Dear Jewels:
I am SO sorry for the pain you're having. You are a real trooper for sticking with the "no pain pills"
I've never had a bad toothache but I know they are horrible.
As for your husband's boss - she will also have to answer - even if she's single.
Husband - if he deserves to be called that. I want to cuss. He is full of S_ _ _!!! I will get that in.
I pray you can keep that apt tomorrow and of course your dentist appt this morning.
I don't know your time zone - it's 5:45 here.
Love, Becky
| QUOTE |
| oh, one more thing, tues night is my appt for the free consultation with the divorce lawyer!! husbutt didnt sleep here thurs, fri, or sat. and he looks me in the eye."i dont have a girlfriend" then his phone rings at 1:30 in the morning, he is real short and says "see you tomorrow" then tells me, its his boss! wow that excuse is getting old, when that woman answered his cell last week asking who i was??? his boss once again, like his boss goes up to his belt and removes his cell phone to answer it? yeah right, dont play me for a fool! adultery, he will have to face God with that one. |
Julie, you need a lot more than a couple of phone calls to divorce based on the grounds of adultery. Aint going to fly. You need to understand the realities of divorce and the legalities. His boss doesnt have to answer to jack squat. Remember, your lawyer is in the billable hours business. Not in the "help Jewels business". He is going to maximize his billable hours and tell you what you want to hear and then force you to settle.
If you march into the Kane County courthouse and charge adultery based on a few calls, they will laugh you out of court.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
to the above post about the lawyer/divorce thing......100% TRUE I am going thru it as we speak. My lawyer told me EVERYTHING I wanted to hear at appointment #1, well many months later, what has my so far $1500 gotten me? NOTHING
Hey Jewels:
On the divorce thing:
last year he and I separated for 3 months - he had mid-life crisis or s'thing and started smoking, then selling pot from our house. Finally I had enough and told him to get the ____ out of the house or we would both go to jail. He took it and left - stayed at his brothers for 3 months - I knew his brother wouldn't put up with it - he got clean and we got back together. I went for a $100 consultation - and she told me that as long as we had been married - 27 yeras at the time - that e'thing would be half anf half. She said I could do a habitual drub abuse
(a 3 month divorce) but it would still be the same, and cost about $5,000 in attorney's fees which she could PROBABLY make him pay.
We started talking mediators really fast but it didn't come to that.
I know it won't come to that this year - it will be a no fault - 1 year divorce paying mediator only.
Neither one of us want to spend our house equity on lawyers.
Your case is different - I don't remember how long you've been married.
And adultry is big.
Listen to e'one and get the bast deal.
Hope you'e feeling better.
Love, Becky
On the divorce thing:
last year he and I separated for 3 months - he had mid-life crisis or s'thing and started smoking, then selling pot from our house. Finally I had enough and told him to get the ____ out of the house or we would both go to jail. He took it and left - stayed at his brothers for 3 months - I knew his brother wouldn't put up with it - he got clean and we got back together. I went for a $100 consultation - and she told me that as long as we had been married - 27 yeras at the time - that e'thing would be half anf half. She said I could do a habitual drub abuse
(a 3 month divorce) but it would still be the same, and cost about $5,000 in attorney's fees which she could PROBABLY make him pay.
We started talking mediators really fast but it didn't come to that.
I know it won't come to that this year - it will be a no fault - 1 year divorce paying mediator only.
Neither one of us want to spend our house equity on lawyers.
Your case is different - I don't remember how long you've been married.
And adultry is big.
Listen to e'one and get the bast deal.
Hope you'e feeling better.
Love, Becky
First off, a couple of cell phone calls is not adultery. I know he has some kind of porn problem. Says who? Has he ever been treated for it? It's hearsay.Verbal abuse? Are there orders of protection? If not, means nothing.
Number 2, adultery in NOT big. Not in a divorce action. In many states, it's no longer even grounds for a divorce. If you lived in a bible belt state (typically in the south), maybe it would be worth something, although still not much. You live 30 miles west of the 3rd largest and one of the most liberal cities in the country. It's not a big deal. They are going to roll their eyes big time. You can sue him for divorce for anything Jewels. It doesnt carry a lot of weight here. Believe me.
Drug abuse, however, does carry a lot of weight. A whole lot of weight. So before you start launching weapons of mass destruction towards your husband, you need to understand what his response will be. His response was of course he looked at porn. Maybe he did have an affair. He did y ecause his wife was a substance abuser in and out of rehab. Are you really ready for that kind of battle?
Jewels, yes, you are in recovery. You can show the court the your rehab paperwork. And that confirms your substance abuse.
Jewels, I have been in and out of the courts here in northern Illinois in terms of domestic relations for 15 years in two seperate divorce actions. I understand the system and the overall realities here.
You need to think out your approach here. Seriously.
You have had a long term marriage that is coming apart. Drug addiciton is ground for NOT awarding alimony.
Email me off this board to continue this if you want my advice. My first advice is to think this out before you launch your nukes, because sometimes they misfire and you end up blowing yourself up.
Number 2, adultery in NOT big. Not in a divorce action. In many states, it's no longer even grounds for a divorce. If you lived in a bible belt state (typically in the south), maybe it would be worth something, although still not much. You live 30 miles west of the 3rd largest and one of the most liberal cities in the country. It's not a big deal. They are going to roll their eyes big time. You can sue him for divorce for anything Jewels. It doesnt carry a lot of weight here. Believe me.
Drug abuse, however, does carry a lot of weight. A whole lot of weight. So before you start launching weapons of mass destruction towards your husband, you need to understand what his response will be. His response was of course he looked at porn. Maybe he did have an affair. He did y ecause his wife was a substance abuser in and out of rehab. Are you really ready for that kind of battle?
Jewels, yes, you are in recovery. You can show the court the your rehab paperwork. And that confirms your substance abuse.
Jewels, I have been in and out of the courts here in northern Illinois in terms of domestic relations for 15 years in two seperate divorce actions. I understand the system and the overall realities here.
You need to think out your approach here. Seriously.
You have had a long term marriage that is coming apart. Drug addiciton is ground for NOT awarding alimony.
Email me off this board to continue this if you want my advice. My first advice is to think this out before you launch your nukes, because sometimes they misfire and you end up blowing yourself up.
danny
i will email you and we can hopefully come to an understanding of what you are trying to say to me ok?
this is how i see the situation and I am telling you guys the honest to Gods truth.
i have been a faithful wife and mother for 27 yrs. not once in all those years have i given my husband any reason to think differently. i have never hung out in bars or even given him any reason to suspect anything. my intentions upon marrying him was to give him the lifestyle that his first marriage didnt, but i was this sick co dependant fool who thought i could give him the leave it to beaver home life, it was then that i truly gave him a faithful wife, a clean house, 3 home cooked meals, sex anytime he wanted it, etc. it was he who has the sickness of porn addiction who left our bed to watch porn, it has nothing to do with my drug addiction that led him to that. because he was doing that way before i got into opiates, i was smoking pot only on occasion when we first got married.
when i said adultery, i meant he will have to face the punishment with God, it is in the commandments not to do so, i know it wont stand up in court, as my fathers infidelity meant nothing to the judge when my parents divorced.
i am going for the consult. to see what tools i have to work with, but from what you guys have posted, it doesnt appear that i should do that because the lawyer could say that i would be awarded such and such at the consult. but then in court different story?
from the way things look from my financial point of view, it looks like i am gonna suffer and have to put up with this abuse.
wouldnt a judge look at my drug situation and put into consideration or give me credit for the footwork i have done to get clean, especially with the fact that my husband has done nothing to help himself concerning his duo addiction?
its more than a couple cell phone calls danny, shes been on the property twice, and when he got on the phone with me after she asked me who the hell i was, it was so so obvious by his demeanor that he is cheating. jewels... email me danny ok?
just called the dentist, he is booked! but will squeeze me in at 3 oclock! yeah!
i will email you and we can hopefully come to an understanding of what you are trying to say to me ok?
this is how i see the situation and I am telling you guys the honest to Gods truth.
i have been a faithful wife and mother for 27 yrs. not once in all those years have i given my husband any reason to think differently. i have never hung out in bars or even given him any reason to suspect anything. my intentions upon marrying him was to give him the lifestyle that his first marriage didnt, but i was this sick co dependant fool who thought i could give him the leave it to beaver home life, it was then that i truly gave him a faithful wife, a clean house, 3 home cooked meals, sex anytime he wanted it, etc. it was he who has the sickness of porn addiction who left our bed to watch porn, it has nothing to do with my drug addiction that led him to that. because he was doing that way before i got into opiates, i was smoking pot only on occasion when we first got married.
when i said adultery, i meant he will have to face the punishment with God, it is in the commandments not to do so, i know it wont stand up in court, as my fathers infidelity meant nothing to the judge when my parents divorced.
i am going for the consult. to see what tools i have to work with, but from what you guys have posted, it doesnt appear that i should do that because the lawyer could say that i would be awarded such and such at the consult. but then in court different story?
from the way things look from my financial point of view, it looks like i am gonna suffer and have to put up with this abuse.
wouldnt a judge look at my drug situation and put into consideration or give me credit for the footwork i have done to get clean, especially with the fact that my husband has done nothing to help himself concerning his duo addiction?
its more than a couple cell phone calls danny, shes been on the property twice, and when he got on the phone with me after she asked me who the hell i was, it was so so obvious by his demeanor that he is cheating. jewels... email me danny ok?
just called the dentist, he is booked! but will squeeze me in at 3 oclock! yeah!
YGM
Jewels,
I agree with Sam. I wish a couple days ago the dentist would have called you in some antibiotics because once you start those, it only takes a couple days for it to stop hurting. I've had those, they suck, but once the antibiotic takes effect, the pain goes. Glad your going in today, and I hope you feel better. Love, Roe
I agree with Sam. I wish a couple days ago the dentist would have called you in some antibiotics because once you start those, it only takes a couple days for it to stop hurting. I've had those, they suck, but once the antibiotic takes effect, the pain goes. Glad your going in today, and I hope you feel better. Love, Roe
thanks for all your support and advice, its an abscess! read about it on the other thread i posted! love jewels
