I am no one better then you readsing this ,However I am 44 and been abusing pills since 1985, I can tell you tats about 20 years, So this I know something about pills I have seen may 100 doctorsfor pills, 20 or ER rooms for pills, I have written and filled 100 rxs, Could even call a pharmacy as a Doctor and order any class iii drugs, Lost my couisn at the age of 22 partying with him the day he died and felt so bad I tried to overdose taking over 60 pills to end the pain of feeling it was my fault, to wakeup scaring my family so out off it I was taslking to my Grandfather who was dead for years like he was there scaring my parents half to death, arested 5 times or more but ant sure howmany because I forget so much. What I am getting to is I wasted so much time dancing with the devil, I never married have no children that I now of. Broke mom and dads heart to many times, Dad died 2 years ago with Brain and lung cancerand hated pain pills that he suffered without pain pills because of me, But he did get one rx when I told the Doctor how much pain he was in so he gave me pain pills I gave him 2 and kepth the rest for me I now i suck. ,What I am saying is after all that I still cant stop the madness, I like to stop but I never will ,DOPE IS A GIFT FROM THE DEVIL ALL I HOPE THE LORD KNOWS MY HEART AND WILL FORGIVE ME FOR THE LIFE I WAS GIVEN AND WASTED I HOPE SOMEONE OUT THERE WHOS BEEN ON PILLS A SHORT TIME AND READS THIS AND DONT FOLLOW THE SAME PATH
Hey Roger,
If you know you are dancing with the devil then you must know there is a God. So, why not trust God to help you stop? Since you came to this room maybe this is God answering your prayers all ready? Stick around. There are a lot of good people here. I'm sure others will be praying for you as I will be too. Take care.
Love,
Liz
If you know you are dancing with the devil then you must know there is a God. So, why not trust God to help you stop? Since you came to this room maybe this is God answering your prayers all ready? Stick around. There are a lot of good people here. I'm sure others will be praying for you as I will be too. Take care.
Love,
Liz
Reply to my reply I been with women for 10 year s, I never cheated on her ,we slit the bills, Itold her tody as allways how much i love her, shes not a dope head and I dont knw why shes been with me for ten years, she does haqve issues in her past not aloving home,I never hit her i do love her, but she always says i talk to much and i do when u know, How ever i told my life was not wht i hoped on earth,But as the biblesays i will go to hell for shacking up with her for ten years so oi told i like to get marrid shes says no i agerrate her to much, i do talk alot but she always treats me more like a mother then a lover. i want to leave i dont want her saying she wasted her life on me, any women outthere in NC Burlington out like em me
Roger,
Thanks for such an honest post. I hope it will open many eyes. I'll be 43 in Feb and I've been addicted to pain killers for only a couple of years. Of course, growing up, I partied big time, did ludes, tuinals, and my main DOC was cocaine. While growing up in Miami, and the people I hung around with was readily available at ALL times to me.
Funny thing is, I NEVER considered myself an "addict". I never woke up in the morning looking for a line or a quaalude. That is why I was so baffled when I finally realized that I was actually ADDICTED to painkillers. Who, me? No way, never been addicted to nothing - hell I dont even smoke or drink anymore (maybe a drink on occasion). Then when I tried to stop taking the painkillers, I didnt understand where these sweats, kicking legs, anxiety - I'm sure you know the whole nine yards - what the heck is this? I needed MORE pills. and more and more, until I was taking sometimes 25 percs a day and still not feeling good anymore. I relapsed time and again - still couldnt deal with the fact that I was an "addict" - still hard to say.
What I want to tell you is PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP on yourself. There is a way. There is help out there. Have you tried talking to the drs or tried to find a dr. that prescribes subutex? You can read alot of posts about this new drug on this board - I hear its like a miracle drug. I know alot of people dont like methadone - but after 20 years of using, a methadone maintanence program might be an option. Do you have any type of support or ever try NAor AA? All of these are just possible options. I hate that it sounds that you are just giving up on yourself. You still have many years ahead of you if you want it bad enough. Please keep posting - even if just to vent your feelings, it helps. There are alot of addicts here that have been there, believe me. Please, dont ever give up the fight. I'm still fighting and it is tough, but you can do it.
Take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing. God bless.
Love,
Marie
Thanks for such an honest post. I hope it will open many eyes. I'll be 43 in Feb and I've been addicted to pain killers for only a couple of years. Of course, growing up, I partied big time, did ludes, tuinals, and my main DOC was cocaine. While growing up in Miami, and the people I hung around with was readily available at ALL times to me.
Funny thing is, I NEVER considered myself an "addict". I never woke up in the morning looking for a line or a quaalude. That is why I was so baffled when I finally realized that I was actually ADDICTED to painkillers. Who, me? No way, never been addicted to nothing - hell I dont even smoke or drink anymore (maybe a drink on occasion). Then when I tried to stop taking the painkillers, I didnt understand where these sweats, kicking legs, anxiety - I'm sure you know the whole nine yards - what the heck is this? I needed MORE pills. and more and more, until I was taking sometimes 25 percs a day and still not feeling good anymore. I relapsed time and again - still couldnt deal with the fact that I was an "addict" - still hard to say.
What I want to tell you is PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP on yourself. There is a way. There is help out there. Have you tried talking to the drs or tried to find a dr. that prescribes subutex? You can read alot of posts about this new drug on this board - I hear its like a miracle drug. I know alot of people dont like methadone - but after 20 years of using, a methadone maintanence program might be an option. Do you have any type of support or ever try NAor AA? All of these are just possible options. I hate that it sounds that you are just giving up on yourself. You still have many years ahead of you if you want it bad enough. Please keep posting - even if just to vent your feelings, it helps. There are alot of addicts here that have been there, believe me. Please, dont ever give up the fight. I'm still fighting and it is tough, but you can do it.
Take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing. God bless.
Love,
Marie
Nice post, Liz. Couldn't have said it better!
Roger my thoughts will be with you.I know that & $1.00 will get you a cup of coffee but my meaning is try not to feel alone in this.There are ALOT of people on here who have gone through the range of emotions you are going through.Talk with us maybe we can help find your way.I'm mollyjean & I'll help when I can...mj
Roger, I am sure glad you posted your post. I don't know you, and maybe you are a bad person, but if you are, nothing i see from your post indicates that to me. For all i know, you could be a really good person , who is a drug addict.
And being an addict, and forging prescriptions & playing Dr. & taking pills that someone else didnt want or didnt take, certainly doesn't put you on the side of evil. Not being a man of God (or if i am, i sure don't know it) I can still comment on a couple of things I am fairly certain of, and one is that just by living with a girl you are not married too sure doesn't give you a sentence to hell.
NOt to get into a religious, or scriptual, or doctornil debate, I can tell you I am (surprise to all of you who have read my posts) pretty familiar with the bible, and unless the woman you are living with is married to someone else, or you are, you might not be living an exactly kosher life, but if you love each other, you are not such a terrible person for it, and it sure aint gonna earn you an eternal sentence in hell.
I also gotta say, that's not the best proposal I've ever heard. And I thought I was bad. "Honey, would you marry me so we don't go to hell." C'mon man, I mean I was never very good with woman, but that has got to be the worlds worst proposal I have ever heard.
Matter of fact dude, more then likely, after 10 years, you are married, that is if you live in one of the states of the good ol USA. It's called common law.
I'm not trying to let you off the hook here pal, but unless you have done a lot worse then you are presenting (which i don't need to know, but you do) you sound a long way from being a "bad" person. You sound more like a person who needs someone to talk to.
I think the requirements for attentding an NA meeting (correct me if i'm wrong guys) are a desire to quit. I also think (unless ur stoned, again please correct me if i'm wrong) you not only welcome, but they exist for you. (i have to guess, even if u r on some painers, not stoned, but enuf to keep u from being sick, u are still welcome)
Have you any been to an NA or an AA meeting. It's scarry as hell at first, but believe me, u will be welcomed with open arms, and depending on u, u will be left alone or people will talk to you if you want. So it's nothing to be afraid of.
Man , you are only 44, since life begins at 40, u got a lot of good years ahead of you. The good news for you is that your addiction is opiates, not something maybe quite as devastating or mind destroying as crack or alcohal.
And even in this here country, if NA doesnt work for you, you can also get government sanctioned, legal medicine (or drugs for my NA breathren) that actually are way better for you then what you are doing. Methadone, or suboxine (new one to me) are not the first choice, but they are a choice for you.
The past, like the future, doesnt exist. The past lives in you and others today. You can't change it, except for it's effects by your current actions. Ahh, but the beauty of this life God has given us, you can change the future, the present and what will be the past with present choices.
By some good decisions, tough choices, and effort and actions, you can make your current past nothing more then a prelude to the present. Think of the beauty of looking back ten years from now, and all the good things you have accomplished, and the people you have helped. Those first 40 something were there, but now you are way different, and if you hadn't gone thru what you went thru, you wouldn't have been able to positively affect those around you. Of course, the other option , is to wallow in the guilt of the firts 40 something, and just stymy yourself with that. But I think God has a much better plan waiting for you, just take it, one step at a time.
And being an addict, and forging prescriptions & playing Dr. & taking pills that someone else didnt want or didnt take, certainly doesn't put you on the side of evil. Not being a man of God (or if i am, i sure don't know it) I can still comment on a couple of things I am fairly certain of, and one is that just by living with a girl you are not married too sure doesn't give you a sentence to hell.
NOt to get into a religious, or scriptual, or doctornil debate, I can tell you I am (surprise to all of you who have read my posts) pretty familiar with the bible, and unless the woman you are living with is married to someone else, or you are, you might not be living an exactly kosher life, but if you love each other, you are not such a terrible person for it, and it sure aint gonna earn you an eternal sentence in hell.
I also gotta say, that's not the best proposal I've ever heard. And I thought I was bad. "Honey, would you marry me so we don't go to hell." C'mon man, I mean I was never very good with woman, but that has got to be the worlds worst proposal I have ever heard.
Matter of fact dude, more then likely, after 10 years, you are married, that is if you live in one of the states of the good ol USA. It's called common law.
I'm not trying to let you off the hook here pal, but unless you have done a lot worse then you are presenting (which i don't need to know, but you do) you sound a long way from being a "bad" person. You sound more like a person who needs someone to talk to.
I think the requirements for attentding an NA meeting (correct me if i'm wrong guys) are a desire to quit. I also think (unless ur stoned, again please correct me if i'm wrong) you not only welcome, but they exist for you. (i have to guess, even if u r on some painers, not stoned, but enuf to keep u from being sick, u are still welcome)
Have you any been to an NA or an AA meeting. It's scarry as hell at first, but believe me, u will be welcomed with open arms, and depending on u, u will be left alone or people will talk to you if you want. So it's nothing to be afraid of.
Man , you are only 44, since life begins at 40, u got a lot of good years ahead of you. The good news for you is that your addiction is opiates, not something maybe quite as devastating or mind destroying as crack or alcohal.
And even in this here country, if NA doesnt work for you, you can also get government sanctioned, legal medicine (or drugs for my NA breathren) that actually are way better for you then what you are doing. Methadone, or suboxine (new one to me) are not the first choice, but they are a choice for you.
The past, like the future, doesnt exist. The past lives in you and others today. You can't change it, except for it's effects by your current actions. Ahh, but the beauty of this life God has given us, you can change the future, the present and what will be the past with present choices.
By some good decisions, tough choices, and effort and actions, you can make your current past nothing more then a prelude to the present. Think of the beauty of looking back ten years from now, and all the good things you have accomplished, and the people you have helped. Those first 40 something were there, but now you are way different, and if you hadn't gone thru what you went thru, you wouldn't have been able to positively affect those around you. Of course, the other option , is to wallow in the guilt of the firts 40 something, and just stymy yourself with that. But I think God has a much better plan waiting for you, just take it, one step at a time.
ROGER,
LIKE MARIE SAID, THANKS FOR SUCH AN HONEST POST.
STICK AROUND!
KATE
LIKE MARIE SAID, THANKS FOR SUCH AN HONEST POST.
STICK AROUND!
KATE
re; BROWNDOG I MUST REALLY THANK YOU TO TAKE THE TIME TO POST TO MY POST, YOU ARE A VERY SMART PERSON, THANKS AND I DID GET SOME GOOD ADDVICE FROM YOU ALSO I LIVE IN NC NO COMMON LAW AND I PROPOSED TO HER MANY TIMES NICLY,
Just bustin your chops a little there Roger, but really, your religious overtones make me feel you are judging yourself a little too harshly, take good care of yourself, pray, get some help here and now, cause really (my own personal belief) is the stuff we don't get thru and straighten out now, is something we still are gonna have to work on when life continues in the next chapter. I hope things work out for you & you get the day by day strength to work them out, Jesus said (paraphrase) , worry about and take care of today, its got enuf problems of its own. Save tomorrows worries for tomorrow.
Have a good day , my friend
Have a good day , my friend
