Hi iam 39 ive been addicted since 14 to everything fomr lsd to crack. SO i kinda cleaned up my life i meat someone we had 2 wonderful boys. SO i tricked her by telling her i was off the hard stuff and 5 years ago stared slow norco, loracct, I took a patch year and ahlf ago and ened uo in hospital shot of narcan. so they sent me home the 2nd time i ended up in the hospital thet sent me to nut house, again i lied got to come home told her i will stop, so i got a doc to put me on methadone drinking way to much, long story short she got sick of the lies my verbal abuse, she found someone she worked with and moved out, now iam completled upset depressed. I really want to go to treatment AND mean it this time I have no drivers licine. i feel like i want just die, she told me i cant just go to trteatment to get her back i have do do it formyself, I put her, a very nice girl THRU peer HELL she has 2 daughters from her pervious marrage he made 60 a year and i make half that he was suit and tie I ride harlys. I have great insurance, my head is so messed up one min its lets od, lets move let i cant think right, iam afraid if i go to tratment she will still not come back"I would not either seeing what i put them thru" any advive will help iam on medical leave from work iam afraid of 2 things losing her and my boys for good and while iam in treatment paying my house mortage cc bills etc. IAM LOST
one question..... do you want your boys to see their dad dead,
the one thing I was afraid of most.. was losing my daughters respect. I wanted her to be able to look at me and be able to say... 'thats my mom'.... then someone pointed out that if i didnt stop using she would lose me to the morgue.... (some part of me didnt think that was such a bad idea .... but then i saw her in my minds eye at my casket and that thought vanished..).....
recovery is work.... you have to try.... you have to be a light for your boys... show them that you have to learn from your mistakes and pull yourself up.... but really you have to do it for you ... if you want it... then and only then will you succeed... if you keep using you may lose your boys anyway...
God Bless you as you make this tough desicion....
teresa
the one thing I was afraid of most.. was losing my daughters respect. I wanted her to be able to look at me and be able to say... 'thats my mom'.... then someone pointed out that if i didnt stop using she would lose me to the morgue.... (some part of me didnt think that was such a bad idea .... but then i saw her in my minds eye at my casket and that thought vanished..).....
recovery is work.... you have to try.... you have to be a light for your boys... show them that you have to learn from your mistakes and pull yourself up.... but really you have to do it for you ... if you want it... then and only then will you succeed... if you keep using you may lose your boys anyway...
God Bless you as you make this tough desicion....
teresa
Yes its sad and there is no easy way out, I justed called vally hope I v told them iam using about 80 to 100 mg per day of metadone and baiscly it would be cold turkey, thats not a pleasnt thought , iam gonna start starsteping my way done so i can go to treatment. Thank you for your kind words , icant even speak to anyone around here and if work new how messed up Iam i would be done.
Good luck Boseguy. Sounds like you've got a plan for recovery and will get into treatment. Good! As Teresa mentioned you need to take care of yourself first, get clean, and then work on mending relationships, making amends, etc. That's where I'm at right now - making amends a day at a time to my wife for all of the lying and stealing I did over the past three years. It's not easy but it's necessary once you decide to live life on life's terms. Try to stay in the moment and not project ahead about what "might" happen down the road. Easier said than done, I know.
Stay strong,
Jim
Stay strong,
Jim
How's it going Boseguy?
