19 And Confused

Other Drugs
1
I have 9 months clean and sober. There is a part of me that still wants to go out and use again. The insanity of it is that I've hit some really dark bottoms but yet I still have this urge to go back to that lifestyle. Did I not suffer enough? I lived my 20's at 15. Never lived life like a normal teenager and definitely put myself through things girls my age wouldn't put themselves through. I am confused as f***. Idk If I want to recover or return to my old rebellious ways. I can't play the whole tape nor can I act like the mature adult everyone here expects me to act like. For f*** sake I am still a teenager. I am in a very structured sober living with women who are like 20+ years older than me. The pressure to meet the expectations of this sober living is suffocating the s*** out of me. Idk I decided to reach out here because talking to the women here has not been very useful and I am running out of options. By the way I do have a sponsor and I am on step 5, I can't call her 24/7 because she has a life. Just thought I'd reach out here as my last hope.
2
Justjulie,

This is not a very active forum. You may want to repost on the heroin board. Even though it may not be your drug of addiction, people there struggle with the same issues.

- the moderators
3
Julie:

This video may explain why you are going through your highs and lows.
We all go through them - ask any of the oldtimers in your group.
I'm coming up on 28 yrs clean/sober and I still have my times-
We are not cured .. just getting better in fits and spurts as it were.

Anyway, here is the video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wue3...eature=youtu.be

You are no better or worse than any of us addict/alcoholics !!

All the best.

Bob R