ww- are you having fun? are you getting around okay?
the e-mail address you gave me keeps sending the e-mails back !
i hope all is well and hope my e-mails will get thru to you.....
stay safe, talk to strangers and have a great time! xo jojo
today i was walking with my daughter and some out of towners were walking slow, we were trying to pass them i told my daughter we should give them a break they are from out of town, it could be my friend wonderwoman!
We are absolutely having the best time...:-) People have been kind, while on the top of the tour bus, a sweet elderly gentleman waved at me and blew me a kiss.....didn't expect that ! Yesterday our elevator got stuck on the 86th floor of the Empire State Building for 15 minutes ! I had an anxiety attack..that sucked but what a story to tell the kids back home. In response, they gave us our own private elevator ride and free tickets.
We are walking everywhere, mostly, but the tour busses are great. I saw three (107, 95 and 76) playgrounds while going by Central Park, made me think of you and your daughter and wonder which apt was yours. We are walking fast, btw, to keep up ! LOL We noticed you have a few nitrogen tanks here in times square...what's up with that ?
I so appreciate the guys who just break into song around here, and the gorgeous people in this great city!
We're doing the harbour cruise next.....taking a cab there, though....my feet hurt !!! Harlem was amazing ! Loved the brownstones....oh and Madame Tussauds was a blast.
I sent you my phone number through the hotmail account, going to check it next. These lobby computers work better than the rooms.
Love and light,
Diana
We are walking everywhere, mostly, but the tour busses are great. I saw three (107, 95 and 76) playgrounds while going by Central Park, made me think of you and your daughter and wonder which apt was yours. We are walking fast, btw, to keep up ! LOL We noticed you have a few nitrogen tanks here in times square...what's up with that ?
I so appreciate the guys who just break into song around here, and the gorgeous people in this great city!
We're doing the harbour cruise next.....taking a cab there, though....my feet hurt !!! Harlem was amazing ! Loved the brownstones....oh and Madame Tussauds was a blast.
I sent you my phone number through the hotmail account, going to check it next. These lobby computers work better than the rooms.
Love and light,
Diana
hi ww- i just talked to you, oh the world just got a little smaller didn't it? i enjoyed our chat and i'm so happy we talked:) i hope you have a great time tonight and on and on...... i'll be looking for ya! xo jojo
edit to say: happy birthday to you!!!
edit to say: happy birthday to you!!!
We just bought cupcakes. LOL saw a line up outside the Mongolian Bakery, joined it.....:-)
It was so cool to hear you "live and in person" and take a stroll in your neighborhood, loved every inch of it and the band we saw @ Kenny's Castaways was great ! The long Island ice tea I ordered knocked me out, though, so it's bed time...early start tomorrow, must have turned forty, eh ? LOL thanks for the birthday wishes......take care dear one...I left a message on your cell and realized I really do sound so Canadian eh !
Peace, love and cupcakes,
Diana
It was so cool to hear you "live and in person" and take a stroll in your neighborhood, loved every inch of it and the band we saw @ Kenny's Castaways was great ! The long Island ice tea I ordered knocked me out, though, so it's bed time...early start tomorrow, must have turned forty, eh ? LOL thanks for the birthday wishes......take care dear one...I left a message on your cell and realized I really do sound so Canadian eh !
Peace, love and cupcakes,
Diana
hi just sent you and e- it's basically this.....
hi sorry i missed your call, i was giving the young one a bath and didn't hear the phone. i couldn't have gone out anyway yet i was almost obsessed to run down the street, find you and hug you! don't know if you saw my post but talking to you made my the whole world seem a little smaller. so nice.
you were at kenny's castaways? hubbie's band used to play there and in fact all those clubs on that stip on bleecker street. did you walk west (turn right?) then you must have come into my hood. i hope you had a great time. i'm pooped been up working. time for slumber.....early morning tomorrow. have a great time on the boatride, it's well worth it. one of my fav. things to do! try to do one that goes around the island, or at least passes the statue of liberty.... it's awsome.
i loved talked to you ... again sorry i missed your call...........
have fun and a safe trip home.
xo
ps. magnolia bakery...did you wait on line? a popular spot, they filmed sex in the city there..... playground is across the street....
hi sorry i missed your call, i was giving the young one a bath and didn't hear the phone. i couldn't have gone out anyway yet i was almost obsessed to run down the street, find you and hug you! don't know if you saw my post but talking to you made my the whole world seem a little smaller. so nice.
you were at kenny's castaways? hubbie's band used to play there and in fact all those clubs on that stip on bleecker street. did you walk west (turn right?) then you must have come into my hood. i hope you had a great time. i'm pooped been up working. time for slumber.....early morning tomorrow. have a great time on the boatride, it's well worth it. one of my fav. things to do! try to do one that goes around the island, or at least passes the statue of liberty.... it's awsome.
i loved talked to you ... again sorry i missed your call...........
have fun and a safe trip home.
xo
ps. magnolia bakery...did you wait on line? a popular spot, they filmed sex in the city there..... playground is across the street....
Yes, talking with you was great....I even text messaged you....do you even have that feature??? lmao ! Small world you bet your booty it is. You're never alone with this addiction...ok....remember that. :-) You've helped me see that, too...
you were at kenny's castaways? Yes, I sure was !!! Saw "The Vinyl Stash".
hubbie's band used to play there and in fact all those clubs on that stip on bleecker street. did you walk west (turn right?) *****Yes, and we even sat in the area outside the playground ! Quite a few people sitting around. Someone was playing the tune, "the Zoo" by the Scorpions. Perfect song btw! *****
have a great time on the boatride, it's well worth it. one of my fav. things to do! **** It was very cool....I cried when I got up close to the statue of liberty....that surprised me......
I also cried at the world trade centre site, freedom is so very precious.....yes ? Then I cried at marineland on the way thru niagra falls....those dolphins....get me every time.....this was an amazing trip ! I'm coming back one day....**********
I can't believe we waited in line for cupcakes ! Crazy ! My husband asked this guy what was in them that was so special and he said, "crack". But I only ate two.....so I didn't believe that dude @ all....:-) then some bitter sugar-free lady walked by and yelled at the ten of us in line....she said we were all "f'ing brainwashed" and "to get a life"...but hey I've seen bigger line ups for coffee in my city.....lol
Oh I have to share a story......I remember one time Hippinerd said I would be lost without my husband....I wholeheartedly agreed with him....at the time....
But seriously do other potheads have self-confidence issues ????? Speak up......come on...I know i can't be the only one.
Anyway.... on our way to the Empire State Building, I suddenly found myself standing alone on some "people-sprinkled sidewalk" (damn those cupcakes)with the realization that my husband had disappeared.....I had turned around and saw a million faces and found myself alone in NYC, I had fourteen dollars in my pocket and no ID.....no phone.....and the realization that I didn't even know what the address to the hotel was......I didn't freak out, though....I merely told myself to keep moving on, like a metaphor for life, one foot in front of the other, I had choices, streets to follow, people to ask for guidance.....and it was a HUGE wake-up call.....I rely on my man for EVERYTHING and that's just not right......I am my own person, I CAN take care of myself and I did.
Then I actually found myself thinking "I'll just meet him at the Empire State Building, just like in the movies." (I'm so cheesy, I know).
So I found my way there with ease, actually and discovered I was two dollars short for a ticket to get in...... So here I am thinking I'll need to beg for money....of all the places in the world....good one, Diana !
More like blunderwoman....:-)
Apparently, I am not lost....I'm directionally challenged and just a silly romantic who searches for lessons in every experience.
Half an hour later....I have never been happier to see my man, we stood in line for an hour and had a good laugh. Now I know why handbags are all the rage in NYC....it's to put all your important stuff in, like ID and money.....lmao. Ok,ok I get it now.
Then we got trapped in a stifling hot elevator with a dusty emergency phone that didn't work......on the 86th floor of The Empire State Building.......
I heart NY. :-)
you were at kenny's castaways? Yes, I sure was !!! Saw "The Vinyl Stash".
hubbie's band used to play there and in fact all those clubs on that stip on bleecker street. did you walk west (turn right?) *****Yes, and we even sat in the area outside the playground ! Quite a few people sitting around. Someone was playing the tune, "the Zoo" by the Scorpions. Perfect song btw! *****
have a great time on the boatride, it's well worth it. one of my fav. things to do! **** It was very cool....I cried when I got up close to the statue of liberty....that surprised me......
I also cried at the world trade centre site, freedom is so very precious.....yes ? Then I cried at marineland on the way thru niagra falls....those dolphins....get me every time.....this was an amazing trip ! I'm coming back one day....**********
I can't believe we waited in line for cupcakes ! Crazy ! My husband asked this guy what was in them that was so special and he said, "crack". But I only ate two.....so I didn't believe that dude @ all....:-) then some bitter sugar-free lady walked by and yelled at the ten of us in line....she said we were all "f'ing brainwashed" and "to get a life"...but hey I've seen bigger line ups for coffee in my city.....lol
Oh I have to share a story......I remember one time Hippinerd said I would be lost without my husband....I wholeheartedly agreed with him....at the time....
But seriously do other potheads have self-confidence issues ????? Speak up......come on...I know i can't be the only one.
Anyway.... on our way to the Empire State Building, I suddenly found myself standing alone on some "people-sprinkled sidewalk" (damn those cupcakes)with the realization that my husband had disappeared.....I had turned around and saw a million faces and found myself alone in NYC, I had fourteen dollars in my pocket and no ID.....no phone.....and the realization that I didn't even know what the address to the hotel was......I didn't freak out, though....I merely told myself to keep moving on, like a metaphor for life, one foot in front of the other, I had choices, streets to follow, people to ask for guidance.....and it was a HUGE wake-up call.....I rely on my man for EVERYTHING and that's just not right......I am my own person, I CAN take care of myself and I did.
Then I actually found myself thinking "I'll just meet him at the Empire State Building, just like in the movies." (I'm so cheesy, I know).
So I found my way there with ease, actually and discovered I was two dollars short for a ticket to get in...... So here I am thinking I'll need to beg for money....of all the places in the world....good one, Diana !
More like blunderwoman....:-)
Apparently, I am not lost....I'm directionally challenged and just a silly romantic who searches for lessons in every experience.
Half an hour later....I have never been happier to see my man, we stood in line for an hour and had a good laugh. Now I know why handbags are all the rage in NYC....it's to put all your important stuff in, like ID and money.....lmao. Ok,ok I get it now.
Then we got trapped in a stifling hot elevator with a dusty emergency phone that didn't work......on the 86th floor of The Empire State Building.......
I heart NY. :-)
Sounds like an amazing time. I went in 1986, am sure things have changed since then. I was too concerned about boys and partying at the time to really soak it all in.
Cant wait to go back someday.
WW, i understand the self confidence issue. I depended on my husband way too much for self confidence. He couldnt live up to all my needs. Then we had kids and I needed him even more, for everything. So I just stayed high for years. Since I quit I almost need shoves at times to get me to do things on my own. Now let me say I was always independent and self reliant prior to marriage and especially prior to pot.
Anyway there is really no point to my story other than I get your drift. The fact is we can and will make it with no one elses help and depending on others for things they may or may not be capable of get us and them in trouble sometimes.
We are women hear us ROAR
Cant wait to go back someday.
WW, i understand the self confidence issue. I depended on my husband way too much for self confidence. He couldnt live up to all my needs. Then we had kids and I needed him even more, for everything. So I just stayed high for years. Since I quit I almost need shoves at times to get me to do things on my own. Now let me say I was always independent and self reliant prior to marriage and especially prior to pot.
Anyway there is really no point to my story other than I get your drift. The fact is we can and will make it with no one elses help and depending on others for things they may or may not be capable of get us and them in trouble sometimes.
We are women hear us ROAR
Now let me say I was always independent and self reliant prior to marriage and especially prior to pot. **********Me too, why do we give ourselves up, Jamv ? No sense dwelling...as sad as it is/was :-) but I see it with so many women. Thanks for understanding me, I am suffering from serious jetlag/sleepiness....
I'm all about behavioural change, .....and change is inevitable, growth is optional....for me anyway. Not sure if this trip is a honeymoon stage I've learned about with some partners patterns.....or it is really an all out attempt to meet my needs. What I do know for sure is my husband wants me to be happy, to have joy and adventure in my life.
Freedom is precious.
I have news ! I have the phone numbers of eleven women now, who are all wanting to continue getting together a few times a month...I smile with the thought of socializing without being stoned.....gathering with strong women who are interested in moving forward with their lives. These last three months have taught me so much in that group.
I urge anyone struggling with ANYTHING to step forward, seek out support, face your fears, walk out your door, you will be surprised to learn how much love and understanding there is.....beyond the computer.
Thank you JoJo and Jamv, for also being part of my loving, understanding, world. :-)
I'm all about behavioural change, .....and change is inevitable, growth is optional....for me anyway. Not sure if this trip is a honeymoon stage I've learned about with some partners patterns.....or it is really an all out attempt to meet my needs. What I do know for sure is my husband wants me to be happy, to have joy and adventure in my life.
Freedom is precious.
I have news ! I have the phone numbers of eleven women now, who are all wanting to continue getting together a few times a month...I smile with the thought of socializing without being stoned.....gathering with strong women who are interested in moving forward with their lives. These last three months have taught me so much in that group.
I urge anyone struggling with ANYTHING to step forward, seek out support, face your fears, walk out your door, you will be surprised to learn how much love and understanding there is.....beyond the computer.
Thank you JoJo and Jamv, for also being part of my loving, understanding, world. :-)
right back to you ww!!!
so glad you love ny:)
so glad you had a good time....
much to say but got stuff to do, will write a bit later.
xo jojo
yes did get your text message the next morning. would have texted you back but i am text inept! i started to and it was taking me a too long and we had to go on our day trip. now the little one has 'swimmers ear' ohhhh city mice we are.
more soon........
so glad you love ny:)
so glad you had a good time....
much to say but got stuff to do, will write a bit later.
xo jojo
yes did get your text message the next morning. would have texted you back but i am text inept! i started to and it was taking me a too long and we had to go on our day trip. now the little one has 'swimmers ear' ohhhh city mice we are.
more soon........
Swimmers ear. It can be the worse. My girl had it 2 times this summer. NOW we are home for two days with ANOTHER bladder infection. The doctors say she will grow out of it, but I hate it for her. She seems very embarassed by it and of course all the recommendations they make to prevent it, well..it makes it seems like it is her fault of she is doing something wrong. she has a dysfunctional void. In other words holds it too long cause she is having fun and then it doesn't all make it out and hence the infection. But it is so hard to tell a 9 year old, have you peed lately, you need to go and try to pee. She gets so aggravated. Then she is lying in pain and having bladder spasms all night. Hey, I have gotten 2 days off work none the less and in the nick of time.
I know some of you remember my drama with my sister having a wedding in the bahamas and making it impossible for my family to attend. My dad is and was pretty angry with her. Well I have taken the high road and am having a luau at my house for our side of the family and friends and the grooms. (her mother is not invited). so I love planning parties and events, but it can be pretty draining.
We do have the hula skirts and cocanut bras. (I might even try that bra on later)
I know some of you remember my drama with my sister having a wedding in the bahamas and making it impossible for my family to attend. My dad is and was pretty angry with her. Well I have taken the high road and am having a luau at my house for our side of the family and friends and the grooms. (her mother is not invited). so I love planning parties and events, but it can be pretty draining.
We do have the hula skirts and cocanut bras. (I might even try that bra on later)
Jamv, if it makes you feel better, I'm constantly asking my kids about their bowel movements. My oldest is going for a colonoscopy, it sounds like he has inherited Chrohn's from me.
You've handled the situation with your sister with grace and class, good on you ! The spirit of your intention shines through, I hope she appreciates it.
I wish I could wear a coconut bra, sounds like fun !!!!! LOL
Love and Light,
Diana
You've handled the situation with your sister with grace and class, good on you ! The spirit of your intention shines through, I hope she appreciates it.
I wish I could wear a coconut bra, sounds like fun !!!!! LOL
Love and Light,
Diana
ladies and gents... i think... i think i am beginning to feel better. i am beginning to feel. last night got terrible news, best friends divorcing. i cried. i am feeling something....
i took the day off to clean my apt. i may have said this before but it looks like we've been ransacked..... one thing at a time i will sort and organzie bit by bit..... i'm still lost to my nouns.... i can't think of words for them. i actually picked up a picture of a watermellon today and said to my 5 year old, "what is this called" i was stuttering over the word.....
wonderwoman, it's a beautiful day here in nyc. i took the young one to school and walked home again tour busses passing me and i always look up and give them the 'peace sign'.... now when i do i think of you :) gives me strength makes the world feel less large.
yes the statue of liberty makes me cry too. it's amazing ("eh?" yes i loved it when you said that and then again i was wondering how heavy my ny accent was to you?) when i was a kid i climbed all the way up to the crown which really dates me as i don't think that is allowed anymore. i remember crying cause i didn't want to walk down. i musta been 5 or 6!
the wtc site, it is a graveyard. i've been explaining it in bits to my daughter as the (stupid IMO oliver stone) movie has opened up a can of worms with kids who don't understand, who weren't even born at the time or were babies..... it was the worst day of our lives. i still want to know where my husbands glasses are ..... his office was blown to bits that day. his glasses left on his desk.....
i digress i don't want to offend or hurt anyone whose wounds are deep. me and mine... we were really 'lucky' that day.
what a world and i am in the midst of explaining it to my child. every year we go to the local fireshouse down the street. they lost 10 guys. this year she will understand why we go. we bring flowers, i quote springsteen...... this year she will too.
and in there here and now... i hope, i hope i am past the hard part of this w/d or whatever i'm going thru. i want to live honest, i want to be a productive member of this life again. tired of regrets....sorry i'm rambling but i'm feeling for the first time in a long time..... i feel like i've been gone a long time. between my 'addiction' and my personal problems it's been a long time...
my first day home all alone and i have no cravings just the need to clean this place. and be clean and stay clean.
stay tuned we all know this can change in an instant......truth huh?
jamv. i want to wear a coconut bra too:)
xo jojo
i took the day off to clean my apt. i may have said this before but it looks like we've been ransacked..... one thing at a time i will sort and organzie bit by bit..... i'm still lost to my nouns.... i can't think of words for them. i actually picked up a picture of a watermellon today and said to my 5 year old, "what is this called" i was stuttering over the word.....
wonderwoman, it's a beautiful day here in nyc. i took the young one to school and walked home again tour busses passing me and i always look up and give them the 'peace sign'.... now when i do i think of you :) gives me strength makes the world feel less large.
yes the statue of liberty makes me cry too. it's amazing ("eh?" yes i loved it when you said that and then again i was wondering how heavy my ny accent was to you?) when i was a kid i climbed all the way up to the crown which really dates me as i don't think that is allowed anymore. i remember crying cause i didn't want to walk down. i musta been 5 or 6!
the wtc site, it is a graveyard. i've been explaining it in bits to my daughter as the (stupid IMO oliver stone) movie has opened up a can of worms with kids who don't understand, who weren't even born at the time or were babies..... it was the worst day of our lives. i still want to know where my husbands glasses are ..... his office was blown to bits that day. his glasses left on his desk.....
i digress i don't want to offend or hurt anyone whose wounds are deep. me and mine... we were really 'lucky' that day.
what a world and i am in the midst of explaining it to my child. every year we go to the local fireshouse down the street. they lost 10 guys. this year she will understand why we go. we bring flowers, i quote springsteen...... this year she will too.
and in there here and now... i hope, i hope i am past the hard part of this w/d or whatever i'm going thru. i want to live honest, i want to be a productive member of this life again. tired of regrets....sorry i'm rambling but i'm feeling for the first time in a long time..... i feel like i've been gone a long time. between my 'addiction' and my personal problems it's been a long time...
my first day home all alone and i have no cravings just the need to clean this place. and be clean and stay clean.
stay tuned we all know this can change in an instant......truth huh?
jamv. i want to wear a coconut bra too:)
xo jojo
Unfortunately the coconut bras dont come in sizes. There is no large, med, etc. So my daughter is going to wear it over her tshirt if i can convince her. I think it would actually be a bit uncomfortable.
I am going for the leis and flowers in my hair.
I am going for the leis and flowers in my hair.
okay no coco bra.... :)
sounds like a wonderful party and such a good sister you are!
hope your plans are going smoothly and have much fun!!!
xo jojo
hey i made it thru this day. got suff done. i'm amazed. i even..... made a list! now if only i check it now and again... or remember i made it:)
sounds like a wonderful party and such a good sister you are!
hope your plans are going smoothly and have much fun!!!
xo jojo
hey i made it thru this day. got suff done. i'm amazed. i even..... made a list! now if only i check it now and again... or remember i made it:)
I have a horrible headache, bbl. :-(
feel better:)
I understand. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a perpetual state of grieving. Losses neverending. Jobs, divorces, youth, death.....even my hearing is going :-).....and if I don't go through the stages of grief how can I get to acceptance ? Darkness when exposed to the light, becomes light.
Your watermelon story reminded me of the time I stood in home depot trying to tell the guy I needed a "thingee" that is on doors, for the life of me, the word "door knob" was out of reach in my brain......man did I feel like....well....like a door knob. LOL
My cousins' death....he was a firefighter in Cold Lake....he travelled to New York, after 9/11 I have a photo of him and his group.....his eyes.....the "why" and the profound sadness. I feel closer to him somehow, now after standing where he has stood. By travelling to the site and paying my respects, it has been closure. I didn't expect that, but it reminded me that he was a man who had a career that was brave, true and good, it helped me focus on his life and not on his death.
Clearing out our homes is cleansing the soul, it's been said many times. I continue to simplify, beautify my surroundings, because I am worth it. Clutter free mind, yes ?
Your accent was subtle, yet I would know you were from NYC in a "new york minute". :-) I often get told I sound like my daughter on the phone. Doesn't everybody want to sound like a 15 year old girl? NOT. lol I must start practicing a woman's voice, it's embarassing when someone says, "Hi, can I talk to your mom ?"
That is pretty amazing, the circumstances, the glasses of your husband. How can you wrap your head around the word "lucky" with such an event like this? It's a miracle to me. I think there may have been many miracles that day. I hope a movie is made focussing on that.....
This year I want to do SOMETHING to honour the lives lost on 9/11.
After being in your city, I find myself wanting to "dress up" more. Suddenly I want to embrace the clothing/shoes shopping that gives women a rush. Maybe there's something to that. I never really cared before. Weird eh ?
My post is all over the place. I am feeling scattered today. It's a good day to garden.
You are awakening, can you express this through art and writing ? Maybe get inspired at the museums this weekend.....:-)
Your friend is lucky to have a friend to travel this journey with her, it won't be easy. Make sure you keep your emotional bank full, regular deposits, so you can cope with the withdrawals easier. (no pun intended :-)
Love and light,
Diana
Your watermelon story reminded me of the time I stood in home depot trying to tell the guy I needed a "thingee" that is on doors, for the life of me, the word "door knob" was out of reach in my brain......man did I feel like....well....like a door knob. LOL
My cousins' death....he was a firefighter in Cold Lake....he travelled to New York, after 9/11 I have a photo of him and his group.....his eyes.....the "why" and the profound sadness. I feel closer to him somehow, now after standing where he has stood. By travelling to the site and paying my respects, it has been closure. I didn't expect that, but it reminded me that he was a man who had a career that was brave, true and good, it helped me focus on his life and not on his death.
Clearing out our homes is cleansing the soul, it's been said many times. I continue to simplify, beautify my surroundings, because I am worth it. Clutter free mind, yes ?
Your accent was subtle, yet I would know you were from NYC in a "new york minute". :-) I often get told I sound like my daughter on the phone. Doesn't everybody want to sound like a 15 year old girl? NOT. lol I must start practicing a woman's voice, it's embarassing when someone says, "Hi, can I talk to your mom ?"
That is pretty amazing, the circumstances, the glasses of your husband. How can you wrap your head around the word "lucky" with such an event like this? It's a miracle to me. I think there may have been many miracles that day. I hope a movie is made focussing on that.....
This year I want to do SOMETHING to honour the lives lost on 9/11.
After being in your city, I find myself wanting to "dress up" more. Suddenly I want to embrace the clothing/shoes shopping that gives women a rush. Maybe there's something to that. I never really cared before. Weird eh ?
My post is all over the place. I am feeling scattered today. It's a good day to garden.
You are awakening, can you express this through art and writing ? Maybe get inspired at the museums this weekend.....:-)
Your friend is lucky to have a friend to travel this journey with her, it won't be easy. Make sure you keep your emotional bank full, regular deposits, so you can cope with the withdrawals easier. (no pun intended :-)
Love and light,
Diana
hi there ww- funny you should say that about art and writing - creative things. i just wrote a note to our beloved hippinerd asking him if he knew i played the piano...? that i have been hitting the keys on our keyboard (far from the 'steinway' i learned on) and it's amazing how it's still all in my fingers.... and yes that night you called i was working on my video work for a client and at the time really the only thing i could do, it poured out of me.... so these are the things i'm doing. you are so right.
my friend and the museums are you referring to my post to dottie on the pp board about my late friend or do you mean my friend who is getting divorced....? not sure. ( as i had mentioned a bit about musuems as my friend was dying).....either way my friends are few and fewer .... i don't have many friends anymore.... 2 have passed away... and others grew or moved away.... further the ones that stayed...as i grew/grow into myself the young insecure me let several go as they were users and taking advantage of my 'good' nature.... as my husband says "you and your *hitty friends" most of them are!
yet the ones who are going thru this divorce are dear, and are my childs godparents yet they really don't want my 2cents right now. but they are getting it anyway:) because we are family and i owe it to them and their own child.....
it's a gloomy day here in nyc today... usually a biggo trigger for me but not today i have NO cravings... just trying to sort stuff out.
i love gloomy days, rainy days, snowy days..... triggers!!! i need to find a better way to embrace them. i used to take my camera and go out and shoot... into the fog and gloom with a doobie in my pocket. yet maybe i can do it without and still get the high on the bleak images and more?
since my daugher aside from my work i have done nothing creative. though other moms and my therapist tell me it's common.....5 friggin years!
i realized something huge yesterday as i sat here at home..... my daughter is starting kindergarten in a week. i had wanted everything to be perfect in the home, neat and organized to help her little mind. though she has been in pre school since 18months still this is a huge transition. my parents home was gastly organzied and we kids were abused and messed up, so there you go. but i wanted her closet clean, her clothes clean and sorted and right. her little desk organzied.... but i can't get to it all and it was stressing me terribly. i realized what is most important is ME getting clean, me sorting out the clutter in my head.... the other stuff will come, clean closets or not.....it doesn't need to be in time for the first day of school, does it? but it is essential that i am clear and present, to be true to myself and all that i promise my daugher..... right?
one of my playground mom friends who never smoked weed in her life told me that there are "a lot of stoner moms at the new school" and i'll have no problem making new friends. scared me ..... i don't want to be a stoner mom anymore nor identified with the stoner moms at this school. i think it's important and that it why i am so committed right now. for my daugher and for me ....
ohhhh this post is scattered as well...................i am allllll over the place.....
hey know not all new yorkers dress as my daughter would say "fashion". i am a slob. i am fit and fine (need to lose 10-15 lbs badly) but honestly wear jeans and t-shirts; boots and sneakers every day not to mention the same sandles for 5 years! ....and just blend into the sidewalks of the village....i guess i do look like new yorker but i'm not 'fashion'.... and all the celeb moms i see at the playground are dressed just like me..... so there you go. NOT that i'm trying to discourage you from looking your best..... just letting you know it's not as it seems.
i know what you mean though when i first moved back here i would get dressed to go to the grocery. yet then i was younger and single:) i know i should take more pride in myself. maybe part of getting clean, starting yoga and caring about me instead of my next delivery from the dude will help. i do feel like i'm changing, turning....and i know this is not a pink cloud, it's real. i just can't trip up when life gets me down.... when my momma needs to be thrown from that train!
okay i am off to the post office. gotta send out the job i started the night you were in my hood. i marvel at what i did that night. there i sat couldn't think to save my life but i made these peeps a beautiful thing. like i said it poured out of me.
i think of you out in your garden how lucky are you? you have a house wow. we have a great roof deck/garden. there is a building height law in my hood, so you can see the entire city from here and nj too! one of the things i wanted to invite you over to see. next visit okay?
i don't do the gardening there, i should but other people do... i am anti social and unmotivated but i'm hopeful...yet i have a mini geranium thing going on my fire-escape though... closest i get to dirt. but it's dirt all the same and it's great:)
okay on the run.... my brain waking up is the greatest feeling i've had in months and this no craving? maybe i am done. as hippienerd used to say and still does. done is done. i sure hope so this time!!!
have a good day...... thinking of you ww and everyone else!
xo jojo
ps. wonderful to do something IHO 9/11. the image you conjured of your cousin is intense. i know what you mean. yes my husbands glasses i have written much about them.... they are a metaphor to what was lost for us. the world pivoted that day. none of us are the same....how can we be? an o/t discussion fer sure!!! i'm rambling i'm not going to read this i'm just going to post so everyone please excuse me.... i'm just beginning to feel myself again:)
jojo
my friend and the museums are you referring to my post to dottie on the pp board about my late friend or do you mean my friend who is getting divorced....? not sure. ( as i had mentioned a bit about musuems as my friend was dying).....either way my friends are few and fewer .... i don't have many friends anymore.... 2 have passed away... and others grew or moved away.... further the ones that stayed...as i grew/grow into myself the young insecure me let several go as they were users and taking advantage of my 'good' nature.... as my husband says "you and your *hitty friends" most of them are!
yet the ones who are going thru this divorce are dear, and are my childs godparents yet they really don't want my 2cents right now. but they are getting it anyway:) because we are family and i owe it to them and their own child.....
it's a gloomy day here in nyc today... usually a biggo trigger for me but not today i have NO cravings... just trying to sort stuff out.
i love gloomy days, rainy days, snowy days..... triggers!!! i need to find a better way to embrace them. i used to take my camera and go out and shoot... into the fog and gloom with a doobie in my pocket. yet maybe i can do it without and still get the high on the bleak images and more?
since my daugher aside from my work i have done nothing creative. though other moms and my therapist tell me it's common.....5 friggin years!
i realized something huge yesterday as i sat here at home..... my daughter is starting kindergarten in a week. i had wanted everything to be perfect in the home, neat and organized to help her little mind. though she has been in pre school since 18months still this is a huge transition. my parents home was gastly organzied and we kids were abused and messed up, so there you go. but i wanted her closet clean, her clothes clean and sorted and right. her little desk organzied.... but i can't get to it all and it was stressing me terribly. i realized what is most important is ME getting clean, me sorting out the clutter in my head.... the other stuff will come, clean closets or not.....it doesn't need to be in time for the first day of school, does it? but it is essential that i am clear and present, to be true to myself and all that i promise my daugher..... right?
one of my playground mom friends who never smoked weed in her life told me that there are "a lot of stoner moms at the new school" and i'll have no problem making new friends. scared me ..... i don't want to be a stoner mom anymore nor identified with the stoner moms at this school. i think it's important and that it why i am so committed right now. for my daugher and for me ....
ohhhh this post is scattered as well...................i am allllll over the place.....
hey know not all new yorkers dress as my daughter would say "fashion". i am a slob. i am fit and fine (need to lose 10-15 lbs badly) but honestly wear jeans and t-shirts; boots and sneakers every day not to mention the same sandles for 5 years! ....and just blend into the sidewalks of the village....i guess i do look like new yorker but i'm not 'fashion'.... and all the celeb moms i see at the playground are dressed just like me..... so there you go. NOT that i'm trying to discourage you from looking your best..... just letting you know it's not as it seems.
i know what you mean though when i first moved back here i would get dressed to go to the grocery. yet then i was younger and single:) i know i should take more pride in myself. maybe part of getting clean, starting yoga and caring about me instead of my next delivery from the dude will help. i do feel like i'm changing, turning....and i know this is not a pink cloud, it's real. i just can't trip up when life gets me down.... when my momma needs to be thrown from that train!
okay i am off to the post office. gotta send out the job i started the night you were in my hood. i marvel at what i did that night. there i sat couldn't think to save my life but i made these peeps a beautiful thing. like i said it poured out of me.
i think of you out in your garden how lucky are you? you have a house wow. we have a great roof deck/garden. there is a building height law in my hood, so you can see the entire city from here and nj too! one of the things i wanted to invite you over to see. next visit okay?
i don't do the gardening there, i should but other people do... i am anti social and unmotivated but i'm hopeful...yet i have a mini geranium thing going on my fire-escape though... closest i get to dirt. but it's dirt all the same and it's great:)
okay on the run.... my brain waking up is the greatest feeling i've had in months and this no craving? maybe i am done. as hippienerd used to say and still does. done is done. i sure hope so this time!!!
have a good day...... thinking of you ww and everyone else!
xo jojo
ps. wonderful to do something IHO 9/11. the image you conjured of your cousin is intense. i know what you mean. yes my husbands glasses i have written much about them.... they are a metaphor to what was lost for us. the world pivoted that day. none of us are the same....how can we be? an o/t discussion fer sure!!! i'm rambling i'm not going to read this i'm just going to post so everyone please excuse me.... i'm just beginning to feel myself again:)
jojo
This is so weird, I spent 24/7 with my husband last week. This week....not a word. He left Monday morning for a job out of town....I noticed the bank account.... he hit the liquor store on the way out. $75 worth of booze....I'm a little concerned..and I see he left a message today while I was out.....tomorrow we will actually speak. As his friend...... I will express my thoughts on his purchase...... as his wife I should probably kick his a**. I suppose the family board is where I need to be, but appreciate any thoughts and/or advice over here.
God I hate addiction.
He left me several joints, however I spent the day climbing hoodoos in Drumheller instead, found some cool fossils, bones, skin imprints....geez how do I explain hoodoos to you. It was a great work out. Here, I'll show you pictures I've found...... a chapter of my great province of Alberta.
I never made it to my garden today, my gf showed up and we spontaneously took a road trip with our kids.
BTW, the museums popped into my head, I thought it would inspire creativity....I didn't know about the post on the pp board. I don't have time to read over there, I'm kinda obssessed with the family board too and Kittycats' apartment situation since my son is moving to her street soon.....it is truly a small small world and my son is twenty and I need to let go. :-(
JoJo I wanted to tell you that your whole thought process regarding your daughter.....I've been there !!!!!!! The best part was recognizing the insanity of it. That is growth, cherish that. I'm glad you are sharing, no need to apologize.
I have lost friends too. :-( I am learning to be a friend/have a friend all over again...like when I was six.....it is hard.
I want to write more but I am dead tired. You are doing really well btw. Sometimes when I am doing well I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, I need to trust myself more and stay in the present. So far, so clean.
Talk soon....
http://www.pbase.com/davidlaidong/d...umhellar&page=2
God I hate addiction.
He left me several joints, however I spent the day climbing hoodoos in Drumheller instead, found some cool fossils, bones, skin imprints....geez how do I explain hoodoos to you. It was a great work out. Here, I'll show you pictures I've found...... a chapter of my great province of Alberta.
I never made it to my garden today, my gf showed up and we spontaneously took a road trip with our kids.
BTW, the museums popped into my head, I thought it would inspire creativity....I didn't know about the post on the pp board. I don't have time to read over there, I'm kinda obssessed with the family board too and Kittycats' apartment situation since my son is moving to her street soon.....it is truly a small small world and my son is twenty and I need to let go. :-(
JoJo I wanted to tell you that your whole thought process regarding your daughter.....I've been there !!!!!!! The best part was recognizing the insanity of it. That is growth, cherish that. I'm glad you are sharing, no need to apologize.
I have lost friends too. :-( I am learning to be a friend/have a friend all over again...like when I was six.....it is hard.
I want to write more but I am dead tired. You are doing really well btw. Sometimes when I am doing well I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, I need to trust myself more and stay in the present. So far, so clean.
Talk soon....
http://www.pbase.com/davidlaidong/d...umhellar&page=2
hi ww- just got back online after a long weekend. topped it off with a 'kind' visit to my momma who just sucked the life out of me. bringing up things of my childhood that she can't deal with in a crowded lobby, no consideration as always to how i may feel, and my privacy etc. the wounded child in me just lost it. all in a public place out loud in front of my daughter, things my young one doesn't need to know about my childhood yet. i think you may remember what i'm alluding to. nonetheless it hurt.
hubbie says to let it go, to remember the source quite literally.
oh canada! those pics!!! i am amazed at where you were and the country of canada of which i'm embarrased to say i know so little about. i've never really been there unless you count going to the border in college. lol.
what a cool place you went to and in a day trip.
where do you live? i must get a map. now you have got me curious and i am thinking it may be time to explore the north:)
thanks for your e- of friday and your support.
i hadn't shared those thoughts about motherhood, kindergarten and getting clean yet with anyone (therapist is on vacation lol) it's good to know you were there too. i'm doing the best i can and am proud but whew what a mess i've made of my life. truly crawling from the wreckage.
i hope you are okay? did you talk to your hubbie about the booze .....?
and the joints. what did you do with them i ask hesitantly? if i had a joint in front of me..... eeek as much as i hate it i know i'd be compelled to smoke it. it's my nature and still such a part of me. i struggle ..... i know you know.....
he sounds so wonderful in so many ways. then he does this i don't get it.
i hope you had a good weekend!:)
i'm spent........but clean. and on the verge of tears .........
xo jojo
hubbie says to let it go, to remember the source quite literally.
oh canada! those pics!!! i am amazed at where you were and the country of canada of which i'm embarrased to say i know so little about. i've never really been there unless you count going to the border in college. lol.
what a cool place you went to and in a day trip.
where do you live? i must get a map. now you have got me curious and i am thinking it may be time to explore the north:)
thanks for your e- of friday and your support.
i hadn't shared those thoughts about motherhood, kindergarten and getting clean yet with anyone (therapist is on vacation lol) it's good to know you were there too. i'm doing the best i can and am proud but whew what a mess i've made of my life. truly crawling from the wreckage.
i hope you are okay? did you talk to your hubbie about the booze .....?
and the joints. what did you do with them i ask hesitantly? if i had a joint in front of me..... eeek as much as i hate it i know i'd be compelled to smoke it. it's my nature and still such a part of me. i struggle ..... i know you know.....
he sounds so wonderful in so many ways. then he does this i don't get it.
i hope you had a good weekend!:)
i'm spent........but clean. and on the verge of tears .........
xo jojo
