hardcharger, even if you are lurking give us a peep. let us know you are okay or not okay. mad or not mad....
only fair to us potheads after all:) dare i say we care????
how's everyone's day. mine's a struggle. and my apt is a mess again.(i know, i know hippie) but it makes me nuts. tonight i clean!
and i'll clean, clean.
jo
i am here, dealing with staff issues. got a gal that takes naps when the cat is away and just got caught, now finding out none of her paper work is done, could it be cause she is freaking ASLEEP. or could it be SATAN? LOL
trying to make it thru this day only to go sit thru 8 grades of christmas music at the kids annual christmas program. we can call it christmas cause they go to catholic school. at least they have it at our small little performing arts center so it is nice seating, no school gymansium.
jojo, one of these days, and soon (cause i am getting a camera for christmas) I am sending you a pic of our little downtown, you will just die. but it is so pretty, this time of year.
of course so is your big town, i would love to come there this time of year, i was there in June at the tender age of 17, all I cared about was male strippers and booze, and fake ID's, but quess what i didnt need a fake ID, lol.
take care guys, check in later.
trying to make it thru this day only to go sit thru 8 grades of christmas music at the kids annual christmas program. we can call it christmas cause they go to catholic school. at least they have it at our small little performing arts center so it is nice seating, no school gymansium.
jojo, one of these days, and soon (cause i am getting a camera for christmas) I am sending you a pic of our little downtown, you will just die. but it is so pretty, this time of year.
of course so is your big town, i would love to come there this time of year, i was there in June at the tender age of 17, all I cared about was male strippers and booze, and fake ID's, but quess what i didnt need a fake ID, lol.
take care guys, check in later.
Hello dear ones, just checking in. I'm having a friend over for coffee on thursday. It makes me think of that sign I read on the wall of a neighbor's house, "If you're here to see the house, make an appointment, if you're here to see me, come on in ! " I haven't had visitors in 6 weeks.
This particular thursday visitor is pretty persistent, so I finally said ok. Another Leo....doesn't surprise me....we're all the same. LOL She wants to see my "babies". The little geckos are pretty cute looking.
I can feel a little motivation bubbling up to the surface, motivation to clean up. Being a stay at home mom produces alot of guilt for me, as there are some things that are expected of me, but I have been slacking. I am afraid to be out in the workforce, but I'm afraid my domestic Goddess days are over.
I know that all it would take would be a puff or two and I'd have the energy. I hate it that I still think that way.
When I was going thru post partum depression, I remember some advice I got.
"Make plans, don't plan the results."
So I figure if I can at least make plans, I'm doing alright. I'm planning a baking day with some friends. We did it for a few years over Christmas, taking turns at someone's house each year. We exchange goodies, so everyone gets variety and plenty of Christmas baking. It's time for me to get back to my roots of being a leader, planner, organizer of eventer....LOL
I'm going to email four women. I wonder if they'll be still interested sans alcohol or pot. Man, we sure went thru alot of wine and weed....:-) And the butter tarts didn't turn out one year.LOL wonder why?
So there's my plans....and to take the pressure off, I'm not planning the results.
This particular thursday visitor is pretty persistent, so I finally said ok. Another Leo....doesn't surprise me....we're all the same. LOL She wants to see my "babies". The little geckos are pretty cute looking.
I can feel a little motivation bubbling up to the surface, motivation to clean up. Being a stay at home mom produces alot of guilt for me, as there are some things that are expected of me, but I have been slacking. I am afraid to be out in the workforce, but I'm afraid my domestic Goddess days are over.
I know that all it would take would be a puff or two and I'd have the energy. I hate it that I still think that way.
When I was going thru post partum depression, I remember some advice I got.
"Make plans, don't plan the results."
So I figure if I can at least make plans, I'm doing alright. I'm planning a baking day with some friends. We did it for a few years over Christmas, taking turns at someone's house each year. We exchange goodies, so everyone gets variety and plenty of Christmas baking. It's time for me to get back to my roots of being a leader, planner, organizer of eventer....LOL
I'm going to email four women. I wonder if they'll be still interested sans alcohol or pot. Man, we sure went thru alot of wine and weed....:-) And the butter tarts didn't turn out one year.LOL wonder why?
So there's my plans....and to take the pressure off, I'm not planning the results.
thanks for asking, i'm here and am doing fine sort of. no cravings, i am still having anxiety. I did get the BeCalmed and partly because of that I've done quite a bit of research on nutritional things. Best book I found was "Natural Highs", not really about getting high, but written by a MD, nutritional/herbal approches to mental problems. I'm having trouble sleeping, which i never had when on pot, also terrible anxiety - for seemingly no reason, eyes popping out of head, wound up, heart pounding, blood pressure up.
I am a very good medical researcher, and I am quite surprised at how much good medical research there is in providing the validity of many of these things, like St. John Wort for instance. Absolutely proven for mild to moderate depression, non-addictive, very few side-effects. I am hoping that some of these things will get me over the rough spots i am experiencing. Also just ordered Kava, which I am told does act like a mood altering "high", hoping that will also help. Looking for something to use as a crutch to get me over the rough patch i am experiencing.
I think my work output was being affected by my useage. Although my wife and one confidant co-worker both say i am CRAZY now that I am off pot and some of my co-workers are starting to wonder about me NOW. And i agree, i am acting high strung. I think that my brain is screwed up a bit from playing too much brain ping pong for too many years.
As far as work it is doing very well, everything is getting better, i am contributing much more and acting/doing what i should be. When stoned, much of the day my brain was on neutral and i was going through the motions. Like i mentioned before, I think in the beginning pot can increase creativity and work output, but after extended heavy use the mind gets dull. Now that is not saying that ~anytime a little buzz didn't help me clean the garage or something<g> or do whatever mindless task was in front of me.
I quit this time because i did a few things that i was ashamed of. Actions I would not have done if i had been straight. I had a tremendous amount of fear after that. The fear is leaving me as i get straighter and accept responsiblity for my actions. I am making ammends by being straight. (i did not ~really do harm to anyone).
Glad to see everyone is alive and well. I'm thinking alot about skiing! No relapses,OKAY. -hc
I am a very good medical researcher, and I am quite surprised at how much good medical research there is in providing the validity of many of these things, like St. John Wort for instance. Absolutely proven for mild to moderate depression, non-addictive, very few side-effects. I am hoping that some of these things will get me over the rough spots i am experiencing. Also just ordered Kava, which I am told does act like a mood altering "high", hoping that will also help. Looking for something to use as a crutch to get me over the rough patch i am experiencing.
I think my work output was being affected by my useage. Although my wife and one confidant co-worker both say i am CRAZY now that I am off pot and some of my co-workers are starting to wonder about me NOW. And i agree, i am acting high strung. I think that my brain is screwed up a bit from playing too much brain ping pong for too many years.
As far as work it is doing very well, everything is getting better, i am contributing much more and acting/doing what i should be. When stoned, much of the day my brain was on neutral and i was going through the motions. Like i mentioned before, I think in the beginning pot can increase creativity and work output, but after extended heavy use the mind gets dull. Now that is not saying that ~anytime a little buzz didn't help me clean the garage or something<g> or do whatever mindless task was in front of me.
I quit this time because i did a few things that i was ashamed of. Actions I would not have done if i had been straight. I had a tremendous amount of fear after that. The fear is leaving me as i get straighter and accept responsiblity for my actions. I am making ammends by being straight. (i did not ~really do harm to anyone).
Glad to see everyone is alive and well. I'm thinking alot about skiing! No relapses,OKAY. -hc
hc- glad you are fine and hanging in there! good you are reading and learning. what i've learned so far is there is really no other good way to live. and so i have to figure out how to live straight, clean.... i know what you mean how you 'seemed better to other's high. i think that's becuase it's how they knew you best.
me too. it's one of my problems. that and thinking straight. i just started to take 'releive' a sister to 'becalmed' too soon to say but i think it's helping me think straight. i'm glad the beclamed helps you.
i went to the doc today. i usually have low blood pressure but she said it was unusually high. i later wondered if anyone knows the association between blood pressure and mj intake and stopping.
the doc. however attribues it all to stress. said i have to change all the stuff on my plate and dealing with my mother which creates much stress, but enough to raise my blood pressure? maybe. any info is appreciated on blood pressure and weed use and stopping etc......
thanks hc.
stay well but not be a stranger here. you were missed hardcharger dude:)
jo
me too. it's one of my problems. that and thinking straight. i just started to take 'releive' a sister to 'becalmed' too soon to say but i think it's helping me think straight. i'm glad the beclamed helps you.
i went to the doc today. i usually have low blood pressure but she said it was unusually high. i later wondered if anyone knows the association between blood pressure and mj intake and stopping.
the doc. however attribues it all to stress. said i have to change all the stuff on my plate and dealing with my mother which creates much stress, but enough to raise my blood pressure? maybe. any info is appreciated on blood pressure and weed use and stopping etc......
thanks hc.
stay well but not be a stranger here. you were missed hardcharger dude:)
jo
hc-
Good to hear from you again. You seem more mellow to me now dude, but then we met you when you were fresh off pot, so what do we know? Ever think of researching some of your early posts? Since you at one point said keeping a diary helps and this was your diary, I assume so. I for one have noticed a great change in your postings over the past (what) month?
I think that pot usage probably lowers blood pressure due to the fact that you may have a lot of stress in your life, but when you're stoned, hey who cares?
The world hates me a lot more now that I'm not stoned, they just don't know how much yet! Oh, well they are the ones who decided to make it illegal, be careful what you ask for!
guess jojo must have that apt. clean by now the world hasn't ended. lol
Good to hear from you again. You seem more mellow to me now dude, but then we met you when you were fresh off pot, so what do we know? Ever think of researching some of your early posts? Since you at one point said keeping a diary helps and this was your diary, I assume so. I for one have noticed a great change in your postings over the past (what) month?
I think that pot usage probably lowers blood pressure due to the fact that you may have a lot of stress in your life, but when you're stoned, hey who cares?
The world hates me a lot more now that I'm not stoned, they just don't know how much yet! Oh, well they are the ones who decided to make it illegal, be careful what you ask for!
guess jojo must have that apt. clean by now the world hasn't ended. lol
IM HERE TOO!!! LOL.
hi all, yes the annoying one came back,LOL... just kidding. how is everyone? I hope u all are fine. I am doing great. im still clean, staying busy so i dont think about it much I have to catch up to all ur postings so i know whats going on. I am also 92 days clean from meth now... and now im feeling great. it snowed here the other day and i took both my little kiddos out to play, they loved it. Things are seeming to get better for me day by day. WHere is everyone from? Im from washington state. anyone here or close? Id love to share emails or Im's with any of you, you guys are great. anyways ill check the posts tomorrow im tired and on my way to bed, my mans waiting,hehe....
night all talk to u tomorrow, i hope....
hi all, yes the annoying one came back,LOL... just kidding. how is everyone? I hope u all are fine. I am doing great. im still clean, staying busy so i dont think about it much I have to catch up to all ur postings so i know whats going on. I am also 92 days clean from meth now... and now im feeling great. it snowed here the other day and i took both my little kiddos out to play, they loved it. Things are seeming to get better for me day by day. WHere is everyone from? Im from washington state. anyone here or close? Id love to share emails or Im's with any of you, you guys are great. anyways ill check the posts tomorrow im tired and on my way to bed, my mans waiting,hehe....
night all talk to u tomorrow, i hope....
Hey honey, I'm waiting for you!
I'm tired. (now where have I heard that before)
Most of us are from east of the missisippi. I'm in Indiana.
Except one who is from canada.
And you are not the annoying one, that post has already been filled, please choose another job description-thank you for your interest in Cyberpost Robotronics, Inc.
LOL-congrats on your clean time!
I'm tired. (now where have I heard that before)
Most of us are from east of the missisippi. I'm in Indiana.
Except one who is from canada.
And you are not the annoying one, that post has already been filled, please choose another job description-thank you for your interest in Cyberpost Robotronics, Inc.
LOL-congrats on your clean time!
hi friends- first hippie i thought the world WAS coming to an end last night and therefore i did not clean the home! couldn't be done. actually everything i started was a no go. okay i gave myself a break like i knew i should.
this morning the little family agreed the place is a mess. so i asked for some help... to have a clean up time with me tonight:)..... you have to understand a tiny tiny nyc apt. 3 people and 2 cats. it's nuts and when let go you can not find your shoes, library books or other morning essentails....we had guite a morning me and my little one..... couldn't find her sneakers, couldn't find her library book, couldn't find her show-n-tell project....not a good one with me losing it again. we both cried!
i'm finding this time, this time of quitting so much different and harder than other times of long ago.
maybe it's age, maybe it's hydroponics, maybe it's both???
maybe i just have tooooo much on my plate.
can i throw my momma from the train? only kidding kind of.....
i started the 'relieve' supplements again. these amino acids work with recovery and brain chemistry..... different ingredients than 'beclamed' yet same company. so i'm not calm but i'm thinking better!
much to write but got much to do.....so later!
hope you all are fine.
-jo
this morning the little family agreed the place is a mess. so i asked for some help... to have a clean up time with me tonight:)..... you have to understand a tiny tiny nyc apt. 3 people and 2 cats. it's nuts and when let go you can not find your shoes, library books or other morning essentails....we had guite a morning me and my little one..... couldn't find her sneakers, couldn't find her library book, couldn't find her show-n-tell project....not a good one with me losing it again. we both cried!
i'm finding this time, this time of quitting so much different and harder than other times of long ago.
maybe it's age, maybe it's hydroponics, maybe it's both???
maybe i just have tooooo much on my plate.
can i throw my momma from the train? only kidding kind of.....
i started the 'relieve' supplements again. these amino acids work with recovery and brain chemistry..... different ingredients than 'beclamed' yet same company. so i'm not calm but i'm thinking better!
much to write but got much to do.....so later!
hope you all are fine.
-jo
Jo,
Did you get my email Hun? Just wanted to hear from you. Love ya,
aea
Did you get my email Hun? Just wanted to hear from you. Love ya,
aea
AEA- yes i did and i'll be writing to you soon.... i had a busy day at work and didn't have any privacy and wanted to be able to write freely. just got home, expect mail soon! xo jo
AEA - now you have mail :)
jo, can i put my mom on the same train?
will give one big push! Longer story
will give one big push! Longer story
jamv- yes!!!
My mom keeps asking me if my pills are working yet. My thoughts on this are that she is far too blissful in her world, and I'm annoying her for being such a downer.
Throw mama from the train is a great movie.
Throw mama from the train is a great movie.
hipp I 'm from Ontario Canada. thanks for ask'n. If my mom were alive I would be buying her a ticket for that train to, but since she's not I just miss the good stuff.
dustygirl
dustygirl
Hey all-
Well I left my folks house the day I turned 18, and their town a coupla years later so I guess I threw my momma from the train many moons ago. I know it's different with daughters though, my only sister and mom have been on non-speaking terms for a coupla years now, everyone in the family is blaming the daughter, and she is not really good about getting her side out, but you ladies have caused me to reconsider...
Moving 200 miles away from my parents was the best thing I ever did for that relationship, lol.
Well I left my folks house the day I turned 18, and their town a coupla years later so I guess I threw my momma from the train many moons ago. I know it's different with daughters though, my only sister and mom have been on non-speaking terms for a coupla years now, everyone in the family is blaming the daughter, and she is not really good about getting her side out, but you ladies have caused me to reconsider...
Moving 200 miles away from my parents was the best thing I ever did for that relationship, lol.
dusty - hi i'm sorry about your mom and i'm sorry i rag on about mine. must make me sound ungrateful.... i'm not, she did go a few things right, but not now and she just drives me nutz. she is elderly and feeble.
i was sure that sooner or later someone would come here with wounds about their mother and it would hit a pang in me. as much as i don't like my mother i know when she is gone there will be a part of me that will miss her...... weirdly yes. i know i will feel a loss.
i'm sorry you lost yours so young. and the cat too. that too.... whew.
my father died last year, took it much harder than i ever dreamed i would.
then my mother got really sick. and i became the poster kid for the 'sandwich generation'.
i moved out of the family home the day after i graduated high school and ran amock in the streets of fort lauderdale for the summer promising i'd return for college. i did but never stayed with them again. my sister moved far away. i was not so smart i stayed here in nyc too close to them and thus have inherited all their elder stuff. now my mother.
i hope i didn't hurt your feelings dusty. it's just that my situation is part of my story, my being overwhelmed now and...... getting clean now.
again i'm sorry, your words hurt my heart and made me think...... jo
i was sure that sooner or later someone would come here with wounds about their mother and it would hit a pang in me. as much as i don't like my mother i know when she is gone there will be a part of me that will miss her...... weirdly yes. i know i will feel a loss.
i'm sorry you lost yours so young. and the cat too. that too.... whew.
my father died last year, took it much harder than i ever dreamed i would.
then my mother got really sick. and i became the poster kid for the 'sandwich generation'.
i moved out of the family home the day after i graduated high school and ran amock in the streets of fort lauderdale for the summer promising i'd return for college. i did but never stayed with them again. my sister moved far away. i was not so smart i stayed here in nyc too close to them and thus have inherited all their elder stuff. now my mother.
i hope i didn't hurt your feelings dusty. it's just that my situation is part of my story, my being overwhelmed now and...... getting clean now.
again i'm sorry, your words hurt my heart and made me think...... jo
JoJo,
Hi there. I refrain from saying anything negative or positive about my mom f2f with people in my life currently. Most of the girls I associate have lost their moms already.Either way, talking to them about my mom will be painful. So I just listen and assume they are in my life for a reason. It's because I can learn from them. Especially how to better communicate and appreciate. I see now that dustygirl has crossed my path now. :-) I just don't know what to do with my mom, there's alot of denial on her part regarding my addiction, which in fact enables me. Lots for her and I to talk about. Hmmmmmm.
My grandmother lived in London, Ontario for over 40 years ! Hello, fellow Canadian ! I'm in Calgary !
Hi there. I refrain from saying anything negative or positive about my mom f2f with people in my life currently. Most of the girls I associate have lost their moms already.Either way, talking to them about my mom will be painful. So I just listen and assume they are in my life for a reason. It's because I can learn from them. Especially how to better communicate and appreciate. I see now that dustygirl has crossed my path now. :-) I just don't know what to do with my mom, there's alot of denial on her part regarding my addiction, which in fact enables me. Lots for her and I to talk about. Hmmmmmm.
My grandmother lived in London, Ontario for over 40 years ! Hello, fellow Canadian ! I'm in Calgary !
jo jo, it was never my intention to hurt you, and not to worry, you said nothing wrong! Even though my mom isn't alive it's ok for you to talk about your mom. I can so relate to being driven nuts by her. She may have died young but inside she was an old woman with too many hurts to be healed. I believe everything happens for a reason. My mom was an alcoholic and would have never understood the strides I take to be clean and sober. She tried to live through me and expected me to make things right. Let's make a deal... you talk about your mom whenever you want uncensored, and I'll talk about mine. (unless that bothers anyone) Please don't feel bad if it does. Sometimes when I hear others talking about their mothers it reminds me of mine and helps me to clear away the baggage I carry around when I can talk about it. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. What you said about being the only one around for your mom now, I can sure relate to that. My family isn't close, I have a sister in calgary, and my dad and step mom in saskatchewan, who don't speak to me. (long story there) So I've had to take care of my mom on my own. Forgive me if this sounds heartless but, it's been a huge load off since she's been gone.
On a happier note I did a yoga workout and was able to eat a bit. My stomach is still very tense as is my whole body but it didn't get like this overnight so it's going to take a while to heal.
Wonderwoman, I live 45 min away from London. My dad use to live in calgary and I lived with him for a year and a half in the NE end of the city about 12 yrs ago. Things didn't work out and I moved back here, but I do miss the mountains in the distance. In my personal opinion denial is part of the disease. It seems sometimes that parents want us to be something we're not, and my guess is that, it's so they don't have to face their own feels of worry and or regret. I say just love us unconditionally and listen when we need it, plain and simple. That's all I ever wanted from my mom.
P.S. we all have moms and dads and we're all going to have to deal with their deaths at some point, let's not hide our feelings. I've tried to do that and it's gotten me nowhere fast. ( the last 4 yrs of heavily increased drug and alcohol use)
dusty girl
On a happier note I did a yoga workout and was able to eat a bit. My stomach is still very tense as is my whole body but it didn't get like this overnight so it's going to take a while to heal.
Wonderwoman, I live 45 min away from London. My dad use to live in calgary and I lived with him for a year and a half in the NE end of the city about 12 yrs ago. Things didn't work out and I moved back here, but I do miss the mountains in the distance. In my personal opinion denial is part of the disease. It seems sometimes that parents want us to be something we're not, and my guess is that, it's so they don't have to face their own feels of worry and or regret. I say just love us unconditionally and listen when we need it, plain and simple. That's all I ever wanted from my mom.
P.S. we all have moms and dads and we're all going to have to deal with their deaths at some point, let's not hide our feelings. I've tried to do that and it's gotten me nowhere fast. ( the last 4 yrs of heavily increased drug and alcohol use)
dusty girl
