9th Day...yahoo

After trying this whole detox thing before, (a couple of times) I feel really good about this much time passing. After all, it was always those "physical" demands that got me back to seeking. I have learned a lot through other peoples experiences. I am also kinda glad I waited to post. The physical h~ll one goes through probably scares anyone from really getting off of the pills. So, the eating really has been crazy, and I had to take a hot bath for the back last night, (hoped that was over). I am also putting this here because I know someone will search some reading as they are going through the same thing.Its a shame that there were the same sort of boards for when I was searching for the hydros. A group to clue each other in on who is selling. Crazy.
oops, my point? Getting cleaned up is a truely wonderful feeling, and there is no other way to accomplish it that to just burrow in. Know you will feel bad. I hate that my friends doctor tells her she will be "a little" uncomfortable for a few days. She is at the point now that running low at the end of the month gets her a trip to the doc *and or the ER) for help before withdrawal starts. Going through that several times, I know now that was the turn into the darkness of this awful addiction. I never want to feel that again. Neither will you.
Brenda...

The withdrawals are hard. They were especially hard for me. And the cravings afterwards were just as hard. I had no idea what to expect as this was the first time I had ever tried to stop taking the pills. From the time that I engaged in getting high on hydrocodone, there wasn't any turning back for me.

I don't know how many people come here and "think" about getting clean. I didn't post until I was three days into a cold turkey detox. I was scared to death, thinking I was dying, or going to die. No one sugar coated it for me. But what they did do was open my mind to realize that if it were easy to quit, everyone would do it. No one like the way they feel when they are nearing their bottom. It is just gross...right?

I had to own my pain in withdrawal because I earned it and I deserved it. No one did that to me, I did it to myself. If we just glide through, where is the lesson?

I encourage anyone who reads this to realize that detox is difficult, and some cannot do it on their own...that is what detox facilities are for. And I don't consider using those facilities a weakness either...I was too stupid to know what I was up against. I wish I had made it easier on myself, truly. Regardless, if you just quit taking the damn things long enough, it gets better...and that is the truth.

What is even more difficult than coming off the stuff is staying off the stuff. That is why everyone MUST have a plan for their recovery. We need outside support, we need face to face fellowship, we need to disconnect from our sources, we need to make amends for the things we did when we were using, and likewise creating chaos. We have to take action. We cannot be complacent in our search for peace. Recovery doesn't just happen to us, we seek it. In all our thoughts, and deeds.

I congratulate you on the job you are doing. I know how rough it is and I think it is very commendable. By the way, hot baths were essential for me.

Tell me about your plan for staying clean. I would love to share that with you.

Sincerely,

Sarah
Congratulations on 9 days. 9 days is hard to get to and you have done it!

Your friend's doctor told your friend they would be "uncomfortable" for a few days during WD's? I guess "uncomfortable" is a good description.lol

Are you going to do anything for yourself this weekend? Buy yourself some ice cream, new socks, how "bout a new BMW? It's time to treat yourself you know.

Catherine
new BMW...good idea!
Hi Sarah, thanks for the comments. Like I said, people here have SO been there! I felt just like you said, I made the h~ll, I deserved it to sting me. I am just praying that my body heals. I am trying to figure out whos shell I am in. I haven't felt anything in so long. I love the compliments from my boyfriend, (skin appearance is great, face not withdrawn, and my ribs don't show through). The encouragement from this site is awesome and just makes it bearable to roll into that next day. I don't have that desire, mentally that I thought I would. I know how much I have to loose if I ever returned. In fact, last night I battled a bad dream and sweats about being sent to the hospital. I dreamt I was unconsious, after a wreck but could here the docs talking and see them injecting me with narcotics! I woke up scared, and happy that it was my day 9!!
Thank you Catherine! I wanted ice cream all the time when I was high, lol!! I lived off sugar. I even argued with the ice cream shp about nt collecting the freebies! Not that I associate those together, and I know they are missing me! (ice cream instead of lunch most days) Honestly I didn't eat well enough to get to this point. I am sooooo lucky to have caught it. I just can't believe the denial, and how powerful it is. I was overdue to quit ay least 4 months ago, when people gave me grief about my weight. I should be 128, and weighed 108 at quit date. I am 118 now, but really need to level out!! I hurt from the quick stretch, not t mentin other things! My body was starved, and better than ever, food actually has a taste again! I smell better the last couple of days too.
Brenda:

I had dreams too. It is strange, isn't it? You feel as though you have cheated for a little bit right after you wake up...then the reality hits and it is such a relief.

Your body will heal...I promise. Mine has. I am a painter and sculptor...I work pretty big. I used narcotics to manufacture energy. Well at least I thought I was doing that...big fat lie actually. That wasn't energy, it was mania. Anyway, I was so afraid that I couldn't work (as in many hours straight) the way I used to when I was high. Boy, was I wrong. My work is so much more focused and consistent. I am amazed by how much better my work actually is...definitely more thought out.

I rest when I am tired now, instead of popping a pill. And a 20 minute little mini meditation totally rejuvenates me. I had the most horrible fear that my energy was gone, over with forever. I am so grateful to see the truth. That fear kept me using way too long.

Do you plan on getting some kind of counseling? I see a therapist once a week...well I was seeing her once a week prior to November 4th...I have an appointment to begin again next week. I had too many obligations to keep my appointments in November, but my husband continued...and now I can catch back up with them. I really feel it has been essential to my recovery, because there were so many things about co-dependency that neither of us realized were acting on our marriage and my addiction. I don't ever want to go back. For sure!

You will feel a little stronger everyday! Little reminders that we are on the right track!

Best,

Sarah
this funky laptop of mine. Too many keys are stuck, especially the "O'. Sorry fr the illiteracy
Sarah, you are an angel! I can't believe the similarities. I own my own painting business, and needed to work 12 to 16 hours a day. Just pop a pill! I didn't need to quit and rest, or eat! I know before pills I was really energetic, just naturally pumped all the time. I was accused then about artificial energy, lol! Back then, I smoked and drank beer. These days it is NOTHING! I lve that feeling. I am in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, and waited for the rainy month t quit my awful addiction. The phone rings off the hook in spring and summer. I am an ex-art student/graduate, and if I get back to my old self (course I will!) I will re-direct my energy and either be the boss like I should be, or get back to a professional field. I never had to pass a piss test, working for myself. It also kept me from advancing to any kind of reward. I just pushed like an overworked ant, but alone.
no problem!!!

luckily, we aren't graded here!!!!

you know...one of my past sources is still a close friend. it took me several months of clean time to actually be around her, because i didn't want to tempt myself. i look at her life now, and it is actually a motivator to stay clean.

she was always in a dentist chair, er, hospital, you name it. i mean, i exaggerated some pain issues too, to get what i wanted. but, i never ran out of availability on the streets...i guess fortunately and unfortunately. i spent unbelievable amounts of money on drugs, but i never had to dr. shop. it is all just plain gross.

anyway, when i decided to quit, i did do a little drive through the desert to taper. then i jumped off my first day back home and somehow, through the grace of god, i made it.

i had really bad cravings and started taking wellbutrin at about day 45 or so. that really helped me. i haven't looked back since. only to feel grateful about progress. i don't miss one thing about it now...but it was a mourning that took place early on.

you just have to mourn the part of you that you lost touch with until you start to reacquaint yourself with yourself. does that make any sense??? hahaha.

hopefully, you know what i mean!

s.

btw, i am in louisiana.
Makes a lot of sense, thank you! wellbutrin? Over the counter? I don't have a doctor, or insurance. I was just quite resourceful, (but crazy) like you said. I never doctor shopped, and I recognize the narcotic whine. I use to hate it when it happened to me.