Why Do We Feel The Guilt?

Well, here I am again posting to tell you my latest news. Last week he was calling everyone trying to get into a hospital. He actually had a phone interview on Friday and was scheduled to talk with someone again on Monday(yesterday). I really thought that he was sincere for the first time in his life. I was supporting him 100%. That's where I went wrong. I let my guard down and he took advantage again. Friday he left and went to my house in NH which I told him he could and that I would be up there on Saturday. I got up there on Saturday and he was just laying on the couch watching the TV. Because I didn't cater to his needs when I arrived he got very angry with me. We had a fight. This time he actually scared me. I knew that he has a short fuse but lately his anger has become very intense. He started to break things which really got me scared. Even the dogs were scared of him. After he calmed down it was okay but not great. That night after going out to dinner he started again. I honestly believe he kept picking at me all day so he could have an excuse to leave. When we got back to the condo he started all over again. He actually shut the bedroom door and would not let me out. He was standing at the door so I couldn't go anywhere. I started to scream and then I lost it and began crying and crying. It was a build up of everything that has been going on. That's when I realized that this was getting worse and not getting any better and I needed to do something. He left and I haven't seen him since. He left me a message on my answering machine (too cowardly to call me directly)to tell me to not give up on him yet. How can I not give up on him? So many things have happened and so many things will continue to happen. What kind of relationship do I have? I'm sure you can detect my frustrations now. I also cannot protect him anymore. I sent a long email message to his sister this morning explaining what was going on. I haven't heard back from her. I just feel sorry for his mother that she has to go through this again. She was happy to think he was doing fine since he met me. I wish I could turn the clock back and find that guy that I fell in love with two years ago. I just dislike him for what he is now and what he is doing to himself. He knows that he has run out of luck with my and will have no place to go. I will stop feeling guilty for what I am doing because as he continues to destroy himself he just makes it easier for me to let go. I can't do it anymore. I've had enough of his life and his problems. It's time for me to catch up on my own life now.
Maggie I understand your frustrations, I don't know if you've read my posts but I'm going through the same frustrations and I hate feeling guilty. But we need to do what is best for us right now. They have a way of wearing us down emotionally and physically. Its time we took a break and took some time for ourselves! Enough is enough! From reading your posts I've seen that you've also done everything you can for him. I've also realized I've done everything for my bf and it seems like the harder I try, the more he resists! Even when we are doing something nice for them like letting them stay at our place, etc..its never enough, they want more, more more!
I hope you have a peaceful day...
maggie when you are ready to deal with the truth go to www.crackreality.com
Please don't ever feel guilty.
You have done absolutely nothing to feel guilty for!!!!
They are adults and they are their own responsibility. Not yours. You cannot be responsible for another human being and what happens to them in their life as a result of their own actions (especially as a result of their continued drug use).
You are only responsible for yourself and in that regard, you have to take care of you.
How can he ask you to not give up on him when he has obviously given up on himself?
He needs help and he has to be the one to get it for himself. He knows what options he has for this. He could be attending meetings daily to help him, but he hasn't done that either, has he?
It really doesn't sound like he's ready yet. And sadly, there is nothing you can do about that.
He is his own person and you are yours. Take care of you!!
And you own no guilt here. Leave it with him!!
Hope your day gets better,
Mickey
guest, that is a very strong and direct website that you reference.

stong, but lots of information there. a very definitive point of view.

plenty to strengthen one's resolve to take care of oneself first rather than risk going down the tubes with an addict who has not hit bottom.

and a real wake-up call to the intentional and deliberate behaviors of an addict.

http://www.crackreality.com/
They tend to act like toddlers who can't get what they want. Except they are bigger than us and scary and they are lucky our dogs are not pit bulls. Maybe us enablers should consider getting pitbulls so that we don't have to deal with this.
But than they would probably put the dogs to sleep for protecting us or put us in jail. Just a thought. I know it was sick. The whole thing is sick. You are lucky you do not live with him. The fact that his own sister won't reply probly means they either blame you (because often families blame others ) or they are sick of him, or she never checked her email. You should have just called.