Good Afternoon everyone.I wanted to post today because it's my 30 day mark.So far I've made it 30 days without abusing.To me even though I am on Sub it's 30 days sober.The first time in about 1 year.I wish I could say it's all been roses & sunshine,but you all know thats not true.Ive had moments(thank God only moments & not days)where I fall back into "selfpity"mode,& I miss the pills.There are moments I'm angry because I feel so tired & drained all day long.And there STILL isn't any good "normal"slleping patterns yet............BUT I feel alot more positives than the negetives.Its' hard to explain & yet I know on here I really don't need to explain because most of you have "Been here did this"so therfore most of you know that the longer I stay sober the better certain things feel.
I want to say I feel like "me"but the truth is I do feel totally different.I feel different about recovery,NA,myself,this life...so many things I look at & feel differently about.I think dear Sammy said it when she said...it's kinda like being reborn.Thats what it feels like to me.
I still do group in OP 3 times a week & see a therapist 1 time a week.Sometimes,though not often I'll hit a Saturday night meeting,with Di.I'm still on Sub,but thats ok.I am slowly cleaning out the garbage of a past I cannot change.I feel as if I'm starting to be no longer chained to yesterday....which for me is like a huge exhale.
Let see,I want to say...the first 2 weeks clean...I really didn't know.Cry???I cried so much I could of made a pond.My mind felt bruised & my body just empty.Than I remember it was going on the 3rd week I started just alittle to feel different,.Not better or worse...just different.I wasn't crying so much.I started to laugh at stupid childish things,I start to be the "big"dork here at home & enjoying little things.I stopped worrying about how "picked up"my apt was.I guess you could say I started to WANT to live.I didn't see THAT comming.
Anyways,I wanted to post.Who knows maybe someone will get something out of reading that I made it 30 so far.I'm telling you even20 days ago,I really couldn't see myself sober for life.I was so so scared to give the pills up.They were to me like a huge hug.But I must say that hug they gave me turned into a death grip that made my mind think I NEEDED them. I really when I allow myself to really go into deep thought,cannot believe I'm not worrying about a Fedex truck,a Dr visit,stealing a stash from Mikey,being ready to snap anyones head off,my ccards are in bad shape...but I'm slowly catching up.Mostly...I no longer FEEL crazy.I do feel...content.There are times I'm happy,but I enjoy being content.I enjoy getting along with the people I love the most.
So if anyone is thinking of getting sober...it is a hard thing,theres no easy way,but my God it's so worth it.
Everyone....take care & enjoy
Love Sabrina
molly
you sound fantastic! just look at how you typed so perfectly!!! someday go back to those desparate posts and you'll know what i mean,
i cannot believe the difference in your thinking!!!! you rock girlie!!
guess what? you have two keytags waiting for you at NA, i am not trying to preach to you to go and i wont do that, but if you get back to a meeting go get your hug and recognition you deserve!! you'll have a white newcomer tag and a 30 day orange tag, i only have one more to go to get all of them! black and gold in july when its two yrs for me. so far i have 3 medallions, one when i graduated rehab and my one yr and 18 mos medallion.
it is such a relief to not have those old behaviors you talked about, that is what i think about anytime i get a craving so i understand the play the tape all the way thru thing.
i did IOP for the month of may in 2005, that was before sub for me and girl i want to tell you i was so weak from wd's and i made it to IOP every single day and to NA meetings that if we didnt attend the night before, the counselor would almost rip you a new a**hole, i remember tryiing to complain to her how sick i was and could i just skip one or two til i feel better, NOPE! she wouldnt take no for an answer, i resented her so much as she sat there all rested drinking her coffee and i thought to myself, you have no idea what its like to be an addict, you may have all the education about it, but you dont know... who knows maybe she does...i dont know that. we had to watch alot of outdated videos with father someone, i forget now, was it father martin??? plus do alot of hands on homework like coloring and cutting pictures out of magazines, i learned alot and met some nice people, but it was hard when she would call on us individually to share in front of everyone. see, i hate opening up. but it was a good strategy for addicts i know.
anyway keep up the good work!! i am proud of you sabrina, love jewels
you sound fantastic! just look at how you typed so perfectly!!! someday go back to those desparate posts and you'll know what i mean,
i cannot believe the difference in your thinking!!!! you rock girlie!!
guess what? you have two keytags waiting for you at NA, i am not trying to preach to you to go and i wont do that, but if you get back to a meeting go get your hug and recognition you deserve!! you'll have a white newcomer tag and a 30 day orange tag, i only have one more to go to get all of them! black and gold in july when its two yrs for me. so far i have 3 medallions, one when i graduated rehab and my one yr and 18 mos medallion.
it is such a relief to not have those old behaviors you talked about, that is what i think about anytime i get a craving so i understand the play the tape all the way thru thing.
i did IOP for the month of may in 2005, that was before sub for me and girl i want to tell you i was so weak from wd's and i made it to IOP every single day and to NA meetings that if we didnt attend the night before, the counselor would almost rip you a new a**hole, i remember tryiing to complain to her how sick i was and could i just skip one or two til i feel better, NOPE! she wouldnt take no for an answer, i resented her so much as she sat there all rested drinking her coffee and i thought to myself, you have no idea what its like to be an addict, you may have all the education about it, but you dont know... who knows maybe she does...i dont know that. we had to watch alot of outdated videos with father someone, i forget now, was it father martin??? plus do alot of hands on homework like coloring and cutting pictures out of magazines, i learned alot and met some nice people, but it was hard when she would call on us individually to share in front of everyone. see, i hate opening up. but it was a good strategy for addicts i know.
anyway keep up the good work!! i am proud of you sabrina, love jewels
Congrats on 30 days.
Sabrina whats with the despite being on suboxone. There are so many people who would kill to get on sub but cant afford it.
Anybody that tells you are not clean because of the suboxone are ignorant people and one of my all time favorite AA slogan
"IF IT DOES NOT APPLY LET IT FLY"
I think its great your working on recovery and I pray your getting all the help you need.
Regarding your suboxone are you and your doctor working on a weaning plan. If your on suboxone it you and your doctor who must work together.
How long have you been on Suboxone? Are you on any other meds?\
How many doctors are involved in your recovery ? Addiction///.depression??
Take care --Jeff
Sabrina whats with the despite being on suboxone. There are so many people who would kill to get on sub but cant afford it.
Anybody that tells you are not clean because of the suboxone are ignorant people and one of my all time favorite AA slogan
"IF IT DOES NOT APPLY LET IT FLY"
I think its great your working on recovery and I pray your getting all the help you need.
Regarding your suboxone are you and your doctor working on a weaning plan. If your on suboxone it you and your doctor who must work together.
How long have you been on Suboxone? Are you on any other meds?\
How many doctors are involved in your recovery ? Addiction///.depression??
Take care --Jeff
Congratulations, Brina. Keep up the good work. How's the meetings going?
Keep up the hard work MJ...and Congrats on your 30days!!! Don't ever feel bad about taking Sub. It's just another tool in our toolbox that's there for us. I loved IOP when I went there. I always left having learned something from someone no matter what their addiction was. I felt a great sense of community and fellowship. I don't think anyone can really understand an addict like another addict.
It's so good to see you fighting back even through those days that seem to drag. So what if something goes wrong during your day. Look back and say, "well if that's the worse thing that happened to me today, then it wasn't such a bad day afterall." Keep moving forward MJ. You are doing wonderful.
God Bless,
Jan
It's so good to see you fighting back even through those days that seem to drag. So what if something goes wrong during your day. Look back and say, "well if that's the worse thing that happened to me today, then it wasn't such a bad day afterall." Keep moving forward MJ. You are doing wonderful.
God Bless,
Jan
Congrats Sabrina, that's great, just great. I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to see this sort of post from you!
I couldn't be more happy for you.
love, Carol
Hi Sabrina good to see such a positive recovery post. I am so happy for you, keep going it only gets better!!
hugs to you
Carol
hugs to you
Carol
So proud of you Brina! 30 days is a quite a milestone. Keep working hard, you deserve this.
good for you, Sarbrina!!
lots of love and I am so glad things are looking brighter for you.
lots of love and I am so glad things are looking brighter for you.
Hi little miss Brina! You sound really good. You are right be proud of the 30 CLEAN days you have had. And I mean clean. Being on sub doesn't change that. I am glad you are getting f2f support.....that is so important to get. It will make all the difference in the world as far as recovery and relaspe goes. You deserve this....heck, we all deserve to be able to live clean and feel good. I know I don't have to tell you this, but if you need me you know where to find me. Oh, did you get my last couple of emails? NOt sure if they went through.
Anyway, keep working it, girl! Love ya!
Anyway, keep working it, girl! Love ya!
sabrina,
congratulations, I am proud of you. And you should be proud of yourself!!!!!!!!!!! You are doing great!!!!!
I am so glad you have shared this, I needed a reminder of what early recovery felt like. Lately I have found myself thinking of where I might be able to get some pills and using 'just a little here and there' Now, I know it would not happen that way, and I'm not going to start using again, but the thoughts were there. Your sharing has helped me play the tape all the way through to the end, and remember how bad it was. At the end I truly thought I was insane.....
Thank you.
rustbelt
h
congratulations, I am proud of you. And you should be proud of yourself!!!!!!!!!!! You are doing great!!!!!
I am so glad you have shared this, I needed a reminder of what early recovery felt like. Lately I have found myself thinking of where I might be able to get some pills and using 'just a little here and there' Now, I know it would not happen that way, and I'm not going to start using again, but the thoughts were there. Your sharing has helped me play the tape all the way through to the end, and remember how bad it was. At the end I truly thought I was insane.....
Thank you.
rustbelt
h
Keep up the good work, Sabrina! Congradulations and WTG on your thirty days!
xxxooo
xxxooo
Way to go, Sabrina -- the first 30 can be the toughest. And don't even question whether your words and your experience help others or not......they do.
None
None
Congratulations MollyJean !!!! You gave it hell !! Way to kick it !!
Con
Con
Congrats Brina,
I am so happy 4 you, your postings alone, show how far you have come..Keep walking the walk and talking the talk , right! Good 4 you! I am really proud of you!
Lucky :)
I am so happy 4 you, your postings alone, show how far you have come..Keep walking the walk and talking the talk , right! Good 4 you! I am really proud of you!
Lucky :)
