is it just me or is anyone else jealous of people so high that they're itching their face off.........and saying howdy to ya.....slooooooow and mellow?
This presents a problem for me.......and I am not the jealous type ever......you got something nice.....I'm thrilled for ya.......your life is falling in place.....I wish ya the best........ya won the lottery I'd jump up and down with ya........met a nice, couth, older, filthy rich gentleman proposes marriage to ya......I'll be in your wedding.........got your eye on a hawt chickie......I'll make friends with her so ya can make your move, BUT:
People are high..........and I can't help it but I so wanna be high.........I know it's a mind screw, but when they are at that place.........and I just happen across them at the right time.......man, I am so jealous.
Yeah I know twelve hours from now they will be racking their brain.......looking for a twenty dollar bill somewhere..........praying their connection isn't on holiday as it's a holiday weekend............but all I see is well you all know the part I am seeing............not a problem or care in the world and nothing hurts, and itching and scratching........is appealing.
Just saying the truth.
This is kind of true.
Sometimes when I go downtown to PU my take home bottles, Ill see a crew hanging out nodding & bullchiting and smoking cigarettes -& I might say to myself-" Man ,I wish I could just get high & be freaking irresponsible all day"
- ahh , but then- -someone will walk over & start- Yo, Jack- ya got a smoke? Ya got a quarter? -
Then I think of the whole picture & snap out of it.
Yeah - Being an addict is a mind-phuck at times ,aint it?
Sometimes when I go downtown to PU my take home bottles, Ill see a crew hanging out nodding & bullchiting and smoking cigarettes -& I might say to myself-" Man ,I wish I could just get high & be freaking irresponsible all day"
- ahh , but then- -someone will walk over & start- Yo, Jack- ya got a smoke? Ya got a quarter? -
Then I think of the whole picture & snap out of it.
Yeah - Being an addict is a mind-phuck at times ,aint it?
Right their with you both.........although it has been a while I to would get that "member when" cloud over my head drifting back to when I was having "fun" getting high off dope saying to myself just one would put me in a "special" place....THEN I think of that bullshhhhh price tag that comes with that moment I snap back into place because when I take a closer look what appears to look "fun" looked like a painful reminder of what its like to walk/live 6ft above.
Well get how stupid THIS is...I'm not an addict and sometimes it's a mind-phuck for me too...I'm jealous that he can just piss off to that place...and I can't...never will...got no escape...
It only lasts a second...and I guess it's more resentment than jealousy...dunno...don't get me wrong, I'm not like wondering what it's like...try it just the once...no way! Just wish sometimes I could escape reality...
It only lasts a second...and I guess it's more resentment than jealousy...dunno...don't get me wrong, I'm not like wondering what it's like...try it just the once...no way! Just wish sometimes I could escape reality...
Why them and not me...it is not that we 'can't' get high...we 'choose' not to get high...the ones that are getting high are probably looking down their half eaten away noses at the rest of us wondering why they can't get straight....sure they can get straight if they wanted to...but they 'choose' not to get straight...
In the long run...we don't really choose the addiction as the addiction chooses us...
how can we be jealous of others based on the choices
we have made?
it ain't about can't...(but of course you can)
but 'why'
MARY
In the long run...we don't really choose the addiction as the addiction chooses us...
how can we be jealous of others based on the choices
we have made?
it ain't about can't...(but of course you can)
but 'why'
MARY
i bet it's them jealous of you guys you have been ,done that now your on the road to recovery just remember that xx
What gets me is at the weekend i know everyone is "on it" whether it's Kit, Coke Whatever.... Last night was torture. It's like i'm always thinking that everyone else is getting trollied so i should be too. Need to knock that thought on the head, eh? I know that even the drugs i didn't have a prob with WILL lead me back to the kit...nuff said.
believer , never ever think " just the once " . don't ever think that that old chestnut works because whether it takes u 1 week or 10 years .. u will get hooked..that's how i got there......... just the once........was that all? is this wot
all the fuss is about?????? next thing i know i'm an addict. i look at the nodding people nowadays and it looks ugly...i really am not jealous of them..i'm jealous of the people that can resist every single urge..sorry 4 the rant , herman.. hi there , hows everyone doin ??
all the fuss is about?????? next thing i know i'm an addict. i look at the nodding people nowadays and it looks ugly...i really am not jealous of them..i'm jealous of the people that can resist every single urge..sorry 4 the rant , herman.. hi there , hows everyone doin ??
I got a yr.clean with one lapse inbetween....am i still tempted absolutly nearly not a day goes by that i think how nice it would be to have that ;special:once off...but i know i cant...the two yrs before my clean time i wasnt fully addicted ..i had my methd.to fall back on ..but i would binge every month or so and i mean binge...get an eighth an just pure use for the week....i realised i was as good as addicted and going nowhere...standing still in life....it got really boring in the end ...it wasnt a matter of just knocking it on the head but i just stopped scoreing slowly and realised i could get outta the druglife.So here i am..........ATB.........Davey
You know, I can honestly say, hand on heart, that I don't feel one ounce of jealousy, hell I don't even feel a poxy 0.1g bag of jealousy! I used to, I really did. It was like there was this big party going on, and I wasn't invited. But I feel such a sense of achievement. It's weird, I don't think I'm better than anybody. Christ, I've done some real low things in my life, and although I've forgiven myself mostly, I lost that pre-addiction illusion that I'm somehow made of better stuff than the lowlifes of this world. I've said it before, addiction surgically removed every judgemental bone in my body. But I do feel that I worked harder than most people, to find the strength I needed, and I know that I'm so strong it would take a mack truck to take me out. The way I came to terms with leaving heroin behind? I told myself that it was one hell of a trip, I don't regret it, it taught me a lot of lessons that I needed to learn. In that respect I'm downright GRATEFUL for my addiction. I had about as much fun as it's possible to have. I was irresponsible, and wild, I threw every caution to the wind, and I phucking loved it! And I'm glad that I had the experience of the feel of heroin flowing through my veins. Yes, it feels great, it feels wonderful, and I guess I can admit to feeling a bit smug about that, and almost a bit sorry for people who haven't tried it. Yes I realise that I could well be treading on dangerous ground. But when my addiction took me to a place that wasn't fun anymore, it was time to move on. It was a great adventure, but it was stopping me from having other great adventures, it was keeping me shackled, and I'm a free spirit. Soooo, I tell myself, I loved, and I lost, but it's better that way. And I moved on to the next adventure. I know what it feels like, I did it to death, and heroin can show me nothing new, just the same old ground, over and over. Heroin is an amazing drug, but the life of a heroin addict is about as exciting as watching paint dry.
My subconscious still hankers after it. I still dream about it regularly. But I'm well and truely stuck into the next adventure, and I feel nothing but relief that I got out of the last one with my life, my limbs and my liberty intact. I don't want to go backwards. I knew this traveller girl, who worked one summer with me at this school where I worked. In the winter she left. I asked her if she'd enjoyed the job. Yes, she replied, she loved it. I asked her if she'd be back next year. No, she said, I never go backwards. That impressed me greatly, awed me, even. What a fantastic philosophy, what an amazing way to live! One great adventure after another! Just because you enjoyed something, loved it even, it doesn't mean you should do it over and over again, coz whilst you're doing that, all the other amazing things you could be doing are just passing you by.
So, no, I feel no jealousy, none at all...
love
diff xxx
My subconscious still hankers after it. I still dream about it regularly. But I'm well and truely stuck into the next adventure, and I feel nothing but relief that I got out of the last one with my life, my limbs and my liberty intact. I don't want to go backwards. I knew this traveller girl, who worked one summer with me at this school where I worked. In the winter she left. I asked her if she'd enjoyed the job. Yes, she replied, she loved it. I asked her if she'd be back next year. No, she said, I never go backwards. That impressed me greatly, awed me, even. What a fantastic philosophy, what an amazing way to live! One great adventure after another! Just because you enjoyed something, loved it even, it doesn't mean you should do it over and over again, coz whilst you're doing that, all the other amazing things you could be doing are just passing you by.
So, no, I feel no jealousy, none at all...
love
diff xxx
Thanks for everyone replying to this thread........I was surprised........thought I was totally alone on this one....you guys brought up many good points.
The person that moved me to that post.........he's a young guy.........he's actually just an aquaintence (sic)..........but a really nice, nice young man, and so handsome and sweet........my bet is his dad is a heroin addict and I don't know him well either........but he psssssst, pssst at me many a time when I was using.........radar maybe........when guys do that psst, pssssssst to me I usually tell them I ain't no cat.........which makes them laugh, but I avoided this dude like the plague.
So, this young man........I first noticed he wasn't driving his beautiful car, but a really beat car.......hey, it's a car, but the guy took pride in his old car.......I said a hello to him and some chick starts screaming out the window........."Hey, YO Toneeeeeeeeee hurry up".......we were at a store and he hopped in line in back of me.
He said "I know you and I know you were really nice to me, but I can't think of your name"...........I told him not to worry about it and noticed he was dirty, and his always well coiffed hair was a mess...........and of course I noticed his pupils were non existant almost...........and the itching.......and he was just so peaceful.........yet I felt so bad for him, BUT jealous.
Yep, the price tag is way too steep, and it's no "CHOICE" I make.......more like I have "NO CHOICE".........because I'd be back where I was and worse......and that's no option..........but admittedly for sure I was jealous......like GYAC said for that special place...........but we know what that cost.
Hand on my heart too, Diff.........I'm not gone back there.
Oh and the chick yelling out the care to Toneeeeeeee didn't she come after him...and I fgured she was worried...........about everything involving heroin......pretty much I recall being like that with my using partners and friends.....like you're missing something..........poor Toneeeeeeeeeeee.
The person that moved me to that post.........he's a young guy.........he's actually just an aquaintence (sic)..........but a really nice, nice young man, and so handsome and sweet........my bet is his dad is a heroin addict and I don't know him well either........but he psssssst, pssst at me many a time when I was using.........radar maybe........when guys do that psst, pssssssst to me I usually tell them I ain't no cat.........which makes them laugh, but I avoided this dude like the plague.
So, this young man........I first noticed he wasn't driving his beautiful car, but a really beat car.......hey, it's a car, but the guy took pride in his old car.......I said a hello to him and some chick starts screaming out the window........."Hey, YO Toneeeeeeeeee hurry up".......we were at a store and he hopped in line in back of me.
He said "I know you and I know you were really nice to me, but I can't think of your name"...........I told him not to worry about it and noticed he was dirty, and his always well coiffed hair was a mess...........and of course I noticed his pupils were non existant almost...........and the itching.......and he was just so peaceful.........yet I felt so bad for him, BUT jealous.
Yep, the price tag is way too steep, and it's no "CHOICE" I make.......more like I have "NO CHOICE".........because I'd be back where I was and worse......and that's no option..........but admittedly for sure I was jealous......like GYAC said for that special place...........but we know what that cost.
Hand on my heart too, Diff.........I'm not gone back there.
Oh and the chick yelling out the care to Toneeeeeeee didn't she come after him...and I fgured she was worried...........about everything involving heroin......pretty much I recall being like that with my using partners and friends.....like you're missing something..........poor Toneeeeeeeeeeee.
No no no Herman...that's what I mean...I would never ever...not even the once...way too scared...way too sensible...don't need it...went surfing today....enough of an endorphin rush for me! :o)
Maddy x
Maddy x
