Okay, so I posted about a month ago about how my son was suffering with oxy withdrawals and and how badly I felt so I let him come back home. He promised me he'd stay off, get his GED, get a job.. etc, etc, well, you can guess how that went. You all warned me but I had hope. So much for that.
We have our own business and he's been working for us, and we found out he's been stealing from the business. Cashing checks from customers and telling us that they weren't really jobs so he didn't charge them, and doing jobs on the side without giving us the money.
He's an effin' thief. If he was a regular employee I'd fire him on the spot, but unfortunately he lives here.
What do we do? I don't know how to handle this. His dad and I haven't said anything about this latest theft because we don't want to throw him out in anger mostly because I'll be here alone this weekend and I don't want to deal with him alone. If we show anger, he will too and I really don't feel like getting murdered while I'm sleeping. Do we sit him down, and give him a choice, either go away for rehab or leave our home now? Just change the locks and leave him a note? How we do go about this? I honestly don't know how to handle this. He doesn't know we know that he stole from the business so I have time to process this whole thing.
Of course, I don't have any great advice for you but I feel your pain and frustration. We walked on eggshells for years, trying not to piss our son off. It was actually him stealing from us that was the last straw for us. He stole 14 solar panel batteries. At the scrap yard, he probably got $90 for over $1000 worth of batteries. We just plain told him he needed to leave. At the time, he had a friend that let him move in so he didn't really care but she kicked him out months ago (because no one wants to live with a heroin addict) and he's begged numerous times, yes, even crying, to let him come back. Now that he's out, we're holding firm. He is 29 years old for crying out loud. It's not easy to get them out though. There's not going to be a way to do it without him creating drama. If you need to wait until your husbands back so that you have backup, then wait. I would say you could tell him what you know and then tell him, it's the last straw, you need to leave. We gave our son a few days to get his things. Our son has no license so we even took boxes to him. I wish you luck and prayers!
Michelle
Michelle
Thanks Michelle.. It's so hard, isn't it? When I threw my son out the first time he went to live with a friend also which in a way was good for me because I didn't worry about him, but he had all the comforts of home so he didn't suffer any consequences. He got thrown out of there so now if we throw him out, he'll have nowhere to go.
I told my husband I wanted all the locks changed before we do throw him out though. It's really sad when you can't trust your own son and to be honest, I'm afraid of him. He's vindictive and sneaky. I don't know if it's the drugs.. I'd rather think that it was drugs than that being his personality.
I told my husband I wanted all the locks changed before we do throw him out though. It's really sad when you can't trust your own son and to be honest, I'm afraid of him. He's vindictive and sneaky. I don't know if it's the drugs.. I'd rather think that it was drugs than that being his personality.
I completely understand. We have left the house before when our son threatened us. I have seen our son throw off 3 security guards while under the influence and I've seen him put his fist through a car window. I do feel like it's because of the addiction but for us it's hard to tell since we've been dealing with it since he was about 14 years old. I will say that I agree 100% that addiction is a progressive disease. It started with pot and alcohol once in awhile and has progressed to heroin daily, along with cocaine when he has the money for it. It's heartbreaking but we have a right to be happy. We should not have to live the life that we did not choose. Good luck!
Michelle
Michelle
It is a shame that our sons steal from the very hands that love and care for them, I have lived this drama for a few years and I can say from my experience it does not get better. My son has been to Rehab 3 times, Clearly that wasn't the solution. I would suggest you have your son arrested for stealing from you and your business. As difficult as it may be, it gets him off the streets, out of your home and gets him clean. At this moment my son is in jail. As much as I hate this, I believe this is the safest place for him. Blessing to You Both....
My husband and I talked about having him arrested but honestly we're afraid of the impact it would have on our business and we'd have to involve that customer so word would get out. It's a family run business that took hard work and decades to create. He's not allowed to do jobs anymore though. I just can't trust him. Fortunately, there are other trustworthy family members that work for us also.
I don't understand his mentality either. I didn't know it at the time but he was listening in on the phone when his dad and I were talking about him cashing the customers check so he knows he's in trouble for that, but yet he had the nerve to ask for his pay for the jobs he did before we knew he stole from us.
What is the best way to make him leave? Do I just tell him he's got to leave now? Do I give him a time limit and tell him he's got to be out by such and such date? Do I give him the option of going AWAY to rehab or get out? If he goes away it would be easier not to let him back in. I don't know what to do. The ironic part is my doctor gave me valium for the panic attacks I'm having now.. so now I'm on drugs because my son's a druggie. But, I'm not abusing them and only take them as needed.
I don't understand his mentality either. I didn't know it at the time but he was listening in on the phone when his dad and I were talking about him cashing the customers check so he knows he's in trouble for that, but yet he had the nerve to ask for his pay for the jobs he did before we knew he stole from us.
What is the best way to make him leave? Do I just tell him he's got to leave now? Do I give him a time limit and tell him he's got to be out by such and such date? Do I give him the option of going AWAY to rehab or get out? If he goes away it would be easier not to let him back in. I don't know what to do. The ironic part is my doctor gave me valium for the panic attacks I'm having now.. so now I'm on drugs because my son's a druggie. But, I'm not abusing them and only take them as needed.
