I'll try to keep this short: first post. I have been married to my husband almost 10 years. We have twin 3 year old girls, one with a terminal rare illness. She is dependent on us 100%. He works; I quit nursing to care for my babies. After we married, he admitted to past addiction to porn. Slowly, he then admitted to past crack and meth use. I run an online page for awareness for our daughter...and it is large. We have a huge amount of followers who have helped us so much financially. I also lost 100 lbs due to stress, and I tried bc I have to be in good health for my sick child. I lift her and carry her constantly. Suddenly about a year ago, my husband changed. He became emotionally and mentally abusive. I tried to make him feel more confident (he is 12 years older); I went away with him; I tried it all. Then I found a secret bank account and PO Box. I still tried to trust him. Then I found porn. Lots of it. Excessive. And he is obsessed with violence. Still, I tried. But my daughters were seeing more abuse. He exploded over nothing. He threatened me. He pushed me, but I never just took this. He constantly sought a reason to leave at night. I knew about marijuana use, but about a month ago, I dug into his bags and our cars while he slept. Short version: I forced him into rehab by calling his counselor he was seeing at work. And I did this trying to save his life. I see he is physically dying and now I know...I have found since he left proof and evidence of him using Heroin, making meth in our attic and cars, he is snorting Adderall and Ritalin and Phentermine. He is using marijuana and smokes almost 2 packs a day. His emotional and mental state was SO unbalanced that he admitted he dreamed of stabbing our healthy 3 year old to death. I was petrified of him. I didn't know him. I found sex toys and evidence he may be "muling" drugs via our cars also. Our van used for our handicapped daughter has been parked a month. It seems he had a meth spill and it is not usable. The WORST thing is: I was so blind. He covered it all with his known marijuana use...I found pipes: MJ. I found black resin: MJ...so I thought. Now I know he exposed our babies to toxic chemicals and me also!! I'm waiting for testing to see if our home is going to be demolished! He was livid, and I expected that. BUT his mother is a controlling, rich witch that enables him. She believes I am the one using drugs (weight loss) and cheating. She wouldn't listen to me for help and now has taken his check over. He has not spoken to me or our kids in a month. They loved him, but also they are much happier since he left. My verbal daughter hasn't asked for him once. My sick child has had 2 seizures total and her liver and kidneys have improved since he left. He is living with his mom and has returned to work, I guess. I even offered his clothes and tried to be civil...they won't respond. The day he checked into rehab, I had 2 men in an unmarked box truck drive by my home over and over. They've came by several times since. I have filed a police report. I know he's into something more than using. I had to file for divorce this week so I could have some income to feed us and pay our bills. In our state, they can't "lock in" any support without a divorce. He knows I've figured him out. And the police also took 20 encrypted drives due to suspicious porn and internet activity. I just didn't even know my husband. And he is void of any emotions or feelings. He doesn't care. And his mom cares more about her public appearance than her own son. I have grieved and cried and I'm angry. More than anything, I'm so confused. I didn't expect the day he left to be the last day I spoke to him. It is really like he died. And he will soon if he continues...and he will bc he feels he's gotten away with something. Also, our state will prosecute him for felony child endangerment if our home and car tests positive for meth residue. He doesn't even know and he will face a minimum 10 years in prison. I feel I've betrayed him! ME! After all he's done to us!! And I know as a nurse, that is typical due to the abuse I endured and him being an addict. Sorry for the novel. I just can't share this, especially on our daughter's site. And they're asking about him...I just didn't do anything to deserve this and he's still blaming me and his mom did threaten to take my kids. I love him and I hate him. And I will divorce him bc there's no way I will ever trust again. No one. Ever. I just...I don't know what else to say except I've never seen anything like this. I pray when he dies (bc he will) his mom knows I wasn't lying. I hope she knows this is on her and him bc I...tried. I tried. And here i sit with 2 toddlers...1 dying. And no income and no way to work. But that's okay. I fear more that he will succeed in lying in court and take my kids...mom can pay for a good lawyer....or hire his brother who is a lawyer. I'm just sick. He threw us away like trash for heroin and meth. I hope he enjoys life. Thank you for reading if you endured. Lol. This is unbelievable. I wish I could just hug him and slap the s*** out of him all at once. Please tell me this gets easier and I did what's right for my babies...I'm seeking NO visitation due to his severe mood swings, nodding, illegal activities, questionable porn, and his mom may abscond them. I feel I'm not overreacting. I'm trying to keep them safe!! Please, tell me I'm doing right by them. He's a grown up. They aren't.
Hi Mama, What a nightmare you've lived! He is out of control!! OMG.I would agree with everything you've done. What else could you have done..nothing! If you don't protect your children..who will? No one! I would go get one of these free visits you can get with a lawyer and ask if you can get total custody of the them. If he gets to see them at all try to have supervised visits. I wouldn't trust this guy as far as I could through him. I think your chances are good at getting custody as the porn is going to go against him more than the drugs, because of your little girls. I'm just guessing here. All you can do is what your doing and try to get your own life back together and try to put all this behind you. You can't expect this relationship ever to be repaired and I'm sure as heartbreaking as it is you already know this. It might take some time to come to terms with your life as it is now. You'll get there though as you sound like you have a strong head on your shoulders. Obviously you have been given this great gift of strength because without it you wouldn't have got this far!! Well done Mama, don't waver, but stay strong and hopefully everything will be okay. Your doing a great job!! We are all here for you if you need us. Take care! Mary
What a terrible and heartbreaking story. It sounds as if you know this is never going to be fixed and that you do need to look out for you and your children. It will get easier for you with time but I'm sure you'll still have your bad moments. You're 100% making the right decision. The only other thing I'd caution you about is staying in the home you're in, if he was making meth in the attic. As a nurse, I'm sure you know how toxic that is and it doesn't just go away.
I pray that you'll find some peace and you know what? It doesn't matter what his mother thinks, you're doing what a responsible mother should do, period.
Good luck and come back on here if you need a shoulder.
I pray that you'll find some peace and you know what? It doesn't matter what his mother thinks, you're doing what a responsible mother should do, period.
Good luck and come back on here if you need a shoulder.
Hi Mama!!!! The advice you got from the other posters was spot on. Excellent. So glad that you have filed for divorce & are seeking child support. Yippie. Regardless of whether he is using or working he has a legal, moral and ethical duty & obligation to support his children. Just wanted to point out that you may not have to go to court without an attorney. (You didn't say where you are geographically located but I assume that you are in the States.) You may be eligible for free legal services through legal aid. Another option....Most state bar associations have lawyer referral programs where attorneys are available free or at a hugely discounted price. Also check out your local law school. Many have clinics where law students (supervised by licensed attorneys) handle your case for free. Finally, in my state you may be able to make him pay your attorney's fees, including the retainer deposit, as part of your divorce case. You just have to bring a motion.
Keep coming back here to share, to get encouragement & support, and to receive hugs.
Hang in there!!
Lynn
xoxo
Keep coming back here to share, to get encouragement & support, and to receive hugs.
Hang in there!!
Lynn
xoxo
Well, he filed first. And is suing me for full custody, support, a life insurance policy for minimum $150,000 with he and kids and beneficiary. I'm not sure I mentioned he had a sister in law murdered years ago after leaving his drug trafficking brother and their mom got custody of the child. Does anyone know anything about deep or dark web activity? I'm finding proof of that and from what I've read many drug addicts can buy anything or sell anything there. It's scary and disturbing, but also not uncommon for addicts to ask for custody, I think. All I know is if he gets my kids, he will neglect and abuse them and my fragile child will be dead within a month. She has a central line she feeds through and it requires complete sterility. He's suing me to pay for daycare! Daycare! She can't go to school, much less daycare. I'm just sick. Thank you all for the support. I don't care about anything except my babies.
Hi Mama, I think he's lying and trying to frighten you, and it is scary! I don't think any judge in his right mind would give him custody. Meantime keep a note of anything and everything you have on him. Arrests, meth making everything! A lawyer will want to know when and where things took place. So write everything down. Plus write down all the questions that you want to ask. Because if your like me you'll forget half of it when you need it the most. He's beat you to a lawyer this time, or so he says. You should start your own ball rolling and don't let him know anything of what you are doing or going to do. I hope more people come on and advise you that know more than me. I wish you well Mama. Here's hoping for the best. I'm here if you need me. Take care. Mary
"Man has no fury like a woman scorned"
"Man has no fury like a woman scorned"
your situation is very real and scary... (life ins policy - big red flag) Get an order of protection.
Order of protection will keep him at a distance and not allow for communication from him or his family - third party.
if he calls, hang up. if he comes to house, or approaches you while you are out somewhere, call police first, asap. NEVER be alone with him OR anyone else that you do not know well. DO NOT open the door for anyone. Call police if anyone comes to door.
Get a security system - even if you have to take a loan to have it installed. have them put up motion detector camera's and lights around property. Pay for the monthly service to have the cameral video recorded. Give a trusted relative the information so someone else can log into the system or they have the company info and account info.
With his mother's money, he can get things done quickly.
as you know, he only wants the kids in order to get you out of the way so he does not have to pay support.
You need to think of everything thru a filter of danger vs safety.
If your property is not able to be secured - such as if you are renting and can not install security devices - can you move to a secure location?
Mandm is correct - get a note book and write down everything.
the men in the vehicle could be stalking you. or other drug dealers looking for him. You and your kids are in danger.
Is it possible to pack your stuff - put in storage and move to a secure location or with family?
I would not feel safe in that house, and with meth evidence, etc .... in the house and van?
It is hard to think objectively and get thru your days while living smack in the middle of the problem (house)....
Consider moving - that would be best for you and the kids, mentally and physically.
Order of protection will keep him at a distance and not allow for communication from him or his family - third party.
if he calls, hang up. if he comes to house, or approaches you while you are out somewhere, call police first, asap. NEVER be alone with him OR anyone else that you do not know well. DO NOT open the door for anyone. Call police if anyone comes to door.
Get a security system - even if you have to take a loan to have it installed. have them put up motion detector camera's and lights around property. Pay for the monthly service to have the cameral video recorded. Give a trusted relative the information so someone else can log into the system or they have the company info and account info.
With his mother's money, he can get things done quickly.
as you know, he only wants the kids in order to get you out of the way so he does not have to pay support.
You need to think of everything thru a filter of danger vs safety.
If your property is not able to be secured - such as if you are renting and can not install security devices - can you move to a secure location?
Mandm is correct - get a note book and write down everything.
the men in the vehicle could be stalking you. or other drug dealers looking for him. You and your kids are in danger.
Is it possible to pack your stuff - put in storage and move to a secure location or with family?
I would not feel safe in that house, and with meth evidence, etc .... in the house and van?
It is hard to think objectively and get thru your days while living smack in the middle of the problem (house)....
Consider moving - that would be best for you and the kids, mentally and physically.
Hi Mamma, I'd do what NY told you. I'd be wary of him also. It never entered my head that it's suspicious him wanting your life insurance. This guy is not only nuts, he's dangerous! The van and the attic? Maybe there evidence you could use against him? But how can it be used...in what way? Taking pictures, I don't know? I'd use that murder against his family being dangerous too. Write that down as well. But tell no one anything because knowledge is your power, the less him and his nutty family know the better!! Can you move? Is that house even safe to live in? If you can afford it get an air quality test done. I don't know how you do that either! Maybe half this stuff can't be done and we've all watched one too many "Law and Order" but whatever you think can be done that will help you and is affordable I'd do it. Why do you think his sister in law was murdered? Do you know? Be careful!! Mary.
Mama....what state do you live? May be able to help with attorney referrals depending upon where.
I am part of the legal community in my state. YOU CAN FIGHT HIM!!!! Please get a calendar and mark on it going forward every time he does something non-parental. (I kept one re my daughter from the time she was 5 until 18. It came in handy when we were fighting for contribution to college and describing her sperm-donor bio father's relationship with her.) This will be helpful if you need to recall specific dates, times or events. Record everything. Missed visitations. Harassing calls. Coming to your house high. To get full legal custody (ie, who will make the major decisions regarding your kids) in my state, you have to show he is unfit. It's a high standard here. You damn near need to show that he will boil them in oil, sell them for drugs or otherwise be harmful to them. BUT . . .The more evidence you have of him being incapable to take care of himself, no less your children, the better. In addition to the calendar, I'd video and/or audio tape him, too. One cannot refute what is recorded in black and white.
I googled free legal resources for you. PLEASE check out
http://www.lawhelp.org/resource/leg...cost-legal-help
Please put some more meat on these bones. Are you in the States? If so, what state? There is help out there! Please help us help you.
Wrapping you in prayer & hugs,
Lynn
I am part of the legal community in my state. YOU CAN FIGHT HIM!!!! Please get a calendar and mark on it going forward every time he does something non-parental. (I kept one re my daughter from the time she was 5 until 18. It came in handy when we were fighting for contribution to college and describing her sperm-donor bio father's relationship with her.) This will be helpful if you need to recall specific dates, times or events. Record everything. Missed visitations. Harassing calls. Coming to your house high. To get full legal custody (ie, who will make the major decisions regarding your kids) in my state, you have to show he is unfit. It's a high standard here. You damn near need to show that he will boil them in oil, sell them for drugs or otherwise be harmful to them. BUT . . .The more evidence you have of him being incapable to take care of himself, no less your children, the better. In addition to the calendar, I'd video and/or audio tape him, too. One cannot refute what is recorded in black and white.
I googled free legal resources for you. PLEASE check out
http://www.lawhelp.org/resource/leg...cost-legal-help
Please put some more meat on these bones. Are you in the States? If so, what state? There is help out there! Please help us help you.
Wrapping you in prayer & hugs,
Lynn
