3 Years Today.....

Pain Pills
1
is the first time I posted here!

I can't believe that 3 years have come and gone. So much has happened in that time and sometimes it seems like 20 years has passed and other times it feels likes it's only been days or weeks.

I was in an awful mess this time three years ago. I remember that I was sick and tired. My hubby was working out of town and I was going to be having a lot of people for Christmas. I was sick, sick, sick (did I mention that I was sick) and out of meds and had to get through Christmas. I had made my first appointment with an "addiction specialist" and was due to go after Christmas. I remember the course of treatment was going to be Methadone.

I was in so much pain emotionally and physically I was also a wreck. I ended up going to the hospital on Christmas Eve...I went to the emergency and told them the truth. I was treated like a crazy person and put in "rubber room" for observation. When the intern Doc came in I told her the truth and that I had an appointment for after Christmas. She ended up giving me 6 percs. What a joke. I was humiliated, sick, ashamed and now on "list" that the hospital keeps for drug seekers. Nice way to spend Christmas Eve Day huh? I was there about six hours! Those 6 percs lasted only to get me through Christmas without being in full out w/d.

Long story short, I never did go on Methadone...I tried it for 3 days at 15mls and knew that it was NOT for me. I stoped going and never went back. No one ever called me to ask why. I started back up on the meds and went in circles for several more months.

I quit cold turkey about 3 times...one time I had almost three months under my belt. It was the depression and PAWS...it was unbearable. However, the only thing I did was STOP. If I had known then what I know now....I am sure I would have been able to remain clean. The madness continued again.

Anyway I was in active addiction for 5 long years. Five long years of injesting any and I mean any narcotic/opiate. It was only after I moved that I knew I was nearing the end....of either my life or the madness. When I moved to Hawaii I knew that I wanted to at least live to remeber it so I went to work again and found an amazing Doctor and the program of AA/NA and Suboxone. I feel so blessed to have gotten clean in Hawaii, it really was a whole new world!

November 6th I had 2 years. I am almost off suboxone now and have never felt better about my life. I learned so much about myself and the disease of addiction. My experience has made me a stronger more patient and tolerant women.

I honestly used to believe that addiction was a "cop out" that people that played that card were weak minded and somehow immoral including my own husband. I cannot believe how wrong I was.

Things are not perfect, in fact far from. I am dealing with some heavy duty family issues right now. But who doesn't??? We are all are always DEALING with something...that is life!

The key is...I am dealing! Clean and Sober....I FEEL in charge of my own life. I am responsible for raising my granddaughter and she deserves a clean grammy, my kids deserve a clean mom, my hubby deserves a clean wife.....and so on and so on!

I have so much to be thankful for. I live each day feeling what I am suppose to feel...and it doesn't always feel good but at least I feel my own true feelings and emotions as raw and horrible as they are at times. There are so many great things to actually feel too! I am not the walking dead. A zombie, putting one foot in front of the next. I am no longer feeling like a STEPFORD person!!!

Just wanted to share a little today! Thanks!

I know that for anyone out their struggling with this deplorable disease....never give up hope. If I can do it...you can too! Trust me on this one!!

Hugs and Merry Christmas!!!
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KeeKee,

You are a walking, talking miracle! You have been through so much with your addiction and family struggles and you have made it through the storm. You did it not just for your husband, not just your grandbaby or kids, but more importantly for YOU! For YOUR life so that you can be there for the others. Yes you will always have to be vigilant but:

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

YOU ROCK!!!!

Love,

Jan

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Keekee,

3 years flies huh? We both have 2 years under our belts. I'm so blessed to have found this place.
Jan, you are an angel on earth. To think when we started sharing here my daughter was BALD! now she's 4!!!


How is everything else Kee, have you gotten to see that beautiful granddaughter of yours lately? I haven't been catching up or reading here very often. My apt. looks like a bomb went off in it and I'm having family come over tomorrow. Kaylin is already sneaking trying to find her toys and i still have last minute shopping to do, plus I'm running out of wrapping paper.

I love you Kee and it's been great to know you for all these years, here's to 3 more!!

Stac
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Luv ya Kerry!!! One of the things I have always been impressed with you is your gut level honesty.Even when you are in a bad place,you have the courage to let us know and look for solutions.....not to mention that you are one beautifil woman.That just makes it better.Hell,I had my bags packed last year to come visit you in Hawaii and then you moved.LOL

Keep up the good work
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Dear Kerry -
What a wonderful real-life story...you and others like you give me continued hope. Congratulations and warm hugs from Massachusetts. You are kind of a big deal =)

God bless ~ MomNMore
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One of the best things to happen to this board, was three years ago when you started posting. Helluva ride isn't is sweetheart?
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Man oh man....stop it you guys....you are getting me all emotional. I have NOT been able to do any of this alone. If it weren't for the gift of this board and it's many amazing group of the most eclectic and colorful truly gifted people I just don't believe that the journey I took would be worth the price of the ticket.

I have had my butt kicked, my heart broken....laughed my arse off...been so mad I could throw my puter out the window....cried my eyes out...spit numerous amounts of non alcoholic liquids on the screen of my laptop. I have been so happy here and so mad here. You have seen me through some of my worst times and some of my absolute best.

I adore each and everyone of you and just couldn't have done it without you. I don't care who says what about on line communities.

This one is just the best!

We will share many many more experiences and Christmas Seasons to come. I applaud you and I adore you. This journey in sobriety has just begun and the main thing that I have learned is that it is NOT about an END result...it is all about the ride.

Thanks Guys!
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Hey Kerri! Long time no see. Congratulations on posting 3 years ago! This is a great community, huh? I've been here for over a year now. Time sure does fly when you are having fun, right?