Hi, male 56 yrs. Sober, 17yrs. Familiar tale. Didn't realise I had a problem 'til too late. Denial. Finally got sober, but not in time to save my 14 year marriage. We didn't physically fight. I never hit her ( not asking for a medal) she had just got fed up living with that lump at the of the sofa who got drunk every night after work. and I could not blame her. I went in for a last detox, only this time, I knew it was going to different, I knew this time would work. I tried my guts out to try to convince my wife whom I still loved. But, she had heard it all before of course. She left me, I lost my job and my home.
Divorce was very amicable, we sorted most of the stuff ourselves. In came the lawyers to do the formalities, things degenerated quickly.
Over this period my ex had not 1, but 2 breakdowns. seeing what that did to her I decided to stay single. I could not put another human being through that again, should I not stay sober.
17 years is a long time to be on your own. no friends. Sorry, but I dread and detest the "festive season." Forgotten how to socialize, never really been joiner of things. Am damn near living like a recluse.
Does this sound familiar to anyone. If so, any ideas please/
Hi Cully welcome to the board.. In my opinon you need to forgive yourself..17 years is a long time to punish oneself.
Thanks for that Pirate. I think I went through that stage a long time ago. How many ways can you say sorry? and how long can you beat yourself up for?
No, for me I seem to have lost touch with the world and everybody in it. Silly but have never played on an x box or play station. Technology I can't keep up with, 'cos I have nobody to show me. WI-FI...not a clue. reading this it sounds as if I have been in solitary confinement in prison for years, but I promise you that is not the case.
I work and chat but never "connect"
No, for me I seem to have lost touch with the world and everybody in it. Silly but have never played on an x box or play station. Technology I can't keep up with, 'cos I have nobody to show me. WI-FI...not a clue. reading this it sounds as if I have been in solitary confinement in prison for years, but I promise you that is not the case.
I work and chat but never "connect"
17 years sober is very impressive but there is more to it than that. You have to go to meetings & really want to change your whole life plus get a sponsor. I also believe that having a higher power is very important. I tried it my way & stayed sober for over a year but went back out there. When I came back 6 months later I asked God to show me what to do. I was a drunk for 30 years & if not for God and AA I would be dead now.Instead I take it one day at a time and try to be a better person than I was yesterday. It has worked for me for 15 years it can work for you too.
Bernie Boy
Bernie Boy
It was very critical chapter in your life and 17 years sober is very rare topics for a man. Please relax yourself and think something new for your life. Try to forget your past and keep always busy with your work. Please don't take alcohol again because a bottle of alcohol can destroy your life.
When the pain of my misdeeds and fear become too much, I have found it useful to meditate on the Buddhist idea of 'detachment'. AA holds some similar wisdom- let go. I didn't quit drinking to be a prisoner, quite the opposite really. We are not Gods who wield absolute misfortune on those around us. Everyone has a part in this drama and then there are the factors which no one chooses but that just are. My advice is focus on today and do what gives you peace or joy and challenge yourself to connect with others when you can. Not everyone is going to be convivial and outgoing, and that's okay in my opinion. Somewhere between what I am easily and what takes great effort, is where I'd like to be. That's ok in my book. Congrats on 17 years, that's a lot of 24hrs.
