Will My Husband Ever Be Sober?

How hard is it to leave someone that you have tried everything with to get sober?
Besides my husbands addiction the money that has been spent on him trying to get sober is unbelievable. He is a functioning addict so, besides the money that he is always taking you would never know that he is an addict. I am so scared to leave. I am a stay at home mom and daycare is 1800 a month for full time. I can go back to work but, what do I do about my 1 and 3 year old. Any advice would be great. I thought Naltrexone was it but, nothing works.
Alissa,

How long have you been with him??? I think that, especially for you and your kids, since they're so young you should probably think about staying with a family member or friend until you can sort out between your husband and yourself what to do with his habit. It's a lot easier said than done, I know!

He is the only one that can help himself along with God if that's what he really wants. Having children involved in the situation makes it a lot harder to deal with the reality that the drug (while addicted) is the ONLY love in their life. I hate to throw that on you but what you need to do if you really want to help him is get him involved in a program like an MMT (Methadone Maintenance Treatment) and get involved with him. I think it really helps them sometimes
to know that they are being supported. First what you need to do since you have the internet is utilize this message board with questions that you have and need answered. Always being aware of the signs is very helpful. There are tons of things you need to know about the drug just like I had to learn what I'm dealing with at home. My bf is a heroin addict on Methadone and trying to quit. You can read some of my posts and get an idea of what I've been going through myself if that helps.

PLEASE BE AWARE for your childrens' sake and yourself. The most important thing now is your kids. You have to care for them because if they see how their father is on the drug they could very well end up becoming like him in the future. Addiction I believe is hereditary and it's in the genes so just shield them if you can from having to see what a drug addict is all about. It's a nightmare to live with and it's like hell trying to get better. You and I both are in for a long ride if you are willing to stay and help him. Pray for him and your family and believe that higher powers are inevitable. Good luck and you will be in my prayers. I hope this helped you.

Tanya
(Confused)
Confused,
We have been together 5 years and married 3. He was sober for 4 of those 5 years. I thought he would be sober forever until his brother died. His brother was an addict also. I guess my husband thinks he can hold on to his brothers memory by staying high. I always tell him he can get through this. I am very supportive but, nothing has worked. I now it is getting time for me to leave him. The problem is it is soooo hard because we live at my mothers and my parents have no idea. If a kick him out my world will be turned upside down in more then 1 way. I know I have to do it for my kids before they have to grow up with an addict father. It is just hard.
Hey how are you? I know your pain and I too was with a functioning addict and have 2 kids, then 8 and 1 9 told him to leave over a year ago and it was mainly for the best interest of my kids. They and I deserve better. He continues to use and that is his choice to make.

But if I can suggest call the domestic violence division in your city, here in NY you can stay there for up to 90 days free of charge while you reestablish yourself. Contrary to our own understanding but living with an addict we subject ourselves to mental and verbal abuse if not physical. Also there are agencies that will assist in childcare. And if not work an opposite shift of someone you trust where you can trade day care services with out actual cash payment. For instance you work 1 shift and a friend work 3 shift and you watch her kids and she watch your kids while you both work.

And what has helped me thru it all is God and he has led me towards a great support system. At church they recently started a
"celebrate recovery" group for us the Co Dependent. And in the begining they also offered a Boundaries class all of which granted me with a greater understanding and sense of confidence that all is possible.

But I would definitely recomend contacting your local Domestic Violence unit and see how they can help protect you and your children for they are in danger. This is no life for a child.

If I can be of any more held you can e mail me at aplus22001@ yahoo.com

Good luck and God bless you I will keep you and your family in my prayers All is possible with God.
Have faith.

Thank you for the advice. The only thing is I moved into my parents house with him. If I tell him to leave he will. I just have to get the strengh to do so. Thank you again.
hi there i have read youre postsand i am also in the same boat as you.i am married to a funtional heroin addict and have been for 5 years.i have 3 children the youngest being his.i have just thrown him out ( yesterday to be exact) because i had made him give up his job to sort himself out and pay high street prices for meth because he is not with a program.and found out he was still on it after i have had loads of abuse about not trusting him and how he would never go on it again.today i am packing hes stuff up. ive thrown him out a number of times but never got his stuff out the house but i am determined not to give in this time.the way i see it he said if i gave him my support he would get clean and he lied and what will i be doing in another 5 years time proberly in the same situation. well not for me lifes to short i want to start living again.the only way to see if he really wants to come off is to let him know that he has lost you and the kids and that he has to prove himself that he has got clean before you start trusting him and allowing him in youre life again.you might think that i sound really strong but read my post ( ive had enough of this crap) ive just seen a light at the end of the tunnel and the black clouds are now shifting. good luck and dont stay a prisner .sorry this was so long
I hope if he dose not get clean that I will be able to dothe same. The only thing is he tells me that he can not live without us and that he would kill himself if we ever got divorced. Now what? Take the risk? I know that I have to just think of myself and my children but, it is sooo hard to let him go.