I felt so much calmer after reading your post soulpicnic. I am feeling better today, my stomach is still a little messed up.... but today is definitly better. I just took 1 1/4 ativan last night and slept, I will do that again tonight and then go to 1 for a couple of nights and then a half for a couple. does that sound reasonable. I was glad to hear that you are a nurse. YOu are right I was having every symptom imaginable and it seemed like I was making it worse with all the worrying. I suppose that is some of the benefit of being in a hospital setting. They can tell you... you aren't going to die. I thought I was a few times. Someone asked how much oxy I was taking, well at the end I was taking 4 or 5- 5mg at a time about 4 times a day. I did try to taper over a month with the ativan, but I really wasnt that succsessful so I did a rapid 4 day taper and then cold turkey. I had to plan it with my husband and I took a week off work, that has turned into 2, but hopefully I will be ready to go back next week. Today I feel pretty proud of my self. I hope I will feel even better then this soon, but this is enough of an improvement to get me through today. Thanks to all of you, this really is helping me.
I thought I felt better this morning but i still have this vague sick feeling in my stomach it is constant. I feel emotionally weak and sad, I think I am depressed. Any one out there experience that. I don't feel ready to step back into my life yet, how am I going to..... I have so many responsiblities. Will it get better then this? I feel yucky, just blah, not strong enough. I hope just a few days can make a big difference or I am in trouble. I have to hope it will get a lot better soon. I felt stronger this morning when I got up and then I tried to get ready to go out of the house and just failed at it. I guess I am just not there yet. Everyone says I look a lot better and I am scared that they are going to expect to much and lose patience with me. Is it true that once you turn the corner it comes back fairly fast? Maybe I am just on the edge.
Dear Llh:
Sorry to hear you are feeling so badly.
I wanted to respond to you....I won't be able to be around much after this post, but I wanted you to know someone out here feels your pain.
I went cold turkey, at home, took my last pill on June 11th. I suffered pretty bad withdrawal symptoms, but the worst was the depression afterwards....now, let me preface that with, I also had JUST lost my father, to whom I was very close...so there was more than one reason for my sadness.
There is a condition called PAWS...Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome....which I hate to mention because I don't want anymore freakin' conditions personally...but it helped me understand what I was up against chemically.
Our bodies (brains in particular) have been accustomed to being flooded with opiates...because we flooded our brains with opiates, our brains decided to stop making seratonin, and endorphins. Those two chemicals are some of the "feel good" stuff in our heads.
Just because we quit doesn't mean our brains yet understand that it need to make this stuff. Personally, I began taking an anti-depressant. Wellbutrin for me. Not that I am advocating it, believe me, I hated the idea of it...but I was pretty stuck in sadness and obsessive cravings. The medication helped me TREMENDOUSLY and almost immediately.
Eat the foods that are good for your brain. Exercise....that naturally releases endorphins in your brain. Go to the health food store and stock up on what you need....For me, it was an adrenal gland supplement, B complex, and a good multi for women.
Whether or not these things actually help...let me just say, taking ACTION in your own recovery is HUGE. It is the self esteem that keeps us feeling that we deserve a clean life....lets us feel the rewards of a clean life. So, take action and know that no matter what.....you will not feel this way long. It is a part of the process...you know, we all have to pay our dues...right?
By the way: 12 DAYS IS HUGE!!!!!! Congratulations and continued success.
Sarah
Sorry to hear you are feeling so badly.
I wanted to respond to you....I won't be able to be around much after this post, but I wanted you to know someone out here feels your pain.
I went cold turkey, at home, took my last pill on June 11th. I suffered pretty bad withdrawal symptoms, but the worst was the depression afterwards....now, let me preface that with, I also had JUST lost my father, to whom I was very close...so there was more than one reason for my sadness.
There is a condition called PAWS...Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome....which I hate to mention because I don't want anymore freakin' conditions personally...but it helped me understand what I was up against chemically.
Our bodies (brains in particular) have been accustomed to being flooded with opiates...because we flooded our brains with opiates, our brains decided to stop making seratonin, and endorphins. Those two chemicals are some of the "feel good" stuff in our heads.
Just because we quit doesn't mean our brains yet understand that it need to make this stuff. Personally, I began taking an anti-depressant. Wellbutrin for me. Not that I am advocating it, believe me, I hated the idea of it...but I was pretty stuck in sadness and obsessive cravings. The medication helped me TREMENDOUSLY and almost immediately.
Eat the foods that are good for your brain. Exercise....that naturally releases endorphins in your brain. Go to the health food store and stock up on what you need....For me, it was an adrenal gland supplement, B complex, and a good multi for women.
Whether or not these things actually help...let me just say, taking ACTION in your own recovery is HUGE. It is the self esteem that keeps us feeling that we deserve a clean life....lets us feel the rewards of a clean life. So, take action and know that no matter what.....you will not feel this way long. It is a part of the process...you know, we all have to pay our dues...right?
By the way: 12 DAYS IS HUGE!!!!!! Congratulations and continued success.
Sarah
How long did your depression last before you started the anitdepressent and are you still on it. this whole thing is like a nightmare that won't end. thanks for writing, you said you would be gone so I don't know if you will even get this.
Hey llh.
I am still here. I really can't remember...let's see, I can figure it out.....
I started taking the anti-depressant about 6 weeks after I stopped taking pills.
I went as long as I could, and started having pretty obsessive thoughts about taking pills...It was stressful, my detox...and family complications had me pretty twisted up.
I can't really say there was a feeling associated with thinking about using...they were cravings and they almost drove me nuts....*lol*, (maybe they did, not sure about that, jury is still out...*smile*)
Anyway, it worked for me. Like within 3 days...I was up and moving and feeling much better. Before that...I felt my bones were made of lead. I was pushing to move, but I knew, I couldn't push like that forever...I would use again.
So, I opted for the meds...with the help of my physician and therapist, we chose that drug, and had to adjust the dosage down once...
I don't have any appreciable side effects.
S.
I am still here. I really can't remember...let's see, I can figure it out.....
I started taking the anti-depressant about 6 weeks after I stopped taking pills.
I went as long as I could, and started having pretty obsessive thoughts about taking pills...It was stressful, my detox...and family complications had me pretty twisted up.
I can't really say there was a feeling associated with thinking about using...they were cravings and they almost drove me nuts....*lol*, (maybe they did, not sure about that, jury is still out...*smile*)
Anyway, it worked for me. Like within 3 days...I was up and moving and feeling much better. Before that...I felt my bones were made of lead. I was pushing to move, but I knew, I couldn't push like that forever...I would use again.
So, I opted for the meds...with the help of my physician and therapist, we chose that drug, and had to adjust the dosage down once...
I don't have any appreciable side effects.
S.
Six weeks, oh my gosh I could never make it like this for six weeks. How long were you taking pills before you quit? someone told me that makes a difference in how fast you bounce back.
Is everyone else gone out there today?
Is everyone else gone out there today?
i don't think how long or how much makes that big of a difference, but i could be horribly wrong...lol
i used for at least four years.....daily, and my dosage escalated as dosages tend to do.
did i read that you were taking ativan???
edited to say: i don't think there is a "bounceback" button when it comes to recovery. i think no matter what it is work...and it is work daily. it isn't back breaking, or it doesn't have to be, but we do have to have a plan for staying clean. clean time doesn't just happen to a person.
hey llh.....sorry, don't answer! ... we will pick this up another time, i have to run and i am so sorry for that. unavoidable.
hang in there!
s.
i used for at least four years.....daily, and my dosage escalated as dosages tend to do.
did i read that you were taking ativan???
edited to say: i don't think there is a "bounceback" button when it comes to recovery. i think no matter what it is work...and it is work daily. it isn't back breaking, or it doesn't have to be, but we do have to have a plan for staying clean. clean time doesn't just happen to a person.
hey llh.....sorry, don't answer! ... we will pick this up another time, i have to run and i am so sorry for that. unavoidable.
hang in there!
s.
Is depression a normal stage of withdrawl, I am so depressed today and i am worried about it. Does anyone out there know the stages of this, I just need to know what to expect next. I am scared.
Hi llh,
Depression is a very natural part of w/d. YOu should count on it and just treat it as another symptom. I'm not trying to minimize any of this, but no one is doing you an favors whitewashing it. You will feel depressed and you'll cry. Just let it out. Sleep will come hard for awhile. You'll feel some residual effects for a little longer. Just hang in there. Going back will only make it harder. You've come through hte worst of it and are on teh home stretch of the physical aspects. Get some f2f if you can. You're doing great. Just don't fight too much. Get some air. Some exercize. Great for depression as well. Keep posting and take care.
Beck
Depression is a very natural part of w/d. YOu should count on it and just treat it as another symptom. I'm not trying to minimize any of this, but no one is doing you an favors whitewashing it. You will feel depressed and you'll cry. Just let it out. Sleep will come hard for awhile. You'll feel some residual effects for a little longer. Just hang in there. Going back will only make it harder. You've come through hte worst of it and are on teh home stretch of the physical aspects. Get some f2f if you can. You're doing great. Just don't fight too much. Get some air. Some exercize. Great for depression as well. Keep posting and take care.
Beck
Hi again,
Hey honey..i hear a bit more optimism in your posts then yesterday or the day before...so when you are feeling crappy just remember how far youve come..in fact go back and read your posts from day one as a measuring tool....
I dont really know what to say that i havent already told you...your brain needs time to repair, and to work as it was before you played with the balance of feel good hormones etc....but you'd be hard pressed to find even one Dr that wont tell you that the brain WILL return to "normal"...it just will take some time..
Our brains and our bodies are amazing that way...we didnt play with the natural balance for one day or even one week, most of us played around with it for a long long time, so actually the amount of time we need to suffer and or feel lousy, pales in comparison to the days months years we abused...does that make sense???
Your doing great love..
Keep it up, be good to yourself, take it easy and keep your eye on the long term goal...in the end, you'll be so glad you stuck it out through this crappy feeling time...
Hugs'
Ali
Hey honey..i hear a bit more optimism in your posts then yesterday or the day before...so when you are feeling crappy just remember how far youve come..in fact go back and read your posts from day one as a measuring tool....
I dont really know what to say that i havent already told you...your brain needs time to repair, and to work as it was before you played with the balance of feel good hormones etc....but you'd be hard pressed to find even one Dr that wont tell you that the brain WILL return to "normal"...it just will take some time..
Our brains and our bodies are amazing that way...we didnt play with the natural balance for one day or even one week, most of us played around with it for a long long time, so actually the amount of time we need to suffer and or feel lousy, pales in comparison to the days months years we abused...does that make sense???
Your doing great love..
Keep it up, be good to yourself, take it easy and keep your eye on the long term goal...in the end, you'll be so glad you stuck it out through this crappy feeling time...
Hugs'
Ali
Thanks Beck, what is f2f? Does this intense depression last very long?
HI Ali, I thought everyone was gone today. I can't believe how much it helps to get my feelings out. I am so sad right now.
Hi llh,
f2f is some kind of face to face support. Be it therapy or meetings or support from family. As far as the depression, I would ask you to compare today from yesterday, last week and 10 days ago. In the day to day of it, it's sometimes hard to see progress. But if you look bac a bit, you'll see you are in fact improving. I would say give it 30 days and I think you'll be feeling so much better. You can still have major cravings which is where the f2f cmes in. Also be sure to cut off all your sources. This is so very critical. If you can get more, chances are you will during a weak moment. Cut them off. Find someone to call when cravings hit. Get some air and exercise. I promise the exercise will help. I walk, a couple of miles a day, weather permitting. I can attest to how much this helps. It jump starts the brains healing. Again, you're doing well and have come a long way. JUst a little more time. But get ready for cravings. Cut your sources llh. God Bless and good luck.
If you'd like to email I'm at rrose9@aol.com
Beck
f2f is some kind of face to face support. Be it therapy or meetings or support from family. As far as the depression, I would ask you to compare today from yesterday, last week and 10 days ago. In the day to day of it, it's sometimes hard to see progress. But if you look bac a bit, you'll see you are in fact improving. I would say give it 30 days and I think you'll be feeling so much better. You can still have major cravings which is where the f2f cmes in. Also be sure to cut off all your sources. This is so very critical. If you can get more, chances are you will during a weak moment. Cut them off. Find someone to call when cravings hit. Get some air and exercise. I promise the exercise will help. I walk, a couple of miles a day, weather permitting. I can attest to how much this helps. It jump starts the brains healing. Again, you're doing well and have come a long way. JUst a little more time. But get ready for cravings. Cut your sources llh. God Bless and good luck.
If you'd like to email I'm at rrose9@aol.com
Beck
llh,
I want to congratulate you on 12 days. 12 days aren't easy and you did it!!!!
You have been given some great advice. I really can't add much. Remember that it took a long time for you to get here (addiction). It will take a long time for you get better. I know how much you want the suffering to be over. There just isn't a quick fix.
Everything you are feeling is normal. Depression is part of detoxing. I took viatamins and ate as good as I could. Banannas helped me a lot. Get outside and walk just a little bit. This won't last forever, I promose.
Keep posting, it helps to talk about what you are going through.
Be proud of how you feel now. WD isn't easy. You have 12 days, 12 days pill free!!! Wear your crummy feelings proudly.
Catherine
I want to congratulate you on 12 days. 12 days aren't easy and you did it!!!!
You have been given some great advice. I really can't add much. Remember that it took a long time for you to get here (addiction). It will take a long time for you get better. I know how much you want the suffering to be over. There just isn't a quick fix.
Everything you are feeling is normal. Depression is part of detoxing. I took viatamins and ate as good as I could. Banannas helped me a lot. Get outside and walk just a little bit. This won't last forever, I promose.
Keep posting, it helps to talk about what you are going through.
Be proud of how you feel now. WD isn't easy. You have 12 days, 12 days pill free!!! Wear your crummy feelings proudly.
Catherine
Hi llh,
I've been away from the board for a while and usually don't post much. Welcome.
12 days is a great start. When I could get past 4 days I always felt better.
I've been reading this board for a long time and I don't think I've ever read better advice than what Beck just posted.
Stay strong and remember that it only gets better.
Take care
Hawk
I've been away from the board for a while and usually don't post much. Welcome.
12 days is a great start. When I could get past 4 days I always felt better.
I've been reading this board for a long time and I don't think I've ever read better advice than what Beck just posted.
Stay strong and remember that it only gets better.
Take care
Hawk
I haven't had any cravings yet, so I need to be prepared for that, eh? Can 't imagine ever going back here, but I have taken care of all sources just in case. I am definitly not liking this depression stage, it is freaking me out. I am still worried about the ativan. I only took 1 1/4 last night and i want to just stop in case that is what this depression is about. Someone said that they get depressed after taking it. I just don't know whether is would be safe to just stop at this point. It doesn't seem like very much just once a day. But some of the posts about it have really scared me. It's like I calm down and then something else freaks me out. this is like a never ending nightmare right now.
llh,
Are you Canadian??lol just wondered with the "eh" word in there..lolol
Try not to freak yourself out too much honey...though a healthy fear is probably a good thing...and if i were you i would err on the side of caution and not go off completely...taper a bit first..it cant hurt and will calm your nerves about the chances of seizures...
You are doing so well...and you really sound committed to staying the course..getting off of all mind altering and addictive pills...thats an amazing thing..to be so commtted regardless of how you feel at present..
Keep posting and breathe...take a hot bath, try to relax...think of how far youve come from just thinking that you SHOULD get off the pills...
Hugs
Ali
Are you Canadian??lol just wondered with the "eh" word in there..lolol
Try not to freak yourself out too much honey...though a healthy fear is probably a good thing...and if i were you i would err on the side of caution and not go off completely...taper a bit first..it cant hurt and will calm your nerves about the chances of seizures...
You are doing so well...and you really sound committed to staying the course..getting off of all mind altering and addictive pills...thats an amazing thing..to be so commtted regardless of how you feel at present..
Keep posting and breathe...take a hot bath, try to relax...think of how far youve come from just thinking that you SHOULD get off the pills...
Hugs
Ali
Thanks Ali, I needed that.
by the way, I am not canadian, ha! I am not sure why that came out that way.
Llh,
I AM Canadian..lol...but dont think i say 'eh"..its just the stereotype Canadian thing to say..lol
If i helped you at all...im so grateful.
Hugs
Ali
P.S. Bet you'll feel better still by Sunday..hope you can get out a bit this weekend just to get some fresh air.....I remember forcing myself out because someone here told me i would feel better to get fresh air...they were right...i dragged myself just around the block, which felt like walking a marathon...wearing i think my just Pjs with a winter coat over it...and my husbands size 14 shoes cus i was too lazy to look for and put on my own shoes...i looked like something the cat dragged in but the fresh air really did calm me down, make me feel better....
I AM Canadian..lol...but dont think i say 'eh"..its just the stereotype Canadian thing to say..lol
If i helped you at all...im so grateful.
Hugs
Ali
P.S. Bet you'll feel better still by Sunday..hope you can get out a bit this weekend just to get some fresh air.....I remember forcing myself out because someone here told me i would feel better to get fresh air...they were right...i dragged myself just around the block, which felt like walking a marathon...wearing i think my just Pjs with a winter coat over it...and my husbands size 14 shoes cus i was too lazy to look for and put on my own shoes...i looked like something the cat dragged in but the fresh air really did calm me down, make me feel better....
