well i never though i would be dealing with cocaine addict especially my wife. we've been married for almost five years and dated for another three. i though i knew her. she never told me that she used cocaine in her late teens and i meet her when she was twenty two. she is now twenty nine. she lied very well for the first three years of our marriage, i didn't know she used. she never didn't come home back then. not like now, she is gone at least once a week overnight. i found out two years ago that she had a drug problem, i just thought she was cheating on me and that's why she was not coming home at night. anyway she did an outpatient treatment program last January 03. she would attend four days a week after work. she did that program for two months. after that program she basically told me to that she would try and stop on her own. she did this from march until Dec of 03. she used almost weekly because she would just not come home. in Dec of 03 she went to an impatient treatment facility because she said she was tired of lying and she felt like she was out of control. she came back after three weeks of inpatient treatment and did not return to work until one week ago. she was clean over 60 days before going back to work on fed the 10. she didn't come home last Thursday night and only texed me on my cell phone that she has used at work and that she felt really bad. well i picked her up on Friday at 8pm from a local taco bell. she tells me that she parks in parking lots because she can blend in with other people. so last week was horrible. she had been clean for 60 days and then she relapsed. we talked and i told her to hang in there and to start going to NA meetings. she had not been going to them like her councilor told her to. she said that she felt like she was not going to use again but she did. well she did an NA meeting on Monday night and she was going to an NA meeting tonight but she was supposed to have been home two hours ago. So I'm sure she's using again I don't know what to do? I'm 32. we have no children. We have lot of debt because of her problem. she used about 15,000 up in credit cards until they got canceled good thing they were in her name only. But we both have a mortgage that I make sure gets paid. I just don't know if I have had enough. I love her very much but her addiction is killing her. I'm afraid that if I kick her out that she will loose her job and everything else she has. I don't know if I could see her loose everything. I just needed to vent. I'm home alone and glad i found this forum. i think this forum will be part of my life with her.one of the major problems is that she uses at work. she has her dealers at work, she can't quit work because of our financial situation. we need both incomes to pay for home and cars and all of her credit card debt. she already reported her peers at work at sell drugs to her security dept. she works for a major telephone company and drugs are every where. if anyone has any input i would appreciate it very much. thanks for listening...Eddie hope you guys can make sense of my many words...
Golf is my only safe place were I can get way from my living hell !!!!!!!!!!!
just wanted to explain my user name, i slice the golf ball to much :)
But that's getting better...
Ed
just wanted to explain my user name, i slice the golf ball to much :)
But that's getting better...
Ed
Hello,
I can sympathize with you..... My boyfriend has a coke problem..... He did the out-patient program in November and came to see me for New Years... He relapsed on his way home...... January was a living hell...... Turns out he did coke every chance he got..... Admitted he was high talking to me at times..... We live 500 miles apart...... He went into an in-patient program last week...... I have no clue why I still talk to him at this point..... I could have this trouble or less with someone in my own city......
I wish I had advice..... Being I listen to what other people say, but still do my own thing and support this man... He called me Saturday morning and night to wish me a Happy Valentines( he begged them to use the phone), and again promised me this wouldn't happen again......
I'm sorry your wife didn't tell you this before you got married... She probably thought the problem had taken care of itself and saw no reason to..... Addicts I've learned are the best liars..... When they don't come home, your heart pounds as the minutes tick by... I've relaxed a bit with him in rehab..... And I can walk away..... At this point I am the only person he has left... And I can't help but think of the person I knew before this happened......
Is there anything you can do there??? Like sign her into a rehab center??? Like a power of attorney type thing???
My boyfriend would email me to tell me he had gone to meetings than I wouldn't hear from him for 2 days..... Even during the day in late January he would go missing for even 4 hours and lie about where he was..... Finally admitting he was out buying drugs..... Than going out that night and not hearing from him again for a couple of days......
Please don't kick her out yet..... Maybe you have to step in somehow and help her...... But if you start finding things missing, tell her to leave..... They will lie and steal to get money....... If you have anything of value, hide it.....
Please let me know how your doing..... I hope you write back here later to say she came home safe and sound.......
Keep coming here... The people are GREAT..... You will always find support here..... And very honest people......Because we are all in this together... And praying for each other......
I can sympathize with you..... My boyfriend has a coke problem..... He did the out-patient program in November and came to see me for New Years... He relapsed on his way home...... January was a living hell...... Turns out he did coke every chance he got..... Admitted he was high talking to me at times..... We live 500 miles apart...... He went into an in-patient program last week...... I have no clue why I still talk to him at this point..... I could have this trouble or less with someone in my own city......
I wish I had advice..... Being I listen to what other people say, but still do my own thing and support this man... He called me Saturday morning and night to wish me a Happy Valentines( he begged them to use the phone), and again promised me this wouldn't happen again......
I'm sorry your wife didn't tell you this before you got married... She probably thought the problem had taken care of itself and saw no reason to..... Addicts I've learned are the best liars..... When they don't come home, your heart pounds as the minutes tick by... I've relaxed a bit with him in rehab..... And I can walk away..... At this point I am the only person he has left... And I can't help but think of the person I knew before this happened......
Is there anything you can do there??? Like sign her into a rehab center??? Like a power of attorney type thing???
My boyfriend would email me to tell me he had gone to meetings than I wouldn't hear from him for 2 days..... Even during the day in late January he would go missing for even 4 hours and lie about where he was..... Finally admitting he was out buying drugs..... Than going out that night and not hearing from him again for a couple of days......
Please don't kick her out yet..... Maybe you have to step in somehow and help her...... But if you start finding things missing, tell her to leave..... They will lie and steal to get money....... If you have anything of value, hide it.....
Please let me know how your doing..... I hope you write back here later to say she came home safe and sound.......
Keep coming here... The people are GREAT..... You will always find support here..... And very honest people......Because we are all in this together... And praying for each other......
I must say i feel for you i really do i understand completely .... my issues is with my brother he is a 37 year old addict ........he has been on coke for about 15 years .......mostly crack ..one of the hardest things i my life is realizing my brother is a crackhead ....when i say it i can feel a pain in my gut ......he has destroyed alot of my feelings in many different ways .......i look at alot of people in different ways ..........i hate alot of people now alot i dont even know ...........it pains me too see a grown man sneak out a window or steal things to get a fix he has taken all of my jewelry robbed my house and stolen all of my moms jewelry .........and i still cant hate him i cant let go inside there is a sick person who needs to get out he has been clean now since jan 20th but how long will that last one day at a time sure unless what its the 2 or 3rd time at it ..............i so love my bro with all my heart i am scared that if the next time occurs he will be a addict a dead one !!!!
thanks for your kind words guys. i called home at about 2am and she was home safe. i work nights and she tells me she rather get home after i leave. guilt and shame i guess account for that. her sister and i talk a lot lately about my wife's addiction and her sisters addition. its killing us both. she has not told her parents or her other two siblings about her addiction. they all dealt with her addition when she was 19-21 years old. Now that she's just about 30. I haven't talked to her yet. she called in sick this morning, again. I'm afraid she will loose her job one of these days. I feel guilt when I curse at her answering machine on her cell phone when she doesn't answer me. I've been told to stay by her side and help her thru this hard time. but after almost two years of this hell think i have had enough. she is a beautiful person when she does NOT use. i guess that's why i stay with her.but the good times are not better than all the hell she putting me thru right no. i don't know what will happen with us? i found a list of things she route down that she needs to do since she has relapsed. they include calling corporate security on the dealers at work, getting an NA sponsor i want to believe that she will get better but, i need to face the facts. she's been using for over ten years on and of. i really think that i might just file for divorce in the next month or so. i just can't live like this anymore. Being with her is not living. I can honestly say that since she told me she had a drug problem 23 months ago, I have not been able to enjoy life like before. every minute of every day is spent in waiting for that day in the week that she uses and doesn't call or come home. I'm glad I have found people that feel like I do. I need support now more than ever. thanks and pray for her..and me.........for us.....
I prayed for you and your wife last night and will again tonight....... We are ALL here to offer you support and strength...... If you decide to divorce your wife, we are here when you need us......
You didn't mention if when you called home at 2 am if she had been using??? But I know once trust is destroyed, everything else follow's suit......
Keep venting here......
You didn't mention if when you called home at 2 am if she had been using??? But I know once trust is destroyed, everything else follow's suit......
Keep venting here......