MY EX WAS A RECOVERING DRUG ADDICT HE HAD BEEN FOR 3 YEARS AND THEN STARTED TO USE AGAIN ABOUT 5 MONTHS AGO HE LIED TO ME BUT MY ??? IS WHY DID HE DATE ME TO BEGAN WITH WHEN HE KNEW THAT I NEVER DID DRUGS AND NEVER WOULD?
i had been clean for a long while when i met my ex would had a alcohol and drug background, he expressed a desire to get and stay sober and did so for a period of time. as time went on i began chipping away taking a pill here and there drinking a bit and he also began drinking heavily. I believe when i met him he liked the idea that i would not use or drink with him and encouraged him to go to a 12 step program. as i began dealing with my problem, i guess he felt trapped by me not participating anymore in the addiction game. i think he liked feeling "safe" becuz i got clean and would try and help him thru it all. it was a wasted effort as he only got worse in his addiction and went on to hang with other addicts. as i look back on that experience i would not date or get involved with someone that was not in recovery and had clean time behind them. we were triggers for each other. i spent all my time trying to get him straight as i sunk into my addiction deeper. today i focus on myself and my recovery and reach out to others that are desiring to get clean. i cant make someone stop using and you will go thru much heartache if you go down that road. it was a painful lesson learned and i wish i had this board back then to help me thru. he will stop using when he is ready if he is ever ready, dont make his problem yours. his drugs will always be first and if he is a true addict you will always be second. you deserve so much more than leftovers. he doesnt have to use he has chosen to use.
Take Care
Carol
Take Care
Carol
Some addicts size up their prospective victims in a matter of minutes and with great accuracy. They choose people who are loving, giving, thoughtful, and helpful. And they look for those that are innocent, naive, and can easily be dominated, manipulated or abused. They look for people who will further their drug addiction by giving them money, a place to crash, food, emotional support, clothing etc. After the whirlwind romance, the brainwashing begins.
I agree with Cynical One, Plus addicts don't want to share their DOC, they are very selfish people.
Also, if they get with someone who doesn't use, they have a much better chance of conning them...it's all in the game.
Dolly
Also, if they get with someone who doesn't use, they have a much better chance of conning them...it's all in the game.
Dolly
Wow. This one really hits home with me.
I never did drugs. Didn't even smoke pot or drink. I never dated anyone who did drugs. I knew NADA about drugs. I meet a recovering addict who had been clean for SEVEN YEARS thanks to prison. His DOC was crack.
This post brought alot back to me. I'm kind, and STUPID. I'm a bleeding heart. I always believed in giving everyone a second chance no matter what. I also have a complex as to where I always thought I could FIX people.
It wound up me FIXING. Fixing in an alley. Addicted to heroin and I was 35 years old. A drug addict at 35. My loving recovered boyfriend kindly gave me a bag of heroin to snort because I had migraines. I have only myself to blame for accepting it, and trying it. I mean I'm not that dumb that I didn't know how dangerous heroin is BUT BUT BUT I would NEVER have tried it. I wouldn't even have known where to get it or what it looked like.
I don't believe this is true of all recovering addicts, but many of them are looking for sympathy, and the people with the FIX THEM complex. This will sound extremely hypocritical, but if my child came home, and told me they were dating a recovering heroin addict I would hit the roof.
Great posts guys. Thanks for bringing this back to me. Now as a recovering addict myself I have dated both people that have never used, and two recovering addicts. I just go to a movie and dinner, but that's it both ways. I have to wrok on me constantly, and don't have time for that stuff. Personally, and hypocritically I want to tell the poster to head for the hills. RUN, and run fast.
I never did drugs. Didn't even smoke pot or drink. I never dated anyone who did drugs. I knew NADA about drugs. I meet a recovering addict who had been clean for SEVEN YEARS thanks to prison. His DOC was crack.
This post brought alot back to me. I'm kind, and STUPID. I'm a bleeding heart. I always believed in giving everyone a second chance no matter what. I also have a complex as to where I always thought I could FIX people.
It wound up me FIXING. Fixing in an alley. Addicted to heroin and I was 35 years old. A drug addict at 35. My loving recovered boyfriend kindly gave me a bag of heroin to snort because I had migraines. I have only myself to blame for accepting it, and trying it. I mean I'm not that dumb that I didn't know how dangerous heroin is BUT BUT BUT I would NEVER have tried it. I wouldn't even have known where to get it or what it looked like.
I don't believe this is true of all recovering addicts, but many of them are looking for sympathy, and the people with the FIX THEM complex. This will sound extremely hypocritical, but if my child came home, and told me they were dating a recovering heroin addict I would hit the roof.
Great posts guys. Thanks for bringing this back to me. Now as a recovering addict myself I have dated both people that have never used, and two recovering addicts. I just go to a movie and dinner, but that's it both ways. I have to wrok on me constantly, and don't have time for that stuff. Personally, and hypocritically I want to tell the poster to head for the hills. RUN, and run fast.
<<Some addicts size up their prospective victims in a matter of minutes and with great accuracy. They choose people who are loving, giving, thoughtful, and helpful. And they look for those that are innocent, naive, and can easily be dominated, manipulated or abused. They look for people who will further their drug addiction by giving them money, a place to crash, food, emotional support, clothing etc. After the whirlwind romance, the brainwashing begins. >>
Oh my gosh, exactly! I am extremely giving and loving and I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I did not do drugs or drink either and my H tried to get me to do those things but I always stood my ground and I felt strong. But like Cyncical One said, they romance you, you fall in love, and then the brainwashing begins and you are trapped like a rat in a cage...in aq vicious emotional cycle that seems never endings and exhausting. Took bad they dont come with a WARNING: this person may be extremely harmful to your self estem, and your emotional and physical well being, and mental health.
Oh my gosh, exactly! I am extremely giving and loving and I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I did not do drugs or drink either and my H tried to get me to do those things but I always stood my ground and I felt strong. But like Cyncical One said, they romance you, you fall in love, and then the brainwashing begins and you are trapped like a rat in a cage...in aq vicious emotional cycle that seems never endings and exhausting. Took bad they dont come with a WARNING: this person may be extremely harmful to your self estem, and your emotional and physical well being, and mental health.
I also agree that not all addicts are like that, but it is very common. And we can only go by our own experiences in life. I too would tell the poster to run for the hills because it only gets worse. I know, we all like to think that we are the one that can fix them, but only they can fix themselves. Sometimes you have live though that to believe it or realize it, unfortunately.
My H was not an addict when I met him he used pot recreationally, and didnt out grow it like most and eventually became addicted. So you never know! I had always made it a policy of mine not to date guys who did drugs but of course he had me fooled and didnt show me that side of himself until he had already sucked me in. He was dishonest and now me and the kids are paying the price. Dont make that same mistake if you can help it.
My H was not an addict when I met him he used pot recreationally, and didnt out grow it like most and eventually became addicted. So you never know! I had always made it a policy of mine not to date guys who did drugs but of course he had me fooled and didnt show me that side of himself until he had already sucked me in. He was dishonest and now me and the kids are paying the price. Dont make that same mistake if you can help it.
The damage is done- the emotions have been set in stone, the heart has been given over to the addict. II read here where the advice is to run for the hills. However, it begs the question in my heart, is this not abandonment in some way?I can't just "walk away". Perhaps totally blind, but she seems so sincere a lot in wanting to remove herself from the environment, and make a change.
Now, if I had known from the very beginning, it would be different. God hasn't turned His back on me, how can I possibly do that to someone then? I see good in her, and try to encourage. But it hurts the heart so much.
She's going through a very low "low", perhaps hitting bottom this weekend. I'll be there for her. How does one encourage and uplift without putting oneself in danger? I'm not doing a very good job of explaining myself here. All I want her to know is, no matter what, no natter where she ends up, she is still loved.
Make sense?
Thanks for this great place to share!
Ray
Now, if I had known from the very beginning, it would be different. God hasn't turned His back on me, how can I possibly do that to someone then? I see good in her, and try to encourage. But it hurts the heart so much.
She's going through a very low "low", perhaps hitting bottom this weekend. I'll be there for her. How does one encourage and uplift without putting oneself in danger? I'm not doing a very good job of explaining myself here. All I want her to know is, no matter what, no natter where she ends up, she is still loved.
Make sense?
Thanks for this great place to share!
Ray
It's not that I dont love my H because I do. I love him so much. We have been married for 15 years. Maybe I love him too much.... so much so that I enabled him. It gets to a point where it's self preservation to detach...detachment does not mean that you do not love someone. You become so involved that the addict is your life and you no longer matter to yourself. It will suck you in and suck you dry and no matter how hard you try you cant just walk away. It's called codependency and it is unhealthy. And getting healthy is not walking way.
But if you know the person you are going to date is addicted to drugs, run for the hills before you get involved any further. That's all. Be ware!
Take Care,
Carol~
But if you know the person you are going to date is addicted to drugs, run for the hills before you get involved any further. That's all. Be ware!
Take Care,
Carol~
