Hi, I'm new to this forum although I did register last year. I think I posted a couple of times but I don't know how to retrieve them. I would like to remind myself of what was happening the last time I posted.
My son is 42 and I am now retired at 63. I'm partially disabled and not at all well mentally. The Easter weekend was hellish. I made a police report regarding money stolen by my son. I really didn't want to do it but my enabling is pretty chronic. Like a lot of mothers on this site, the pain of knowing my child is killing himself is almost unbearable. I was thinking of committing suicide as my waking moments are so bad. Finding it so hard to participate in my own life. I am having to force myself to go out and socialise. I can't keep complaining to my friends about this - it makes me feel so disloyal and ashamed as well as a failure as a mother.
Sorry for the self pity. It's just one of those days. I have found a support group and I shall be there tomorrow. I vacillate between rage and despair. Been enmeshed in drug addiction all my adult life having married an addict and now my son following in his father's footsteps. So sick of it all. From britmum. (I live in the UK)
Hi Britmum. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please DONT think about hurting yourself.
You will be ok. Please try to cheer up. Listen you are not alone my dear. You did the right thing CALLING THE POLICE. you are not disloyal. He is a 43 year old man who robbed his mom.
I am so sorry. Can you get an order of protection, making him stay away from you, and hurting you, robbing you. Can you move away and not tell him where you are. Can you move away and not call him. Mom you deserve to have this drug bull sh.t out of your life you deserve peace happiness. Please find a way to move or keep him from you. I'm so sorry.
You will be ok. Please try to cheer up. Listen you are not alone my dear. You did the right thing CALLING THE POLICE. you are not disloyal. He is a 43 year old man who robbed his mom.
I am so sorry. Can you get an order of protection, making him stay away from you, and hurting you, robbing you. Can you move away and not tell him where you are. Can you move away and not call him. Mom you deserve to have this drug bull sh.t out of your life you deserve peace happiness. Please find a way to move or keep him from you. I'm so sorry.
Britmum,
I strongly encourage you to learn to detach from your son. You are so wrapped up in his drug addiction that you are making yourself sick...sick enough to think of ending your own life. I completely understand when you say that you go between rage and despair. We've all been there. You absolutely should not tolerate your son stealing from you. Calling the police was the right thing to do. We should not accept, from our children, what we would never accept from any stranger. It's time for you to get your sanity back. We're all here for support for you and definitely go to the support group that you found. The more you surround yourself with something other than your addict, the better you'll feel and eventually you'll realize that you can't ever go back to the way it was.
Hugs to you!
Michelle
I strongly encourage you to learn to detach from your son. You are so wrapped up in his drug addiction that you are making yourself sick...sick enough to think of ending your own life. I completely understand when you say that you go between rage and despair. We've all been there. You absolutely should not tolerate your son stealing from you. Calling the police was the right thing to do. We should not accept, from our children, what we would never accept from any stranger. It's time for you to get your sanity back. We're all here for support for you and definitely go to the support group that you found. The more you surround yourself with something other than your addict, the better you'll feel and eventually you'll realize that you can't ever go back to the way it was.
Hugs to you!
Michelle
Hi Britmum, Glad to see you have found a group and will be going to it. It's going through this yourself that makes a person think there's no way out and it's awful. I've been there. I've never had anyone to talk to about my addict daughter before here. At one time I couldn't hold a glass of water where my hand didn't shake it all over me. I would blame me and pace the floors desperate for an answer, when that was done I'd cry myself to sleep We all blame ourselves and it's nothing to do with us. I agree with your decision to call the police when he stole from you. Your son is 42 yrs old!! My daughter is 35 yrs old!! Their not our responsibility anymore and their all the adult their ever going to be. I wish I'd found this website 18 yrs ago instead of torturing myself all these years. Give this meeting your going to a chance as it helps to have an outlet. This website here is good too. I've learned a lot from reading on here and help from the good people who come on to advise. I still occasionally have a melt down where I get so sad at times. I catch myself in the "what ifs" and have learned to stop thinking too much in that direction or we'd drive ourselves nuts! Sometimes it's a fight for me to get out of that mood when it comes. But I get there. So hang in there Britmum. I know you'll get through this like the rest of us on here. We're all here for you. Take care. Mary.
It is a difficult process separating yourself from your addicted child but the end result is better health and peace of mind for you. I am also in my 60s and my son has been using drugs for the past 15 years or so. He is a grown 36 year old man. I was not doing well mentally or physically and knew I had to make some changes or his lifestyle would kill me. He was draining my bank account and the life right out of me. I asked my doctor to prescribe a mild antidepressant just to help me get through the difficult decisions that I knew had to be made. I used them a little while but now I am stronger and stopped taking them. Detaching emotionally from my son has been a very hard thing to do and is a continuing process. It doesnt happen overnight but you need to take the first steps toward that goal. I read all the books on manipulation, boundaries, and co-dependents. Learned all I could about how he was able to control me and how I could become healthier. One year later and I am in a much better place now but still working on it. This website has been a blessing there are so many parents here that understand exactly what you are going through. You are not alone and it helps to know that. You can talk here and people actually understand.
You have the right to stand up for you. Calling the police is OK. Keeping your son out of your house or your car is OK. Not seeing or talking to him is OK. Whatever you want or need is OK. Being a mother doesnt mean that you always have to do for others at your expensekids grow up. One of your rights is to say NO. He is not in charge. He does not have the right to make you feel bad about anything that you decide to do, but he will try. Being an adult means you dont have to do what others tell you to doeven your children. You only have to do what makes you happy and you shouldnt feel guilty about doing that. Protect your health and happiness because no one else will if you don't.
You have the right to stand up for you. Calling the police is OK. Keeping your son out of your house or your car is OK. Not seeing or talking to him is OK. Whatever you want or need is OK. Being a mother doesnt mean that you always have to do for others at your expensekids grow up. One of your rights is to say NO. He is not in charge. He does not have the right to make you feel bad about anything that you decide to do, but he will try. Being an adult means you dont have to do what others tell you to doeven your children. You only have to do what makes you happy and you shouldnt feel guilty about doing that. Protect your health and happiness because no one else will if you don't.
Hi Britmum, I really feel for you. I have just starting to get on with my own life after years and years of feeling guilty and blaming myself . I am now strong enough to say NO no more guilt trips etc I still love my son and I still have day when I feel sorry for him but I come on here and read others stories and I feel strong again. He has chosen this life of drugs and if he wanted to change he could. My husband says if he did not like what he was doing he would not do it. PLease look after yourself and do not feel guilty xxx love and hugs to you I am also in GB
