Today i feel like s*** - my daughter caught me crying yesterday - and wanted to know what was wrong - i told her my depression was coming back - she said mum why dont you tell us so we can help - i couldnt speak to her the tears were streaming down my face just as they are now - i had to get onto antidepressents Efexor XL they are very powerful but anyway scince she knows a load is of my shoulder (still doesnt know of the addiction - have now dropped straight to 3 pills today - im sick anyway might as well get sicker before i can get better -
Anyway as reading through some postings on the board - some people are getting very sharp with each other about which way they decide to help themselves - let me tell you this i went to AA for my alcohol addiction - and had to leave - dont get me wrong there are some good people there - also there are now some people so addicted to AA it has taken over their lives - some have become very pompous etc - then you get the ones who you think are doing great - my drug supplier - is from AA that tells you what i mean - as a matter of fact 3 large drug hauls were found coming into this country and all three people involved were long term AA members - i know you are supposed to stick with the winners - but who really are the winners - It does no harm to go to NA or AA you do learn a lot i took from it what i needed to hear but i could not live in the rooms with some of the people there - i know noone is better than anyone else- but there a some who think they are and they are living the lie.
I got clean because i made the decision to do it - i learned about my addiction - from every scource i could - but i cannot help it i have an addictive personality and will eventually turn to something else which i have done now i will get myself clean from this too - dont know what comes next - mind you no addict shold kick themselves if they replapse it happens - they have to draw their strength from wherever they can find it - im am finding more on this board than i have with anny doctor phyciatrist mental hospital rehab facility etc - noone has any full knowledge why some people get addicted to some things and some dont
Hi outof hope your ok today take no notice of the negativity that is sometimes on the board just concentrate on you hun take care jackie xxxxxxxxxxx
thanks wackey in really bad form today - will get on the board tomorrow properly and tell you a few things about me.
