I have been trying to figure out why latley what it is about me that just makes people want to abuse me...i know that sounds absurd; but its really important to me and heres why I would like to know what teachers think about this...
This has bothered me all my life by the way..and this is probably going to be long, though I really really will try to make it short as possible...
.ok...I was 4 when i went to kindergarten, because my bday falls at the end of the year my Mom sent me; she probably should have waited the extra year but she said i was eager to go...so she sent me...
Kindergarten; a woman named Mrs. Thompson...no I will never ever forget her...the first thing I learned was that she hated me...teachers out there....do you ever find that you hate a child ?...no, Im not making it up...I remember 3 things that i will never forget...first she dragged me out of a play group, threw my dress up in the air, felt my underpants (in front of the entire class), said i wet my pants...my pants were dry, and I didnt wet them BTW...and I told her...I didnt wet my pants Mrs. Thompson...Im 4, Ok ?...she told me to go and find my seat...ok...I was so upset i couldnt remember my seat...she dragged me over to a seat that was dripping wet...said it was mine...dragged me out of the class to the principal...2nd thing I remember...saying the pledge of allegiance like all little good kids did back then...she comes over to me and yells at me after we are done saying it and tells me I said it way to loud and I was being fresh...3rd thing, we had a french teacher come in, I had trouble pronouncing some word, she slapped me full across the face, gave me a bloody lip...I was 4...is it me ?...what could a 4 year old do that would warrant such extreme behavior from teachers?...and it never stopped...humiliation in every single grade from every single teacher...until my mother decided to put me in a private catholic school ...I was in 5th grade...the nun pulled my hair, dragged me across the floor, pounded my head up against the blackboard because i had difficulty with long division...another nun locked me in closets...and I never fought back...i wasnt a wise and fresh kid, i never threw temper tantrums...i was painfully shy...I was quiet...I was a painfully shy and scared little kid...and at hoome ?...my mother was having screaming fits and breaking everything in the house with my father, she would leave at night and force my dad to come and get her; my dad would leave me at night to go get her, tell me to watch my little brother...I was, what...5 ? 4?...it was night...I was scared...and at school ...well...is this NORMAL ?...what would make teachers do this to a child ? WHY ? why me...what was it ?...what is it ?...Im curious...i need to know...so if your a teacher...i want to hear from you..any kind of teacher...i want to know, because if i can figure this out then maybe i can figure out why people still do this to me even now...
oh, and i have to add this; finally it was decided that i should be tested to see if there was something wrong with me...i wasnt doing well on my papers at school (well, DUH), but anyways, so i was given a barrage of tests...It was found that i have a higher than average intelligence...not slow at all...no defienciencies (sp? ) at all...it was then decided that I was just socially inept because i was too smart...ok, I will concede we have come a long way from how they diagnosed children back then...but still...there was no reason as i see it; that would make a teacher (s), treat a child like this...so, once again, i ask...WHAT it is ?...in your experiences as teachers, what would make you treat a child like this ?....
Con
| QUOTE |
| ...there was no reason as i see it; that would make a teacher (s), treat a child like this...so, once again, i ask...WHAT it is ?...in your experiences as teachers, what would make you treat a child like this ?.... |
Dear God, Con...there is NO answer to this question. There is NOTHING any child could do that would 'make' a teacher treat a child this way. I sit here in my room, watching my kids make Valentines for each other and I love each and every one of them for the person s/he is. No matter that this one gets on my nerves, doesn't ever stop talking, cheats, lies, steals...whatever. It is the job of any teacher to see past the behavior to the child and ask, "Why? What has the child lived that creates the behavior?"
Sure, I've had kids who work my last nerve...sure, I explode...sure, I'm tougher on some than others, but what you describe is nothing more than abuse and I will say my addicted daughter suffered some of that type of humiliation as well - being denied a chance to use the bathroom and then wetting herself as the teacher shrieked at her in front of her peers...being isolated because she couldn't finish her work (why? always ask why), being excluded by peers as the teacher turned a blind eye.
One of the things that triggers this in teachers is the opinion and comments of past teachers...it's like the poor kid gets a reputation at the ripe old age of 5 or 6 and it follows them all through school. Teachers bitc* about kids in the break room, in meetings, etc and it's one of the reasons I eat alone in my room...it's contagious and can steamroll a child faster than anything. It's also the reason I never look at a child's previous report cards (even though we are supposed to) until I've had the child at least 6 weeks and have formed my own opinion of capability and behavior.
Let's not ignore that the child responds somehow to the abuse...becomes obstinate, behaviorally challenged, fearful...and is permanently impacted by the perception and treatment of the adults in his/her life. How could s/he not? There is a solid body of research out there now that tells us that the experience the child has in the first three years of school becomes the experience they will have till the end of their education...negative experiences negatively impact the child's ability to be successful in a school setting.
Con, my heart breaks for the beautiful child that you were...still are...we carry all that with us forever. As we age we are not merely the number of candles on our cakes...we are also 3,4,5...12...15...we carry that child in our heart for the rest of our lives.
For some reason the culture in your school or school system was such that abuse was ignored, excused, or even condoned. I have no reasonable explanation...it defies understanding. The question I am asking myself is how could your parents allow it to continue unabated.
So, sadly, there is no explanation that can satisfy your need to know...it is literally inexplicable. I am crying now and the kids nearest my desk want to know why, so I am going to tell them...they should never have to suffer as you did...IT"S NOT OKAY for that to happen...and there is NOTHING any child can do to provoke such treatment.
The other day I watched my 18 bunnies on the playground and they were all playing together...boys and girls...laughing, singing...kids from the other classes hung on the periphery wanting to get in on the fun. I turned to the assistant principal and said, "Look how kind they are to each other...look how everyone gets included." His response, "Too bad we can't turn that into test scores. No one will ever know who they really are by looking at their results." How sad is that? So much beauty unnoticed and uncredited.
I wish I could turn back time for you, for my own daughter, for every kid who never stood a chance. My chest hurts from thinking about it =(
Love, lots and lots of love, coming your way...M&M
MomN,
You are an awesome teacher. I have great respect for you and teachers like you. I read Con's post earlier and it broke my heart too.
Just wanted to tell you you are awesome!
Roseanne
You are an awesome teacher. I have great respect for you and teachers like you. I read Con's post earlier and it broke my heart too.
Just wanted to tell you you are awesome!
Roseanne
I had to come back to reread and make sure that in my emotional state I had not ignored important stuff. Painfully shy...well, that caught my eye...sometimes those kids are such easy targets, easy for bullies whether they be teachers or peers...they won't fight back...won't say 'boo'...won't ever tell...such easy victims...the weak ones get all torn up by the animals in the rest.
And your parents with their own stuff going on, not parenting much really...sometimes it's easy for teachers to blame and categorize whole families...the parents are no good, so that explains why the kid is "like that" (whatever 'like that' means). I see that all the time.
You were not socially inept because you are of high intellect, but because you had no role models for appropriate interaction...how are you supposed to learn how the world works without anyone to teach you? Oh, they taught you all right...didn't they just. I'm so angry, Con...so very angry.
So Con, it sounds like you both raised yourself and taught yourself...all in all, you did a remarkable job...think on that, honey.
((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))~M&M
PS Thank you, Roe.
And your parents with their own stuff going on, not parenting much really...sometimes it's easy for teachers to blame and categorize whole families...the parents are no good, so that explains why the kid is "like that" (whatever 'like that' means). I see that all the time.
You were not socially inept because you are of high intellect, but because you had no role models for appropriate interaction...how are you supposed to learn how the world works without anyone to teach you? Oh, they taught you all right...didn't they just. I'm so angry, Con...so very angry.
So Con, it sounds like you both raised yourself and taught yourself...all in all, you did a remarkable job...think on that, honey.
((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))~M&M
PS Thank you, Roe.
gosh that is horrible that any child should have to go through that. if i were you i would go back & confront some of those teachers. let them know how this has affected you. who knows, maybe it'll give you some sort of answers to your questions & some peace. maybe it'll stop this from happening to another child. sweetie, i hope that you know that it was nothing that you did. it's not your fault. there is really NO exuse for a child to be treated that way.
momnmore.. you said that you were going to tell your students why you were crying......... how did they react to the story? just curious. kids are alot smarter than we give them credit for. you sound like a great teacher. very caring & compassionate. what grade do you teach?
jessica
momnmore.. you said that you were going to tell your students why you were crying......... how did they react to the story? just curious. kids are alot smarter than we give them credit for. you sound like a great teacher. very caring & compassionate. what grade do you teach?
jessica
Get it all out Con !
searchforpeace
jack
I have no answers- I had nuns for 8 years
searchforpeace
jack
I have no answers- I had nuns for 8 years
Dear Con,
My heart ached for you when I read your post. There is a book that came to mind that helped me a lot. I wasn't abused by my teachers but I was hurt for a long time by my mother's stronger love for my sister. I felt rejected by the one person who should have loved me the most. I attended both Catholic and public schools and had very kind and loving teachers in both. I obviously was very blessed never to have experienced what you did. Bless your heart!
The book is called "Healing the Hidden Self" by Barbara Schlemon. There are beautiful prayers as you go through every stage of a person's life that helped me find the words to ask God to heal my aching heart. I will keep you in my prayers that you find a way to let that hurt within you heal. Like MomNMore said of her students, you have to wonder how they have been treated to warrent them acting out. When I think of your teacher, I wonder what in the heck she much have endured to make her that mean of a person to attack an innocent child 4 years old! It must have been horrible!
Regardless, there is absolutely no excuse for treating a child that way! None whatsoever!
Dear MomNMore,
EXCELLENT posts! I couldn't find the words (I tend to get way too emotional) but you found the PERFECT ones! Thank God the bad teachers are few and far between. There are many good/average teachers. Unfortunately, the excellent ones...like yourself (who care about the WHOLE child)... are few and far between too. Your students are blessed to have you!
I too chose not to eat lunch with the other teachers. Most were perfectly fine and enjoyable company to share lunch with, but there were those few who would either pump you for information (I worked with the students who needed emotional support...so they were always talking about my kids!) or be gossiping about other students or their parents. It just wasn't worth it to me. I usually ate with the kids....taking turns at different tables. I got to see another side of them outside the classroom too which was an added blessing. They came to trust me and they would turn to me for advice/help when they needed an adult they could trust in their lives.
Love,
Susan
My heart ached for you when I read your post. There is a book that came to mind that helped me a lot. I wasn't abused by my teachers but I was hurt for a long time by my mother's stronger love for my sister. I felt rejected by the one person who should have loved me the most. I attended both Catholic and public schools and had very kind and loving teachers in both. I obviously was very blessed never to have experienced what you did. Bless your heart!
The book is called "Healing the Hidden Self" by Barbara Schlemon. There are beautiful prayers as you go through every stage of a person's life that helped me find the words to ask God to heal my aching heart. I will keep you in my prayers that you find a way to let that hurt within you heal. Like MomNMore said of her students, you have to wonder how they have been treated to warrent them acting out. When I think of your teacher, I wonder what in the heck she much have endured to make her that mean of a person to attack an innocent child 4 years old! It must have been horrible!
Regardless, there is absolutely no excuse for treating a child that way! None whatsoever!
Dear MomNMore,
EXCELLENT posts! I couldn't find the words (I tend to get way too emotional) but you found the PERFECT ones! Thank God the bad teachers are few and far between. There are many good/average teachers. Unfortunately, the excellent ones...like yourself (who care about the WHOLE child)... are few and far between too. Your students are blessed to have you!
I too chose not to eat lunch with the other teachers. Most were perfectly fine and enjoyable company to share lunch with, but there were those few who would either pump you for information (I worked with the students who needed emotional support...so they were always talking about my kids!) or be gossiping about other students or their parents. It just wasn't worth it to me. I usually ate with the kids....taking turns at different tables. I got to see another side of them outside the classroom too which was an added blessing. They came to trust me and they would turn to me for advice/help when they needed an adult they could trust in their lives.
Love,
Susan
Con,
My man had similar, until he was big enough to take a stick that a catholic brother was going to beat him with and break it over his knee. The catholic brother legged it. Problem now is I cannot get this man to go to any meeting where there is any mention of religion or God ever and a lot of things that are drug related have religious funding.
k
My man had similar, until he was big enough to take a stick that a catholic brother was going to beat him with and break it over his knee. The catholic brother legged it. Problem now is I cannot get this man to go to any meeting where there is any mention of religion or God ever and a lot of things that are drug related have religious funding.
k
Anyone put in a position of a trust like that (the well being of a child) should be prosecuted big time for violating it. Look at the long term effects.
Those penguins were wicked.
Roe
Those penguins were wicked.
Roe
wow...whoa...wow...i didnt expect this kind of reaction from anyone...really...jeez...im really really shocked and not quite sure what to say...M&M...i was blown away at your reaction...I never expected this...and for sure it wasnt that i was looking for pity or sympathy folks, truly figured most would just say that ya, stuff like that is common and whatever...not this kind of reaction...it took me awhile to digest it all...i didnt realize that something like that was so out of the norm...ya know; the worst part of that whole wetting scenario was that she made me go downstairs to the janitor ( dark, creepy place in the celler), and get a bucket and cloth and then made me clean it up in my dress, with everyone watching me...someone elses pee...yuck !!, and then dragged me to the princpal...well....i was too embarrased even then/now to type that...but, hell, might as well get it ALL out, as Jack said ..and for some reason, eve after all these years; and all the other scenarios that pplayed out with other teachers through the years; this one particular kindergarten scenarion is the one that has always bothered me the most...that teacher is probably dead by now even..she wasnt exactly a young teacher back then(smile)...really folks, this wasnt a plea for pity...its my shame actually, and I was truly wondering what I might be doing that would bring this kind of thing on myself..my work situation, again, for the second time now in less than 3 years; Ive gotten a supervisor that is hell bent on humiliating me..so im figuring its something with me..I didnt think the school thing was really that unusual...I mean; i knew it was kind of something messed up; but i didnt expect this kind of outraged reaction... now you've all made me really think...M&M...you must be the best teacher in the world...I wish I had had someone like you to teach me...how wonderful that would have been to have someone like you....Thanks so much for sending me the love and hugs...i think i needed them ..the shame really does stay with me.. Ive eaten almost a whole damn chocolate bar sitting here today trying to type this reply...this is really got me wrapped up...the worst thing though is that it can never be fixed...your girl had the same kind of humiliation...and what is so hard, is that once it has happened there is no way to fix it...that makes me angry then...i dont know...these memories have stayed with me, haunted me all my life...kind of like when I went home last year and my brother and I spoke...he verified for me things that; in my mind I had always kind of wondered about...and hearing from him that these things that had happened to me were true, that it wasnt just in my own perceptions; that was in a way a relief...even though the things that I had wondered about were pretty s***ty things....my parents, M&M, well, one of the things I learned from my brother when I went home was that yes, it wasnt my imagination, but yes, My Mother treated me like she hated me...nope, wasnt my imagination, my brother wondered why she did it too...he defiently knew it...s*** for me to know that, but, so, where my parents where ?...no idea...my father was busy telling me I wasnt his kid, and my mother was...well...you knows...absent and hell bent on hating me...no escape, especially at school...maybe the teachers knew something too...like, i was illegitimate; or mixed, or something...anyways; hearing now, from all of you; kind of verifies for me, clarifies it, its a type of relief for me...to know that it wasnt just something in my head, that stuff like that isnt suppose to happen to kids...but rying to know that it wasnt my fault...well, thats going to take some time...because Im not convinced yet that its not somethng Im doing...something that is making people act like this to me....thanks though...than you so much M&M for your support and honesty...ive got a lot to think about...this really really blew me away...i just wasnt aware that this was so uncommon or so out of the norm...Thanks All, and please; please; the question still stands...i would like to hear from ALL teachers, more if they are out there...im very curious as to what goes on...i never knew all that stuff M&M...how teachers talked like that...makes me really think then...and some of it is beginning to make some sense I think to me...Hugs to all and Hugs and Love back M&M...
Con
Con
Hey Con. Mom hit the nail on the head when she said Bullies. Only bullies pick on people who are painfully shy and won't defend themselves. I had a few bad experiences at the start of my schooling which I turned the other way and became a "don't even think about messing with me" kind of person, it's not something I'm proud of but you know what, just every onmce in a while, tell these people who trear you so badly to go f*ck themselves. They wouldn't know what hit them!
Sending you lots of love and hugs from Sunny Scotland Con,
Linz xx
Sending you lots of love and hugs from Sunny Scotland Con,
Linz xx
Con,
I'm really sorry you went through that. It sounds awful.
People do horrible things to other human beings sometimes because their psychological defence mechanisms lead them to project onto others those of their feelings and ideas that they were led to disown when they were children.
If I am not allowed to be messy, and I have a terrible internal parent who my inner self feels will destroy me if I am messy (because my mum nearly killed me when I messed my pants for example), then whenever I feel messy or "dirty" or feel something like that is around somewhere I will project the messiness onto someone else (ie see it in someone else rather than see or feel it in myself) and seek to punish/destroy that thing or person with extreme prejudice. It's a matter of survival to my Unconscious mind.
AA's four fingers pointing back is a simple tool that reveals this truth. We see in others what we most fear in ourselves, and seek to destroy it as we sought/seek to destroy it in ourselves.
It works with good things, too. What you most admire in others might well be wonderful parts of you that you have been led to believe aren't in you at all...but they are.
Have a great day
Martin
I'm really sorry you went through that. It sounds awful.
People do horrible things to other human beings sometimes because their psychological defence mechanisms lead them to project onto others those of their feelings and ideas that they were led to disown when they were children.
If I am not allowed to be messy, and I have a terrible internal parent who my inner self feels will destroy me if I am messy (because my mum nearly killed me when I messed my pants for example), then whenever I feel messy or "dirty" or feel something like that is around somewhere I will project the messiness onto someone else (ie see it in someone else rather than see or feel it in myself) and seek to punish/destroy that thing or person with extreme prejudice. It's a matter of survival to my Unconscious mind.
AA's four fingers pointing back is a simple tool that reveals this truth. We see in others what we most fear in ourselves, and seek to destroy it as we sought/seek to destroy it in ourselves.
It works with good things, too. What you most admire in others might well be wonderful parts of you that you have been led to believe aren't in you at all...but they are.
Have a great day
Martin
Think of you Con and sending a big hug your way...
Hang in there...
Hang in there...
Hi Con
Didn't mean to freak you out, and for sure no one here thinks you were looking for sympathy, but for answers. I don't know that there are a lot of teachers here, so I guess you're kind of stuck with me. I know Rhonda on PP is teaching 3rd grade after a long sabbatical from the classroom, but she hasn't been popping in much.
There's an awful lot of underlying psychological stuff in play here that I am obviously not qualified to speak about, but from the teacher's point of view there are always kids you can't warm up to, maybe even dislike, but as a professional we should be doing our best not to let that color our treatment of that child.
I see a lot in the district in which I teach, and still your story struck a nerve. I mean, I got skin like an elephant where this stuff is concerned because (A) you can't take this shi+ home every night, (B) it doesn't help you serve the kids when you're all wrapped up in it, and © school is sometimes the only place these kids get a break from the crap that is often their home life...they need me to be their teacher, not their protector.
As a teacher, however, I am a mandated reporter - federal law requires me to report any suspected neglect or abuse, either physical or emotional - I risk losing my job if I don't report...so I've had to do that a bunch of times since my very first year. Our current professional development initiative for the next 3 years is titled "Helping Traumatized Children Learn" in conjunction with DA's office and social services.
It troubles me deeply though that you thought it wasn't unusual. It's important that your brother validates what happened, at least you know it wasn't you...it was them. My kids were saddened by your (edited) story, but some of them had a few of their own so it opened a good discussion about what's not okay for a grown-up to do to you.
I have some websites and info you might be interested in and which might help in your quest for answers, so if you want you can contact me at momnmore1@gmail.com.
And just for the record, sounds like your boss is a garden-variety d i c k.
Peace~M&M
Didn't mean to freak you out, and for sure no one here thinks you were looking for sympathy, but for answers. I don't know that there are a lot of teachers here, so I guess you're kind of stuck with me. I know Rhonda on PP is teaching 3rd grade after a long sabbatical from the classroom, but she hasn't been popping in much.
There's an awful lot of underlying psychological stuff in play here that I am obviously not qualified to speak about, but from the teacher's point of view there are always kids you can't warm up to, maybe even dislike, but as a professional we should be doing our best not to let that color our treatment of that child.
I see a lot in the district in which I teach, and still your story struck a nerve. I mean, I got skin like an elephant where this stuff is concerned because (A) you can't take this shi+ home every night, (B) it doesn't help you serve the kids when you're all wrapped up in it, and © school is sometimes the only place these kids get a break from the crap that is often their home life...they need me to be their teacher, not their protector.
As a teacher, however, I am a mandated reporter - federal law requires me to report any suspected neglect or abuse, either physical or emotional - I risk losing my job if I don't report...so I've had to do that a bunch of times since my very first year. Our current professional development initiative for the next 3 years is titled "Helping Traumatized Children Learn" in conjunction with DA's office and social services.
It troubles me deeply though that you thought it wasn't unusual. It's important that your brother validates what happened, at least you know it wasn't you...it was them. My kids were saddened by your (edited) story, but some of them had a few of their own so it opened a good discussion about what's not okay for a grown-up to do to you.
I have some websites and info you might be interested in and which might help in your quest for answers, so if you want you can contact me at momnmore1@gmail.com.
And just for the record, sounds like your boss is a garden-variety d i c k.
Peace~M&M
M&M
**** 4star post
jack
**** 4star post
jack
Dear Con,
From your post...."really folks, this wasnt a plea for pity...its my shame actually."
That statement couldn't be further from the truth! You were the victim here. No shame belongs to you. You deserve the compassion and love you received. Believe it!
Love,
Susan
From your post...."really folks, this wasnt a plea for pity...its my shame actually."
That statement couldn't be further from the truth! You were the victim here. No shame belongs to you. You deserve the compassion and love you received. Believe it!
Love,
Susan
Dear Con - I first read this post the day you posted it. I haven't responded because I didn't know what to say. Your story is so sad. Those teachers were unfit to be around children let alone be entrusted to teach them.
I took my daughter to see a psychologist about the following and he told us that the problem lies with them not the victim. Unfortunately they have to vent their poor self esteem on others. The venting you experienced was sadistic.
My one daughter is what you would call a square peg. She's ADHD and can be disrespectful and mouthy at home. In school she is a mouse, never participates, asks questions, etc. She is so hyper that she can't sit still, focus or keep her mouth shut around the other kids. Needless to say I don't think she has ever been a favorite of her teachers from pre-school to middle school. I've had phone calls from day one. The dreaded phone call from a teacher. Yesterday I conferenced with her teachers. She had been identified as a "problem" for doing poorly, being unorganized, etc. I know in my heart that she is not very well liked. She has few friends and it breaks my heart. At 13 she should have at least one or two true friends. To make matters worse she was involved in a cyberbullying thing on Facebook with two of her "former" friends. These girls had nothing better to do than to write 23 pages of nastiness about her. She was referred to as IT, THING, GAY, UGLY, SMELLY. You name it they called her it. She plays ice hockey and one of the girls is on her team. She posted that even the coach hates her and also the rest of the team. This sport is the one thing that my daughter has going for her. When we went to the school the only thing they did was call the girls in and tell them to stop. She was never given an apology. I have been consumed by this since it happened in October.
In any event I worry constantly that she might become an addict. I know that I was a happy child and teen and I turned to drugs and alcohol myself. It's very scary. She will not open up to me, my husband or a therapist. She acts as if it doesn't bother her.
I'm not sure why I keep bringing up this story except that it has made me realize alot about people. It seems like everyone is looking for a way to make themself feel better. Some of us abuse drugs and alcohol and some of us abuse others, some use plastic surgery, spend alot of money, etc. It's no wonder that you turned your abuse onto yourself. The message that your authority figures were sending you was that you deserved to be mistreated. I was surprised that you were surprised by the responses you received. It seems that even today you still feel that you did something to deserve that behavior. Let me say that you didn't deserve that be treated that way.
Someone suggested a book for you to read. I have one that I like called "You Can Heal your Life" by Louise Hay. It is a little new-agey but I got alot out of it. We tend to push down inside bad things that have happened to us. You brought it out into the light. Thank you for sharing and good luck in your recovery! You are doing amazing!
I took my daughter to see a psychologist about the following and he told us that the problem lies with them not the victim. Unfortunately they have to vent their poor self esteem on others. The venting you experienced was sadistic.
My one daughter is what you would call a square peg. She's ADHD and can be disrespectful and mouthy at home. In school she is a mouse, never participates, asks questions, etc. She is so hyper that she can't sit still, focus or keep her mouth shut around the other kids. Needless to say I don't think she has ever been a favorite of her teachers from pre-school to middle school. I've had phone calls from day one. The dreaded phone call from a teacher. Yesterday I conferenced with her teachers. She had been identified as a "problem" for doing poorly, being unorganized, etc. I know in my heart that she is not very well liked. She has few friends and it breaks my heart. At 13 she should have at least one or two true friends. To make matters worse she was involved in a cyberbullying thing on Facebook with two of her "former" friends. These girls had nothing better to do than to write 23 pages of nastiness about her. She was referred to as IT, THING, GAY, UGLY, SMELLY. You name it they called her it. She plays ice hockey and one of the girls is on her team. She posted that even the coach hates her and also the rest of the team. This sport is the one thing that my daughter has going for her. When we went to the school the only thing they did was call the girls in and tell them to stop. She was never given an apology. I have been consumed by this since it happened in October.
In any event I worry constantly that she might become an addict. I know that I was a happy child and teen and I turned to drugs and alcohol myself. It's very scary. She will not open up to me, my husband or a therapist. She acts as if it doesn't bother her.
I'm not sure why I keep bringing up this story except that it has made me realize alot about people. It seems like everyone is looking for a way to make themself feel better. Some of us abuse drugs and alcohol and some of us abuse others, some use plastic surgery, spend alot of money, etc. It's no wonder that you turned your abuse onto yourself. The message that your authority figures were sending you was that you deserved to be mistreated. I was surprised that you were surprised by the responses you received. It seems that even today you still feel that you did something to deserve that behavior. Let me say that you didn't deserve that be treated that way.
Someone suggested a book for you to read. I have one that I like called "You Can Heal your Life" by Louise Hay. It is a little new-agey but I got alot out of it. We tend to push down inside bad things that have happened to us. You brought it out into the light. Thank you for sharing and good luck in your recovery! You are doing amazing!
Hi Con,
Just wanted to pop in and see how you're doing.
Hon, there is nothing you could have possible done wrong. What was wrong is what was done to you, by a teacher no less.
Do you have or know any kids that age? I hope you do, look at them and try to imagine them deserving anything bad. I bet you couldn't. I hope you can come to a place where you can put that behind you. If its posting about it, post away.
My wish for you is that you can come to a place where YOU know (because we could tell you all day long, but you have to know in your heart) that you didn't do anything then or now to deserve to be treated in a negative way.
I hope you have a good weekend ahead of you. Is your partner home for the weekend? hope so, I've read your stuff on the recovery diaries and I can see where you get lonely when she's at work. I wish there was a way where she could work and come home at night.
did I read somewhere that you're in the military and out of the states? I think so.
Ok Con, just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you.
Roe
Just wanted to pop in and see how you're doing.
Hon, there is nothing you could have possible done wrong. What was wrong is what was done to you, by a teacher no less.
Do you have or know any kids that age? I hope you do, look at them and try to imagine them deserving anything bad. I bet you couldn't. I hope you can come to a place where you can put that behind you. If its posting about it, post away.
My wish for you is that you can come to a place where YOU know (because we could tell you all day long, but you have to know in your heart) that you didn't do anything then or now to deserve to be treated in a negative way.
I hope you have a good weekend ahead of you. Is your partner home for the weekend? hope so, I've read your stuff on the recovery diaries and I can see where you get lonely when she's at work. I wish there was a way where she could work and come home at night.
did I read somewhere that you're in the military and out of the states? I think so.
Ok Con, just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you.
Roe
