I have 2 days sober and working on my third and I am sooooooooo tired and emotional today. Yesterday I felt like I was on top of the world and today I feel so tired? Is this a withdrawal symptom? I know sometimes it depends on what you drank, I was a beer drinker, probably 5 beers a day (average).
Hello Otis, Yes, it sounds as you are going through with withdrawals...I experienced the same thing and still do (at almost 17 months sober and clean) ~ I was told it takes awhile. You can't expect to get better overnight. Try to think of it as emotional surgery. Here is a comparison, if you were to break your leg in several pieces you would most like need surgery to put it back together and it would take a long time to heal...well, you are emotionally and spiritually broken, in my opinion, and you will take time to heal. Although I don't feel good everyday, it is way better than the way I use to feel when I was using and drinking. Also, the stretches between feeling good and not feeling good are getting longer as time goes on ~ meaning I am feeling physically, emotionally and spiritually better more often than I am not...it was the opposite in the beginning of my recovery. Here is a small snippet from my "drunkalog": I jumpstarted my day with vodka or wine, consumed at least 10-15 beers at night, at least two - three martinis and would some times top it off with a bottle of wine (or two)....not proud of that, but that's where my alcoholism took me - oh, and I also had to do my coke which enabled me to drink way more than I could if I wasn't able to score my drugs. I believe I am a miracle because I should be dead. I didn't go to rehab ~ I shook it out, sweat it out, sh** it out, cried it out ~ all in the rooms of AA meetings ~ the oldtimers loved me - I was a "fresh" when I came in - they loved that! Anyway, they loved me until I could love myself because I hated myself when I walked into my first meeting and many meetings thereafter...especially since I had lost my daughters~I felt worthless...I was hopeless and desperate and was given a remarkable gift. We will love you until you can love yourself. I pray that you have the gift of desperation and are willing to go to any length for your sobriety! Everything has to change for you though! Hang in there! VWGirl ps-I do remember that at day 3 I felt incrementally better - I remember that being a milestone for me...Day 3 woohoo for you - awesome!
VW Girl,
How ironic that on my way to work today I was thinking "How could anyone forgive me for some of the things I have done?" Then I thought, "I guess it will be when I can forgive myself and the only way I could forgive myself is to never drink again." All the things that I have done that I am so ashamed of and sad about happened because of drinking. I guess my rationale is that I will someday be able to forgive myself for what I've done because I realized they happened because of drinking and the only way to keep myself sane and to continue to be able to forgive myself is to be committed to never drink or do drugs again. I feel like such a bad person and if I can believe and accept that I have a disease that has led me to make poor decisions and suffer the consequences I can start to heal and realize I'm not a bad person. I definitely need others to love me until I can love myself. I think I realize that this is going to be the most difficult thing that I have encountered in my life so far to deal with but coming to the realization has been almost a relief and knowing there are other people who do understand is very helpful. I have a 5 year old daughter and was married to an alcoholic/addict. We are getting divorced and it's almost final. I didn't want to completely lose myself or my daughter and I hope I can stay strong to take one day at a time and fight as hard as I can to cope with this. Thank you for your reply. It helps so much.
How ironic that on my way to work today I was thinking "How could anyone forgive me for some of the things I have done?" Then I thought, "I guess it will be when I can forgive myself and the only way I could forgive myself is to never drink again." All the things that I have done that I am so ashamed of and sad about happened because of drinking. I guess my rationale is that I will someday be able to forgive myself for what I've done because I realized they happened because of drinking and the only way to keep myself sane and to continue to be able to forgive myself is to be committed to never drink or do drugs again. I feel like such a bad person and if I can believe and accept that I have a disease that has led me to make poor decisions and suffer the consequences I can start to heal and realize I'm not a bad person. I definitely need others to love me until I can love myself. I think I realize that this is going to be the most difficult thing that I have encountered in my life so far to deal with but coming to the realization has been almost a relief and knowing there are other people who do understand is very helpful. I have a 5 year old daughter and was married to an alcoholic/addict. We are getting divorced and it's almost final. I didn't want to completely lose myself or my daughter and I hope I can stay strong to take one day at a time and fight as hard as I can to cope with this. Thank you for your reply. It helps so much.
Otis, I'm signing off now - I off to work - but I'll check in with you later. Just make a commitment that you won't drink today (all you have is today)...it's the first drink that gets you drunk....I'll share a little more of my story with you...but gotta go now...your story is very similar to mine...hang on buddy...it's gonna be okay! VWGirl PS-the pitiful, and incomprehensible demoralization that you are feeling goes right along with how I and countless others felt...remember, you never have to feel that way again...
wwgirl, it might help if you could talk to otis about forgiveness.
Bob B - You mean from a 9th step approach, ie, living amends versus actual amends & also forgiving oneself? Please clarify. I am in the midst of step 9 currently, so maybe I don't have enough experience to offer at this time ~ maybe you want to pick it up from here...VWGirl PS-My Sponsor always reminds me you can't give something you haven't got...don't have that step completed yet, so maybe I can't share on it...
Otis, How ya feeling? Hope you dropped the club and stopped beating yourself up! By staying sober you are already making a living amends to your loved ones and friends. I am told "we can't regret the past, nor wish to close the door on it..." does that make sense to you. It was what it was, it is what it is and you can learn from it. Take care, VWGirl
I am feeling a little better today. I've made it another day without drinking so that definitely makes me feel better. I think that once I start working the 12 steps I will be able to progress to a point to reach my own forgiveness but I know it will take work but I am excited to try and I am trying to take it one day at a time. I don't think I really knew what that meant until I started thinking about all the emphasis of how many days sober. I kept thinking, "Oh won't it be great to be like other people and say "I've got 3 years sober or 1 year sober, etc. and then I realized I can't put that pressure on myself because I'll be focusing on the wrong thing. I'm just trying to focus on today and that feels better also. Your analogy to having a broken leg and how it has to heal has helped me. I guess I thought once I truly grasped that I was an alcoholic and didn't have a drink that I would just wake up and everything would be OK, but it takes time and work and now I'm looking at it as one day. I never understood that concept before and it feels good to feel an understanding of that.
Otis, Here is the reading from the Today's Thought that I receive each day via email (my Sponsor suggested it as a way to start off my day):
Perfection
Many of us picked on ourselves unmercifully before recovery. We may also have a tendency to pick on ourselves after we begin recovery.
"If I was really recovering, I wouldn't be doing that again . . .." " I should be further along than I am." These are statements that we indulge in when we're feeling shame. We don't need to treat ourselves that way. There is no benefit.
Remember, shame blocks us. But self-love and acceptance enable us to grow and change. If we truly have done something we feel guilty about, we can correct it with an amend and an attitude of self-acceptance and love.
Even if we slip back to our old, codependent ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving, we do not need to be ashamed. We all regress from time to time. That's how we learn and grow. Relapse, or recycling, is an important and necessary part of recovery. And the way out of recycling is not by shaming ourselves. That leads us deeper into codependency.
Much pain comes from trying to be perfect. Perfection is impossible unless we think of it in a new way. Perfection is being who and where we are today; it's accepting and loving ourselves just as we are. We are each right where we need to be in our recovery.
Today, I will love and accept myself for who I am and where I am in my recovery process. I am right where I need to be to get to where I'm going tomorrow.
You are reading from the book: The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
I love that and hope you do too! Be good to yourself. VWGirl PS-Do you go to meetings - do you know what Step 1 is?
Perfection
Many of us picked on ourselves unmercifully before recovery. We may also have a tendency to pick on ourselves after we begin recovery.
"If I was really recovering, I wouldn't be doing that again . . .." " I should be further along than I am." These are statements that we indulge in when we're feeling shame. We don't need to treat ourselves that way. There is no benefit.
Remember, shame blocks us. But self-love and acceptance enable us to grow and change. If we truly have done something we feel guilty about, we can correct it with an amend and an attitude of self-acceptance and love.
Even if we slip back to our old, codependent ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving, we do not need to be ashamed. We all regress from time to time. That's how we learn and grow. Relapse, or recycling, is an important and necessary part of recovery. And the way out of recycling is not by shaming ourselves. That leads us deeper into codependency.
Much pain comes from trying to be perfect. Perfection is impossible unless we think of it in a new way. Perfection is being who and where we are today; it's accepting and loving ourselves just as we are. We are each right where we need to be in our recovery.
Today, I will love and accept myself for who I am and where I am in my recovery process. I am right where I need to be to get to where I'm going tomorrow.
You are reading from the book: The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
I love that and hope you do too! Be good to yourself. VWGirl PS-Do you go to meetings - do you know what Step 1 is?
