I didn't know if I should post this here, or if I should post this at all. But I figured you guys are my other support network.
this morning at 2am I got a phonecall saying if you want to say goodbye to your uncle you had better come now to the hospital because he is dying. I got there and he was unconscious but still breathing.
Earlier the day before he had been up a ladder trying to fix a leak in his roof. When he was on the way back down the ladder, it gave way from under him and he fell and cracked his head off the path suffering two skull fractures and another fracture severing his spinal cord.
By chance, his son found him and called an ambulance and he was rushed to hospital, still conscious, they had him all ready for surgery but after they'd performed a scan on him they found there was nothing they could do because he'd suffered a massive bleed to the right side of his brain and he had lost consciousness as his head filled with blood. He will never wake up. My mom and I got to the hospital and they thought he would stop breathing but he hasn't yet. they've got him pumped full of morphine and sedatives and we are just waiting for the end to come now. I am very sad... it hasn't really sunk in yet fully. He had just come back from a skiing holiday in Switzerland Saturday past and he was a very energetic active man.
Such a waste of a life when it could have been avoided. I think I am going to feel very sick about this for a long time... it's going to be too easy to drink to cope with my loss but I am conscious that wont make things better for me.
My dad has also been diagnosed with cancer so this is all coming at once and it is very hard to deal with.
Thanks for this,
Izzy
Oh my God Izzy, you really haven't been having things run smoothly for you at all have you. I have just posted something about freaking out about going out on Saturday night, and after looking at your post, it seems so ridiculously irrelevant.
Two massively awful shocks for you to deal with. It is hard to know what to say. I hope you can somehow deal with what life has put before you and be strong enough not to hurt yourself by drinking away the pain. I feel for you, I really do.
Two massively awful shocks for you to deal with. It is hard to know what to say. I hope you can somehow deal with what life has put before you and be strong enough not to hurt yourself by drinking away the pain. I feel for you, I really do.
Hi Izzy
So sorry to hear about your uncle and your dad. I know times are difficult for you right now. But please remember drinking will not solve anything. If you go get drunk NOTHING will change. The only change would be in the progress you are making. If your uncle was an active and energetic man than I assume he loved life and loved doing the things he enjoyed. So I guess if he was living a life like that then he must have been living a sober one. If that is the case you CAN HONOR his memory by STAYING SOBER. Keep his memory alive in a positive way by being strong and more importantly sober.I think he would NOT want you drinking as a way to forget him. Please remember too that prayer is the answer to EVERY problem in life. Just have faith in your HP . It's perfectly understandable the way you feel right now but we dont always understand the way or the whys of why things happen the way they do. Please try to find peace within yourself and ask for help and strength from your HP to help you get through this most difficult time. You have everyone on this site who is supporting you ,please take some comfort in that. I will pray for you and please keep posting because although i'm not good at giving advice many on here are. take care and God bless and be safe. xxxooo
So sorry to hear about your uncle and your dad. I know times are difficult for you right now. But please remember drinking will not solve anything. If you go get drunk NOTHING will change. The only change would be in the progress you are making. If your uncle was an active and energetic man than I assume he loved life and loved doing the things he enjoyed. So I guess if he was living a life like that then he must have been living a sober one. If that is the case you CAN HONOR his memory by STAYING SOBER. Keep his memory alive in a positive way by being strong and more importantly sober.I think he would NOT want you drinking as a way to forget him. Please remember too that prayer is the answer to EVERY problem in life. Just have faith in your HP . It's perfectly understandable the way you feel right now but we dont always understand the way or the whys of why things happen the way they do. Please try to find peace within yourself and ask for help and strength from your HP to help you get through this most difficult time. You have everyone on this site who is supporting you ,please take some comfort in that. I will pray for you and please keep posting because although i'm not good at giving advice many on here are. take care and God bless and be safe. xxxooo
Oh Izzy I am so sorry.
It's so unfair. The little boy inside me thinks this is so unfair. Life shouldn't be like this for someone with your generous and loving soul.
Please keep well and healthy Izzy. I know none of us can live for others but I want you to know, if you don't already, that this World is a much better place because of your love, wisdom and compassion. You shine so brightly, please take care of yourself.
Please keep well and please keep posting. Let us know how you are. I'll be thinking of you,
Martin
It's so unfair. The little boy inside me thinks this is so unfair. Life shouldn't be like this for someone with your generous and loving soul.
Please keep well and healthy Izzy. I know none of us can live for others but I want you to know, if you don't already, that this World is a much better place because of your love, wisdom and compassion. You shine so brightly, please take care of yourself.
Please keep well and please keep posting. Let us know how you are. I'll be thinking of you,
Martin
Dear Izzy,
I'm so very very sorry that two tragedies have fallen upon you and your loved ones. Life at times is so full of unexpected heart breaking pain for ourselves and those we love. Izzy you are such a beautiful and giving young woman. Do your best now to be there for your yourself, your Mom and the rest of your family members. Lean on God now, the God of comfort. Ask the God of your understanding to hold you as he is much more comforting and can provide more stability and peace then any bottle.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
I'm so very very sorry that two tragedies have fallen upon you and your loved ones. Life at times is so full of unexpected heart breaking pain for ourselves and those we love. Izzy you are such a beautiful and giving young woman. Do your best now to be there for your yourself, your Mom and the rest of your family members. Lean on God now, the God of comfort. Ask the God of your understanding to hold you as he is much more comforting and can provide more stability and peace then any bottle.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Hi Idgie,
I'm sorry to hear of you uncle and father. Some things just don't make sense. I hope you can find the serenity to get you through these difficult times.
Love, Cookster
I'm sorry to hear of you uncle and father. Some things just don't make sense. I hope you can find the serenity to get you through these difficult times.
Love, Cookster
Thank you all for your compassionate posts, it means a lot to me.
My Uncle passed away this afternoon at 1.45pm, I got there shorlty after he went. I'm devastated...
My other Uncle is staying with us so I can't drink because I have others to look after. Need to keep my mind busy...
Thank you all again,
Izzy
My Uncle passed away this afternoon at 1.45pm, I got there shorlty after he went. I'm devastated...
My other Uncle is staying with us so I can't drink because I have others to look after. Need to keep my mind busy...
Thank you all again,
Izzy
Izzy my heart goes out to you.I offer my sympathy to you and your family. Try and be strong and please reach out to your HP. Hang in there Izzy hang in. God bless and be safe. I am praying for you .
Gidday Izzy
My love and energy to you and your family, please stay in touch with your higher power and hand over all you need to, over the next few days and weeks may you feel the comfort of god and all our loving thoughts and energy
light and love zac
My love and energy to you and your family, please stay in touch with your higher power and hand over all you need to, over the next few days and weeks may you feel the comfort of god and all our loving thoughts and energy
light and love zac
Izzy,
Such sad news, life is really "lifeing" you right now....take good care of you and know my thoughts are with you and yours.
Geri
Such sad news, life is really "lifeing" you right now....take good care of you and know my thoughts are with you and yours.
Geri
Thinking of you, Izzy, wishing you peace and comfort in this difficult time. Please remember to take care of yourself; the World needs every good person to keep themselves well, always.
Thank you all so much. Your words mean so much to me.
With my Uncle dying I was very sad and upset and then I got a text message from my friend (The one who tried to kill herself by jumping off a cliff) I was pleasantly surprised and phoned her back right away. It was so good to talk to her, she had gotten out of hospital and was at home now.
Funny the way things happen,
Thank you all again,
Izzy X
With my Uncle dying I was very sad and upset and then I got a text message from my friend (The one who tried to kill herself by jumping off a cliff) I was pleasantly surprised and phoned her back right away. It was so good to talk to her, she had gotten out of hospital and was at home now.
Funny the way things happen,
Thank you all again,
Izzy X
Dear Izzy,
I'm sorry for the loss of your Uncle. My sympathies go out to you and your family. Continue to be courageous for yourself, your Mom and your other family members.
Know that God is very close to those that are hurting. May this be of comfort to you and yours. I will have you and your family in my prayers. I will light a candle tonight for your Uncle, for Izzy, for your Family.
Love, Chris
I'm sorry for the loss of your Uncle. My sympathies go out to you and your family. Continue to be courageous for yourself, your Mom and your other family members.
Know that God is very close to those that are hurting. May this be of comfort to you and yours. I will have you and your family in my prayers. I will light a candle tonight for your Uncle, for Izzy, for your Family.
Love, Chris
Thanks for being here for me, I've had such a horrible day, everything is getting to me and I'm finding it very hard to believe there is a god, I feel so cheated, everything is going wrong and I just want to die myself. I've spent the whole day crying, I'm so fed up... life is so unfair sometimes and I feel like it's just one thing after another after another... I don't feel safe I feel like anything could happen at any moment and I have no control over it.
I wish my Uncle didn't die... nobody seems overly upset about it except me. It's affecting me so bad, I just remember him being silly and laughing, he was always smiling and how good he was with his cats, how he adored them... and he's gone now... just like that. I didn't even get to hold his hand when he was still conscious and tell him everything was going to be ok... but it's not... nothing's ever going to be the same again...
My dad is going in for the results of his scan soon and that will be another thing that could go either way... it could be so bad that the cancer has spread and he will have to have all the treatment... I can't even contemplate it right now, it's just going to be so bad and I feel really fragile... I feel sick...
I'm not looking forward to the funeral, people say how sorry they are about our loss but I always feel they just say it because it's what you say at a time like this. I want someone to say to me, remember all the good times, the times he took you skiing, the times you stayed over and watched videos together and the times he spent just talking... It's so hard...
I think I need to sleep...
I wish my Uncle didn't die... nobody seems overly upset about it except me. It's affecting me so bad, I just remember him being silly and laughing, he was always smiling and how good he was with his cats, how he adored them... and he's gone now... just like that. I didn't even get to hold his hand when he was still conscious and tell him everything was going to be ok... but it's not... nothing's ever going to be the same again...
My dad is going in for the results of his scan soon and that will be another thing that could go either way... it could be so bad that the cancer has spread and he will have to have all the treatment... I can't even contemplate it right now, it's just going to be so bad and I feel really fragile... I feel sick...
I'm not looking forward to the funeral, people say how sorry they are about our loss but I always feel they just say it because it's what you say at a time like this. I want someone to say to me, remember all the good times, the times he took you skiing, the times you stayed over and watched videos together and the times he spent just talking... It's so hard...
I think I need to sleep...
I think people say I'm sorry because they really don't know what else to say.
There are no words.
There are no words.
I am so sorry, Izzy. I wish I could say something that might help but I'm not sure anything could make things better today.
I imagine people say sorry because they just don't know what else to say. They don't know what you need or want from them and might be unable to deal with strong emotions, their own or others.
But you can start a conversation about him and make it ok for them to join in. If you need something from people perhaps you could let them know what it is. Some won't be able to give you what you need but some might.
I remember going back to my friend Billy's sister's place after their dad died. Their dad used to come and watch Billy play in our football team. All the lads were there, and after a beer or two we were all laughing in the garden with Billy. His sister appeared and we all fell silent, horrified that she might feel we'd been disrespectful. She was so happy; she said it was just what her dad would have wanted, all the lads laughing in the garden together.
It is a very difficult time. No-one knows what to do or say, but perhaps you can help them help you.
I am really so sorry Izzy. Life can be so very unfair. Please take care of yourself and please keep posting.
I imagine people say sorry because they just don't know what else to say. They don't know what you need or want from them and might be unable to deal with strong emotions, their own or others.
But you can start a conversation about him and make it ok for them to join in. If you need something from people perhaps you could let them know what it is. Some won't be able to give you what you need but some might.
I remember going back to my friend Billy's sister's place after their dad died. Their dad used to come and watch Billy play in our football team. All the lads were there, and after a beer or two we were all laughing in the garden with Billy. His sister appeared and we all fell silent, horrified that she might feel we'd been disrespectful. She was so happy; she said it was just what her dad would have wanted, all the lads laughing in the garden together.
It is a very difficult time. No-one knows what to do or say, but perhaps you can help them help you.
I am really so sorry Izzy. Life can be so very unfair. Please take care of yourself and please keep posting.
Thanks Martin, I think I'm having a very Borderline phase at the moment. I'm attacking everyone around me, I feel very depressed.
I had words with my mom the other day and the jist of it was she'd walk out on us for god, put him first, he's always screwing this family over and she still believes... I find it very difficult to accept. I can't even bear to look at our minister at the moment and I sent him a very angry email about brainwashing my mum. I looked at it again today and thought to myself that was a very BD thing to do. Sometimes I can't control it and my thoughts get the better of me. I'm very insecure... I just want to give our minister a whack, blame him for everything... he's got the relationship with god... I can't even bear to give him a capital anymore, I've lost so much faith in everything.
This whole scenario has affected me more than I thought it would. I can pinpoint it though, exactly when it started... it was when I saw my Uncle there, pale and not breathing, it was like a slap in the face... I found it very horrific...
Right now I don't feel loved, what she said to me hurt me beyond words... I didn't think you were supposed to hurt others in god's name.
I just don't get religion and faith. So much hurt and pain in my life right from day one, I just don't understand why god lets it happen... it's totally beyond me...
I had words with my mom the other day and the jist of it was she'd walk out on us for god, put him first, he's always screwing this family over and she still believes... I find it very difficult to accept. I can't even bear to look at our minister at the moment and I sent him a very angry email about brainwashing my mum. I looked at it again today and thought to myself that was a very BD thing to do. Sometimes I can't control it and my thoughts get the better of me. I'm very insecure... I just want to give our minister a whack, blame him for everything... he's got the relationship with god... I can't even bear to give him a capital anymore, I've lost so much faith in everything.
This whole scenario has affected me more than I thought it would. I can pinpoint it though, exactly when it started... it was when I saw my Uncle there, pale and not breathing, it was like a slap in the face... I found it very horrific...
Right now I don't feel loved, what she said to me hurt me beyond words... I didn't think you were supposed to hurt others in god's name.
I just don't get religion and faith. So much hurt and pain in my life right from day one, I just don't understand why god lets it happen... it's totally beyond me...
Hi Izzy,
I struggle with the G word myself. It's very strange, coming to websites like this because they're generally populated by Americans, who are much more vocal and explicit about God and their Faith (NB that's not meant as a judgemental comment, it's just an observation). I don't think they realise what a turn-off that can be for other adults who don't share (and have no wish to share) their beliefs.
Having said all that I know I've had an incredible number of experiences this year that have challenged my atheisim....but I won't bore you or anyone else about that, because IF there IS a God, then He doesn't need me to try to persuade you of anything.
At times there's just no rhyme or Reason to anything and it's a challenge for any thinking, feeling human being to keep going in such circumstances. But keep going, Izzy. The World needs good people and you're as good as we wonderful, beautiful, flawed and foolish human beings get.
It might help to remember that at times of grief and terrible stress people say things they don't mean, or that they might mean for ten seconds but don't hold as a genuine thought; it's anger, hurt, rage, grief, fear talking, not our clear and true and good selves.
I'm glad I met you and I wish I could give you more than this. Please know there are people here who you've touched with your kindness and who will be thinking of you and wishing you well.
Take care and please keep in touch.
Martin
I struggle with the G word myself. It's very strange, coming to websites like this because they're generally populated by Americans, who are much more vocal and explicit about God and their Faith (NB that's not meant as a judgemental comment, it's just an observation). I don't think they realise what a turn-off that can be for other adults who don't share (and have no wish to share) their beliefs.
Having said all that I know I've had an incredible number of experiences this year that have challenged my atheisim....but I won't bore you or anyone else about that, because IF there IS a God, then He doesn't need me to try to persuade you of anything.
At times there's just no rhyme or Reason to anything and it's a challenge for any thinking, feeling human being to keep going in such circumstances. But keep going, Izzy. The World needs good people and you're as good as we wonderful, beautiful, flawed and foolish human beings get.
It might help to remember that at times of grief and terrible stress people say things they don't mean, or that they might mean for ten seconds but don't hold as a genuine thought; it's anger, hurt, rage, grief, fear talking, not our clear and true and good selves.
I'm glad I met you and I wish I could give you more than this. Please know there are people here who you've touched with your kindness and who will be thinking of you and wishing you well.
Take care and please keep in touch.
Martin
Izzy, so sorry for your loss, and please do remember the times he took you skiing and the times you laughed together, those are the things keep your uncle alive. As long as you remember him he lives.
Peace and comfort~MomNMore
Peace and comfort~MomNMore
Izzy I can understand your feelings. when my dad died I felt really angry and resentful. That was 13 years ago and to THIS day I have to live with some of the consequences of what I had I did back then because I was so dominated by the hurt and rage I felt at all the unfairness of what I believed occurred. Take it from me please Don't let your hurt and grief destroy you. I think now is the time to seek some sort of help to help you sort this out in your mind. It's ok to feel mad,resentful and hurt.But try not let it consume you ..We have no control over what happens Izzy but we do have control over ourselves. Your uncle seemed like he was a nice man and someone whose company you enjoyed. Remember the good times and try and concentrate on the fact that you had the joy of knowing him.that he brought happiness to your life and that you were blessed for knowing him. There is not much I can say to you except that I KNOW how you are feeling I REALLY DO. TAKE CARE IZZY
