My daughter is living at home with my husband and I. She has been in rehab several times but never completed a course. She has been clean for a couple of months but used adderal/uppers last night. She is back at home today but we don't want to to live with us and use as we know it is not healthy. She is bipolar and takes many medications and is stable. If we throw her out she will not be able to take her medications for stability. Her bottom, I fear, will be fatal. We are so tired of feeling trapped and stuck but fear if we throw her out she won't survive.
Debra,
I know your pain, confusion and guilt most of all. because we love our children so much and just because they're grown now and not little kids doesn't mean we don't love them like we did when they were little. As a mother I found it almost impossible to have to tell my daughter to leave our home. I thought the same things you did. that she wouldn't survive on her own, how is she going to live out on the streets with no where to go? but the law got involved because she became physically abusive to her step father and I had to call the police to stop her.
she ran. they couldn't get her and my landlord made it so she COULDN'T come back.
LIfe always winds up working it's way out.
this is about your child, not you and it's her life and her responsibility to get thru it.
we can set boundries for them while they live with us, and if they fail it, it was their choice.
I won't allow my daughter to visit me if she's high. because she gets very hyper, mean and aggressive and won't even let me get a word in edge wise to even converse. she even dominated conversation.
god forbid if I didn't listen to every sylble she said.
this is YOUR home. if she can't follow the rules in the outside world, she has to follow them in your home.
To get my daughter 29 days clean from heroin and all other kinds of drugs, it took the law to stop her. she got arrested for a dispute with her older brother and she spit on the cop when they cuffed her.
THIS is what saved her life.
I knew it was going to wind up the hard way for her but it's the only way to stop her. she has to see a task officer and go to out patient group meeting weekly which my husband and I see a significant difference in the way she thinks already.
what ever they're teaching over in those groups are awesome for her.
what she also needs and I think we all need, but this is my opinion, is spiritual work. call it what you want, religion, the scripture, self help spiritual books, church, home church, etc... anything that teaches her that she has a soul and to have reverence for life and herself will really really help her.
my husband I have been sharing our spiritual lives by living it in front of her and talking about it with her for many years now. she hasn't lived with me her entire 25 yrs of life. after my divorce we were separated a while. she has moved in with her step father and I over the years on and off.
after we told her she had to leave, she was working and got her own little studio apartment and was doing well till she started doing heroin.
I feared each time the phone rang late at night that it was the police telling me my daughter was found dead of an over dose.
I really didn't want her out of my view and home. but I had no choice anymore.I felt that by having her with me it would stop her from drugging.
it doesn't work. only SHE can make that decision. you have to let go and let God.
remember, she is hurting inside, otherwise she wouldn't be drugging. it's now considered a mental illness in the psychology field. a real mental illness. not a sign of weakness.
and my daughter too sees a psychiatrist at the out pt. hopst. for her meetings for her bipolar meds and Adderall for her adhd. I don't like her on that medicine when she was abusing it. but I see a total difference in her when she uses as prescribed..
don't worry. life always works it's way out. without us trying to control it, it will save a lot of headaches and illness on your part. just look at life as a learning school. she's learning and you still are too. it's her journey and you have your own journey.
maybe she can get into a residential half way house. they're small and personal and will take care of her there? it's an option for your husband and yourself if you can't have her living with you any longer and this way she won't be on the streets.
I wish you the best. especially peace of mind. to be able to let go of the constant worry of your daughter. let her learn and set boundries if you can. make rules. keep strong to them. they work. I had to learn from my therapist and psychiatrist how to do it myself.
we create our own unhappiness by the way we view circumstances in life.
it's all about perception and there's always more ways of looking at things than one way.
sorry to write a novella on this subject.
but your story sounded JUST like mine as if I was the one who wrote what you wrote.
let us know how you are doing. I'm here if you need to talk.
I know your pain, confusion and guilt most of all. because we love our children so much and just because they're grown now and not little kids doesn't mean we don't love them like we did when they were little. As a mother I found it almost impossible to have to tell my daughter to leave our home. I thought the same things you did. that she wouldn't survive on her own, how is she going to live out on the streets with no where to go? but the law got involved because she became physically abusive to her step father and I had to call the police to stop her.
she ran. they couldn't get her and my landlord made it so she COULDN'T come back.
LIfe always winds up working it's way out.
this is about your child, not you and it's her life and her responsibility to get thru it.
we can set boundries for them while they live with us, and if they fail it, it was their choice.
I won't allow my daughter to visit me if she's high. because she gets very hyper, mean and aggressive and won't even let me get a word in edge wise to even converse. she even dominated conversation.
god forbid if I didn't listen to every sylble she said.
this is YOUR home. if she can't follow the rules in the outside world, she has to follow them in your home.
To get my daughter 29 days clean from heroin and all other kinds of drugs, it took the law to stop her. she got arrested for a dispute with her older brother and she spit on the cop when they cuffed her.
THIS is what saved her life.
I knew it was going to wind up the hard way for her but it's the only way to stop her. she has to see a task officer and go to out patient group meeting weekly which my husband and I see a significant difference in the way she thinks already.
what ever they're teaching over in those groups are awesome for her.
what she also needs and I think we all need, but this is my opinion, is spiritual work. call it what you want, religion, the scripture, self help spiritual books, church, home church, etc... anything that teaches her that she has a soul and to have reverence for life and herself will really really help her.
my husband I have been sharing our spiritual lives by living it in front of her and talking about it with her for many years now. she hasn't lived with me her entire 25 yrs of life. after my divorce we were separated a while. she has moved in with her step father and I over the years on and off.
after we told her she had to leave, she was working and got her own little studio apartment and was doing well till she started doing heroin.
I feared each time the phone rang late at night that it was the police telling me my daughter was found dead of an over dose.
I really didn't want her out of my view and home. but I had no choice anymore.I felt that by having her with me it would stop her from drugging.
it doesn't work. only SHE can make that decision. you have to let go and let God.
remember, she is hurting inside, otherwise she wouldn't be drugging. it's now considered a mental illness in the psychology field. a real mental illness. not a sign of weakness.
and my daughter too sees a psychiatrist at the out pt. hopst. for her meetings for her bipolar meds and Adderall for her adhd. I don't like her on that medicine when she was abusing it. but I see a total difference in her when she uses as prescribed..
don't worry. life always works it's way out. without us trying to control it, it will save a lot of headaches and illness on your part. just look at life as a learning school. she's learning and you still are too. it's her journey and you have your own journey.
maybe she can get into a residential half way house. they're small and personal and will take care of her there? it's an option for your husband and yourself if you can't have her living with you any longer and this way she won't be on the streets.
I wish you the best. especially peace of mind. to be able to let go of the constant worry of your daughter. let her learn and set boundries if you can. make rules. keep strong to them. they work. I had to learn from my therapist and psychiatrist how to do it myself.
we create our own unhappiness by the way we view circumstances in life.
it's all about perception and there's always more ways of looking at things than one way.
sorry to write a novella on this subject.
but your story sounded JUST like mine as if I was the one who wrote what you wrote.
let us know how you are doing. I'm here if you need to talk.
Debra, how old id your daughter?
What does her doctor say about her condition, addiction, prognosis?
I strongly suggest you contact your local Nar-Anon and/or Al-Anon group(s) for direction and support. They have been where you are.
All the best.
Bob R
What does her doctor say about her condition, addiction, prognosis?
I strongly suggest you contact your local Nar-Anon and/or Al-Anon group(s) for direction and support. They have been where you are.
All the best.
Bob R
