I've been a chaotic junkie for about twenty years with a few clean periods - until this time (19 months) the longest was 11 months.
Relationships and gear have never mixed I think my relationship was with the needle.
A few tears ago I met the most amazing woman, clever, kind, understanding the works and we struck up a friendship. When she started seeing a boyfriend I got jealous and poured my feelings out.
She knew about the drugs but decided to give it a go. During the early days I always felt in the background, probably because I was. She did not allow my addiction to stand in the way of any plans she had.
Eventually I decided to quit and had great support through detox from methadone to subutex then tapering off completely.
When she goes away I want to use so I plan on what to do when she comes back.
The last year has been the best of my life, my money gets spent on holidays, clothes and real stuff.
But sometimes I just want to use again - anyone else feel the same and any advice?
Hang in there, Eddie, they'll be around to answer you later. Welcome to the board. I cannot speak to this question as I am not an addict, rather I am the mother of a recovering addict, so I can't be of much help to you on this.
19 months is HUGE though...play that tape through to the end and see the consequences...you know they aren't worth it.
Peace ~ MomNMore
19 months is HUGE though...play that tape through to the end and see the consequences...you know they aren't worth it.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Hi Eddie,
YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been clean seven years now and still want to use. Why? Hmmmmmm. Probably because it's our coping mechanism. It feels hellah good. It obliterates everything we shoved down and hid. Oh and it feels good. Long as you got the money to cop that is.
You sound like you have a nice woman. It sounds like ya answered your own question. Why? Habit? No reason to hurt a relationship that's so wonderful to get back into that life. I guess we all will have it sometime ya know? More so than others.
Some folks say it's the weather. Some say it's other triggers. Who knows? For me it's a place to hide. It's MY WORLD and nobody is allowed in it. Maybe that's it. We don't have to share it.
Either way you may want to still use but you won't and the more time passes you're clean the easier it gets.
Hop on here if you're feeling that way. We''ll set ya straight. LOL It does help. Meanwhile keep it clean. You can do that. FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not for anyone else. For YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been clean seven years now and still want to use. Why? Hmmmmmm. Probably because it's our coping mechanism. It feels hellah good. It obliterates everything we shoved down and hid. Oh and it feels good. Long as you got the money to cop that is.
You sound like you have a nice woman. It sounds like ya answered your own question. Why? Habit? No reason to hurt a relationship that's so wonderful to get back into that life. I guess we all will have it sometime ya know? More so than others.
Some folks say it's the weather. Some say it's other triggers. Who knows? For me it's a place to hide. It's MY WORLD and nobody is allowed in it. Maybe that's it. We don't have to share it.
Either way you may want to still use but you won't and the more time passes you're clean the easier it gets.
Hop on here if you're feeling that way. We''ll set ya straight. LOL It does help. Meanwhile keep it clean. You can do that. FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not for anyone else. For YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brynda,
Pleased, in a perverse way, that its not only me.
The reason I got clean was that I got to see another world and when I was using it was a world I could only visit for a short time.
My partner never asked me to give up H.
When I quit in the past there was no reason to go to work because I did not need money for gear. This time there is every reason to work because I have a life, things to do places to go.
I know this will pass and pleased I found the board.
Eddie
Pleased, in a perverse way, that its not only me.
The reason I got clean was that I got to see another world and when I was using it was a world I could only visit for a short time.
My partner never asked me to give up H.
When I quit in the past there was no reason to go to work because I did not need money for gear. This time there is every reason to work because I have a life, things to do places to go.
I know this will pass and pleased I found the board.
Eddie
Hey Eddie,
Wow, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!! 19 months clean is huge! Right now I can't even imagine getting to that point as I've only been clean a very short period. The other day I imagined myself off Suboxone and knew that I'd just go and score, so I know being off medication isn't an option for me right now.
All I really wanted to say was welcome to the board and well done!! Hope to hear from you again soon.
Rachel :)
Wow, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!! 19 months clean is huge! Right now I can't even imagine getting to that point as I've only been clean a very short period. The other day I imagined myself off Suboxone and knew that I'd just go and score, so I know being off medication isn't an option for me right now.
All I really wanted to say was welcome to the board and well done!! Hope to hear from you again soon.
Rachel :)
