Well hello to all first time user to here, but many times ive used...havent really got a plan to what im writin here just gonna see how it goes. I've been an addict now for just over three years the longest length of time I havent used in that period is three months but didnt really address any issues within that time just didnt have anywhere to score from and couldn't really afford it. I always kinda kept myself on the outside of the scene and never got involved in the heavy side where anything goes when it comes to gettin on.
But is that a positive, a strength? I dont really know maybe it was fear of what I know goes on further within the scene but i suppose i used that fear to keep from further harm? s*** it feels like i already know most of the answers to the questions Im askin myself. Just talking about it seems to be helping. Funny that hey...lol !!!
So where am I at right now? Well Im f***EN OVA IT !!! Tired of using , the addiction to the gear , being a slave to the needle that i kept shovin in my arm for years over and over again...feelin really ANGRY right now but I've got a wry smile on my face at the same time. Hey all you psychs work that one out I reckon I'll have u runnin for your textbooks trying to work me out ! HAHAHA
Hmmm seem to still have my sense of humour thats one thing but I know that I might be trying to hide behind that humour...I aint silly some of the smartest people I know are drug addicts and here in lies the problem , we are very get at hiding it , lying about it , getting it , manipulating it and others...and then we start to fall the hiding it gets harder , the lies get bigger , getting it gets easier , and it is now manipulating you.
God it seems like it has its own life sometimes...and it has taken my life away so that it can live...gotta go thats enough for now cant handle goin any further into my head
well here is a start, putting it out there and seeing what comes back to ya..of coarse you already know..now to get all this support and feedback to help!! welcome
Thank you for your reply havin a hard time today...dont want to go out today for fear of tryin to score but I'm gonna do it...been readin about amino aicd therapy and hope that will help. Going to score some different drugs that will help me...YAY!!!
Just lost my job recently through no fault of my addiction thank god but cant help thinkin it was karma comin round to bite me on the a** and from recent actions on my part I believe it to be so. Ive been working in the mines recently 4 weeks on 2 weeks off trouble has been that I get home I have a wad of cash and go and score and I only stop when I cant get any more or just crash. Usually after 4 days is my limit by then Im outa money or just plain f***ed!
Well I havent used for 3 weeks now but thats only coz Ive been away at work and dont know anyone to score off...no pretending here that I dont still want it kinda caught if a downward spiral of thought, what Ive lost, who Ive hurt, the damage Ive done to myself but I at least know that Ive still got all the things I thought Id lost they are just deep down inside me somewhere. Thinkin about that now I was gonna say that they are lost to me, like locked behind doors that I dont have the keys to , or are buried treasure that I dont have a map to find...that simply isnt true.
So to those that read this take strength because what u thought u had lost isnt ok...I know this to be true because a voice inside tells me so...and that voice is God...Im gonna start playin the drums again look out world coz here I come...
Just lost my job recently through no fault of my addiction thank god but cant help thinkin it was karma comin round to bite me on the a** and from recent actions on my part I believe it to be so. Ive been working in the mines recently 4 weeks on 2 weeks off trouble has been that I get home I have a wad of cash and go and score and I only stop when I cant get any more or just crash. Usually after 4 days is my limit by then Im outa money or just plain f***ed!
Well I havent used for 3 weeks now but thats only coz Ive been away at work and dont know anyone to score off...no pretending here that I dont still want it kinda caught if a downward spiral of thought, what Ive lost, who Ive hurt, the damage Ive done to myself but I at least know that Ive still got all the things I thought Id lost they are just deep down inside me somewhere. Thinkin about that now I was gonna say that they are lost to me, like locked behind doors that I dont have the keys to , or are buried treasure that I dont have a map to find...that simply isnt true.
So to those that read this take strength because what u thought u had lost isnt ok...I know this to be true because a voice inside tells me so...and that voice is God...Im gonna start playin the drums again look out world coz here I come...
How'zit!!!! Hope you started playing the drums? 3weeks are a very good start and soon you will reach 3 months!!!!!! and so on .......Cravings will come .....just keep on playing them drums!!!!!! And saving your bucks!!!! well keep well and chat again....,
