Where Is Everyone?

It's raining and I'm bored - won't you entertain me? jk

It does seem like a lot of people on the board are still asleep asleep this morning.

I was going to take my puppies to Furman to walk, but it was all I could do to get them to go outsiden to take car of business - For those little fellas to weigh about 20 pounds, they sure are strong.

So, home, sweet home - should be packing but the times we have moved, I have alwyas been so organized and it hasn't really helped so this time I'm gonna wing it.
Have movers take my stuff to apt. and other stuff to storage.
My soon to be ex can take his - well to - ____
I'll be good - just don't trust him. He knows where I'm going to be living and I'll say "what are you going to do with all of your stuff' and he will say, "I just don't know, I'm just tired" So unlike him - he's being so agreeable, he's either got another personality going on or I'm paranoid. I hope I'm just being paranoid.

I asked him one day - being silly (why does divorce have to be miserable) anyway I asked how much he planned on paying for puppy support - he thought I was serious - he said he would take them to the animal shelter first.This is a man who has written songs for these dogs and they sing along. I think he just wants me to think he's tough. I think he's crazy.

Well, not bored now - any ideas why he being so agreeable.
He is a - maybe the most materialistic person.

He has a friend who was recently transferred to Myrtle Beach, don't know or care if he's going down there, I like to visit there but I love Greenville.

Love to all,
Love, Rambling Becky
No ideas here. If you don't mind me asking was this a mutual agreement or did one of initiate the divorce? Asking b/c if you did then maybe he is trying to make you think he don't really care. I don't know just spit balling. I have no idea of you guy's situation so I really shouldn't have commented. Guess I'm bored too. LOL
Hey Becky Jean

I'm around. I'm had a few errands to run this morning, and I still didn't get everything done. Oh well. My days of servitude are coming to an end. LOL

I owe you a email. Soon. I promise.

Hi Rhonda!

Michelle
Hey Rhonda:

It's really been coming for a long time. He's bi-polar and won't take his meds - so you can imagine how much fun he is to live with.
I wake up to him cooking b'fast or he's cussing me out for leaving a light on - just can't take it anymore. I had to walk on eggshells when I was growing up b/c of my Mother, I'll be D_ _ _ _ __ if I do it in my own house.

He seems agreeable, he doesn't care enough to take or try new meds so I take it that as he doesn't care.

Once we sell the house, I hope what I'm dreamimg of will happen. A one BR (easy to clean) apt with my puppies. I know how they wake up every morning - HAPPY!!! They give unconditional love. For anyone who lives alone or who feels like they live alone - these little fellas are perfect - Dude is 7 and Max is 5 - completely different personalities.
They have hair, like us, we have always kept it short - a puppy cut - so they don't shed and they don't smell like a dog.
They are stubborn but they are really good with children and people of all ages.

I can't wait.
I have clean and cooked all of my life. I still get the urge to cook but clean - no - that's a have-to and he chose this house - which I went along, choose this almost 2,000 sq ft house - It was to be our empty nester home, I wanted 1400-1500- sq ft but no, he has big ideas. I'm just not up to cleaning it like it should be.

I'm rambling,
Love, Becky
Hi Michelle!!!


Becky... My life is the same with my husband of 14 yrears. I walk on eggshells around him. Truthfully, I left a couple of years ago and lived with my sister for 6 months (had the best time), but finally came home. He hasn't gotten over Me leaving yet and we barely have a relationship. He is obssessed and wants my attention on nothing but him! We can NOT get along, and as long as i'm being honest here He asked me to stop working years ago. I was an elementary school teacher. so i did and now my teaching lisence has expired and can't get it renewed. i know there must be an way (maybe retaking the teacing exam), but i"ve been out of college for 14 years. I have no way to support me or may kids right now. I find you so inspirational to end a bad marriage and move on. as I'm sure you can tell...moving on isn't my speciality!

I hope this all works out for you!
Oh and Becky.....I know how puppy love is. we had to boxers that we got before we got married and both have passed on. We've gooten other dogs, but it's just not the same.... we miss those dogs terribly!!!
Rhonda,

I just read what you wrote and I'm so sorry. I'm ending a 14 year marriage, and its the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I was never good at moving on either, but after years of feeling dead inside I decided that my happiness is just as important as everyone elses. Including my children. I'm 37 and didn't want to end up later on life regretting my decision to stay in marriage that was clearly not meeting my needs.

My husband was jealous of the board too. He even went behind my back and read what I wrote here. It wasn't so much that he was worried that I was talking to men, as it was he was worried that I was talking badly about him, which I never did. Anyway, years of that controlling bulls*** will make life miserable.

Anyway, just wanted to say that I can SO relate to what your saying. Your not alone.

Michelle
Michelle.... I am 37 also. we have so much in common! i am currently looking for a job so i can have options if this marriage goes on and falls apart. Everyday is different. One day he says he truly loves me and will do whatever it takes to work everything out, then the next day he is drunk and hateful. he resents the fact that my mother is living with us right now (b/c she is very ill and has nobody else), but he told her she was welcome here as long as she needed to be here, but behind her back to me he talks about her something awful. Besides my kids keeping me here it also has some to do with her. I couldn't take care of her if we have nowhere to live. LOL! Don't get me wrong, i Love my husband very much or else i couldn't suffer through all this, but sometimes enough is enough. I want a "normal" life for once in 4 years. Whatever that means! I just think my mom won't be with us much longer so is all this craziness worth it from him?

Anway You must think I'm psycho, but really I'm just a regular woman!!
Hey Michelle and Rhonda:

If you looked up "control" in the dictionary, you would see David.
He has tried (notice I said tried) to control me for 28 years. The last few I gave in. I felt like such a terrible person, being an addict - now he gets (120) 10 mg Lortabs a month and I'm the addict. I was taking the 7.5's.
The last few years when he would bark at me, I would just go to my room.
I was becoming a hermit. Now I say this is my house, too and when it sells, I will move.

We are being fairly civil to each other, I think that he thinks I won't really go through with it - surprise to him.

I'm 50 - gosh I don't feel 50 - I think I look it but I feel way too young to have a man bossing me around.

He just talks to hear himself talking - I don't listen to what he says.
I was joking around and saying that the next time (next time like Hell) I will marry for money - our 25 year old said "I don't care who you marry, just don't re-marry my Dad" I didn't have a clue that they had picked up on what was going on. My 33 yr. old says we have a toxic relationship.

I'm done. I want peace. I deserve it. We all do. Do whatever you can to get there.

Good luck to all of us,
Becky, a.k.a. Mom
Hey Rhonda,

Have you thought about marriage counseling? My husband and I are doing that, but more for finding better ways to communicate, and to find acceptance with each others feelings. If he is coming home drunk and harassing you, thats mental abuse, and he needs to get a grip. I'm sorry, I watched my mother put up with that, and still does all my life. It really is a bad place to be. Its a no win situation, and you don't deserve it.

Oh and I don't think your pyscho at all. Were all just regular women trying to find our way in life, and sometimes we have to do whatever it takes to reach a place of contentment, and happiness.


If you want to talk more off the board, my email is mten10ace@yahoo.com


Michelle
Michelle....he used to be physically abusive, but just stopped a few years back, But he is still very verbally abusive. When i went to him with my addiction problem when i first started, he said he would support and help me through it. He thought I was supposed to get better over night and when that didn't happen the verbal abuse started. Even when i was clean for that period of time he would call me a pill popper, etc. in front of my kids b/c he knew that would hurt me. So, that's another reason why i'm scared to tell him that i've relasped and REALLY want to get some professional help. he will use it against me. i know he will. I am trying to get better w/o having to tell him, but it may come down to me having to tell him. I want to do it the way Becky did it. I think i have a better chance of recovering like that. i don't trust myself anymore.

i have suggested marriage counseling and he would say yes, but when it came down to it he wouldn't do it.

Becky....my kids also have picked up on all the problems. They say get a divorce b/c nothing is ever going to change and they are just 8 and 11!
Oh, my email address is: rhondamferrell@yahoo.com

Thanks for your support and concern and I will prob be emailing you soon. i truly appreciate it!!
Rhonda,

Alot of people will probably disagree with me here, but oh well. If he has a history of being physically abusive, then I would seriously think it through completely before you tell him. Honesty is great, but its not worth getting hurt over. If I were you, I would do whatever it took to get clean, and not worry about what and if he's going to use against you. Pain pill addiction is an epidemic in this country, you are not the only women/mother who found herself in this situation, so don't let him treat you that way. He really has no room to speak if he drinks and comes home and verbally abuses you. I really wish I had an easy answer for you. Get clean, thats the first thing you can do for yourself and your kids. Once your on your way with that, you can then have a better chance at trying to fix the other problems in your life. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. One step at time, don't overwhelm yourself, and hang in there, do NOT let him bring you down.

(((hugs)))
Michelle
That is exactly what I plan on doing. Getting clean is my first priority for me and my kids. And I will do it however i have to. Yes I believe people will say that not being completely honest with him is the wrong thing to do, but like I mentioned in another thread Dr. Laura (i'm sure you know her form talk radio) said that if it is only going to hurt more people, if there is no true benefit from telling him everything, and I am trying to do something bout my addiction then there is no reason to tell him everything. I'm not sure if i will tell him before I get a plan together with an addiction specialist or during or after. but one thing is for sure I am going to do this with or w/o his suppport or knowledge. i agree with Dr. Laura if I can get the help that I need then telling him would just make it worse on me. I don't condone lieing to your spouse, but I have to think of myself and getting clean w/o the added pressure from him right now. I KNOW that is selfish, but if i don't get clean i believe i will die and I can't do that to my kids.
Rhonda,

When it comes to getting clean, you have to be selfish, and I don't mean screw everyone else, but just be prepared to do whatever it takes. I was taking up to 20 vics a day at the end of my run, and pretty much at rock bottom emotionally. I finally said enough and asked my doctor to help me. He was great, and very supportive. I quit cold turkey, and my wd's were bad, but it wasn't impossible. The hard part came after I got clean, so I started seeing a therapist. I really can't emphasize enough of getting face to face support. NA/AA meetings are free, and there are people there just like us, that can give you encouragment and help you learn ways to cope.

Make a plan, and the move with it. You can do it.

Michelle
Michelle is right. For the first time in my life, I am putting myself 1st. My sons have told me they want me to. They have said that I was so young that I never had time to think of just me.
Had you lived in the house with my Mother, you would have wanted out at any cost/age.

I'm finding that thinking and doing things for myself, I have more to give.
I'm not preaching but I'm going to Church now, somewhere I feel peace.
Before if he didn't want to go, we wouldn't go and to be honest, if I didn't want to go, he wouldn't go.

I know you have children at home but try and find s'thing that puts you at ease. Bubblebaths do it for me. Also, just since I detoxed this time, I will lie on my bed and listen to the radio. Will do this only about 30 minutes b/c I don't want to go back to hiding in my BR.

I love swinging on my front porch. I sit out there and sing wide open. I think some of this comes with age - I don't want to be obnoxious but if I'm having fun and not hurting anyone, I see nothing wrong with it.

Find an outlet - where it's just you.
Save your sanity.

Love, Becky
You are so right Becky and Michelle. i desperately need some selfish alone time. Even if it si just like you said sitting outside on the porch swing!

I guess i've had some very selfish alone time today. I just realized i've been on this board since noon today. time flies by when you get to talk to others bout your problems honestly. I guess I better see if my kids ate any supper LOL!