I just recently encountered the heart breaking, sad, lost confusion hearing that my father is and addict. I feel the great emotional rollercoaster all through my body and feel lost. I don't know where to begin. He is in detox now. I've lost ambition to do anything but engulf myself in who, what, when, where and most important of all, how is he. He is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, but never this one. He started his recovery before I met him (he's my step father..but none the less, my daddy). I never seen him go through this. I feel like a lost little girl though I'm grown and have my own family. What do I do? How do I act when I see him for the first time...again?
Hi Girl!
I would go with "grateful"... Remember that he's probably wondering as well "How will everyone treat me? How will they look at me?" That's a reason that prevents many from seeking help. They are so concerned by what everyone will think that they not only put off getting treatment, they keep using as well. I'm not scolding you here, it's normal for you have these questions... I'm just letting you know that it might discourage some from getting help.
I say that you should be grateful because things could have been much worse. He could be dead. If he were, you wouldn't be wondering about how you should act, you'd probably be wishing that you could tell him how much you love him - just one more time! Well, you have that chance now...so again, I'd go with "grateful"!
God Bless you!
JC
I would go with "grateful"... Remember that he's probably wondering as well "How will everyone treat me? How will they look at me?" That's a reason that prevents many from seeking help. They are so concerned by what everyone will think that they not only put off getting treatment, they keep using as well. I'm not scolding you here, it's normal for you have these questions... I'm just letting you know that it might discourage some from getting help.
I say that you should be grateful because things could have been much worse. He could be dead. If he were, you wouldn't be wondering about how you should act, you'd probably be wishing that you could tell him how much you love him - just one more time! Well, you have that chance now...so again, I'd go with "grateful"!
God Bless you!
JC
lost soul
First...thank you. I'm glad you are listening. Two weeks ago, my mom was going for a divorce. Now, we are finding out what it was about his behavior caused her leaving. She is standing by him but yet keeping her distance. She helped him get help. I know that I'm fortunate, but we are not in the clear yet. He was close to overdose. He had a 2.5-3.0 blood alcohol level as well. I was told it depends on how he makes it through detox. He has pserosis of the liver from drinking and his body over time is wasting away. I called him after I got the call of him wanting help from my mom. He was out of breath and you could hear his voice quiver. But I just wanted to keep him company so he wouldn't feel alone. Just talking about anything but negative response. But I couldn't. I didn't think of the embarrasment of talking to your child while being high beyone high. I know the "phobia" of other peoples thoughts. I went on my own stuggling path in life. But I always had a "voice" inside that didn't let me get where he is. My "bottom" was not like this. I miraculously don't have the desire to go back to that life knowing where it once took me. Right now, I'm the one person who doesn't "hate" him. I'm more devestated by not "seeing". But as we know its the user that needs to see not the ones around us. Hence "You may lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". It's all coming together. I'm realizing that my dad is human. He makes mistakes just as I. I just guess I needed for someone to "hear" me. I want to hold his hand and help him. I wish I was with him now. Anyway...I feel that since we are back to the beginning...we need all of the prayers we can get. I truely thank you!
Footprints in the sand and God Bless
CD
First...thank you. I'm glad you are listening. Two weeks ago, my mom was going for a divorce. Now, we are finding out what it was about his behavior caused her leaving. She is standing by him but yet keeping her distance. She helped him get help. I know that I'm fortunate, but we are not in the clear yet. He was close to overdose. He had a 2.5-3.0 blood alcohol level as well. I was told it depends on how he makes it through detox. He has pserosis of the liver from drinking and his body over time is wasting away. I called him after I got the call of him wanting help from my mom. He was out of breath and you could hear his voice quiver. But I just wanted to keep him company so he wouldn't feel alone. Just talking about anything but negative response. But I couldn't. I didn't think of the embarrasment of talking to your child while being high beyone high. I know the "phobia" of other peoples thoughts. I went on my own stuggling path in life. But I always had a "voice" inside that didn't let me get where he is. My "bottom" was not like this. I miraculously don't have the desire to go back to that life knowing where it once took me. Right now, I'm the one person who doesn't "hate" him. I'm more devestated by not "seeing". But as we know its the user that needs to see not the ones around us. Hence "You may lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". It's all coming together. I'm realizing that my dad is human. He makes mistakes just as I. I just guess I needed for someone to "hear" me. I want to hold his hand and help him. I wish I was with him now. Anyway...I feel that since we are back to the beginning...we need all of the prayers we can get. I truely thank you!
Footprints in the sand and God Bless
CD
Hi CD!
Really heartfelt! I feel you. It's a nice "coincidence" that I was just talking about liver damage with Outof a minute ago. You might want to read that thread as well "Livers".
I know how you feel about your Dad right now and believe me he needs YOU more that anyone else around him. You are the one who will most likely be able to help because of the love that you have, because of the "little voice" that you can feel and because you used the word "miracle". They happen, and I wish you one! I wish you many!!! :-)
Amor Vincit Omnia!
JC
Really heartfelt! I feel you. It's a nice "coincidence" that I was just talking about liver damage with Outof a minute ago. You might want to read that thread as well "Livers".
I know how you feel about your Dad right now and believe me he needs YOU more that anyone else around him. You are the one who will most likely be able to help because of the love that you have, because of the "little voice" that you can feel and because you used the word "miracle". They happen, and I wish you one! I wish you many!!! :-)
Amor Vincit Omnia!
JC
Dear Lostlilgirl,
Hi sweetie, I just read your post. My husband is a addict as well he is the stepfather of my two beautiful children.I hope that my liitle girl never has to go through what you are right now. You must love him so much.And you being here shows me just how much you care about him.You will be ok sweetheart and just keeep praying for him.I will pray for you too .It really help to come here and talk (or type) about everything.Where is your Mom? And is she going to any councling? You and your siblings sould go too.Hope it all works out Rehab at least is a step in the right direction.Take care and god bless. Kim
Hi sweetie, I just read your post. My husband is a addict as well he is the stepfather of my two beautiful children.I hope that my liitle girl never has to go through what you are right now. You must love him so much.And you being here shows me just how much you care about him.You will be ok sweetheart and just keeep praying for him.I will pray for you too .It really help to come here and talk (or type) about everything.Where is your Mom? And is she going to any councling? You and your siblings sould go too.Hope it all works out Rehab at least is a step in the right direction.Take care and god bless. Kim
Kim
Thank you for caring. My mom is one of the three people who have seen him since his last time being wasted. She is walking through this with the kindness of a friend but the heart of a lion (tough love). I'm being her right hand "man" around the clock. Clearing the place we once called "home" of all that may cause him to go back...substance-like, pills, alcohol, you name it. I have been too shocked to cry until I finally, verbally stated to my mom that I just want my dad back. I said it here, I tell it to myself, but it was a tiny release to help me get through the rest of the day. It almost felt like walking onto a crime scene. Like the place we called home doesn't exist. It doesn't seem like it will ever feel the same. I know that she will be going to counciling, but for now, I'm the Dr. Just listening and reassuring. She feels empty-numbness right now. Which is natural when this type of episode occurs. Your mind naturally, to keep you from further mental harm, shuts down. She is going through the motions though and I admire her for doing so. She could have just completely left in disappointment, anger...etc. But I think it's one step at a time...Have your children been exposed to this first hand? Lots of love and prayers for your family ((((Kim's family)))).
LLG
Thank you for caring. My mom is one of the three people who have seen him since his last time being wasted. She is walking through this with the kindness of a friend but the heart of a lion (tough love). I'm being her right hand "man" around the clock. Clearing the place we once called "home" of all that may cause him to go back...substance-like, pills, alcohol, you name it. I have been too shocked to cry until I finally, verbally stated to my mom that I just want my dad back. I said it here, I tell it to myself, but it was a tiny release to help me get through the rest of the day. It almost felt like walking onto a crime scene. Like the place we called home doesn't exist. It doesn't seem like it will ever feel the same. I know that she will be going to counciling, but for now, I'm the Dr. Just listening and reassuring. She feels empty-numbness right now. Which is natural when this type of episode occurs. Your mind naturally, to keep you from further mental harm, shuts down. She is going through the motions though and I admire her for doing so. She could have just completely left in disappointment, anger...etc. But I think it's one step at a time...Have your children been exposed to this first hand? Lots of love and prayers for your family ((((Kim's family)))).
LLG
My mom got to see my father in detox yesterday. He informed her that he wouldn't stop smoking marijuana when he got out. But as it's been said in here, and I agree strongly from what I know, a drug is a drug. She will be giving him the ultimatum of all or nothing for when he gets out. He relapsed with alcohol and prescriptions are what gave him the major push forward in doing so. He is still in detox so I'm hoping to give him the benefit of doubt when he still has a long way to go at this point...such as rehab. I think of him 24/7 and thanks to all of you am starting to act in my daily life again seeing as how this "froze" my everyday being. I hope that all of you have that someone who loves you so much that you can feel it in your soul. I know that lonliness can cause some of the most frustrating moments you endure, so much of us have experienced at least that much. But especially in your true times of need. I'm hoping that I can say these words to my own father soon. Love and much Respect to all...and thank you for listening
LLG
LLG