Why Me God
Why did a once happy kid fall into a world of hate and despair of worry and fear, daydreaming to escape and then drinking replaced the daydream.
My world was one of a need to escape untill death was the ultimate, yet i always got to drunk to continue the plot, blackout was my saviour.
My past is just that but it did mould who i am today and the future holds who i can become and sober there is no limits......only my fear and self honesty can determine the outcome, they battle daily at times and with my higher power beside me fear becomes a reality and like the boogey man when it is confronted most of the time it is not real.
I wear my emotions on my sleeve and as i have said they are like the flicking of a switch and also they can be dimmed or brightened at the same time.
This makes an interesting if not sometimes painful ride for me and my circle of affected people as i am like a pond it depends on the weather and also the size of the stones dropped in as to how big my ripples out are and what effect they have on others.
I am learning to be a sailor in life and i love it.....I now know Why Me......because it is my journey and my daydreams now have an open end they do not have to be dreams, i do not have to blackout to escape...I just have to be honest and face the fear and i can be grateful for a way of life that i never ever dreamed of could be possible.
Dont drink, go to meetings and voice my fears because they reduce in size instantly to achievable outcomes.
Why Me God ......Why not....my journey will work if i work at it and whats more i bloody love it:)
light and love Zac
Hey Zac,
Thank you for this awesome post. Talk about identifying with the feelings. My whole life was based on fear. I still have a struggle with going to faith and trust first instead of fear and anxiety but it is getting better. My fear had kept me stuck for years. It also fed my need to numb my feelings.
~Rachel
Thank you for this awesome post. Talk about identifying with the feelings. My whole life was based on fear. I still have a struggle with going to faith and trust first instead of fear and anxiety but it is getting better. My fear had kept me stuck for years. It also fed my need to numb my feelings.
~Rachel
Zac~
This hit somewhat close to home as my dear, dear brother-in-law was diagnosed with brain cancer and died from it this past April. His response to people who would ask if he ever felt the "Why me?" twinges was the same as yours - "Why not me? Am I so special that I should be spared the pain of being human? Life is both good and bad and we take what we get." He was an amazing (and young - 35) man who quietly fought his personal fight.
No, it's not addiction-related, but it made me think of him and ask myself - could I be that philosophical and selfless in the face of my own struggles? I wonder...
We are the sum of our experiences and I hope I add up to something as wonderful as he was, and you are, too.
Peace~MomNMore
And now a little something from Pink Floyd:
All that you touch...All that you see...All that you taste...All you feel.
All that you love...All that you hate...All you distrust...All you save.
All that you give...All that you deal...All that you buy, beg, borrow or steal.
All you create...All you destroy...All that you do.
All that you say...All that you eat...And everyone you meet
All that you slight...And everyone you fight.
All that you touch...All that you see...is all your life will ever be...
This hit somewhat close to home as my dear, dear brother-in-law was diagnosed with brain cancer and died from it this past April. His response to people who would ask if he ever felt the "Why me?" twinges was the same as yours - "Why not me? Am I so special that I should be spared the pain of being human? Life is both good and bad and we take what we get." He was an amazing (and young - 35) man who quietly fought his personal fight.
No, it's not addiction-related, but it made me think of him and ask myself - could I be that philosophical and selfless in the face of my own struggles? I wonder...
We are the sum of our experiences and I hope I add up to something as wonderful as he was, and you are, too.
Peace~MomNMore
And now a little something from Pink Floyd:
All that you touch...All that you see...All that you taste...All you feel.
All that you love...All that you hate...All you distrust...All you save.
All that you give...All that you deal...All that you buy, beg, borrow or steal.
All you create...All you destroy...All that you do.
All that you say...All that you eat...And everyone you meet
All that you slight...And everyone you fight.
All that you touch...All that you see...is all your life will ever be...
Gidday Rach and MomNMore
Numbness and Pink Floyd two parts of your posts and it adds up to a song that will play at my funeral one day Comfortable Numb the version sung by Van Morrisson (The Wall Album)
I am always asking for signs i am on the right path they are always there i just need to see, hear, feel or read them and when i trust then that is when my intuitiveness is at one, i dont need to ask anymore i just need to trust and the faith will follow....thanks and have a lovely day or night in your part of the world.
light and love Zac
Numbness and Pink Floyd two parts of your posts and it adds up to a song that will play at my funeral one day Comfortable Numb the version sung by Van Morrisson (The Wall Album)
I am always asking for signs i am on the right path they are always there i just need to see, hear, feel or read them and when i trust then that is when my intuitiveness is at one, i dont need to ask anymore i just need to trust and the faith will follow....thanks and have a lovely day or night in your part of the world.
light and love Zac
