You see, I've never really been the one to reach out.. But I grew up with divorced parents and a father that I never saw because he was to busy pumping his liver full of alcohol.. Yanno, that should have been an example as what not to do right?.. So why exactly did I fall into those footsteps when I know the pain it had caused me? I drink and drink and drink, and not the normal kind of party and drink with your friends.. I drink alone.. In my room, or on my bathroom floor, and I plug my headphones in and blare music until I start to feel numb. I'm broken, and I'm scared. I don't want this life, but so I have a choice? I'm not sure.. I made it 24 hours yesterday.. That's as far as I got. I'm sick of waking up at 10am with a hangover, and stomach pains from taking to many mood relaxers.. If it's not one, it's the other. I suffer from anxiety, and I feel like I'm alone. I feel like the rest of the world sees things differently. My friends, they don't understand.. You're just nervous, you'll be fine".. But am I really fine? Am I fine because you can't see my pain on the outside? On the inside, my stomach turns, my heart races, it gets louder and louder and louder.. All I can focus on is trying to breathe, sometimes I even break into tears.. Only when I'm alone. Alcohol calms me down, it helps with my anxiety. It's my crutch. It's my go to, and it's my best friend.. Help me, please...
Thank you for sharing your story and hugs to you. Please know that you are NOT alone. It's easy to feel that way when the people surrounding you don't understand how you feel, but there are many others (myself included!) who are experiencing the same fear and anxiety that you are battling. You will get through this, but you need to find the proper support. A message board like this is a great start, but meeting with a counselor or attending AA meetings will be so helpful for you. You have so much life ahead of you, don't let it spiral out of control while you still have time to grow. I can't pretend to know what you are going through, but I can tell you that I have felt all of the struggles that you described in your post, and I'm sure many others on this message board have as well. You are stronger than this and you can overcome. Please take care of yourself and find someone who can support you in person. I believe in you!
Hey there
Welcome huggggs :)
Want you to know you are not alone.
Way you describe it you have a spiritual sickness and alcohol is but a symptom like millions of others.
Good thing is there is a solution and there is hope. You are not alone.
Why don't you try finding an AA meeting near you? Will you be willing to do that?
Keep us posted :)
Welcome huggggs :)
Want you to know you are not alone.
Way you describe it you have a spiritual sickness and alcohol is but a symptom like millions of others.
Good thing is there is a solution and there is hope. You are not alone.
Why don't you try finding an AA meeting near you? Will you be willing to do that?
Keep us posted :)
