knowing that he cannot get high. However addicts can only take naltrexone if they are clean of opiates, this is why the rapid detox plays a vitual role here. If you like more information on rapid detox or naltrexone please let me know. I'll be more than happy to provide you with further information.
I wish your husband well with his recovery and all the best to you. Please try not to stress too much.
xox violet
Hi LL
I hope this post finds you doin okay...
I am a recovering addict myself, BUT if you look quite far back, I was posting for a while aboust my ex boyfriend who was an alcoholic. So I really can say that I really feel your pain. To be in love with someone so much and watch them hurt themselves is indeed the worst feeling in the world. Everyone was telling me to get rid of him and I was like "horror of all horrors!" How could you say such a thing!" He's my life!" How could you!" but in the end of the day, it really was the best thing I have ever done FOR ME.
But yes! It is easier said than done, so all I'm gonna say to you is that I hope u okay, and we're all here for you. Keep well
Angie
I hope this post finds you doin okay...
I am a recovering addict myself, BUT if you look quite far back, I was posting for a while aboust my ex boyfriend who was an alcoholic. So I really can say that I really feel your pain. To be in love with someone so much and watch them hurt themselves is indeed the worst feeling in the world. Everyone was telling me to get rid of him and I was like "horror of all horrors!" How could you say such a thing!" He's my life!" How could you!" but in the end of the day, it really was the best thing I have ever done FOR ME.
But yes! It is easier said than done, so all I'm gonna say to you is that I hope u okay, and we're all here for you. Keep well
Angie
Violet & Angie:
Thank you both for your kind words, I was having such a bad night last night. I told my husband how I felt, and that went really well (yea right!) I feel so bad, for him , for us, for everything.
Today was a new day. I gave him back my wedding ring and told him that if he wanted to be the man I married & get himself together, then when that time comes I will think about putting it back on. He is stating that he wants to try that rapid detox thing and I told him that it is not the only thing he needs to do. He is telling me that he will do the councling and all that, but I am not sure if I will ever feel the same for him. This place and you people have really helped me out and I really want to thank you! No matter what I end up doing, I know I will still visit this message board to see how you all are doing. Please stay strong!
Nikki
Thank you both for your kind words, I was having such a bad night last night. I told my husband how I felt, and that went really well (yea right!) I feel so bad, for him , for us, for everything.
Today was a new day. I gave him back my wedding ring and told him that if he wanted to be the man I married & get himself together, then when that time comes I will think about putting it back on. He is stating that he wants to try that rapid detox thing and I told him that it is not the only thing he needs to do. He is telling me that he will do the councling and all that, but I am not sure if I will ever feel the same for him. This place and you people have really helped me out and I really want to thank you! No matter what I end up doing, I know I will still visit this message board to see how you all are doing. Please stay strong!
Nikki
I just read your questions of saying goodbye. My boyfried was recently going to the methadone clinic, and he just quit going last week. He says that he wants to stay clean, and that our daughter and I mean everything to him. Yet, I still don't believe that he's done. I go to college at night, and he stays at home with our daughter. Like you, I'm constantly worrying about what is going on at home. Sometimes I'm so worried that I have to leave class to go home, because I just can't think right. My biggest fear is to walk in the door and find him with a needle in his arm,dead. He has overdosed before, and the paramedics had to shock him back to life. All of my friends tell me that I should leave him, but other than his problem with heroin, he's a wonderful father,and very loving to me. He's an excellent worker, and he takes very good care of our family. No one understands. We were supposed to get married in July, but I called off the wedding because of thoughts of him using. Obviously, I have not had enough yet, but I cannot stop myself from worrying. He says that he's done with it, and I pray to god every night that he's telling me the truth. Anyways, I have told him that if I find out that he is using again, that I will take our daughter and leave. He will never see us again. Maybe you telling your husband to leave for the time being, might make him really realize what he is losing in life. Try getting him to go to the methadone clinic, or talking to his doctor for other means of treatment. Not rapid detox. I wish you the best of luck.
Hi Nikki
You've really made my day. Most people aren't strong enough to care about themselves enough to sacrifice something they love because it's damaging them. I know under most circumstances I couldn't. I have done it once though before, and it was the best decision as I could've ever made. Well done for doing the same. Nobody is more special than you, and I've learnt that you can never look after anyone else till you can look after yourself.
Hugs, angie
You've really made my day. Most people aren't strong enough to care about themselves enough to sacrifice something they love because it's damaging them. I know under most circumstances I couldn't. I have done it once though before, and it was the best decision as I could've ever made. Well done for doing the same. Nobody is more special than you, and I've learnt that you can never look after anyone else till you can look after yourself.
Hugs, angie
