Well, heroin addict that I am ya know I carried my guilt.
Guess what? I dropped that MOFO like a ton of bricks....someone else can have that guilt.
Seems to me I have been clean for two years and four months.......I have been a damn parent..........this kid is a pain in my a*s.......I listen, and I advise.
I lay in bed with her while she cries over getting dumped.
The counseling was just swell I tell ya......I bring her and some uppity head Doctor says I need to let her make her mistakes.....yeah, I agree, but being in an area like the O.K. Coral, and giving her number out to strangers.....coming in at 1:30 in the morning......honey, that's a parents job.
My kid has a smart mout, and she's condescending........now she's playing my ex like a fiddle..........she hates me, and the smart a*s tells me my rules don't fly...............NO you are not sitting in a shorty nightgown on the front step at 11:00 on a school night airing your business half the neighborhood is hearing.
Now she is smoking ciggies.......I would not give her one nor would her dad or my mom.............she shoots back "Well then I'll have to smoke some weed".
I tell this therapist/psychologist, and she says all kids do this.
NO they don't............if my parents said "Get the hell off that phone NOW" we did it............there was no discussion.............I say it, and she calls it a fight....how can it be a fight when I'm the parent.........my poor mom's blood pressure is already been 190/300......let's put her back in the hospital.
Oh wait she is swalling libriums..............she needs them for this.
O.K. then I got the ex telling me to let her alone.........dude, you left her off at a house where no parents were home, and it was eight guys in there.......so what do I do.........not care.
Dope...........heroin..........how's about i pick up, and you'll have all the damn freedom ya want ya smart mouth..........talking back to me........you call me a rotten b*otch then you get a slap in the mouth.......my mom starts crying to stop.......both of you stop..........I ask if I dared say that to you I'd have been missing teeth..........WAH WAH..........you would have never said that to me.
NO guess why.........because I'd have the living crap knocked out of me.
Then Daddy would have beat me silly..............so I am a lousy biotch, and hated for being a parent.
Maybe going back on the street I'd get a little more respect or sympathy because this getting clean crap got me nowhere, but hated.........11:00PM on a phone out on the step.
Oh, and Ivy League school..........don't bring home information for anything. I got my brother on me like a hot potato........where's the brush up tests for the SAT's.........oh she ain't taking the again because they are very high.....well they got to be better he tells me...........give me the nun's number.....meanwhile he's paying for the cell phone bill.........has been for years..........I'm about ready to dunk that MOFO phone in the toilet.
Parenting stinks............if I am hated I rather be hated high............this sucks.
I also forgot...........I do not read diaries.........well finding the condom in the purse when she is not in a relationship.........plus hearing she is smoking weed
I am now looking at this diary crap.
Her dad is forgiven, for whatever......and I am forgiven for drugs, but she hates my guts...........then nice to know she has to have more sex before her head explodes........with anybody..........any guy at all......and she's going to keep smoking ciggies............my ex husband flips on that, but the weed is O.K.
My brother says we all ruined her lungs anyway so let her smoke.....and she is promising her cousin............this is a new found cousin on the ex's side....my nephews steer clear of her like she's poison because all she tries to do is entice their boyfriends, and makes them uncomfortable......my friend since I was a kid............her daughter and mine were born together........dear friends their entire lives...........my daughter boo hoo's to her, and says she is going to commit suicide, and plenty of other crap............WILL NOT SPEAK TO HER!!!
I ask my girlfriend what is up..........her daughter does not want to here anymore what a lousy biotch I am..............she told my girlfriend she don't want to hear all those nasty things about me, and didn't know I was a heroin addict.
Neither did my nephews...........my daughter recently shared all of that.
Thank you very much.
So, now my friend since childhood says...........she needs help, and I can't speak to you until you get her some........well what the hell did she say to this pysch/therapy lady? Mustn't have shared she's a nymphomaniac.....her words.
Oh, and she will only go with guys well endowed....how ya know who is endowed and all that? Plus what are you doing to yourself you tell this new cousin you're doing..........I ask.........well, I am not cutting myself.
Great glad to freaking here it...........earlier during the no phone, and knock your crap off..........she let out a scream worse than a Friday the 13th film.
Through the wail I get I HATE YOUR Fing GUTS............I HATE YOU>
Thanks alot.
I am now looking at this diary crap.
Her dad is forgiven, for whatever......and I am forgiven for drugs, but she hates my guts...........then nice to know she has to have more sex before her head explodes........with anybody..........any guy at all......and she's going to keep smoking ciggies............my ex husband flips on that, but the weed is O.K.
My brother says we all ruined her lungs anyway so let her smoke.....and she is promising her cousin............this is a new found cousin on the ex's side....my nephews steer clear of her like she's poison because all she tries to do is entice their boyfriends, and makes them uncomfortable......my friend since I was a kid............her daughter and mine were born together........dear friends their entire lives...........my daughter boo hoo's to her, and says she is going to commit suicide, and plenty of other crap............WILL NOT SPEAK TO HER!!!
I ask my girlfriend what is up..........her daughter does not want to here anymore what a lousy biotch I am..............she told my girlfriend she don't want to hear all those nasty things about me, and didn't know I was a heroin addict.
Neither did my nephews...........my daughter recently shared all of that.
Thank you very much.
So, now my friend since childhood says...........she needs help, and I can't speak to you until you get her some........well what the hell did she say to this pysch/therapy lady? Mustn't have shared she's a nymphomaniac.....her words.
Oh, and she will only go with guys well endowed....how ya know who is endowed and all that? Plus what are you doing to yourself you tell this new cousin you're doing..........I ask.........well, I am not cutting myself.
Great glad to freaking here it...........earlier during the no phone, and knock your crap off..........she let out a scream worse than a Friday the 13th film.
Through the wail I get I HATE YOUR Fing GUTS............I HATE YOU>
Thanks alot.
Brynn, alot of us parents go through this sort of stuff...you know you won't be any better of a parent if you use. But I do understand how you feel. I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
When my son got busted I blamed myself, though in my recovering mind I knew it wasn't my fault. That he had made a bad decision all by himself. So I haven't seen him in 4 months or so...again I feel guilty when really it is all on him. I have to let go...
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
When my son got busted I blamed myself, though in my recovering mind I knew it wasn't my fault. That he had made a bad decision all by himself. So I haven't seen him in 4 months or so...again I feel guilty when really it is all on him. I have to let go...
Thanks Janet...........I'm sorry you're going through all that with your son.
Your words made me feel a bit better, but this is driving me up a wall.
Your hugs are the best......thank you.......I hope you see your son soon, and like you said WE know it is not our fault.............I was happy I read she forgave my drug use, and she actually verbalized it, but that's all I am forgiven.
Shhhheeeesh, know me for a loop.
Know you are appreciated. Thanks again, Brynn........4 months has to be killing you......I'm sorry Janet.
Your words made me feel a bit better, but this is driving me up a wall.
Your hugs are the best......thank you.......I hope you see your son soon, and like you said WE know it is not our fault.............I was happy I read she forgave my drug use, and she actually verbalized it, but that's all I am forgiven.
Shhhheeeesh, know me for a loop.
Know you are appreciated. Thanks again, Brynn........4 months has to be killing you......I'm sorry Janet.
I have to tell ya , even though you got a real handful there- she probably doesnt meen the sh*t she yelled at you and she probably is exagerating her exploits.
That being said- - it sounds like her father makes things worse,and really should be encouraging her to act more like a lady and teach her about respect.
Youre doing all you can do- - my heart goes out to the parent(like you) who try so hard with limited resources,and get that kind of treatment in return.
Hang in -continue to teach your kid the best you can .Sooner or later she will catch on.
We try so hard to teach our children well-thier parents hell-& give them a code that they can live by.- Niel Young said it well.Huh?
muchlove&respect
jack
That being said- - it sounds like her father makes things worse,and really should be encouraging her to act more like a lady and teach her about respect.
Youre doing all you can do- - my heart goes out to the parent(like you) who try so hard with limited resources,and get that kind of treatment in return.
Hang in -continue to teach your kid the best you can .Sooner or later she will catch on.
We try so hard to teach our children well-thier parents hell-& give them a code that they can live by.- Niel Young said it well.Huh?
muchlove&respect
jack
Dear Bryn,
As parents we do our best to teach our kids right from wrong and keep them safe and on the right path, BUT there comes a time when no matter what we do we can't keep them safe or keep them on the right path. It becomes their responsibility. Yes, we still try but we're not in the back seat on their dates or at their sides when they go to parties. We have to place them in God's hands then and pray for their strength to resist all the temptation that's out there.
As for the comment in your post..."Maybe going back on the street I'd get a little more respect or sympathy because this getting clean crap got me nowhere, but hated." Your getting clean earned you my admiration and respect and I'm sure a LOT more on here. Don't we count for anything? I know you want it from your daughter, but I can't say I really got appreciated until my one daughter got married and became a mom. Now she writes me all these nice notes saying, "I don't know how you did it and you made it look so easy!" My younger daughter does bring me home a special treat or some flowers when I babysit for her to go out on a date or with some friends so I know she appreciates it now that she's a mom too, but I don't think she "gets it" as much as her older sister. Your daughter will "get it". My girls are 23 and 28! In most cases they go through this period where they think there's supposed to be conflict between them and their parents...at least sometimes. I call it "growing pains." Yours, unfortunately, seems like she's having GIGANTIC growing pains all at one time and she seems to be a bit of a drama queen...trying to "get your goat."
I'm sorry she's being such a challenge right now, but you take care of YOU! It would be so much easier for you if her father was helping instead of hindering. He sounds like such a jerk! Jack is so right...he should be encouraging her to act like a lady and want respect for herself. A lot of her problem is probably because of her lack of male attention for several years.
Love,
Susan
As parents we do our best to teach our kids right from wrong and keep them safe and on the right path, BUT there comes a time when no matter what we do we can't keep them safe or keep them on the right path. It becomes their responsibility. Yes, we still try but we're not in the back seat on their dates or at their sides when they go to parties. We have to place them in God's hands then and pray for their strength to resist all the temptation that's out there.
As for the comment in your post..."Maybe going back on the street I'd get a little more respect or sympathy because this getting clean crap got me nowhere, but hated." Your getting clean earned you my admiration and respect and I'm sure a LOT more on here. Don't we count for anything? I know you want it from your daughter, but I can't say I really got appreciated until my one daughter got married and became a mom. Now she writes me all these nice notes saying, "I don't know how you did it and you made it look so easy!" My younger daughter does bring me home a special treat or some flowers when I babysit for her to go out on a date or with some friends so I know she appreciates it now that she's a mom too, but I don't think she "gets it" as much as her older sister. Your daughter will "get it". My girls are 23 and 28! In most cases they go through this period where they think there's supposed to be conflict between them and their parents...at least sometimes. I call it "growing pains." Yours, unfortunately, seems like she's having GIGANTIC growing pains all at one time and she seems to be a bit of a drama queen...trying to "get your goat."
I'm sorry she's being such a challenge right now, but you take care of YOU! It would be so much easier for you if her father was helping instead of hindering. He sounds like such a jerk! Jack is so right...he should be encouraging her to act like a lady and want respect for herself. A lot of her problem is probably because of her lack of male attention for several years.
Love,
Susan
Brynn,
You know what is really pi**ing you off...even tho' you moan scream threatened to go back to heroin....the more clean time you have...means there is also a stubborness in you that has been building as well which is shaking its fist at the world and all its insanity and telling it to go F itself....nobody is going to trick ol' Brynn into getting high again....she is one fiesty chick who is on top of her game and everyone elses...
You are almost at war with yourself because for every reason the old Brynn wants to go out and get high...the new and improved straight Brynn is even slicker and can 'one up' every reason 'why' with a solid 'why not'...
Ahhh...maybe if you come to the Recovery Board and do the ol' woe is me and tear ya hair out routine...then certainly nobody here could blame ya if ya picked up again....FORGET it....it ain't happening...
So put the gloves back on and get into the ring again and tell
your daughter that her mother has the biggest set of balls than
all the dudes she fantasizes about in her diary..
luv MARY
You know what is really pi**ing you off...even tho' you moan scream threatened to go back to heroin....the more clean time you have...means there is also a stubborness in you that has been building as well which is shaking its fist at the world and all its insanity and telling it to go F itself....nobody is going to trick ol' Brynn into getting high again....she is one fiesty chick who is on top of her game and everyone elses...
You are almost at war with yourself because for every reason the old Brynn wants to go out and get high...the new and improved straight Brynn is even slicker and can 'one up' every reason 'why' with a solid 'why not'...
Ahhh...maybe if you come to the Recovery Board and do the ol' woe is me and tear ya hair out routine...then certainly nobody here could blame ya if ya picked up again....FORGET it....it ain't happening...
So put the gloves back on and get into the ring again and tell
your daughter that her mother has the biggest set of balls than
all the dudes she fantasizes about in her diary..
luv MARY
Never doubt you are making the right decisions. You are. You may need to work on the delivery though. The anger and yelling just turns teenagers minds completely off. Doesn't do you or your mom much good either.
Your response to the whole I hate you thing should. I don't care if you hate me but you will do as I say. The conversation ends then. It isn't a debate.
I have said it before. I just don't understand your ex. He needs to get on the same page as you. He needs to quit trying to be her buddy and be a parent.
Your response to the whole I hate you thing should. I don't care if you hate me but you will do as I say. The conversation ends then. It isn't a debate.
I have said it before. I just don't understand your ex. He needs to get on the same page as you. He needs to quit trying to be her buddy and be a parent.
GREAT ADVICE, HURT DAD!!!!!
I agree 100%!
Bryn, about the yelling....my husband is a yeller and he's quick to raise his voice even when he's not "yelling"....and once he does it...even as an adult...I TURN HIM OFF! lol I HATE YELLING!
Love,
Susan
I agree 100%!
Bryn, about the yelling....my husband is a yeller and he's quick to raise his voice even when he's not "yelling"....and once he does it...even as an adult...I TURN HIM OFF! lol I HATE YELLING!
Love,
Susan
Feeling better Bryn?
Ahhh, Hurt Dad, you know I was going to post on families I wish you lived in my area.......I didn't know how to word it though.
Yes, feeling better, but once again everyone is pretending it never happened.
I can't do that........after all that turmoil last night my mom, and daughter put on The Bird Cage, and that other drag queen movie with Wesley Snipe, and Patrick Swayze.......they're laughing out loud, and I am in my room thinking that i am completely NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's no way I can laugh after all that, and today after school she asks me to do her hair for work............like nothing happened.
You are sooooooooooo RIGHT, Hurt Dad.......there's no DEBATE......none. I can't stop from thinking if i would have DARED spoke that way to my mom she'd not hesitate to smack the daylights out of me........yet she sits here, and holds her head, and BEGS me to PLEASE STOP, and then caters to my daughter........now do you want your eggs honey or a smorgasboard?
I don't know Hurt Dad, I just don't.......and you are also right about my ex husband..........he's loads of fun..........never has chastised her......his only problem was her wanting to smoke ciggies........pot no biggie......I actually divorced him because of his pot use......ironically ten years later me the non drug user becomes the heroin addict.
Thank you so much Hurt Dad, and also to Susan, and mary......Mary is a riot.
She has a great way with words........I appreciate all your help Hurt dad.
I truly do...........I am a yeller too, and as Susan said the yelling doesn't get you anywhere.
I was raised in a home where to even raise your voice was not acceptable.
We're german's for heavens sake.........show no emotion, and don't air your dirty laundry...........crying is for losers..........anguish, and pain are to be kept to yourself.........I was always a crying fool, but NEVER yelled.......I am so fristrated i start screaming............after two hours of "talking" I just flip.
My mom actually has brought to my attention.........my daughter has her dad's mannerisms........she is extremely condescending......same as him, and they are so cocky..........my mom explains it's genetics, and not environment so she can't help her cocky self........I say then if genetics play a part then you tell me my biological sperm donor was a fighter, and a fist-of-cuffs, and a yeller maybe that's where I get it from..........I have a license to punch someone's lights out, and scream bloody murder.
Just kidding........I was raised to be ladylike......my dad, and my one brother, and my nephews NEVER cursed in front of us girls, and since my dad died I curse a blue streak.......so now my daughter is cursing.........it's not nice....I have curbed it........otherwise these things she is calling fights.....they're not fights...........I am the parent, and that's that........then she calls her dad, and her runs around to our house, and pacify's her.........Uggghhhhhh.....well what can I do.........except care, and do my job as a mom........no way though will I hear her outside on the cell phone telling someone my mom is an Fing B*t*h, and won't let me out.......no way........besides she'll be mighty busy with these expensive brush up classes for the SAT's.......oh she is fuming...Saturday's at 9:00AM..........LOL.........she scored really high, but my brother says it needs to be higher.......for a good school anyway........hahahaha.....good no more sleeping in for her........LOL.....nah, she does well in school, and she has a part-time job.......overall she's a really good kid, but going down the drain fast.
You're the best Hurt Dad......you truly are......I wish we all could switch here on this Board.......and all of us loive in a village where nothing goes wrong.
That would be nice.....then you would be Happy Dad.....I want that for you.
Yes, feeling better, but once again everyone is pretending it never happened.
I can't do that........after all that turmoil last night my mom, and daughter put on The Bird Cage, and that other drag queen movie with Wesley Snipe, and Patrick Swayze.......they're laughing out loud, and I am in my room thinking that i am completely NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's no way I can laugh after all that, and today after school she asks me to do her hair for work............like nothing happened.
You are sooooooooooo RIGHT, Hurt Dad.......there's no DEBATE......none. I can't stop from thinking if i would have DARED spoke that way to my mom she'd not hesitate to smack the daylights out of me........yet she sits here, and holds her head, and BEGS me to PLEASE STOP, and then caters to my daughter........now do you want your eggs honey or a smorgasboard?
I don't know Hurt Dad, I just don't.......and you are also right about my ex husband..........he's loads of fun..........never has chastised her......his only problem was her wanting to smoke ciggies........pot no biggie......I actually divorced him because of his pot use......ironically ten years later me the non drug user becomes the heroin addict.
Thank you so much Hurt Dad, and also to Susan, and mary......Mary is a riot.
She has a great way with words........I appreciate all your help Hurt dad.
I truly do...........I am a yeller too, and as Susan said the yelling doesn't get you anywhere.
I was raised in a home where to even raise your voice was not acceptable.
We're german's for heavens sake.........show no emotion, and don't air your dirty laundry...........crying is for losers..........anguish, and pain are to be kept to yourself.........I was always a crying fool, but NEVER yelled.......I am so fristrated i start screaming............after two hours of "talking" I just flip.
My mom actually has brought to my attention.........my daughter has her dad's mannerisms........she is extremely condescending......same as him, and they are so cocky..........my mom explains it's genetics, and not environment so she can't help her cocky self........I say then if genetics play a part then you tell me my biological sperm donor was a fighter, and a fist-of-cuffs, and a yeller maybe that's where I get it from..........I have a license to punch someone's lights out, and scream bloody murder.
Just kidding........I was raised to be ladylike......my dad, and my one brother, and my nephews NEVER cursed in front of us girls, and since my dad died I curse a blue streak.......so now my daughter is cursing.........it's not nice....I have curbed it........otherwise these things she is calling fights.....they're not fights...........I am the parent, and that's that........then she calls her dad, and her runs around to our house, and pacify's her.........Uggghhhhhh.....well what can I do.........except care, and do my job as a mom........no way though will I hear her outside on the cell phone telling someone my mom is an Fing B*t*h, and won't let me out.......no way........besides she'll be mighty busy with these expensive brush up classes for the SAT's.......oh she is fuming...Saturday's at 9:00AM..........LOL.........she scored really high, but my brother says it needs to be higher.......for a good school anyway........hahahaha.....good no more sleeping in for her........LOL.....nah, she does well in school, and she has a part-time job.......overall she's a really good kid, but going down the drain fast.
You're the best Hurt Dad......you truly are......I wish we all could switch here on this Board.......and all of us loive in a village where nothing goes wrong.
That would be nice.....then you would be Happy Dad.....I want that for you.
I understand how your daughter can act like nothing happened. I am the same way. My outlook has always been that if something isn't going to be important 10 years down the line. It isn't worth dwelling on. Learn what can be learned and move on. Let go of the past whether others will or not. Forgive yourself and you will feel better about yourself.
Early on in my moving back to sanity. You (and Passion) had some posts to others that just allowed me to really absorb what was needed. I might still be obsessing with my daughters issues if it weren't for you and others. Sometimes we need hugged and sometimes we need the reality of the situation spelled out plainly to us.
So consider it payback for your help. Never doubt you are doing your best at being a good mother. Stay strong and learn how to relax. You still walking?
Early on in my moving back to sanity. You (and Passion) had some posts to others that just allowed me to really absorb what was needed. I might still be obsessing with my daughters issues if it weren't for you and others. Sometimes we need hugged and sometimes we need the reality of the situation spelled out plainly to us.
So consider it payback for your help. Never doubt you are doing your best at being a good mother. Stay strong and learn how to relax. You still walking?
I so afriad my daughter will end up like that. I don't have advice. I can't even get my 8.5 YEAR old girl to listen. Yea EIGHT!she tries to wear her shirt sleaves off her shoulders and rolls her skirts so they are shorter...so SHE no longer owns skirts i tossed em all out. She is so MOODY she has been to a counslor for a while now they say she is bi polar and ADHD. I think she hates me to. I'm trying but, it gets old the guilt eats you up. As a teen i saw all my moms faults i started to turn on her "i think some of that is just natural" i now see my moms faults i UNDERSTAND them. Growing up is a hard confusing thing. I am so glad my son is not like the girl THANK GOD my baby due is December is a boy I could not take another daughter. It's even worse raising a girl without her father there. From the day her dad left she changed. My daughter is currently living with my mom and my mom lets her act retarded. My mom alsways trys to look BETTER then me to my daughter VERY ANNOYING..she'll make stupid comments like grandmal cooks better then mom huh? augh I don't WANNA see the future!
