I met my husband nearly 9 years ago and I cannot count the number of times he has quit smoking pot since I've known him. He quit again 4 days ago, which is in theory fantastic, but I never feel more pain than when he quits and treats me horribly. I've messaged my counsellor to make an appointment but I wrote a short letter tonight that I feel I need to put out into the universe, as I could never send it to him:
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Your addiction has broken me today. I am broken. I have no one I can talk to. I hide your addiction from everyone I love because I don't want them to change how they think of you, or me.
You will never be able to see things my way. The addiction manifests so that I am the rude one, the nasty one, the passive-aggressive one, the one with the superiority complex. You believe the addiction and I start to believe it too. I am broken.
It wins.
Can you comprehend that every time you quit, I have to grieve for my husband? I lose you over and over and over. I just want you back. It takes time, and then finally, I see glimmers of you. And then you smoke, and then you quit, and then it starts all over again. And each time is worse and I crumble quicker because the scars from every time before are still present.
You are not the only one who suffers from your addiction.
When he quits does he go to NA meetings?
Quitting on it's own never worked for long for me... and made me miserable.
Joining AA/NA has worked for over 25 yrs so far and keeps getting better.
AA/NA will help him (if he chooses)
Al-Anon & Nar-Anon will help you get your life back.
All the best.
Bob R
Quitting on it's own never worked for long for me... and made me miserable.
Joining AA/NA has worked for over 25 yrs so far and keeps getting better.
AA/NA will help him (if he chooses)
Al-Anon & Nar-Anon will help you get your life back.
All the best.
Bob R
Thank you Bob! Your reply has made me feel not quite so alone.
In the past he has seen a psychologist and a counsellor, but hasn't made any appointments as yet.
I'll try to encourage him to do so and/or to seek out a local NA group (or offer to find one for him).
Thank you once again...
In the past he has seen a psychologist and a counsellor, but hasn't made any appointments as yet.
I'll try to encourage him to do so and/or to seek out a local NA group (or offer to find one for him).
Thank you once again...
AA and NA has proven that for us alcoholics/addicts that we do best when we "heal each other" in a group setting following the Steps. It has worked for millions of us.
It will work best if HE looks up the meetings. If I knew what town/city you lived in I would have an NA meeting schedule in a minute http://www.na.org/meetingsearch/
THE BIGGEST (irrational) FEAR THAT THE ADDICT HAS IS THAT THE PROGRAM WILL WORK !!
All the best.
Bob
It will work best if HE looks up the meetings. If I knew what town/city you lived in I would have an NA meeting schedule in a minute http://www.na.org/meetingsearch/
THE BIGGEST (irrational) FEAR THAT THE ADDICT HAS IS THAT THE PROGRAM WILL WORK !!
All the best.
Bob
I would like to echo what Papa Bear says:
Someone who quits Alcohol or Pot, on their own, often became miserable and discontent. In AA we call this a "dry drunk".
In AA, alcohol is only mentioned once in the 12 steps. That is because we came to realize we have a life problem, not an alcohol problem.
Attendance in AA or NA is an excellent way to reorient a life toward happy, joyous, and fee.
For family members, Al Anon is an excellent program - as the healthy people often are addicted to the addicts behavior.
Good luck,
Fly
Someone who quits Alcohol or Pot, on their own, often became miserable and discontent. In AA we call this a "dry drunk".
In AA, alcohol is only mentioned once in the 12 steps. That is because we came to realize we have a life problem, not an alcohol problem.
Attendance in AA or NA is an excellent way to reorient a life toward happy, joyous, and fee.
For family members, Al Anon is an excellent program - as the healthy people often are addicted to the addicts behavior.
Good luck,
Fly
Drinking is not our problem .. living sober is.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily...y=2015&m=01&d=2
And for those who think that AA just treats the drinking is so sadly mistaken.
All the best.
Bob R
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily...y=2015&m=01&d=2
And for those who think that AA just treats the drinking is so sadly mistaken.
All the best.
Bob R
