Hi Krazishyone. Boy, your story sounds like I could have written it. I was always the Rock for everyone and the life of the party. That sure has changed in the last five yrs. Right now I'm so mad at myself. I broke down and took another Perc. I did make it thru almost five hours (I normally would have taken 3 by then). My head felt so foggy and I just want to cry. I tried doing some baking to get my mind off of it but It was the only thing on my mind. (these cookies are going to come out terrible!!!)
Thats another thing. This is the first time that I've done baking or even attempting to cook dinner in a long, long time. I just have no interest in anything anymore. I always had platters of baked goods for friends and family every holiday. That stopped! I tried but just couldn't get into it today.
My dear sister died less than a yr ago from lung cancer and the last three months of her life, I was beside her 24x7. I was taking 10-20 Percs a day to get me thru it. Now I find myself taking them to cloud out the memory of seeing her suffering. She was only 51. I know that if I don't stop, I'm going to be with her sooner than expected.
I'm not trying to make excuses for my addiction although it certainly sounds like it when I read what I just wrote. Thank you all for your letters and I'm really
trying to work on this.
Annie
Someone wrote that their back pain was better after stopping the Percs, Is that true? Can the Percs be making my pain worse?
I swear that my brain invents pain in order to justify meds. I started on Vicodin/Percocet/Oxycontin because of back pain. It was a horrible pain and I NEEDED relief. Funny thing, though....I got off those drugs, (and went on suboxone), 2 years ago, and rarely have had back pain since. Go figure!
That's just me, now....but could apply to you also?
That's just me, now....but could apply to you also?
What is suboxone? Is it addicting? I am so happy for all of you that have written to me and are doing well. I just hope that one day, I will be writing to people helping them.
Annie
Annie
Annie, constipation is a side effect of percs. Everyone has given you great advice. Now it is time to get your life back.
A cleaner body runs better..........
Travis
A cleaner body runs better..........
Travis
Annie,
You will be honey...you will be.
Hugs
Ali
You will be honey...you will be.
Hugs
Ali
Hey Annie,
Hope you are still around.
I have to admit that for about a month or so my back was feeling better, then I decided to ride horses, 4-wheelers and my bike alot further then I had in over a year and it started hurting and burning again. I was bound and determined not to take another pain pill, but I did..I took a couple vico's to help...then I felt so guilty...I am awaiting the apt. with nuerosurgeon and have the MRI to see how much more damage there is, and then decide about back surgery at that time...
I realized after being off the methadone I was getting my life back, and very happy about it, but I admit I am starting to get a little depressed becuz the pain is coming back and I so don't want it...My tummy is a reck from all the aleve I take, so Dr gave me prilosac and relafan as an anti inflammatory to help get thru..
You to will feel better, but make sure you get a plan in line for when you do have a flare up....
Traci
Hope you are still around.
I have to admit that for about a month or so my back was feeling better, then I decided to ride horses, 4-wheelers and my bike alot further then I had in over a year and it started hurting and burning again. I was bound and determined not to take another pain pill, but I did..I took a couple vico's to help...then I felt so guilty...I am awaiting the apt. with nuerosurgeon and have the MRI to see how much more damage there is, and then decide about back surgery at that time...
I realized after being off the methadone I was getting my life back, and very happy about it, but I admit I am starting to get a little depressed becuz the pain is coming back and I so don't want it...My tummy is a reck from all the aleve I take, so Dr gave me prilosac and relafan as an anti inflammatory to help get thru..
You to will feel better, but make sure you get a plan in line for when you do have a flare up....
Traci
Tracy. I am so sorry to hear that. When I first started taking the percs after my first surgery, I felt very little pain so I did too much which then forced me into having another fusion a yr later. Now the percs don't seem to touch the pain and they only seem to make me feel sick instead of better. I too, swear that once I'm able to get off of them that I will never take another. Back pain is such a terrible thing. I have a cage in my lower back and a rod in my neck.
I hope that you didn't do too much damage. I'll be praying for you. I too take aleve for the neck pain. Along with all the other stuff that I take. I thought maybe that it was arthritis setting in from the surgery's and saw on t.v. that aleve was good for arthritis. I haven't been diagnosed with it but sometimes I play doctor with myself which is one of my problems. It's so hard to be inactive when you were once very active. Before the first surgery, I use to roller-blade five miles three times a day. I can't even walk down the street now without hurting. Thats if I leave my house which is very rare. I know its not much but I've only taken three percs so far today. Feeling very anxious and emotional all day. I have taken my usual amount of Klonopin though. Got very scared when people wrote and told me that I could have seizures if I stopped taking them.
I feel for you. Hope all works out for you and I hope you don't have to have another surgery. Take care and keep in touch. I took advice and have taken two hot baths today. It helped for a while and I've been lying down alot today.
I was trying to fall asleep but my mind goes into overtime everytime I lie down.
Annie
I hope that you didn't do too much damage. I'll be praying for you. I too take aleve for the neck pain. Along with all the other stuff that I take. I thought maybe that it was arthritis setting in from the surgery's and saw on t.v. that aleve was good for arthritis. I haven't been diagnosed with it but sometimes I play doctor with myself which is one of my problems. It's so hard to be inactive when you were once very active. Before the first surgery, I use to roller-blade five miles three times a day. I can't even walk down the street now without hurting. Thats if I leave my house which is very rare. I know its not much but I've only taken three percs so far today. Feeling very anxious and emotional all day. I have taken my usual amount of Klonopin though. Got very scared when people wrote and told me that I could have seizures if I stopped taking them.
I feel for you. Hope all works out for you and I hope you don't have to have another surgery. Take care and keep in touch. I took advice and have taken two hot baths today. It helped for a while and I've been lying down alot today.
I was trying to fall asleep but my mind goes into overtime everytime I lie down.
Annie
Hi Annie...I also had a spinal fusion, and later 2 more surgeries(titanium rods) and got addicted to vicodin,percocet, and later, oxycodone....I deal with chronic pain as I have Lupus as well...it is a horrible dilemma, as the narcotics stop working after awhile...hence, escalation.I truly believe in the long run, they make the pain worse.Off and on for 20 years. My most recent bout was post surgical and oxycodones for 7-9 months...I was terrified because I tried to taper and I felt horrible.I did go into detox and it was the best thing...clean break...came home and it took a long time..then a bad flare-up of Lupus and I went back on...bad!!!!! 800 Motrin works just as well without all the withdrawals and depression from pain pills...I now have 46-47? days and You can do this. I am still addicted to xanax and have tapered down to 1 11/2 a day...but thank God I am off the opiates. If you could go into detox( a couple days) it may give you the head start you need. I wish you the very best of luck...I'm around if you have questions...Sharonn
Krazy...you Are working towards taking your life back and you should be proud of that!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW its scary...but look how far youve come.
You can do it!!!!!!
Hugs
Ali
You can do it!!!!!!
Hugs
Ali
Annie
You are so strong...
Im here for you
You can do this, and help others along the way!!!
Hugs
Ali
You are so strong...
Im here for you
You can do this, and help others along the way!!!
Hugs
Ali
I have not had surgery yet, they have been telling me for 3 or 4 years I needed surgery, but opt out cuz of fear it wouldn't work...thats why I was on the pills....
you know what is weird is that my dr. had given me xanxas and valium at one time...I think I took it a matter of 3 months, don't really recall going thru withdrawels cuz i didn't know they happened. I know they helped me thru anxity issues..
you know what is weird is that my dr. had given me xanxas and valium at one time...I think I took it a matter of 3 months, don't really recall going thru withdrawels cuz i didn't know they happened. I know they helped me thru anxity issues..
Krazi. I know that there are people out there that have had back surgeries go well. I have had three in the last five yrs and still have so much pain. I know of two other people that the surgery's didn't help. Do everything possible that you can before going in for surgery. When my surgeon first prescribed Percs for me, I was hesistant. He kept telling me not to worry about it because I needed them. Now five yrs later he's stilling filling the prescription and I can't stop.
Annie(Awesome name)Suboxone is used either short term to help get you off pain pills and/or for pain issues,I will suggest doing research on this before anything.It may be an option for you.
My heart goes out to you about your sister.I lost my father 3 years ago to lung cancer & I hang my head in shame when I say I cannot remember the funeral.I was THAT wasted.
I guess the most important thing is to know your not alone in this.I think everyone here can understand what your feeling.Some are still at this point.
You say your family knows but not the whole truth.Its up to you whether you want to let them in.I will say the love & support Ive gotten here on the board & here at my home made a big difference.
Ill admit I skimmefd through your post so I dont know if anyone else said this,but what about fessing up to your Dr?I mean I know how hard that can be.But it helped me so much when I leveled with my Dr.Together he & I worked out a plan that so far is working for me.
Anyways welcome to the board.I hope you can get the love & support I know this board has.Im grateful that I came here.It helped me understand so much more than I did.Take Care.....mj
My heart goes out to you about your sister.I lost my father 3 years ago to lung cancer & I hang my head in shame when I say I cannot remember the funeral.I was THAT wasted.
I guess the most important thing is to know your not alone in this.I think everyone here can understand what your feeling.Some are still at this point.
You say your family knows but not the whole truth.Its up to you whether you want to let them in.I will say the love & support Ive gotten here on the board & here at my home made a big difference.
Ill admit I skimmefd through your post so I dont know if anyone else said this,but what about fessing up to your Dr?I mean I know how hard that can be.But it helped me so much when I leveled with my Dr.Together he & I worked out a plan that so far is working for me.
Anyways welcome to the board.I hope you can get the love & support I know this board has.Im grateful that I came here.It helped me understand so much more than I did.Take Care.....mj
I just can't do this. Last night was pure hell. I had only taken 3 percs all day and spent most of the day in bed. I can't take more Klonopin because i've already taken more than i should have and I'll run out before I can get the script filled. My husband told me that I have to get myself out of the house today and get to the mall and start Christmas shopping. I haven't bought one gift yet.
I just can't do it. I just can't be around all those people at the mall with the way that I'm feeling. I feel like i'm in this hopeless fog. I feel so sick I just can't handle it. I only found this site two days ago and felt that it would be my miracle. So many of you have written with advice and encouragement but I just don't think that I can do it. I can't go into detox because my kids would be so upset if they ever found out. My oldest is carrying my first grandchild who will be here in five months. I can't even get excited about it. I love my kids more than anything and I just can't be there for them. I try to put on a happy face when they come here but its so hard. Yesterday my husband kept telling me to snap out of it. He has to know! I think its hard for him to admit that his wife has a problem. We've been married for 31 yrs and for the life of me I don't know why he is still with me. The man is a saint. I've thought about leaving him many times because he deserves so much better.
I feel lost.
Annie
I just can't do it. I just can't be around all those people at the mall with the way that I'm feeling. I feel like i'm in this hopeless fog. I feel so sick I just can't handle it. I only found this site two days ago and felt that it would be my miracle. So many of you have written with advice and encouragement but I just don't think that I can do it. I can't go into detox because my kids would be so upset if they ever found out. My oldest is carrying my first grandchild who will be here in five months. I can't even get excited about it. I love my kids more than anything and I just can't be there for them. I try to put on a happy face when they come here but its so hard. Yesterday my husband kept telling me to snap out of it. He has to know! I think its hard for him to admit that his wife has a problem. We've been married for 31 yrs and for the life of me I don't know why he is still with me. The man is a saint. I've thought about leaving him many times because he deserves so much better.
I feel lost.
Annie
Annie
There is a thing called rebound pain that pops up when we stop taking pain pills. Our bodies forget how to fight pain and it takes a while for it to reteach itself. If you can get thru the pain of withdrawal, there is a chance your pain will be much less when its over.
As far as your kids being upset if you go to rehab, so what? I am sure they would rather have you happy and healthy than the way you feel now. You have to worry about yourself now. Don't worry about how it will appear to others. We have to save our butts not our faces. Good luck to you,
There is a thing called rebound pain that pops up when we stop taking pain pills. Our bodies forget how to fight pain and it takes a while for it to reteach itself. If you can get thru the pain of withdrawal, there is a chance your pain will be much less when its over.
As far as your kids being upset if you go to rehab, so what? I am sure they would rather have you happy and healthy than the way you feel now. You have to worry about yourself now. Don't worry about how it will appear to others. We have to save our butts not our faces. Good luck to you,
Annie - Dont expect to get much energy today or even tomorrow, BUT you will start to feel better toward end of week. You will have plenty of time to getyour shopping done. Can you shop online? Its so much easier. I know the exact feelings you are going through right now. TRY to get some form of exercise if possible. Probably not likely, but would help. Take the warm baths. My favorite spot was in bed or on the couch catching up on old tv movies, new tv shows. etc. With the runs and sneezing you will experience there is no reason the family wont just think you are sick with the flu. Go with that. In a few days the flu WILL be gone and you will start to remember how good it feels to be normal again.
Annie please dont say you CANT.You can we all can its just really hard & if anyone says it isnt well then they are much stronger than I.
What are the chances of you talking to your Dr?This time of year is so hard to begin with,Im thinking if you can talk with your Dr than maybe you can find a (I dont want to say easier)but maybe some kind of plan for you.
I understand what your saying about your children.My girls are the love of my life yet I couldnt stop abusing.Even for them.I had so much guilt for so many years about that.Same thing with tapering,I cant tell you how many time I said to myself Ill start tomarrow.
Annie you can do this,it may be the hardest thing youve ever tried to do but honest it can be done.
I dont know if Suboxone may be an option for you.Im going to suggest doing a search on it & understanding what it is used for.
Please keep posting.You dont have to feel alone in this.AND as crazy as this may sound I really wish I could give you a huge HUG.Just to let you know that it will be ok if you want it to be.....mj
What are the chances of you talking to your Dr?This time of year is so hard to begin with,Im thinking if you can talk with your Dr than maybe you can find a (I dont want to say easier)but maybe some kind of plan for you.
I understand what your saying about your children.My girls are the love of my life yet I couldnt stop abusing.Even for them.I had so much guilt for so many years about that.Same thing with tapering,I cant tell you how many time I said to myself Ill start tomarrow.
Annie you can do this,it may be the hardest thing youve ever tried to do but honest it can be done.
I dont know if Suboxone may be an option for you.Im going to suggest doing a search on it & understanding what it is used for.
Please keep posting.You dont have to feel alone in this.AND as crazy as this may sound I really wish I could give you a huge HUG.Just to let you know that it will be ok if you want it to be.....mj
Thank you Donna, Molly and Kat. I was having a really bad morning. Still having a hard time. I thought about shopping on line but the last time that I did that I got a call from the Discover Fraud Dept calling about unusual activity with my account. Seems a woman in California had my credit card numbers and ran my account up to 6000.00. Now I'm afraid to put my account number out on line. I really don't think that I'm going to be able to go out shopping today. I just want to stay in bed all day. I swear that if I'm ever able to get off of all this s*** that I will not take so much as an aspirin. I don't want to give up. REALLY. It was just a really bad night and morning.
Thanks for your letters
Annie
Thanks for your letters
Annie
Annie I can totally understand that.Im even leery of usen my cards in store but sometime I just do.I hope you keep posting there is so much support you can get from here.I wish I could tell you to just put yourself on the couch & rest but alot of folks on here will tell you if you can be up & about it helps alot.try to force yourself to try doing little things just to keep moiving & it may help alot....mj
Kraysione,
Wow, when i read your piece i thought to myself, when did i post this??? I swear to god, those are my exact feelings and chain of events that i went through and contiue to go through. A big part of my recovery is because i am constantly reminded of how bad a screwed up financially for my wife and I. It was January 6th, 2004 I had to reveal the secret that no one knew about. When i say no one i mean the people that matter, obvioulsy. My then fiancee wife, thought that everything was fine and dandy and it was with the exception of my opiate habit. Everyday was a guilt trip for me because i was constantly thinking about them things. It literally took over. Didnt want to go out etc etc etc...looked pale and tired. etc etc..just like you....i would even watch the weekly weather report to make sure that snow wasnt in the forecast so that i could go and cop before the weather was bad...stuff like that???? and evertime for the last year, literally, i would sit in my car, wait for the dealer, and say this is it, i was convinced...then, as soon as i thought i was sick, bang, pain gone. Pathetic. After taking out loans and stealing money from my company i decided that i did not want to be like this and turned myself into to my wife...Thank god she had experience in addiction / alcoholism. She was very hurt, felt betrayed but most of all upset that i did not come to her sooner. That was Jan 5th. I was in rehab, Jan. 6th for 7 days....I never thought i would say this, but them 7 days were all worth it. I knew as soon as i got physcially undependant i would be on th way to recovery. Its still a struggle today mentally because of my financial situation and the things that i do with my wife sober as apposed to being high...it really is a good feeling too. I have one more mission, to help my little brother. As you know thought, no one can help you unless you REALLY want it...plain and simple...i am now a married man with a baby on the way and sober...Broke but sober and thats ok, because we can all bouce back financially.....
Wow, when i read your piece i thought to myself, when did i post this??? I swear to god, those are my exact feelings and chain of events that i went through and contiue to go through. A big part of my recovery is because i am constantly reminded of how bad a screwed up financially for my wife and I. It was January 6th, 2004 I had to reveal the secret that no one knew about. When i say no one i mean the people that matter, obvioulsy. My then fiancee wife, thought that everything was fine and dandy and it was with the exception of my opiate habit. Everyday was a guilt trip for me because i was constantly thinking about them things. It literally took over. Didnt want to go out etc etc etc...looked pale and tired. etc etc..just like you....i would even watch the weekly weather report to make sure that snow wasnt in the forecast so that i could go and cop before the weather was bad...stuff like that???? and evertime for the last year, literally, i would sit in my car, wait for the dealer, and say this is it, i was convinced...then, as soon as i thought i was sick, bang, pain gone. Pathetic. After taking out loans and stealing money from my company i decided that i did not want to be like this and turned myself into to my wife...Thank god she had experience in addiction / alcoholism. She was very hurt, felt betrayed but most of all upset that i did not come to her sooner. That was Jan 5th. I was in rehab, Jan. 6th for 7 days....I never thought i would say this, but them 7 days were all worth it. I knew as soon as i got physcially undependant i would be on th way to recovery. Its still a struggle today mentally because of my financial situation and the things that i do with my wife sober as apposed to being high...it really is a good feeling too. I have one more mission, to help my little brother. As you know thought, no one can help you unless you REALLY want it...plain and simple...i am now a married man with a baby on the way and sober...Broke but sober and thats ok, because we can all bouce back financially.....
