I have been in recovery from alcohol for almost 18months. I have 4 daughters and they went through my detox and rehab stay. They are all teens and now the two middle ones will be attending college together away from home. I just recently found out that they have been partying it up and not been honest with me. It killed me to think that they are on the same path that I was on. It took me 20years to get to my bottom but I was fortunate enough not to lose everything like others have. I don't know what to do about them. Can anyone share their experiences?
well let me just say that i am the daughter of an alchoholic, drug addicted, gambling addicted moron and an at university myself and i can probably tell you that in my experience getting wasted on numerous occasions and having your alchoholic (recovered or not) parents know about it gives you a great deal of satisfaction in knowing that in some way they might acturally be beginning to see what it has been like for them their whole lives watching you do the very same thing. And yeas, as a resullt they may be messing up their own lives in the process, but this is what alchoholics with children fail to get into their heads. THEY are going to be the ones responsible when their children go off the rails in later life (that is if they have sobered up enough to care, which is highly unlikley after years of "ill never do it again, thats the last time"). Or in all probability your daughters are out every night with a group of new friends now enjoying the life they should of been leading when they were young, when instead, they never went out with their friends because they always had to hang around the house babysitting their mother incase she decided to go and have another "secret binge" while her daughters were out of the house only to have them come home to find their mother on the living room floor having drunk herself unconsious and having taken half a bottle of pain killers. yes it is the children of alchoholic parents who are aways having to clean up the mess of their parents and while they may become numb to it after a while, that will fade and they will probably go straight off the rails themselves and we all know ho will be to blame for that dont we. i dont mean any of this against you or anyone else but all parents in here who are alchoholics need a great big wake up because they arent just f***ing up their own lives!
stepping away from blaming alcoholics for their disease and looking at what you do when your kids start getting stuck into it.
My father is a sober alcoholic. I didn't know this until I was 20 years old. Between the ages of 19 and 19 I drank a lot, a hughe amount. I went out twice a week and got blind drunk, fall down drunk, couldnt remember the night before. I could never understand why my mother was so anal about my partying until later when I found out about my dad. I am not an alcoholic and my drinking settled down as I approached 22. Just because they are giving the booze a hiding doesnt mean that they are, or are going to become, alcoholics.
My advice is to sit tight and try and relax. You have to let them find their own way and make their own mistakes. You also know that if they do develop a drinking problem that they need to come to that realisation themselves. You can't control them and you cant control whether or not they become alcoholics. Lets pray that they dont, be there for them if they need you.
My father is a sober alcoholic. I didn't know this until I was 20 years old. Between the ages of 19 and 19 I drank a lot, a hughe amount. I went out twice a week and got blind drunk, fall down drunk, couldnt remember the night before. I could never understand why my mother was so anal about my partying until later when I found out about my dad. I am not an alcoholic and my drinking settled down as I approached 22. Just because they are giving the booze a hiding doesnt mean that they are, or are going to become, alcoholics.
My advice is to sit tight and try and relax. You have to let them find their own way and make their own mistakes. You also know that if they do develop a drinking problem that they need to come to that realisation themselves. You can't control them and you cant control whether or not they become alcoholics. Lets pray that they dont, be there for them if they need you.
pissed off
reading through your heartfelt post it occurred to me that you might benefit from Al Anon as I have. best wishes.
reading through your heartfelt post it occurred to me that you might benefit from Al Anon as I have. best wishes.
michelle,
my mom is an alcholic. she is sober now, but when i was a teen she was always drunk. anyways, i partied heavily and drank myself till oblivion almost every night. but i never became an alcholic. i am a heroin addict but i did turn away from the drinking. it got old and i hated being hung over. so i guess i just traded one thing for another. booze for drugs. its hard having a drunk for a parent, i hope you kids find their ways and choose another path than their mother.
good luck
raerae
my mom is an alcholic. she is sober now, but when i was a teen she was always drunk. anyways, i partied heavily and drank myself till oblivion almost every night. but i never became an alcholic. i am a heroin addict but i did turn away from the drinking. it got old and i hated being hung over. so i guess i just traded one thing for another. booze for drugs. its hard having a drunk for a parent, i hope you kids find their ways and choose another path than their mother.
good luck
raerae
