Its 6am, and Im still up..Im a mess. God help me. Im starting to warm up to the idea of a greater power. It is a vicious cycle. When Im sober, I do not have a problem, it has somehow been overblown and exaggerated. AA meetings are for those desperate souls with no recourse. When Im drunk, lately, I can admit to myself that i drink too much and that it is a major problem. That is a terrible cycle, because Im not convinced of my drunkeness until im drunk, and then it is too late. Im a damn drunk..welcome to reality huh?. Drinking is so much more powerful than i ever thought. Congrats to all that have quit or are sober for a long time.I respect that immensely...peace
Dodsworth
What you are experiencing is that you are powerless over alcohol. Once you start, there is no stopping. This is not "normal" Most people, once they start, are able to decide when they will stop - and do so after one or two drinks. Unfortunately for you, like me you suffer from the disease of addiction.
Get back to another AA meeting as soon as possible. I guarentee there are people there who will identify with, and understand what you are going through.
I pray you find acceptance of the fact that you are an alcoholic.
Get back to another AA meeting as soon as possible. I guarentee there are people there who will identify with, and understand what you are going through.
I pray you find acceptance of the fact that you are an alcoholic.
You know what to do. Swallow some pride and go to meetings. Listen for the similarities. You will find answers there. It's simple and you're right. Desperate people come to these rooms and if they keep coming back, they'll find a life and a solution to the ravages of alcoholism. The next move is yours.
Hi Adam,
Glad you came back. So are you tired of feeling like this yet? If you aren't yet believe me you soon will be. That's when you will start making good choices and fight this disease. Quit overthinking it and just go to a meeting or get some other sort of help. You can do this!
Take care Adam,
Valarie
Glad you came back. So are you tired of feeling like this yet? If you aren't yet believe me you soon will be. That's when you will start making good choices and fight this disease. Quit overthinking it and just go to a meeting or get some other sort of help. You can do this!
Take care Adam,
Valarie
Hey there Adam so glad to see you have returned to us. I felt EXACTLY the same way when I first gave up drinking. Wondering if for SURE I was an alkie ,questioned my decision to get in a program. Thinking maybe if I can stop for 10 days, two weeks I must not be one. You are an alcoholic if when you take that first drink you cannot stop. You are powerless to stop until you either run out of booze or pass out. I know WITHOUT A DOUBT that I am an alcoholic ,just did not want to admit it to myself. Alcoholism is cunning ,baffling and plays tricks with your mind.Be smarter than the bottle. I know you are. Sending you lots of support and understanding and wishes of a happy and sober life. You can do it . Give yourself a chance and do the right thing for you. YOU are so worth it! (((( ))))
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
"Nothing changes if nothing changes. "
yup....never underestimate the power of surrendering
yup....never underestimate the power of surrendering
Definition of insanity...doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I know this well. I also know and trust that when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired you will utilize the resources that are available. Hang in there.
Better still: lying on the sidewalk peering over the curb at the dude in the gutter and saying, "Damn, that guy's got a problem."
Gidday Dodsworth
You have the desire to stop drinking and that is all you need to go to a meeting now give that desire to your ears and as suggested listen for the similarities as it really does help get the mental ping pong balls out of the mind as they will be bouncin around all over the place i bet
light and love zac
You have the desire to stop drinking and that is all you need to go to a meeting now give that desire to your ears and as suggested listen for the similarities as it really does help get the mental ping pong balls out of the mind as they will be bouncin around all over the place i bet
light and love zac
12 stepper- i like that simple concept. thanks
skg-lol...the guy on the sidewalk..that is funny. Calling the kettle black eh? :)
Thanks for reading my post everyone. I came on here tonight wanting to delete it or edit it. Just spent last night at my Dad's cabin way out in the country, today helping him with a sidewalk project. We kept screwing up the leveling process, it was funny. But, we got along good. It was sort of terrifying to go out there and know i couldnt drink. I was kind of freaking out after dinner last night and today during dinner, i was drinking from my water glass and my hand was shaking so bad. It was the first time i had ever really had bad shakes. Anyways, even though I've kept posting on here about my use, i do feel like im getting closer. Going to the liqour store is becoming this epic battle in my mind, which it never was before. Thanks to all of you for being patient with my posts. I can't wait for the day to come on here with a week under my belt, then many more..
Dodsworth
skg-lol...the guy on the sidewalk..that is funny. Calling the kettle black eh? :)
Thanks for reading my post everyone. I came on here tonight wanting to delete it or edit it. Just spent last night at my Dad's cabin way out in the country, today helping him with a sidewalk project. We kept screwing up the leveling process, it was funny. But, we got along good. It was sort of terrifying to go out there and know i couldnt drink. I was kind of freaking out after dinner last night and today during dinner, i was drinking from my water glass and my hand was shaking so bad. It was the first time i had ever really had bad shakes. Anyways, even though I've kept posting on here about my use, i do feel like im getting closer. Going to the liqour store is becoming this epic battle in my mind, which it never was before. Thanks to all of you for being patient with my posts. I can't wait for the day to come on here with a week under my belt, then many more..
Dodsworth
Hi Adam,
That's great that you got to spend some time with your Dad. Does he know of your struggle? Have you made it to any additional meetings? You should just give it a try. Use it as a tool to get sober and if you don't find anything you can relate to there you can try something else. The key is to DO something.
Don't be afraid. I honestly can promise you that life without alcohol is pretty damn good.
Take care of yourself.
That's great that you got to spend some time with your Dad. Does he know of your struggle? Have you made it to any additional meetings? You should just give it a try. Use it as a tool to get sober and if you don't find anything you can relate to there you can try something else. The key is to DO something.
Don't be afraid. I honestly can promise you that life without alcohol is pretty damn good.
Take care of yourself.
Valarie- you are too kind to keep reading my blasted posts with such understanding..bless u. My father knows; he bailed me out of jail a month ago and took me to the hospital 2 weeks ago. I havnt been to a meeting since my second meeting (10 days ago)..Im going tomorrow FOR SURE. I know words are crap, but i am going tomorrow, regardless. I feel like i want to open up at meetings and get candid with these people, but part of me resists that vehemently. My father is a great man (cliche i know), and he is so very intelligent. He is an MD and knows plenty about pathology and medicine, but not a damn thing about addiction, which makes for difficult conversations...him telling me the physical changes that occur and the consequences and me screaming in my head: Okay, but have u lived anything u ever studied? NO. But, I digress...im the one with the problem, obviously. I am closer than ever. Thanks, Valarie, for being so dang patient and willing to read my telegraphed posts...
Dodsworth
Dodsworth
Adam,
Every single one of us on this board have been where you are. You are freaking out because you KNOW you have to quit drinking. Then you drink to alleviate the guilt. It's part of the beast. I really hope you do go to a meeting tomorrow. Quit with the excuses and do it.
I haven't been to a meeting other than an NA years ago but IMO it might be good for you to share. Do however be prepared to not be coddled. The long time sober people will not sugar coat things for you. That is exactly what you need. You need someone to kick your a** into gear. Granted it won't work until it's you kicking your own a** but a little help is always good in the beginning. Don't take anything personal and know they are only trying to help you. If you get your defenses up your ears will shut.
As I have said before...quit pu*syfooting around and get your a*s to a meeting or some type of therapy. All you are doing is prolonging the inenvitable. Plus the longer you drink the worse the detox will be. Your shaking isn't the half of it pal.
Take care and keep us posted.
P.S. Ask your Dad to throw you in treatment. If he's an MD I am sure he has some good resources or even favors he could call in. Just a thought. If there is a will (on your part) there is a way.
Valarie
Every single one of us on this board have been where you are. You are freaking out because you KNOW you have to quit drinking. Then you drink to alleviate the guilt. It's part of the beast. I really hope you do go to a meeting tomorrow. Quit with the excuses and do it.
I haven't been to a meeting other than an NA years ago but IMO it might be good for you to share. Do however be prepared to not be coddled. The long time sober people will not sugar coat things for you. That is exactly what you need. You need someone to kick your a** into gear. Granted it won't work until it's you kicking your own a** but a little help is always good in the beginning. Don't take anything personal and know they are only trying to help you. If you get your defenses up your ears will shut.
As I have said before...quit pu*syfooting around and get your a*s to a meeting or some type of therapy. All you are doing is prolonging the inenvitable. Plus the longer you drink the worse the detox will be. Your shaking isn't the half of it pal.
Take care and keep us posted.
P.S. Ask your Dad to throw you in treatment. If he's an MD I am sure he has some good resources or even favors he could call in. Just a thought. If there is a will (on your part) there is a way.
Valarie
Hey there Adam . Man do I ever know where you are coming from! Been there done that lol.I can understand about your dad not really gettin it about how it feels. No one can unless they been through it themselves. So we learn to be patient with those who don't know what it feels like. Someone told me that an alcoholic has a kinmanship with other alkies that is not possible with a person who is not and that is true.That is why this board and all the people here mean so much to me. You will find your support here Adam and understanding and empathy. A bit of advice to you tho ,if someone pisses you of by what they say to you in giving you advice take heed ,cause that is probably the advice which will help you most cause the truth and the cold hard true facts tends to make you more pissed than anything else. MY sponors and Skg used to piss me off BIGTIME (sorry skg) but it was only because they were right. Once I got over my spite I could see what they were saying was true and that I needed to do what they told me too. Val was right in the fact that you won't be coddled and nor should you be. The things that will help you the most are not what you want to hear but what you need to hear. Anyone can agree with you and make you feel good. Thats not what it's about. You need help and sometimes somebody has to kick your a** to send you in the right direction.Hang in there bud and as always I am rooting for you. We are all. It's up to you to take the first step after that everyone here will be walking with you . Good luck and take care. Adam we ALL UNDERSTAND because we ALL HAVE BEEN THERE.(((( ))))
There are plenty of people on this very board with a PhD in drunk. ANYthing you need to know about phsyiological, psychological, or spiritual effects can be addressed on this forum. Go to meetings. Read the Big Book. Don't drink if you a** falls off. Get a Sponsor. Work The Steps. Rinse (Step 12). Repeat. Period.
I hear the desire in your words. May it be more powerful as you continue your search for sobriety and peace. Some days it's two steps forward and one back. Some days it's two steps back and one forward. Some days the steps are idle. But if you want it and have the courage to continue. Theres a whole new wonderful life ahead for you. It isn't always easy. But, it's an easier and more prosperous way to live.
Adam,
Just saw your post on the positive thread! That is awesome!! Keep it up! Did you get anything out of the meeting? I hope you had a positive experience and you continue on your road to recovery!
Great Job Adam!!! :-)
BTW..As I am sure you already know, there are lots of people here that can answer any of your AA questions you might have. Don't be afraid to ask okay?
:-) Valarie
Just saw your post on the positive thread! That is awesome!! Keep it up! Did you get anything out of the meeting? I hope you had a positive experience and you continue on your road to recovery!
Great Job Adam!!! :-)
BTW..As I am sure you already know, there are lots of people here that can answer any of your AA questions you might have. Don't be afraid to ask okay?
:-) Valarie
Valarie- Thanks. Yeah, it was a good meeting. Met some younger people and a fellow IU student whose name is also Adam. They passed around a sheet of paper during the meeting and several people wrote down their numbers. I guess they recognized me from my first meeting last week. Afterwards, one of the guys came up and asked me how long id been sober. I paused, then he said- "Its ok dude, Ive been there"- I feel like this might be the right group for me. I'm excited to go back, but they only meet twice a week, so ill try and go to other meetings in between. The topic for the meeting was the 4th step. Resentments? It sounded like the hardest step for most of them. Anyways, thanks for reading Valarie. Take care.
PS- anyone who has been to AA- you ever do that thing at the end where you hold hands and at the end they say-"Keep Coming back, it works if you work it"?? Just wondering if that is a regional thing or an AA staple.
Dodsworth
PS- anyone who has been to AA- you ever do that thing at the end where you hold hands and at the end they say-"Keep Coming back, it works if you work it"?? Just wondering if that is a regional thing or an AA staple.
Dodsworth
Adam,
I live in Utah and yes, it is typical to form a circle and say that phrase.
I live in Utah and yes, it is typical to form a circle and say that phrase.
