Hi, I'm new here and I just needed to reach out to someone who could understand what I am going through because I live with people who just don't understand.
I have been on xanax for about 4 years now. I started on 2mg a day and then it went up to 6mg a day (I was being prescribed)... I started abusing them and it went from 6 to 12mg a day and some days I go on binges and can take up to 20mg a day and not even feel much, it just makes me sleep and numbs my feelings. My tolerance to it scares me.
I have had 3 grand mal seizures in the past year while being off of it for just 3 days each time. One time I fell down three flights of stairs and blacked out and bit my tongue and was hallucinating. I also got into a car crash on the off ramp getting off the highway. I blacked out and hit the ramp and did not hit any cars (thank god), I could have died or killed someone else. My situation is very bad.
I'm still on 6 mg a day and trying to taper off. It is the hardest thing IN THE WORLD. Right now, I have none. I am throwing up, have the taste of metal in my mouth, I feel dizzy when I stand, I get twiches, my legs and muscles start moving randomly without my control, especially my facial muscles. It's very weird. I can't sleep. When I'm not on xanax I will go 3, 4 days without sleeping. I'm a zombie. I also stutter my words and can't function properly.
I'm scared I will never be able to fight this, as much as I want to say I'm ready, I still crave this drug like no other.
I was raped two years ago by 5 of my ex boyfriends friends while blacked out and was slut shamed for it and my ex boyfriend emotionally abused me for a year and told me I deserved the rape and I was a worthless sl*t.. I ended up going to a group therapy/addiction program and getting off the xanax. I wasn't on it. I was talking with people. I was doing better.
As soon as I got out of the program, I was put on xanax again. I could not be at home in bed without xanax because my mind would start wandering, I would feel rage, I would feel depression, I wouldn't want to live. With it, I would feel calm, euphoria, a sense of peace. I did not have to deal with my problems or think about them.
Any one else go through the same thing? Has anyone else experienced such bad withdrawal, wanted to get off, yet at the same time feel so scared to face reality?
I don't know what to do. I need some advice from people going through the same thing, or just people who have had addiction problems as well. Please shed your light, I am willing to listen to ANYONE and take ANYONE'S advice.
Tonight will be rough for me. I don't get my refill tomorrow and it's day 2 without xanax. I'm doing WAY better than I was with not overtaking. I used to always be done with my xanax prescription two weeks before it was supposed to be filled. Now I'm at the point where I'm done with it 2 days before it's supposed to be filled. But it's still not a good thing. Because I'm experiencing these symptoms that are a HORRIFIC NIGHTMARE, I would describe them as. Its the worst thing I've ever felt in my life.
Would love to hear all of your comments and stories as well.
Thank you for listening so much to anyone who reads this.
~ <3 Jaci xoxo
I am a recovering alcoholic/Valium abuser.
I drank for 30 yrs and used Valium for 15.
I got clean/sober in 1989 in AA/NA and continue to attend meetings today.
I committed to recovery and did what I was told by the oldtimers.
You can too....
AA/NA is in every city/town/village across the country and it's FREE.
Go get it like millions of other alcoholic/addicts do every day.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
I drank for 30 yrs and used Valium for 15.
I got clean/sober in 1989 in AA/NA and continue to attend meetings today.
I committed to recovery and did what I was told by the oldtimers.
You can too....
AA/NA is in every city/town/village across the country and it's FREE.
Go get it like millions of other alcoholic/addicts do every day.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
i am a recovering alcoholic klonopin user i have been throuhg hel and back after stopping klonopin cold turkey i am a complete zombie and feel my life is ruined
Are you attending AA/NA meetings ?
My daughter abuses Xanex. She is meant to take 1mg x4 a day and today I counted her pills and she ate nine of them. That's just from this morning. I have came on reading posts on here off and on so I know their hard to get off. Can someone tell me is this a heavy doze? She passed out in the toilets today in a store and showed up at my car with a huge bruise on her head and acting like she was drunk. Is that these pills? Also meant to add she took some of my dogs heart medication yesterday because she ran out of Xanex until the refill today.Thank you.Natalia
Thanks for sharing, this was very useful!
Learn a lot from this thread
