Lisa just asked me what I will do after detox..about pain?Aftercare? And I started to think...too much. I have always been a very practical person who plans everything out. The answer is ...I don't know.If I sit here and think for too long I will find an excuse, So my point is simply that sometimes we have to be comfortable with not knowing. All I do know is that I am taking a step to regain control of my life, health, and spirit. A leap of faith. Sometimes we overthink and lose the essence of what is is we truly want. When you do what's right...things have a way of working themselves out. If someone asked me what I know after 50 years of life to be true...I would have to say that the staement"It's always darkest efore dawn" rings so true. I don't quit and will never give up. Sharonn
Sharon-Have you ever been to a twelve step meeting? There are some people there that have to take pain meds for chronic conditions.I've heard them share in the meeting.They can get a lot of support when they are having to take their meds.You don't have to do this alone.It's also good to have people around you that can make you somewhat accountable.
Having faith is great but having some concrete plans is just wise.
Good Luck
Having faith is great but having some concrete plans is just wise.
Good Luck
I went for 4 years with my younger sister...all the group activities, meetings, anniversaries..picnics. I am well versed in it. She has been sober for 20 years...not my eldest however. I feel very positive..thanks for your input Tim. No pain...no gain...Love, S
Sharon,
I'm so happy that you are going to go to detox. It should help the first few days be more bearable for you. As you know I have RA, and I decided that I would rather be stiff, sore, and cranky, than be shaking, sweating and s***ting. LOL
After you get the opiates out of your system I bet you find your pain more managable then you did before. Thats the way it was for me anyway. If not, you can worry about that bridge when you get to it. Good luck!
Michelle
I'm so happy that you are going to go to detox. It should help the first few days be more bearable for you. As you know I have RA, and I decided that I would rather be stiff, sore, and cranky, than be shaking, sweating and s***ting. LOL
After you get the opiates out of your system I bet you find your pain more managable then you did before. Thats the way it was for me anyway. If not, you can worry about that bridge when you get to it. Good luck!
Michelle
Sharonn,
I just wanted to say that whatever you decide, I wish you much luck. You sound very confident when you say you don't quit and will never give up. Good for you. If anyone deserves a peaceful and pain-free life, it's you.
I wish I had more to offer. Just take care of yourself, okay?
I just wanted to say that whatever you decide, I wish you much luck. You sound very confident when you say you don't quit and will never give up. Good for you. If anyone deserves a peaceful and pain-free life, it's you.
I wish I had more to offer. Just take care of yourself, okay?
Sharon...a leap of faith? Sorry, but I think that's irresponsible. Faith has a little bit to do with recovery but not everything. At some point we have to be proactive in our recovery and not leave it to others or "faith". Making a plan is so important. You have to know what it is your going to do that first day that you get out. You have to have in place all of those safety nets in order to not fall back into old habits. 7 days just isn't long enough to be able to depend on "faith". You do deserve this, you need this. But do it right the first time. At least find a therapist who is willing to talk to you the day you get out. Find an AA meeting that's close and get thier schedule so that you know what's available to you when you get out. I can't tell you how important all of this is. It's mind boggeling, I know and you feel very overwhelmed, but you'll feel even more so when you get out if you don't have a balance that you can count on. You're going to need order. I sure did. Love, L
Sharonn,
I can relate to what you are saying about "overthinking" things.
What I have witnessed in my own recovery is that it takes action to do this. I think that action is the opposite of "overthinking"...but also, you wouldn't drive to a place you have never been without a road map either. A plan of action is important for ALL endeavors, not just recovery. How do you plan to stay on track with your medication after detoxification? What will keep you from ramping your usage right back to where it is now? Something has to change, in order for something to change, right?
Personally, when I stay in my "head" about things, I get anxious, restless and I begin to question things in an unhealthy way...but when I am moving, and for me, that is a very physical expression...I lose that unhealthy inner dialogue and I begin to focus on the "task at hand". In other words, I am not past nor future, but in the here and now. And after all, that is the only thing we have any control over.
I wish you every success.
Love,
Sarah
I can relate to what you are saying about "overthinking" things.
What I have witnessed in my own recovery is that it takes action to do this. I think that action is the opposite of "overthinking"...but also, you wouldn't drive to a place you have never been without a road map either. A plan of action is important for ALL endeavors, not just recovery. How do you plan to stay on track with your medication after detoxification? What will keep you from ramping your usage right back to where it is now? Something has to change, in order for something to change, right?
Personally, when I stay in my "head" about things, I get anxious, restless and I begin to question things in an unhealthy way...but when I am moving, and for me, that is a very physical expression...I lose that unhealthy inner dialogue and I begin to focus on the "task at hand". In other words, I am not past nor future, but in the here and now. And after all, that is the only thing we have any control over.
I wish you every success.
Love,
Sarah
Lisa...I am not unique...however..I do not ABUSE my meds....I am so upset right now. Irresponsible? This is a huge step for me. What is enough? Just what would constitute your good faith in me? I have poured my heart ....and soul out and believe me I do understand what you are saying but for goodness sake Lisa...I don't even WANT to go to this place abd I am still doing it...please give me credit for that...I am smart enought to know that I will need aftercare...that is why I suggested meetings and counseling..not good enough for you.....WTH? I rarely get mad but why on earth are you SO tough? It is never enough is it? Did it ever occur to you that I am in a very fragile state right now and could use all the positive support I can get just to haul my a** to rehab?S P.S. I get my rs's from the DR...not the guy down the street....I have not done anything but get off 2 other meds(alone) for the past 2 weeks and still tapered...this is not irresponsible...this is the bravest thing a person with chronic pain can do....yes...I am being defensive because it is never enough for you. Can you have some faith in me? After 2 + yrs here do you know me at all?On my other thread was my plan of "aftercare"
Good Morning Saronn.
I wanted to post this to you before I left.
Please don't think that I am speaking for Lisa because she is quite capable of speaking for herself.
I understand what she is saying and I really don't think there is any malice behind it.
This is one of the problems with a message board as opposed to direct contact.Interpertation of words.When I didn't know your personal history,I jumped to some conclusions too.Addicts who are in the precarious position of treating pain with pain meds are in a dangerous category.They have to be even more vigilant as you well know.
I commend your efforts and after reading your post for awhile,I do believe in my heart you are trying.However,I can't know that.I hope you understand.It doesn't mean I'm criticizing you,it just means it's an unknown.
The words "Leap of Faith" could sound reckless to some people.It could imply that one is going in and letting the "cards fall where they may".
After explaining yourself a little,I realize you probably didn't meant that? At least I hope you didn't.
You are sensitive right now.When I'm dealing with something really personal that can be interperted in many ways,I will not post it on here.I go call my sponsor or hash it out in therapy.I won't even share it at a meeting.
You have to do what's right for Sharon.
I think posting your progress here is great.I enjoy reading it and am one of your fans just dont get your approval from here.
Good Luck and I'm pulling for you 100%
I wanted to post this to you before I left.
Please don't think that I am speaking for Lisa because she is quite capable of speaking for herself.
I understand what she is saying and I really don't think there is any malice behind it.
This is one of the problems with a message board as opposed to direct contact.Interpertation of words.When I didn't know your personal history,I jumped to some conclusions too.Addicts who are in the precarious position of treating pain with pain meds are in a dangerous category.They have to be even more vigilant as you well know.
I commend your efforts and after reading your post for awhile,I do believe in my heart you are trying.However,I can't know that.I hope you understand.It doesn't mean I'm criticizing you,it just means it's an unknown.
The words "Leap of Faith" could sound reckless to some people.It could imply that one is going in and letting the "cards fall where they may".
After explaining yourself a little,I realize you probably didn't meant that? At least I hope you didn't.
You are sensitive right now.When I'm dealing with something really personal that can be interperted in many ways,I will not post it on here.I go call my sponsor or hash it out in therapy.I won't even share it at a meeting.
You have to do what's right for Sharon.
I think posting your progress here is great.I enjoy reading it and am one of your fans just dont get your approval from here.
Good Luck and I'm pulling for you 100%
Thank you Tim...you said it better than I could. Sharonn, honey, I have all the faith in the world in YOU. What I dont' have faith in was your "leap of faith" remark. Come on, you know me well enough by now to know that I am right there beside you. I get how scary this is and what you're going through (except the chronic pain part). Listen to Sarah and Tim...they said it so much better than I did, but it's what I meant. Love, Lisa
Maybe I can clarify what I meant w/o going ballistic here...I got upset because I HAVE made aftercare plans and meeting plans,etc.,etc.....A leap of faith in that I will be able to cope with the physical pain of my illness...not addiction. Addiction requires a plan, vigilance and everything you and Tim mentioned. I guess I just didn't think irresponsible applied to me...I have already bit the bullet and suffered for 11 days off other meds...obviously I am serious. I just need a pat on the back...does it make me bad? I am scared..I am in pain. I don't normally get this upset but I am coming down from 100 mg. oxy a day...and I have tapered to 45. It hurts and I am not bsi-ng myself or anybody. I don't disagree with your tough love approach when it applies...but really Lisa...I have done everything in my power. I even called back the detox after being turned down twice. Someone else would have used it as an excuse to quit. That's all. I admit I over-reacted but you guys (in all due respect) don't know the mental and physical struggle of debilitating pain and then wd synptoms thrown in, with some depression on top from stopping my Ad. I am freaking miserable. But I am not gonna go around in circles anymore. All I wanted was some acknowledgement of my efforts.Lisa...I know you are a good person and that you care...but although we are all the same as addicts...we all have different circumstances...not a cookie cutter approach. Can you understand where I am coming from? I am miserable every day and am still tapering despite the fact that I am going....for myself...my own dignity and self-respect. I sit and cry 1/2 the day...I just wanted a little love so I can go on.S
Hi Sharon,
I wish you the very best in all of this. I'm sure there must be some relief in making a decision. We're all pulling and praying for you. Hang in there. As Michelle said, my pain got a lot better when I stopped the narcotics. In fact, at my worst, I was actually was diagnosed with RA, due to the joint swelling I was having. The blood work supported it as well. When I stopped, while not pain free, it got much better and my blood tests became normal. I too have a fused spine and need another one. The pain really improved when I stopped. I very much hope this happens for you as well. Keep us posted.
All the best,
Beck
I wish you the very best in all of this. I'm sure there must be some relief in making a decision. We're all pulling and praying for you. Hang in there. As Michelle said, my pain got a lot better when I stopped the narcotics. In fact, at my worst, I was actually was diagnosed with RA, due to the joint swelling I was having. The blood work supported it as well. When I stopped, while not pain free, it got much better and my blood tests became normal. I too have a fused spine and need another one. The pain really improved when I stopped. I very much hope this happens for you as well. Keep us posted.
All the best,
Beck
I'm sorry Sharon, I didn't mean to come across so harsh, but you know it's because I care about you. You asked me to kick your butt, so that's what I'm doing. I just want you to stay accountable TO YOURSELF. You don't need to for anyone else. Just you. I realize that we aren't cookie cutter addicts, everyone's got thier own set of circumstances but when all is done and said, we are addicts with those adictive behavoirs. You are doing so good. Please, please know that all of this comes from my heart. I'll back off.....Love Lisa
Sharonn:
I hope I did not contribute to anything hurtful to you...that was absolutely not my intention. I hope that you will share Beck's experience and that once you are off of your meds you have a reduction in pain. I don't know if you remember Catherine, MeAgain? She experienced exactly the same thing. She had fused vertebrae in her cervical spine.
Going to detox is a big step...and I am sure it feels as though it is "looming" outside your door right now....so I do understand your wanting to dismiss too much thought about it as it only serves to add to anxiety. I will be so happy for you once this part of your journey is behind you.
I commend your diligence in securing a place for yourself there. You are "taking action" and that is such a healthy thing for all of us to witness in you, and apply to ourselves.
Anyway, I apparently overlooked your "aftercare" thread. (I am off to look for it now) I sure didn't see that last night, so please accept my apology if my questions were uninformed or seemed pushy....they were asked of me too...and it did help me to think about the future, and to know that I needed a plan to stay clean.
As I said before, I really am hoping the best for you.
Sincerely,
Sarah
I hope I did not contribute to anything hurtful to you...that was absolutely not my intention. I hope that you will share Beck's experience and that once you are off of your meds you have a reduction in pain. I don't know if you remember Catherine, MeAgain? She experienced exactly the same thing. She had fused vertebrae in her cervical spine.
Going to detox is a big step...and I am sure it feels as though it is "looming" outside your door right now....so I do understand your wanting to dismiss too much thought about it as it only serves to add to anxiety. I will be so happy for you once this part of your journey is behind you.
I commend your diligence in securing a place for yourself there. You are "taking action" and that is such a healthy thing for all of us to witness in you, and apply to ourselves.
Anyway, I apparently overlooked your "aftercare" thread. (I am off to look for it now) I sure didn't see that last night, so please accept my apology if my questions were uninformed or seemed pushy....they were asked of me too...and it did help me to think about the future, and to know that I needed a plan to stay clean.
As I said before, I really am hoping the best for you.
Sincerely,
Sarah
Sharon I am sending you m.y phone CELL# please call me--I can help you if your willing to trust me.
Jeff
Jeff
What are you doing differently this time?
S as always you have my full support,friendship,& love.Theres so much youve been through & you wrote something that hit home for me
I do not ABUSE my meds
And I know you havent,but the fact still remains that your body is addicted to them.If only I could get my own mom to understand that!!She has been on PP for about 10 years.The most she takes is (maybe)4 pills a day on real bad days...because she only takes them like that she feels she isnt addicted.Her & I have tried to talk about this but she hears the word addict & its like she ????CANT handle the thought that her body is probaly addicted.
OR maybe Im wrong???In her case as in your S would it be more that your body is dependent on them?
now Im real befuddled???
I do not ABUSE my meds
And I know you havent,but the fact still remains that your body is addicted to them.If only I could get my own mom to understand that!!She has been on PP for about 10 years.The most she takes is (maybe)4 pills a day on real bad days...because she only takes them like that she feels she isnt addicted.Her & I have tried to talk about this but she hears the word addict & its like she ????CANT handle the thought that her body is probaly addicted.
OR maybe Im wrong???In her case as in your S would it be more that your body is dependent on them?
now Im real befuddled???
MJ...I have not taken my pain meds for pain relief in awhile. I am taking the smallest amount I can to avoid withdrawal and still am damned uncomfortable. So if my pain is only getting the mimimum relief and tapering makes me fel like crap anyway I may as well say bye bye to the whole thing.But evry time I go down it is sheer torture. I tapered before and the pain was way more mental..this time the burning skin and crawling sensations are worse...every time it gets worse...so they say. I am sure they help with pain but if I wanted 70 % pain relief I would be on the original(high dose) And the power of it frightens me. I feel like s**t every morning and I hate it. My colonoscopy is on 3/20 so I can focus more after that. The Dr. said the elavil was worse for my heart under anesthesia than the opiates. So THAT'S why I ct'd it. Awful.......I don't recommed it. But it has been 11 dats. After the test I need an AD that will help me w/o those side effects. My daughter is on Lexapro and seems to be tolerating it well.Wellbutrin made me nuts and panicky...I know I am moody..I almost bit Lis'a head off yesterday...that is not me MJ.....I just cannot feel bad everyday..pain and withdrawals,,,,,,I would rather come out of detox and feel like total crap and stay home for a month...I know I may lose my job..but my life is more important. It is a wake-up call as my job is pretty pretentious and my boss(who I thought was a friend) is a self-serving individual and a "fair weather" friend at best. I guess I am physically dependent. Geez...why doesn't that make me feel any differentLOL.....maybe MOm can wean a little at a time.....Love, S
S hey huny as far as my mom she will be on PP for life.I guess shes lucky as the hard opaiates she just cannot take.Her blood pressure drops out & ...well it gets scarey.Its just when her & I TRY to discuss my addiction she still & probaly ALWAYS have that...Look down your nose attitude about it.
I so wish I could say I was like you & her as far as only taking PP for the pain,but the truth is when I was on PPs I just kept taking more & more & self numbing (mentally)..Ive learned....that at times...LIFE WILL SUCK,we will go through things that we dont know if we can stand the pain(mentally)BUT if you try to numb it out....it only leaves more baggage to deal with later on.At least for me.Im only NOW starting to deal with things that hurt me years ago.Where as if I only BACK THEN allowed myself to feel the pain & try to handle it It would of been over already.(Gosh I hope that makes sense)
As for your ADs OMGOODNESS do I know that (padded walls feeling)Like I said when I stopped the effexor CT I really felt like I was loosing it so your mood swings & such I can toyally understand.Lexapro never really worked well with me.I was on Lithium for awhile but I just did NOT like the way they made me feel,+there were way too many side effects for me.
Have you thought of Effexor?For me it seems to keep me level(most the time)without too many side effects.
but than again your body & mine are totally different.What works for me may not you.THATS the problem with ADs its trial & error which really bites!!!
I so wish I could say I was like you & her as far as only taking PP for the pain,but the truth is when I was on PPs I just kept taking more & more & self numbing (mentally)..Ive learned....that at times...LIFE WILL SUCK,we will go through things that we dont know if we can stand the pain(mentally)BUT if you try to numb it out....it only leaves more baggage to deal with later on.At least for me.Im only NOW starting to deal with things that hurt me years ago.Where as if I only BACK THEN allowed myself to feel the pain & try to handle it It would of been over already.(Gosh I hope that makes sense)
As for your ADs OMGOODNESS do I know that (padded walls feeling)Like I said when I stopped the effexor CT I really felt like I was loosing it so your mood swings & such I can toyally understand.Lexapro never really worked well with me.I was on Lithium for awhile but I just did NOT like the way they made me feel,+there were way too many side effects for me.
Have you thought of Effexor?For me it seems to keep me level(most the time)without too many side effects.
but than again your body & mine are totally different.What works for me may not you.THATS the problem with ADs its trial & error which really bites!!!
