Worried Grandmother

We have a 22 year old daughter with a 10 month old son. We love both of them dearly. Our daughter is addicted to pot and, I believe alcohol. We made an unannounced visit to her apartment last night and were shocked to actually smell such a strong smell of pot as we entered the apartment building's hallway.We knew it was coming from our daughters apartment. It took her about 5 minutes to finally let us in. There were candles burning in all the rooms..including the baby's, and a few windows open. Now, I had suspected for some time now that she was smoking pot while out with her friends or after work, but I never in a million years thought she would actually smoke it around the baby! We have tried to get her to go for help...she says she is FINE....we worry too much. Now, we feel she is putting our grandsons well being...health at risk. We want to do something NOW while there is a window of opportunity. Any suggestions? We are seeing a family lawyer next wek to get some idea's from her. We want both our daughter and grandson to be happy.
Dear Oma,
My opinion would be , dont do anything behind your daughters back as this will cause her to do anything from be angry with you, to never letting you see your grandchild for a very long time. My opinion would be to discuss your concerns with her with love, openly and directly. After all, your choice and values in the life style that you live, is not everones, and you should not judge hers to be wrong. You may have simply come at a time when she was having a smoke, and it has never happened before this around the baby. Do you know her to be responsible at most times, except for some naive mistakes, only learned by lifes maturing process? Did you instill good family values while she was growing up? If you did, those values are engrained within her and not easily forgotten. I don't think a lawyer is good at this point. What will you gain from this? Do you want to make her life harder for her so that she may come to resent you?
Maybe you could offer to babysit the child so that she could have a girls night out once in a while to have a beer or what ever. That way she wouldn't have to worry about the child because he/she was in good hands, and you wouldn't have to worry about the smoke around the baby.
I think that your "surprise" visit was the cause of the lit candles in the babys room. Keep the lines of communication open by being honest with her.Perhaps a phone call before you went there wouldn't hurt either. Its just my opinion that You should respect the fact that she is a grown woman now, quite capable of making her own choices, even if you may not happen to agree with them.
God bless. I have a daughter the same age doing the same things.I was open with her about my concerns regarding the smoke around the child, she agrees, and their is no smoking at there home. My daughter and I have a great relationship. I admire the woman she has become.
All the best
I appreciate your opinion Phar Macy...thank you. :) I babysit my grandson at least 2-3 times a week and have since he was born.Many nights he sleeps overnight here because our daughter works nights....he has his own room here. Both he and his mother lived here with us for about 6 months. It got to be too much on me and my husband because our daughter would stay out late, drink, not get up with the baby at night etc......so she is now sharing an apartment with a friend close by.
My daughter has an addiction. It is quite obvious to those of us who love her. We are concerned about the baby's welfare. I cannot sit by and watch as she digs herself deeper and deeper into the addiction. She makes bad judgements concerning her son...ones that could cause him harm.There are a few family members who are willing to do an intervention...that is the route I think my husband and I will take.
Dear Oma,
My opinion was directed at a grandparent who was not so involved. It is clear to me now that you have been there for her right from the start. You sound very concerned about her, and your grandchilds welfare. I think an intervention might be a good way to go. I wish you all the best. Stay strong
Your Friend, Nancy
I used to be a pothead and nothing good ever came from it. I am not against using mariuana anymore than I am agaisnt those who have a beer or two once a week or so, but chronic usage is a horrible thing. My children's father smoked around my children resulting in kids having asthma It is a selfish thing to do. Also as I was a chronic user I gave my children little attention, little education. If this is an occasional thing I would not get involved, but if she is one of those pot house congregating groups you must advise her to stop and if she does not I would take charge. In a lot of states pot is decriminalised enough she probably would not lose her child anyway if that is all she is busted with unless she is dealing it. Likeliness is probation with drug testing. I can say honestly, if I had not stopped chronic usage, my children would deserve a hell of a lot more than me as their mother. If you chose this call without giving a name that you suspect a drughouse with children. People who use drugs have at least one enemy or two that would be suspected. Don't emotionally rough her up prior or she will think you did it. And leave enough time between your talk and your call. And make sure you are ready to take in the kid yourself or you will only have to worry about who your grandchild is being cared for by. Good luck. I know it is hard, but I cry often for what I did to my kids and that was with nothing more than pot. If she has a group she hangs with often more than pot is going on. And then you have a whole lot more to be worried about.