Have posted several messages on here, all with positive feedback! But who helps the helper? I want to know? Aged 60 ( on a pension) I have had just about enough i can take1 I'll support my son with his Addictions Nurse, but I'm scared to find out the level of debt he might be in! Had a brilliant day out, only to come home to be asked to give him 20 so i can get MY digital camera back! with all the family photos on it!!!! How low can you go..and why should IIIIIIIII! be paying for this god awwful s***ty,self destruct button!
I am SO unhappy, but seeing a counsellor tomorrrow...but this HAS GOT TO STOP OR IT WILL KILL ME! Won't even give names , so NEVER know where MY money goes to! But if MY camera doesn't come back tonight there WILL BE HELL TO PAY!
Bette
PS I know it's hard for you all..but just look around and see all the f...... ripples you are causing with your own selfish needs that some smart person brought from the Far East tro make your life more bearaBLE ( WHAT A JOKE!)
Hi Bette, I'm glad you had a nice day out- you deserve it and lots lots more.
Bette; don't give out anymore money, no matter what it is for you'll only end up paying a fortune for your camera (or whatever else), in this house I have cameras,lawnmowers,curtains,clothes, jewellery that have cost me far more than their original value,but that doesn't happen anymore since I decided to do without whatever it is that is taken. Don't buy into it any more he will soon learn that you can't get blood from a stone (he will probably try something else then but face that when you come to it).
Take care
Jemima
Bette; don't give out anymore money, no matter what it is for you'll only end up paying a fortune for your camera (or whatever else), in this house I have cameras,lawnmowers,curtains,clothes, jewellery that have cost me far more than their original value,but that doesn't happen anymore since I decided to do without whatever it is that is taken. Don't buy into it any more he will soon learn that you can't get blood from a stone (he will probably try something else then but face that when you come to it).
Take care
Jemima
Dear Bette,
As i mentioned in one of my other responses to you....you have surpassed being a helper as you now have become his enabler which is far more detrimental and lethal to his recovery not to mention the endless torment that it puts you through. In order to help him you must help less and he tries to appear helpless as to manipulate your sympathies....and it seems to work everytime....Bette you sound like a distraught but intelligent woman who knows what is really going on and what she has to do but for some reason you won't let go and let him find his own way......Please for you own sanity start to detach and remove yourself from your son's insanity!
Best wishes....MARY
As i mentioned in one of my other responses to you....you have surpassed being a helper as you now have become his enabler which is far more detrimental and lethal to his recovery not to mention the endless torment that it puts you through. In order to help him you must help less and he tries to appear helpless as to manipulate your sympathies....and it seems to work everytime....Bette you sound like a distraught but intelligent woman who knows what is really going on and what she has to do but for some reason you won't let go and let him find his own way......Please for you own sanity start to detach and remove yourself from your son's insanity!
Best wishes....MARY
Bette - you sound a lot like me Bette. I am at the end of my rope here. I have to cut the cord or I'll end up in a hospital as my nerves are so bad. I told my son I would help him all I can (as long as he stays clean) - he is such a liar. I hate that word. Like last nite he pulled something. My day was going very well. I went shopping in the afternoon and I brought him some food (he lives in a flophouse) as he's not working presently. Then he gave me his clothes to wash (which I don't mind, believe it or not washing clothes is like therapy for me) and he didn't have the money anyway. So when I left his place I told him to not come over later in the evening.
When he comes over it is very stessful as he is not allowed in the house. The whole family has disowned him so when he knocks I have to go out and talk to him. It drives me crazy. His story went like this - "I'm in big trouble. I bought these morphine pills when I was working and they cost me $150. I paid the guy $100 but I still owe him $50. If I don't pay him he is going to the Union and report me for heroin use and he keeps coming by and asking for his money." He begged and begged me. I so much wanted to believe him. He's been on Suboxone (I pay for his dr. visits and the medicine) so he hasn't been doing Heroin, at least I don't think so. But I get so much rage inside me when he asks me for money. When he's hungry I usually take him somewhere and eat. I don't like giving him cash as I don't know what he'll do. I hate drug dealers so much - I told my son this and he said if I report the one he goes to by the name of "Leo" they'll be 100 more to take his place. I feel so much hate as I heard my son talking to "Leo" some weeks back and he wanted some "H" and Leo said he had to go to daycare first to pickup his daughter. How disgusting.
My son is 35 years old. I am very discouraged. It seems he can't live without some drug. I get so tired of being used. I think I'm letting go and then just last nite I ended up giving him money - then I hate myself and feel so terrible.
Hang in there Bette - I will be thinking of you and praying for you. I am 64 - and I am very tired. My husband is disabled and having an addict is 100% worse. It is a living hell.
Elisa
When he comes over it is very stessful as he is not allowed in the house. The whole family has disowned him so when he knocks I have to go out and talk to him. It drives me crazy. His story went like this - "I'm in big trouble. I bought these morphine pills when I was working and they cost me $150. I paid the guy $100 but I still owe him $50. If I don't pay him he is going to the Union and report me for heroin use and he keeps coming by and asking for his money." He begged and begged me. I so much wanted to believe him. He's been on Suboxone (I pay for his dr. visits and the medicine) so he hasn't been doing Heroin, at least I don't think so. But I get so much rage inside me when he asks me for money. When he's hungry I usually take him somewhere and eat. I don't like giving him cash as I don't know what he'll do. I hate drug dealers so much - I told my son this and he said if I report the one he goes to by the name of "Leo" they'll be 100 more to take his place. I feel so much hate as I heard my son talking to "Leo" some weeks back and he wanted some "H" and Leo said he had to go to daycare first to pickup his daughter. How disgusting.
My son is 35 years old. I am very discouraged. It seems he can't live without some drug. I get so tired of being used. I think I'm letting go and then just last nite I ended up giving him money - then I hate myself and feel so terrible.
Hang in there Bette - I will be thinking of you and praying for you. I am 64 - and I am very tired. My husband is disabled and having an addict is 100% worse. It is a living hell.
Elisa
Thankyou everyone for your positive responses! Espciallly Elisha! And I thought I HAD problems1 But I have...just given him 150 to sort out debts!!but don't believe this is it! But despite being a "soft touch"....this IS IT! NO MORE! Have learned SO much today!! Think he'll go back to London..but I really don't care any more!! Tried my best for 2 years without success! so best place for him is his old hunting ground! Supposed to get names and numbers tonight! we'll see...cause I CAN MAKE WAVES IN THIS WEE SCOTTISH INSULAR TOWN!!! WATCH THIS SPACE!! WANT TO KNOW WHO THE DEBT COLLECTORS ARE!!!! and I will!