Will I Ever Become My Old Me Again?

Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum and I hope you're all on the way to the better.

Apologies in advance for my bad english but I need help with what I'm going through as I'm not sure if I will ever be the same person as I was before I smoked weed.

I started smoking weed on a regular basis with 14 and it changed my whole life. As I am currently 17 I can say that I should have never started smoking weed.

It all started when I started going to a private school. After the first few weeks in the new school my friend (pascal) and me started smoking weed in the breaks and after school, even though the school could drug test us and get us an ultimatum at any time. I wasn't enjoying these times as much as I should have because now that I think back I remember that I was pretty happy with everything. I got good grades and since I smoked weed on a regular basis my body had adapted and I didn't feel the way I do now when I smoke.

However this all changed about one year later when I got drug tested. The test turned out positive and if I would ever be positive again I would get expelled immediately. This was when I for the first time made a break with weed. From there on I could only smoke weed in the first few weeks of the holidays, in order to stay negative on possible drug tests. My future was more important for me than to get stoned for a bit.

For the next two years I stayed clean for a few months and then smoke regularly for one week (except in the summer holidays 4 weeks) and after such a long time of not smoking I'd only need to take a few puffs of a joint to get my mind blown. The problem was that my friends who are huge stoners smoke about 3-10 joints a day. I always wanted to exploit my risk-free times as much as possible and therefore I would always get so high that I couldn't get much higher.

This is what I believe has triggered my paranoia, anxiety, insecureness and all my other problems. But until now I always thought there is another way out of this. Like I could just take a few hits and that would be enough for the hole day. But that's not how it is. I need to stop now and I need to stop forever. Here's why:

Whenever I smoke weed after a long break I turn anxious, paranoid and extremely unconfident. I always feel like everybody is observing me and talking about me whenever I'm in public. I also often think that my friends aren't actually my friends, that they only hang out with me because they feel bad for me or because I always have weed on me (when I can smoke). I never talk, and if I do, it always comes out wrong and sounds stupid or doesn't make sense. It's like I'm a total different person when I smoke. These symptoms often stay a few weeks or even months after I stopped smoking.

The reason why I'm writing this today is because yesterday I smoked and I had such a "trip" that when I was walking, my legs got weaker and weaker after each step and I had this intense feeling in my head, it's pretty much indescribable, it's like bees flying around in my brain. So at one point I lost equilibrium and fell on the ground, in front of all the people. As I was lying there trying to get control back over my body I heard the people laughing, so I stood up and told them everything's fine I just had a couple of beers to many, they said as long as I got back up everything is alright. Then I went to a private place and played on the ground for a couple of minutes before I walked home.

Does anyone know why this happened to me? Am I epileptic or is this normal? This has happened to me twice before and it's one of the reasons why I decided to quit weed forever.

I appreciate very much those that have read my story and any help would appreciated.

Thanks so much

Jonas :)
Hi Jonas. When I smoked weed it ALWAYS made me tired, hungry, and paranoid. It is a mild hallucinogen! I liked the relaxation, but the other 'side effects' were not so good. When somebody smokes weed in their early mid teens, it affects brain development ( some loss of intelligence and other things). It is not the harmless drug that somebody 'could not get addicted to'! You can read about weed's harmful effects in your country's drug health website. Do not face this alone. Talk to a doctor about your problem. You deserve a happy future!
http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=21&t=75644