Hi "Sadwoo",'
'
It has to be so hard for you with your daughter, especially knowing she has her own children. I can not imagine the suffering you are going through. I too have a daughter and I can not imagine what it would be like if it were her acting out like this. Its bad enough that my son is doing all this to himself and to our family. Just know, that we are in a place of therapy for our own selves at this point. I am hoping that as we help ourselves, it also helps in healing our sons and daughters. Know that my thoughts are with you and your family. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Hi Joaquina and all others here,
Happy to find you all, and oh so sad we are all the same boat. After almost 20 yrs of trying desperately to help my now 36 yr old son, I am broken, tired, sad and have little hope for him.
I've never acturally searched out anything like this forum, I googled how to stop enabling this morning and came upon this site.
This morning I left my kid at the local health dept, with his bags, hoping he will walk in the door and once again, start the process to get into rehab. He also has a mental illness, gets SSI/SSDI - and has spent years living in mental health residential programs, long term psychiatric state hospital, jail, long stretches of homelessness. I again tried to step in and help him back on his feet, with the agreement I would hold his debit card, and help him manage funds while we tried to find him a spot in another residential mental health or drug program. (he was kicked out of yet another mental health program last week for using in their house again)
I am terrified of him. Will need to look into how process works if I have to call police, or get any restraining order. Actually reading many of your stories help me to see that it may just be the drugs and despair talking, maybe not real and actual threats. But then again, maybe not.
Stress has taken a major toll on us parents, I know how my health has suffered and how often I put my issues on the back burner so I can be available to help him, or to miss things so I can be home to protect our property in case he tries to break in. It can be exhausting. I may start back at a Nar-anon meeting or something to help boost my confidence in the tough choices I'm having to make again.
I hope all of you are doing well today and maybe we can all find hope each day that even if our kids can't be better - we can!
Shine -
Deb
Happy to find you all, and oh so sad we are all the same boat. After almost 20 yrs of trying desperately to help my now 36 yr old son, I am broken, tired, sad and have little hope for him.
I've never acturally searched out anything like this forum, I googled how to stop enabling this morning and came upon this site.
This morning I left my kid at the local health dept, with his bags, hoping he will walk in the door and once again, start the process to get into rehab. He also has a mental illness, gets SSI/SSDI - and has spent years living in mental health residential programs, long term psychiatric state hospital, jail, long stretches of homelessness. I again tried to step in and help him back on his feet, with the agreement I would hold his debit card, and help him manage funds while we tried to find him a spot in another residential mental health or drug program. (he was kicked out of yet another mental health program last week for using in their house again)
I am terrified of him. Will need to look into how process works if I have to call police, or get any restraining order. Actually reading many of your stories help me to see that it may just be the drugs and despair talking, maybe not real and actual threats. But then again, maybe not.
Stress has taken a major toll on us parents, I know how my health has suffered and how often I put my issues on the back burner so I can be available to help him, or to miss things so I can be home to protect our property in case he tries to break in. It can be exhausting. I may start back at a Nar-anon meeting or something to help boost my confidence in the tough choices I'm having to make again.
I hope all of you are doing well today and maybe we can all find hope each day that even if our kids can't be better - we can!
Shine -
Deb
Hello "MominMd"
If anything this sight will help with is in knowing that we are not alone. There are so many of us going through this, its unbelievable. If it only were easy to stop loving our sons and daughters, but no way. The more they go through, the more we suffer and feel for them. I am so sorry you have been going through this so long with your son. I see more and more that age group being affected by drugs on this sight. I can't seem to understand how the government keeps allowing this to continue. There has to be something the government can do to help our sons and daughters out of this hell they and we are living in. I pray for peace of mind and heart for you. I am staying sane because I have a great distance with my son. I live in another part of the country. When he was living with me a couple of years ago, I thought I wouldn't live through another year with a sane mind. I also have struggled immensely with my mental and emotional health, because I have no way of knowing if he is alive or dead. Although I am in therapy and medication, I still have my moments of crying and wanting to run away from everything and everyone I know. My hope is that we all have found a place to vent on this forum. That we know we are not alone. It has helped reading the stories on recovery diaries and recovery milestones and others on this sight. Our sons and daughters are also NOT alone. Take care and stay here with us.
If anything this sight will help with is in knowing that we are not alone. There are so many of us going through this, its unbelievable. If it only were easy to stop loving our sons and daughters, but no way. The more they go through, the more we suffer and feel for them. I am so sorry you have been going through this so long with your son. I see more and more that age group being affected by drugs on this sight. I can't seem to understand how the government keeps allowing this to continue. There has to be something the government can do to help our sons and daughters out of this hell they and we are living in. I pray for peace of mind and heart for you. I am staying sane because I have a great distance with my son. I live in another part of the country. When he was living with me a couple of years ago, I thought I wouldn't live through another year with a sane mind. I also have struggled immensely with my mental and emotional health, because I have no way of knowing if he is alive or dead. Although I am in therapy and medication, I still have my moments of crying and wanting to run away from everything and everyone I know. My hope is that we all have found a place to vent on this forum. That we know we are not alone. It has helped reading the stories on recovery diaries and recovery milestones and others on this sight. Our sons and daughters are also NOT alone. Take care and stay here with us.
I just stumbled onto this website, and can relate to what so many of you are saying. My beautiful, happy, energetic, warm and caring son has become someone I do not recognize, know or relate to. I also have learned to fear him and I have experienced his hatred and now he completely ignores me and won't respond to my phone calls or texts. I have six children, this is my oldest son. He will be 21 the end of the month. My youngest, a boy turned 11 last week. I have to be strong for my other children. I can't allow myself to get so brought down by the one, that I cannot be there for the others. I realized writing this, how much I have steeled my heart to get through day to day. Trying to remember how he used to be, brought memories too painful, I have to shut them out. No one understands how drugs can completely change one's personality. I cannot comprehend his hostility for my husband and me. He also twists the past and has rewritten his childhood and what kind of parents we were. It is very painful. I wanted to share on this forum that we collective parents did not bring this on our children. My second son was a National Merit Scholar, and had is name in lights at the local high school bill board. My oldest son was living homeless in his car at the time. I thought how can I have one son who is excelling to that degree, and another son choosing to be homeless because he refuses to give up his drugs. They make their own choices. We do our best. We can't choose for them. I have to learn to give him to God and ask him to take care of him. I hope someday he will come back to me.
Hi Vanclan,
Thanks for sharing your story with our thread. I am so sorry to hear your struggle and having other children still to be raised, must be so difficult for your heart. I only have one other daughter, but she is in her 30's. She is definitely the complete opposite from my son. She graduated from college, she has the same job since she graduated some 13 years ago and has two beautiful children and a good steady relationship with her children's dad. I can not understand how, if raised by me, they are so different one from the other. She uses a great deal of common sense when she looks at her childhood and our struggles. She doesn't disrespect either one of her parents and she is a great daughter. I continue to pray just like you, that my oldest son can some day return to the son that one day brought love, warmth and caring to our lives. I hope that our stories and sharing, will continue to help you vent and get the strength that you need to carry on for your other children. Thanks for your sharing.
Thanks for sharing your story with our thread. I am so sorry to hear your struggle and having other children still to be raised, must be so difficult for your heart. I only have one other daughter, but she is in her 30's. She is definitely the complete opposite from my son. She graduated from college, she has the same job since she graduated some 13 years ago and has two beautiful children and a good steady relationship with her children's dad. I can not understand how, if raised by me, they are so different one from the other. She uses a great deal of common sense when she looks at her childhood and our struggles. She doesn't disrespect either one of her parents and she is a great daughter. I continue to pray just like you, that my oldest son can some day return to the son that one day brought love, warmth and caring to our lives. I hope that our stories and sharing, will continue to help you vent and get the strength that you need to carry on for your other children. Thanks for your sharing.
Thanks, Joaquina, for your kind words of encouragement. I, like you, keep the details and the pain to myself. I don't want to be judged by friends, and they just don't understand, having never gone through this situation. I will pray for your son. Hopefully, we will experience joy someday over their recovery. God bless.
My son has a drug problem and I am overwhelmed with fear and helpless. Last we he admitted his lack of control and that he needed help. We arranged his admission to an inpatient program and since then he has tried to find an excuse not to go. The past 48 hours have been horrible but my husband is on his way to take him to the treatment center. I am in a constant state of fear that maybe we cornered him into this. He has a young family and his options were very few. I told him I loved him and he just looked so angry like this is all my fault. He is afraid and I know that this is his path to take, I know all about tough love and taking care of myself, letting go etc but I just can't seem to put that into practice. I have taken time off work and I just cant seem to focus on one day at a time. How do I get past this fear?
My heart is also aching,my son has abused me and called me terriable names,twisted things round,in the end I think I am going mad,his dad does not want to know anymore wich also breaks my heart,his brother wont have anything to do with me or let me see the grand kids.I miss and love them so much.I also love my son the addict because deep down he does not mean what he says.He tells me he loves me but I know what comes after that "Can I borrow" I am trying desperately to say no,I have not stopped crying all day,I am also depressed,I feel there is no one out there to help me or my son.
I hope things get better for you x
I hope things get better for you x
AA & NA is out there for your son if he wants it. It's FREE for the taking.
Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are there for you and your family FREE as well.
All the best.
Bob R
Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are there for you and your family FREE as well.
All the best.
Bob R
I too cannot believe what I've been going through with my son. My son also is verbally abusive,but for the most part doesn't talk to me at all. He's 32 and acts like he hates me. I don't know what I've done. I know he uses drugs ,but i'm afraid to confront him ,since he also has a terrible temper. He has a really disgusting, vulgar , twitter page and I'm so ashamed of him. He never used to be like this and I just can't reach him. I cry all the time and ask myself if it was something I did. I 'pray for him ,but my prayers just aren't getting answered. I'm so distraught.
Joaquina, I am in a similar siruation. I have one child, a 30 yr old son who has a wife of two years and a great job and college graduate. Last month my world stopped being "normal" when I learned my son was arrested for buying heroin two states away. My first thought was, this was a mistake. It couldn't be my son. He is clean cut, intelligent, etc. after getting a lawyer, and going through court, he was so fortunate that he only had to take classes bring his first crime. Still, knowing he wasn't who I thought he was just killed me. I cried for several days, then jumped in to "save" him. I have done everything in my power to help him get through this however I feel I am not seeing the situation with eyes wide open. I'm trying to protect him, and am gullible. I caught him in two lies and I've spent thousands in a few weeks making sure bills were paid and he had money in his pocket. My love for him prevents me from cutting him off. I don't know where to turn. His father, my husband, has shut down. He has only now started talking to him again. I don't want to share with friends or family because I feel it would betray my son and he really is a great guy. He said this addiction started from Vicodin from kidney stones a couple years ago. Does anyone have any help or advice? I'm lost.
He has been very humble accepting my help, no disrespect at all. He never has been disrespectful to either of us. He said every weekend he has been trying to get off of it but can't. He has been off five weeks, or so we believe. What is the next step? Drug addiction is new to me.
He has been very humble accepting my help, no disrespect at all. He never has been disrespectful to either of us. He said every weekend he has been trying to get off of it but can't. He has been off five weeks, or so we believe. What is the next step? Drug addiction is new to me.
You've gotten good advice from others. I'm just sending you love and a hug.
Hello everyone. I was off this page for awhile now. Somehow I was feeling like things would get better eventually. That feeling did not last for too long. Have not heard anything about my son. My anxiety level is really high at this point. I want to just run and scream and find him! I want a miracle for my son and all of your sons and daughters. I can't take this deep pain any longer. My mind goes into all this negative thinking and I just can't control it. I keep thinking that my son is getting hurt by others in some homeless shelter or that he could be hurting others. At times I think that he is not alive anymore. My heart aches so bad today. I miss my son. I need God to answer my prayer to heal my son from all this. To heal our sons and daughters. Oh Lord, Heal our hearts. This is too much pain. Look at how many of us parents are going through this. This is so painful. Anyone out there familiar with the homeless shelter system in New York City? Do I have any rights as a mother to get information about my 36 year old? What do I do? How can I help him if I find him? He doesn't want my help. Is it possible for me to help him without him knowing, if I find out where he is? My therapist says it could be dangerous for me to be in front of him. Even to hear something like that, kills me inside. I pray every day for all our sons and daughters. Thank you all for your words and prayers.
