Why Do Addicts Lie ???

If you have been with a heroin addict for a time and have gotten atuned to all the symptoms of their using and they know you know that they are using then why do they continuously deny it and make you feel stupid shrewish and holier than thou?? Sure ya get mad and might get a bit heated in the delivery of your accusations but doesn't an addict understand that it is out of frustration and wanting wellness for the user as opposed to just playing cop
It almost seems that if an addict sustains the myth that he ain't using cause he says so then it lessens the guilt (if they feel any at all) he is experiencing and enables him to use more freely and channel that anger/guilt of having been "found out" by you into a more sustained justified high. Should one then go along with the lie and continue to love the tortured addicted but hate the addiction and wait for his inevitable ruination/bottom so that we can lovingly pick up the pieces and let them mend in rehab....love is patient....love is kind... but what about me...aren't i more important than a substance...when do i get to be loved....who is going to mend the broken pieces of aching heart???
I'm right there with you. My hubby is in a methadone program (that his sister runs, how lucky is he?) but he still has the drug addict habits like lying and making excuses for everything. Right now I have absolutely no food in the house, not a dime to my name, I don't drive because I'm visually impaired, my health is really bad (I have 2 abscesses in my mouth, horrific pain in my hip and lower back (because he's a drug addict I've never been able to deal with my physical health and pain pills were always out of the question, he would take them) and I haven't seen him since Friday because I got pissed that he pawned our landladies air conditioner. He has family locally that make sure he has money for gas, cigarettes, methadone and ice cream. What help is there for me? My family wants nothing to do with me because of him. As far as social programs......I've asked around and made calls and actually there are none. I'm on my own. So I know where you are and how alone you feel. All the programs are for the poor, poor addict and none for his family who is usually left holding the bag. Sometimes I wish that he had died while doing heroin. At least then I'd be free.
Dear Dancer
Thank-you for responding....actually we are not alone as there is you myself and all these caring individuals who continue to post responses to we the afflicted despite the loneliness they feel in their in own hellish situations...and if that isn't some kinda genuine love i don't know what is...and i applaud mostly the active addicts who can reach beyond their all encompassing addiction and offer support here to the loved ones of those addicted as well as other active users...for them there is still hope because they haven't let the drug completely consume their basic sense of humanity and awareness to the suffering of others....i guess what you and i lack is a good foundation of self-love as it becomes distorted when mirrored in the reflection of addicted spouses and censoring rejecting family members...it easier for us to wish that our addicted spouses would die rather than have the courage to just walk away and in the long run this form of tough love would help not only the sober partner but the addicted spouse as well and it is easier said than done as i haven't had the strength to do that yet....who are we to wish for another's death when in fact they are on a prolonged suicidal path due to their tormented addiction....life for you and i waits on the other side of that path...the road not taken yet....shall we take a chance and dance....as it takes two to tango and there is strength in numbers and i think they are playing our song
God bless you
Hi

I feel bad for both of you guys and feel you deserve some type of response from a user.

Mainly (speaking for myself here so don't start attacking me people) I lie because I have felt ashamed, I got backed into a corner with my family (they let themselves into my house, woke me up and then proceeded to shout and cry at me, all the time going through my stuff and calling me a liar). Now as angry as I was at them for this complete abuse of my privacy and lack of respect for me (I have not stolen from anyone nor done anything to them so they were not justified in reading my bank statements to see where my money was going) - I loved them for caring and it broke my heart to see them so panicked and upset, so I lied - I sat there bare faced and denied it all, I swore on their lives, my life the lot. I didn't feel good about it but I can barely accept it myself that I am a heroin addict, let alone tell the people I most care about in the whole world.

I don't know about other people but I never meant to hurt anyone with my lies. I even know how you feel, before I fell in this trap I went through it all my my boyfriend and he would lie to me - with pinned eyes and gear breath. It hurt and luckily the only thing I can say in defense of my lies is that my family believed me and I am now trying to sort it out, hopefully they'll never have to ask again.

L
xxxx
If you are not an active addict and you are in a relationship with someone who is using it is a hard life to live-Remeber the drug or drugs will always come first-My ex was madly in love with me, but he chose the drugs aver me-Now he is in prison for 4 more years and he writes me all of the time expressing his love for me-Now he wants me to come see hime, get things ready so we can have a happy life when he gets out-He put me through soooooo much pain and heartache in regards to the way he treated me-I always had high self esteem until he helped ruin that-Being away from him for over a year now I finally love myself again-He cheated on me, wouldn't come home for days, used me for money and numourous other things-I beleive in the long run a relationship of this sort will only cause you more pain and also co-dependent issues-I wish you the best of luck and hope you can figure out the right thing to do-
laulau,
I am not judging you as ye shall not judge me and let's leave all that judicial stuff to the big guy upstairs who wields a celestial gavel that hammers down hard upon those that did what they did when they shouldn't have done what they done and while i am at it let me say that while an addict is lying to the non abuser the non abuser in turn is lying to the user as well as herself..
We think we are third degreeing the addict cause we love them and want them to own up to their wrongs but sometimes we are really trying to evoke the truth because deep down inside we are angry disappointed sad feeling used and think an addict's confession will allay these feelings....the addict uses the drug to deal with these same feelings and in a way i am jealous and feel cheated that i have to deal with all the emotional pain cold turkey...
I know he is getting high and he knows i know that he knows that he is getting high so what will a couple of yes i ams accomplish....it is not are you high more so than why are you high and the high ain't about me it's about him and i can only sigh and say good-bye and lie to myself that this too shall pass and run back and swallow the lie just to get by
Dear Cleargreeneyes,
Man, did you used to date my bf by any chance as your story sounds like my story and your ex sounds like my soon to be ex but i guess the bottom line is that an addict is an addict is an addict just like they say that a drug is a drug is a drug.....and those that love them all go thru the same pain and frustrations and the drug is the other woman or the other man and there is no competition and if you try to compete or intefere YOU are history not the substance and even the prospect of going to jail or being in jail where i am sure drugs are obtainable is not enough to set them straight..because we all know that sobriety comes with personal choice...not outside influences mandates loved ones the family cat etc. and i have tried to buy the lies to suppress the lies i was telling myself not to deal with the truth and like a drug it worked for awhile...but i had to buy more lies to suppress the lies and the truth was becoming elusive and was so caught up in this emotional co dependent addiction to the man that to stop was unthinkable as i knew my withdrawal from him would be horrible and it is and he is withdrawing from me into drugs now and life seems like one big lie if you ask me